


I will not kiss you

by BLehnsherr, Mstrikout



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles You Slut, Charles is sick, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is a Sweetheart, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Poor Charles, Protective Erik, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-10-28 05:32:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 123,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLehnsherr/pseuds/BLehnsherr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mstrikout/pseuds/Mstrikout
Summary: Erik is working as a waiter at a fancy party where he meets Charles. The boy is charming and very posh and Erik finds himself falling head over heels for him. Little does he know that Charles is trying to stay away from him as best as he can, because of a condition. Erik, however, is a captivating man and it's hard to resist him.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a role play between me and my friend.  
> I wrote Charles while she wrote Erik!  
> This is the song that inspired the title : /watch?v=yw6i1SAHetc

Erik scowled at the clothes he had to wear for the night while he ironed them. There was a fancy black pant, long-sleeved white shirt and a vest to go on top if it; the perfect look for the behaved waiter of the  _ ‘Fancier Buffet’  _ who would be serving the high society during a party.

Not that it could be called a party on Erik’s point of view. It consisted of old people trying to show their wealth while eating finger-food and sipping on the most expensive champagne. The conversation was always about money and things they owned, an endless competition to find out who was best. They all looked at their servers the same way; a quick glance up and down, a press of their lips into a thin line and one expression of disgust.

Erik wasn’t complaining about it, though. A job was a job and he needed all he could get if he wanted to save up enough for college. He had a steady position at  _ ‘Ludi’s diner’ _ during the week, - also as a waiter - and worked small things when he was free, hence why he was submitting himself to the torture he would endure later at night. 

There was a fleeting thought on his head that if he still lived with his mama he wouldn’t need to iron his own clothes, but ever since she re-married it had become impossible to be under the same roof as the happy couple and he had burned his savings to move to his own flat. He didn’t regret it, but it had caused a small obstacle on his dream to go to college and become an architect. 

Finishing up his clothes, Erik went to his kitchen and opened the fridge to find it was almost completely empty. He sighed and decided for scrambled eggs, knowing he would be around food he couldn’t taste later. He should take something else to eat there at his break, but he wasn’t on a position to afford anything that wasn’t  _ extremely _ necessary so Erik barely entertained the thought. 

After a quick nap so he would have enough energy to go through his entire shift, he got dressed up on the stuffy clothes and mounted the same old motorcycle he had owned ever since he turned sixteen. 

 

-

 

“Charles? Have you taken your medication?”, his mother asked, as he put his tie around his neck. He glanced at the three pills on his desk and sighed, knowing that he would feel tired after taking those. “Can’t I take them after uncle Harry’s birthday party?”

A moment later his mother stood in the door and looked at him with stern eyes. She was already dressed up for the buffet, with a cocktail dress and high heels. Charles finished his tie quickly and looked at himself in the mirror, eyeing the suit he was wearing. 

“Honey, you know they’re important if you go out”, Sharon said and Charles nodded, knowing he didn’t really have a chance to argue with his mother. He collected the three pills and put them all together in his mouth, swallowing them with a glass of water. Sharon smiled at him and combed her fingers through his hair, so much love and pain in her eyes. 

“Okay, I’m ready, we can go”, Charles said and they walked to his father, who was already waiting in the car. 

An hour later, Charles was drawn into many conversations of people he’d never met, but who claimed to know him from when he was little. He tried to smile his way through the conversations - being polite was the first thing his mother had taught him. But soon enough he felt exhausted from the medication earlier and excused himself to sit down at a table. 

“Um, excuse me”, he asked a young waiter passing him by, “could you bring me a glass of water?”.

 

-

 

Erik stopped on his way to the kitchen, having heard someone talking to him. He looked at the man, - boy? He seemed so young - and nodded promptly “Right away, sir”, making a curt nod with his head as a sign of respect.

He went to the kitchen and grabbed more food, along with the requested glass of water, making his way back to the table with the young man. Erik placed the glass in front of him and was just about to step away when he saw the weary expression on his face.

“Are you alright, sir?”, Erik asked worriedly. The young man shook his head and made a dismissive hand gesture, - to Erik or the situation, he didn’t know. Of course he would be just as pompous and superior as the others, Erik huffed internally. 

But then, the man said “I’m just tired. No need to worry”, grabbing the glass and taking a long gulp. “Can I get you anything else?” - “No, my friend, it’s alright”, he answered, making Erik frown.

Okay, so he definitely wasn’t like the rich young boys if he would call  _ Erik _ his friend as easily as that. Not that he was under the impression it meant something, but he was usually referred to as ‘the help’.

“Let me know if you need anything”, Erik said, for once meaning it and went around the room, offering the food he was holding. He found himself keeping his eyes glued to the tired boy, intrigued by him.

 

-

 

Charles felt the eyes of the waiter on him more than once and it made him blush whenever he caught him looking. It did also make him watch the waiter in return, as he was walking through the crowd and offering his food. He seemed younger than the other waiters, but around Charles’ age, maybe a bit older. 

At some point, the waiter was passing Charles again and smiled at him, which Charles returned. But then he was giving his tablet to a waitress and walked towards the kitchen doors and Charles feared he would be going home already. 

He jumped off of his seat and quickly followed the waiter, ignoring the aching pain in his chest at the sudden movement. “Hey, um wait.” 

The waiter turned around with a frown that disappeared when he saw him. He was taller than Charles and had a slimmer body - actually, he only had a very narrow waist.

“Yeah?”, the waiter asked in a friendly tone, professional smile on his lips. “Um, are you leaving?”, Charles asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable for his question.

Why was he asking anyways? It wasn’t like they were friends for sharing a few smiles during the evening. But the party was boring and Charles honestly just wanted somebody to talk about something else than politics. 

“I’m off to have my break now”, the waiter explained and Charles blushed, not knowing what to answer to that. 

“Oh, okay. Well, I don’t wanna bother then, have fun”, he stuttered and gave the waiter one last smile, before turning around and walking back to the table he’d been sitting at. 

 

-

 

Erik watched the young boy go with a curious expression on his face. He seemed so… interesting and for some reason, Erik found himself fascinated. He didn’t have any rules about his break, except he wasn’t supposed to leave and he thought it would be a nice change to find someone to talk to, which was why, he followed him. 

The other one was already sitting down when Erik reached him, and he looked up startled. “Would you like to accompany me on my break?”, he asked out of pure impulse; he had never done this before, nor been friendly towards any person on these fancy parties. But the young man gave him such a breathtaking smile that Erik felt his world turning upside down and back into place again. It felt like something had changed drastically only with one smile and Erik had no clue what it was. 

“Yeah, okay”, he answered with a nod and got up, smoothing down his expensive tie “Over here”, Erik cocked his head and started guiding the way. He had already worked on other events at that same place and he knew exactly where he wanted to go; there was this door for a stairway that lead to the roof and it was the most quiet, beautiful place. 

The boy was following him close behind and his eyes were darting out to the people on the party, as if to check if some of them were paying attention to them, but Erik knew they were all busy with their own asses to care. He pushed the door open and there was a small hitch on the young man’s breath when the stairs were revealed. 

“Are you too tired to go up there?”, Erik teased friendly and waited for the other one to go in so he could close the door. The stairs were poorly lit but enough so they wouldn’t trip and Erik started going up, chuckling softly at the tired boy “It’s not that much, I’m sure you can do it”, he said giving him a daring look over his shoulder. 

 

-

 

Charles swallowed around a lump in his throat as he eyed the stairs in front of him. There were at least two stairways of them and walking up there would probably wear him out a lot. 

But the waiter's challenging look touched something inside of Charles, some teenage rebellion. He put his teeth together and started following the waiter upstairs. The first two staircases he managed relatively fine, but then his chest started aching and he had to stop to catch his breath. The waiter had already reached the top and was calling for him, though, so Charles continued his climb. He fleetingly thought, that his mother would probably get a heart attack if she saw him climbing those stairs and he would have laughed over the thought, if he had any air in him left. 

When he reached the top, he felt dizzy as he could barely draw any air into his aching lungs. He desperately tried to breathe, which only earned a chuckle from the waiter next to him. 

“You don’t do much sports, do you?”, the waiter laughed and Charles shook his head, thankful for a small roof to sit on. The waiter sat down next to him, while Charles still tried to regulate his breath. Maybe he had just killed himself with those stairs, would go into shock when his lungs finally gave in. Was he that suicidal to follow a stranger up to the  _ rooftop  _ of a building? 

“Are you alright?”, the waiter asked, sounding a bit more concerned now. Charles nodded and pressed his palm against his chest, trying to regulate the burn in it. 

“Yeah.. fine”, he choked out and drew in as much fresh air as possible. “Hey man, if you not al-”

“Charles”, he cut the stranger off and earned a confused frown, “what?”

“My name is Charles”, he said again and finally catched his breath, the pain lessening a little. 

 

-

 

Erik was seriously worried he had injured that boy - Charles! - somehow, by making him go up the stairs. But it had been only an invitation that could have been refused at any point and right now it seemed like he was getting better.

“I’m Erik”, he answered, glad he had a name now “It’s nice to meet you”, Charles said just as politely as he seemed to be “Likewise”. 

They sat there for a while, looking up at the sky that seemed a lot closer to them where they were, the stars shining bright. There was a light breeze that was moving Charles’ hair and the other man looked quite gorgeous under the moonlight, - not that he didn’t before.

“You look very young”, Erik commented, trying to make conversation even if he was a little bit of socially awkward. “I guess. I am eighteen”, his companion answered and Erik’s eyes widened a little.

“You look…  _ younger _ ”, he said which caused Charles to chuckle a little “Thanks? How old are you?” - “Nineteen” - “That’s young too. Why are you working here?”, he asked.

The look on Erik’s face must have been enough to make him back down though, seeing that he wasn’t used to be asked blunt questions like this. Charles blushed and stuttered to apologise “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be intrusive”.

Erik nodded at him and after a moment of silence, he said “I’m saving up for college”, in a lower tone. Charles hummed and just when Erik thought he wouldn’t say anything, he added “That’s nice. What do you want to be?” - “An architect”, Erik answered looking up at the sky. 

“Why are you at this party? Don’t get me wrong but.. You are different than the others”, he finally asked what had been nagging him. 

 

-

 

“Different, hm?”, Charles grinned, but actually wondered what Erik had meant with that. Was it something positive or negative? “It’s my uncle's birthday party”, he then explained with a shrug. 

“Oh”, Erik said and Charles could tell the wheels behind his eyes turning. It wasn’t hard to put one and one together and tell, that Charles belonged to the rich kids. Not that he ever took much value in money - what did it matter, if you would die anyways? 

“So, does different mean good or bad?”, Charles asked again, trying to keep Erik’s mind from jumping to conclusions. He didn’t want to be associated with most of his relatives, who only talked about their newest purchasement. 

“Well, you don’t seem as self-loving as the other people in there. You didn’t treat me like just a waiter”, Erik shrugged. Charles understood well, knowing how some of his relatives had already talked about the waiters when they had accidentally shattered a glass, like they weren’t humans who could make mistakes. He pulled a face at that thought and nodded. 

“Some of them tend to forget that you guys are no machines- oh god, I’m sorry, it's your break! Have I held you back from eating?”, Charles interrupted himself and looked at Erik, who was eyeing him with a grin. 

“No, it's fine. I brought a sandwich”, he said and got out two toast with some butter in between. Charles stared at the snack for a moment and then looked up to stare at Erik instead. 

“Pardon me, I don’t wanna sound like a snob, but this cannot be very tasteful”, he said after a moment and pointed at the  _ sandwich  _ with his chin. Erik looked down and shrugged again, the explanation ‘I didn’t have something else’ hanging in the air between them. 

“How about you run downstairs and grab something from the buffet? If someone asks, tell them you get food for me, believe me, they will understand. Just.. don't tell them where I am”, Charles offered with a half smile, hoping Erik wouldn’t take his suggestion as an act of pity. 

 

-

 

Erik shook his head in refusal and said after he swallowed his first bite “It’s fine, thanks”, since he had his pride and he worked for the things he earned. This was the sandwich he could afford without his salary, so this was the sandwich he was going to eat.

“Don’t be stubborn, I’m sure there’s something more tasty there”, the young man said and Erik bared his teeth at him in a way that wasn’t a real smile “This is tasty enough, I don’t need your food”.

He wasn’t in need of any sort of charity if that’s what Charles thought. And if that  _ was _ what he thought, then he was not as different as Erik had believed in first place. “I didn’t mean it like that, Erik. I’m just saying… There’s plenty food they won’t eat and I thought you would enjoy some. You strikes me as someone who would like to break the rules”, he shrugged with a glint on his eyes that was just as challenging as his had been on the stairs. 

They stared at each other for a moment and then Erik murmured “For fuck’s sake!”, getting up and making his way downstairs again. He heard Charles’ carefree laugh and it made him smile, actually enjoying the other man’s company, - the fact he was really easy to look at only helped.

On the kitchen, he had to explain he was getting food during his break because of a guest who had asked for it and since he was a good worker, no one suspected he was getting it for himself. Saying Charles’ name also worked like magic. 

 

-

 

When Erik came back with a pile of food, Charles grinned more to himself than to his company. Erik settled down next to him again and pushed the plate between them, for both to reach. It was a silent offer and Charles wasn’t one to say no, so he grabbed some of the carrot salad and ate it. 

“I used to love eating carrots as a kid, but at some point I ate too many and my tongue burned. Took me years to try a carrot again”, Charles chuckled at his anecdote, looking at the sky.

Erik shuffled next to him, probably to get something from the food and then the movements stopped again. Charles almost thought he would get the silent treatment for having said something wrong before, but Erik finally answered “I had the same experience with pineapple”, making Charles laugh. 

“Did you know that you can make your sperm taste better with eating pineapple?”, Charles chuckled, but when no obvious laugh came from Erik, he quickly turned to look at the stranger. God, had he just crossed the line by joking about sperm? Shit. He didn’t have much friends in his life so far, so he didn’t know-

“You serious? I never heard of that”, Erik finally laughed, changing his expression from serious to friendly. Charles joined his laughter and nodded, because it was true, he had read it in a book. 

“I am! Don't laugh, it's true”, Charles giggled and Erik laughed while taking a bite of some pastry. 

“So you always take a bite of a pineapple before you let your girlfriend blow you?”, Erik grinned, showing all his teeth and just as quickly as the ice had been broken, Charles felt awkward again. 

“I uh.. no, I don’t have a girlfriend. But I guess it would be effective”, he shrugged, blushing a little. “Boyfriend then?”, Erik simply asked and Charles shook his head again, blushing more. 

 

-

 

Erik didn’t manage to figure out if Charles was straight, gay or bi but he was at least glad to know the other man was single. He was beautiful with his round face, bluest eyes and reddest mouth Erik had ever seen. His floppy hair seemed soft to the touch and his pale skin was scattered with golden freckles which made him very attractive.

If he had a problem with the question of having a boyfriend, he didn’t show and Erik thought he actually had a shot with him, and he really wouldn’t mind other nights like this in the company of Charles. After the other one had blurted out a fact about sperm, Erik knew he was lost.

Charles didn’t ask the question back though and Erik thought that was a bad sign. He should up his game or something if he wanted to see the other man again. “Why don’t we play a game?”, he asked with a grin and picked another small food, putting it on his mouth at once; his tasteless sandwich already forgotten on the floor next to him. 

“What kind of game?”, Charles asked, sounding curious “I’ll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to your mind” - “Okay, that seems… easy” - “It is. It has to be fast though and if you say something that doesn’t make sense or is longer than a word, then I get to ask you anything”, he explained and the other man nodded, looking like he was focused now. 

“I’ll go easy on you at first” - “Just go, Erik”, Charles laughed. “Sky” - “Stars”, Erik said and Charles answered quickly. They both smiled at each other and Erik nodded approvingly, seeing that Charles would keep it up alright. 

“Heart” - “Love” - “Grass” - “Green” - “Water” - “Wet” - “Pineapple” - “Sperm”. Charles’ last answer was enough to crack both of them up, and Erik found himself having a lot of fun with the other man. It was only around his tenth word, that Charles stuttered a little “Lungs” - “Uh- hmm..” - “Seriously? Air? Breathing?”, Erik teased and the other man blushed. 

“I get to ask something then”, he stated and Charles nodded “Go ahead”, a little less energetic than before.  “What’s your favorite place to be?”. 

 

-

 

“Um, that would be the library in my house. I love reading books”, Charles smiled and Erik eyed him with a serious question mark on his face. The smile on Charles’ face faltered a little and he felt a pull in his chest, just like he had felt it when Erik had mentioned  _ lungs _ and Charles was close to saying  _ cancer. _

He got it, though. Reading wasn’t really the thing people would assume to be a teenage boy’s favourite hobby. Erik surely had expected him to mention a party or some kind of park, where he would meet with friends. Charles was sure, that he seemed rather boring now, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t take it back. 

“I thought it would be some fancy pool or something”, Erik said and Charles nodded, having expected such answer, “but  the library seems cool. What's your favourite book?”

Charles looked up at that, definitely  _ not _ having expected that answer. But Erik seemed totally fine with him reading a lot, actually thinking it was  _ cool _ . It gave him back some of his confidence and he grinned, while saying “only one question was allowed. Go on.”

“Hmm, Window” - “Glass” - “Mirror” - “reflection” - “stairs” - “exhausting.” Erik chuckled at that again and then said “You’re clearly a rationalist.”

“Why do you think that?”, Charles asked, cocking his head to one side and looking at Erik with a puzzled expression. Erik only laughed again and shrugged. 

“Window could mean a chance, or maybe hope? Stairs could also be a metaphor, but you always went with the usage of those words, or their description.”

Charles wondered if that made him a rationalist, but didn’t want to argue about something, they couldn’t explain now. 

A shiver ran through his body, when a cold wind caught him off guard and he realised, he hadn’t brought his jacket with him. Sharon would kill him just for that, seeing how easy it would be to catch pneumonia. Charles simply crossed his arms to hug himself and smiled at Erik. “I like that game. Go on then.” 

 

-

 

This would be the moment Erik would offer Charles a jacket to protect him from the biting wind but that item wasn’t part of his uniform and it left him empty handed. He was happy though, that Charles was enjoying the game and they played one more round where the other man didn’t stutter once and time just passed by them until Erik’s wristwatch started beeping.

“What does it mean?”, Charles asked and his expression was one he hoped was sad, since he seemed to already know the answer to his question. “Break’s over”, Erik said regretfully, not really wanting to leave the safety of the rooftop for work and snob people. “I didn’t get to ask any questions”, Charles pointed out which was true. 

“Well then, now you have a reason to see me again”, Erik grinned to which Charles snorted “We’ll see each other downstairs all the time”, and that wasn’t the positive answer he was hoping for. It made Erik lose his nerve to ask for Charles’ phone number at that moment, but the other man had a point and they would still see each other downstairs and he could work himself up until the end of the night. It just wasn’t easy to ask something like that to someone who was clearly out of his league even if they seemed to have a good time together. 

“Let’s go before someone finds us then”, he said seeing that Charles didn’t want people to know where he was hiding when Erik went to find food. “Yeah, that sounds good. It’s quite cold up here”, he said and Erik nodded, resisting this surprising urge to run his palms up and down the other man’s arms in order to heat him up. 

They made their ways down the stairs slowly. Erik worried he would be late to come back, but Charles’ pace was one of a tired person like it had been to come up and he couldn’t bring himself to either ask him to go fast or just leave him there. 

When they finally reached the door, Erik asked “See you on the other side?”, and Charles nodded “Yeah”. 

 

-

 

As soon as he appeared on the banquet again, his mother spotted him and rushed over with a worried expression on her face. Charles realised, that he had probably gone missing for fifteen or twenty minutes, so there was a good reason for his mother’s worry. 

“Where have you been? Are you alright?”, she fussed over him, examining him. Charles glanced towards his new won friend with a slight blush and brushed his mother’s hands off of him. “I’m fine, mum.” 

Sharon didn’t look convinced, but at least Erik was leaving to get a full tablet of food, so Charles relaxed a little more. She tugged him in and kissed his head once, making him cringe and want to pull away - he was a teenager after all. 

“It’s fine, really.” - “But you’re so cold! If you don't feel good, we can leave, honey. Your uncle wouldn’t be upset.” 

Charles sighed and shook his head, but already knew that his mum had set up her mind. She was calling Brian over and told him to bid their goodbyes. Charles thought for a long time if he should give Erik a number or another way to contact, maybe his Facebook. But then he thought better of himself - he didn’t want anybody to get attached to him, friendly or romantically. He would just end up hurting that person when it was time, and Erik really deserved better than him. 

“Are you good to go?”, Brian asked him and Charles nodded, looking around to see if Erik was somewhere to be seen. With a silly thought, he left a piece of pineapple on his plate, hoping Erik would find it and associate it with him. But then again, it would just remain a dirty plate with some food on it. 

They said goodbye to uncle Harry and then left the place, ordering their personal driver to the door to drive them back home. Home, a place that felt more like a cage than a safe place to Charles. 

 

-

 

When Erik came out of the kitchen with a tray full of food, he had calmed down enough to realise he had been foolish and would ask for Charles’ number right away. If nothing came out of it, well… He could use a friend. 

The problem was that he couldn’t find Charles anywhere and the woman that had been fussing over him was gone as well. Erik kept this silly hope that the other man had just gone somewhere he wasn’t supposed to cover and would be back soon, but as he watched one of his colleagues clean up the dirty plates of Charles’ table, he knew it was stupid.

Charles had gone home and that was it. One chance meeting where Erik had wasted his chance and now they weren’t going to see each other again. 

He finished his shift even more moody than he had started it and went home full of regret. There was just something about Charles that made Erik actually feel  _ young _ again, carefree and with no responsibilities.

Later, when he was home eating his sandwich made of toasts and butter, he tasted the party's finger food and heard Charles’ laughter clear as day. It was stupid he had let the man made such an impression on him, but Erik couldn’t stop beating himself for that short moment he had hesitated on the rooftop. 


	2. Chapter Two

“Charles, I know it is not pleasant, but you  _ have _ to see the doctors again”, Sharon argued and Charles was on the verge of tears. He hated the doctors who would only take a billion tests with him and argue in the room with each other, like Charles wasn’t even there - or worse, like he was some kind of lab rat. And all of it would lead to nothing, because in the end of the day, he would die anyways and none of them could do something about it. 

“Why? Why do you always make me go? They can't tell us anything new and I don’t wanna be told again, that my time has shortened!” 

Sharon made Charles go anyways and the trip went just as always. 

Two weeks later, now almost three after the banquet, Charles had convinced his father to go out with him, buying some new books. Brian was a bit less scared of the idea of Charles leaving home more often, so whenever Sharon was out for lady's night, Charles could actually convince his dad to go in the city.

They left the big Westchester house with Brian driving, since Sharon was out with their personal driver. Brian was trusting his son enough to let Charles go alone, while he went out to look at motorcycles. They had a routine and a silent agreement, to meet back at the car in two hours. 

This time around, though, Charles spotted a small electronic shop with CDs and DVDs. He had everything at home thanks to the internet, but somehow he wanted to enter it and look through the rows of covers, maybe discovering something new for himself. 

He pushed the doors open and immediately spotted a familiar face. 

 

-

 

All the heads turned when the bell rang above the old store’s door, to see who was the new incoming. This was Erik’s favorite place to be; and old CDs and DVDs shop right around the corner of his flat, where you could either buy the new stuff or exchange one of your own for another used piece. 

Erik wished he could afford buying them so he could keep a collection, but as it was, he only had his favorite at home and would exchange others whenever he could spare some time. He was passionate about music and since he came to the store very frequently, he knew pretty well the other customers, which was why, they all looked at the door to see if it was a friend coming in or a new client. Everyone was eager to keep the shop open and the more people coming to it, the better. 

It was a huge surprise when he saw a known face and he immediately dropped the cd he had been holding. Lately, his exchanges had all been from happy cd’s to more dark ones to match his gloomy mood due to the fact he still hadn’t gotten Charles out of his head, but now… Now he was seeing that same man from the party standing right there, staring at him with a surprised expression he knew it was much like his own. 

“Charles?”, Erik asked surprised and the man blushed a little, nodding and stepping inside the shop. The owner, who had been sitting behind the cashier immediately perked up and whistled, before saying “A friend of Erik’s? That’s rare”, then chuckling, the other regulars laughing as well. Erik flipped him the finger and watched as Charles came closer to him.

He couldn’t help but feel self aware on his old jeans and plain, black turtleneck while Charles seemed like he came out of a magazine with the way he was dressed. He bent lower to pick the cd he had dropped and casually put it back into the counter. “Erik”, Charles smiled “Is nice seeing you again”. 

Nice indeed, he thought, wondering if for once life was being nice to him and he was getting the second chance he had so fervently wished for. Charles couldn’t escape him inside this shop, could he? Erik would see him leaving and stop him if it happened. Charles was  _ not _ leaving without Erik having some sort of way of reaching him. 

“Yeah, you hm… went home soon the other day”, he said just a tiny bit shyly. 

 

-

 

Charles blushed a little, hearing a lot more accusation out of the statement, than there had previously been. He knew, he must have acted like a dick for just disappearing without even a word of goodbye. 

“I did indeed”, he said after a small pause and looked up from the ground, he had so viciously been staring at. “I’m sorry I left without a word, my friend.” 

He wasn’t sure if it was right of him to call Erik his friend, even if it was just a line of his, that he had picked up somewhere. Erik shoved his hand in his pocket and shrugged, a defensive gesture. 

“Yeah it's cool. So what brings you to  _ the turntable _ ?”, Erik continued to ask and Charles wondered if that's what the shop was called. He hadn’t paid attention to the name before entering. It was a small shop and apparently one for known customers, since Erik acted rather familiar towards everybody. Charles slightly felt out of place. 

“Um, I have no clue. I was here for the bookshop, but then I saw this shop and thought I could give it a try”, Charles explained and heard a “good idea!” from the man behind the counter. 

He felt rather uncomfortable to have this conversation with Erik with people listening to them and shifted from one leg to another. The faint redness on his cheeks wouldn’t leave either, so he decided to hide in the shelves, pretending to look through the rows of CDs. 

“And you? Looks like you come here more often”, he found the courage to ask, while skimming through some covers of  _ The Beatles. _

 

-

 

“Yeah, I love this place”, Erik confirmed, following Charles through the rows, wishing the people there wouldn’t be so nosey for once, but of course his wish was in vain and if he were to be shut down by Charles, they would all know about it.

“It’s nice”, the other man agreed. “You like The Beatles?”, Erik asked after a moment of silence and Charles hummed in agreement before saying “Who doesn’t?”, making him chuckle.

“You’d be surprised to know that some people don’t”, he answered. “Crazy people all of them!”, one of the customers shouted and Erik looked at his general direction even if they were in between rows now. 

They walked together while Charles paid attention to all the covers and touched some with his fingertips. It was somehow creepy that Erik remembered which one of them the other man had shown interest in but he wasn’t dwelling on that.

It was only when Charles touched one of his favorite cd’s ever, that Erik started talking excitedly again “Have you ever listened to it?”, he asked with shiny eyes “No, but I’ve heard nice things about the album. You seem to like it” - “Yeah, it’s one of my favourites. The songs somehow speak to me”, he answered and Charles nodded, looking at the cd for longer. 

“Erik! Why won’t you introduce your  _ friend _ to us?”, one of the other men asked and Erik blushed bright red, partially from embarrassment and the other part from annoyance. “Hmm.. would you mind if I accompanied you to the library?”, he asked in a lower tone, not enjoying to put himself out there in front of all those people who knew him so well. 

“Uh, sure”, Charles answered and put the cd down “let’s go then”, he smiled and Erik nodded, turning around to leave with him. A few steps further, he stopped though and came back for the cd. Charles was frowning at him, but Erik ignored him in order to go to the cashier and exchange the one he had brought for it - he knew it meant he would have to buy something next time, since he ran out of cd’s he didn’t want so bad, but he didn’t care. 

“You already have this one”, Mark said but accepted the exchange anyway after Erik narrowed his eyes at him and countered between gritted teeth “I want another copy”. 

Charles watched it all with amused eyes, and he seemed genuinely surprised when they walked out the door and Erik stretched his arm towards him, giving him the cd “You’re going to like it”, he said with a shrug, pretending it was no big deal when it truly made his stomach twist and turn. 

 

-

 

Charles’ heart hammered against his chest and his insides clenched, while he stared disbelievingly at the CD Erik was offering. Nobody, apart from his parents, had ever given him a gift. He took the album carefully into his hands and looked up at Erik, his eyes probably beaming at him. 

“Thank you. I.. wow, thanks”, he said, deciding that he probably shouldn't exaggerate the grateful feeling. He gently put the CD into his bag and smiled at Erik. 

“C’mon, let's go see your place then”, Erik grinned and then there was an arm loosely around Charles’ lower back, where Erik tugged him into the director of the bookshop. Charles stiffened at the touch for a moment, but then went with it and followed Erik, as his stomach formed into tight knots. 

This was heading in the wrong direction. Charles should stop his right here, so Erik wouldn’t get attached- Christ, he didn't even know about Charles’ condition. This was bad, very bad. Charles couldn’t afford any friends. 

“Here we are”, Charles smiled and breathed in the smell of books and wood. He walked past the rows of bookshelves and towards a table, where he knew his favourite books were lying. Erik followed him, but looked around, taking the place in. 

“I usually love the Tolkien books and Kafka. Oh, but there is this german author called Kästner, that is quite funny”, he started babbling about his books and picked out several of his favorites. 

He knew it was only fair to get something for Erik as well, so he decided to go with  _ Atonement _ , one of his favorite tragedies. He simply picked it from the shelf and went to the cashier to pay for it, while Erik was still reading the book cover of  _ Jane Eyre. _

“Here you go”, Charles said and held the book out for Erik, “one of my favourites is now yours too.” 

 

-

 

Erik smiled and reached for the book as if it was the most precious thing he had ever had and read the title ‘ _ Atonement’.  _ “Is it going to make me cry?”, he asked teasingly after a moment of studying it and Charles grinned “It might!” - “Okay, I’ll tell you what I thought when I’m done and you’ll tell me about the cd?”, he asked hinting for further contact with the other man. 

Charles was smiling and nodded eagerly but as soon as Erik reached for his old cell phone and said “Then give me your phone number”, his face fell and Erik’s heart might have been broken right then. He played the minutes they spent together in his head and couldn’t find one single flaw on them, anywhere he could have been wrong. 

Maybe he had screwed up somehow at the party? He couldn’t recall anything bad and the only conclusion he had was that Charles simply wasn’t interested. But he had to be! Erik couldn’t be feeling so smitten when the other man hadn’t felt anything! He didn’t imagine the happy look when he had given Charles the cd or missed how sweet it was to buy him a book… what was wrong there?

He had to be playing hard to get, right? He had to. “C’mon, Charles. What do a man has to do to get your phone number?”, he asked charmingly, putting on his most dashing smile. “Erik, I…”, he trailed off not giving any sort of explanation and well… Erik had never been good on this whole thing of being patient. “Are you not gay or not interested?”, he asked more to the point because… Charles was definitely straight then… right?

“I-”, he started but cut himself off again and really, what was wrong? Erik shook his head to clear his thoughts and not let himself get desperate. He just wanted a phone number, that was all. They could start off friendly and he would win Charles because he knew they were meant to be something else. 

“Sorry that was rude. Just as friends then”, he said regretfully and a little less excitedly than before, but still hoping. 

 

-

 

Charles was more than startled and still couldn't find any words to answer Erik. What was he supposed to say anyways? It was his own fault for leading Erik on - he should have never went to the roof with him, should have just walked away as soon as he saw him in the old music shop. But now he was here and Erik was asking for his number. 

He had never wanted any friends, never wanted any relationships! He was doomed, so why let any more people get attached to him? This was wrong and it made things even worse, that Charles wasn’t even planning in telling Erik about his sickness. 

But he couldn’t say no now, could he? Erik would be hurt, if Charles denied him now, upset probably, maybe even demanding his CD back. And it was so hard always being selfless. A friend sounded nice,  _ Erik _ sounded exciting. 

“Um.. okay”, Charles blushed and gave Erik his phone while taking the old one. He didn’t have many contacts in his phone, apart from family, but Erik probably didn’t know that  _ Harry _ wasn’t short for a friend, but Charles’ uncle. He quickly typed in his number and gave Erik the phone back with a small smile. Good, okay, he had just won a friend. 

“Thank you”, Erik grinned and gave him his phone back too. With a glance on his newly won contact, Charles blushed as he saw Erik had saved himself under  _ Erik (the sexy waiter) _ . 

“You’re a dork”, Charles grinned and shook his head, while putting the phone away. “C’mon, I need to buy some books now.”

 

-

 

Erik’s smile was permanent on his face while he followed Charles around the library like a lost puppy. He paid attention to each book the other man took interest in and offered to hold the ones he was picking up.

It reached a point where he was holding a pile and it was almost impossible to see over it though, and that was when Charles said “Okay, I think I’m done now”, turning around to see only Erik’s eyes over the books.

“Oh dear, I got carried away”, he said with a smile and then picked half the books out Erik’s hands. It was endearing how that man had got so passionate inside the library and showed genuine interest in practically everything that was in front of him. 

Erik just wondered when did Charles had the time to read all of that. Maybe he did this trip to the library only once every six months? Because it would take Erik around that time to manage to finish them with work on the way. “You did”, he nodded with a grin and then added “It was very cute”. 

It wasn’t friendly as he had offered earlier, but he couldn’t help himself and Charles just let it go so Erik felt encouraged to keep trying. Being only Charles’ friend would be his end.

“Are you done, then?”, Erik asked and the other man nodded, both going towards the cashier with the piles of books, - Erik’s own safely tucked under his armpit - and waiting to pay. When it was done, Erik offered “Let me help you carry this. Are you with a car?” - “Yeah, I parked right over the corner”, he said and pointed with a tilt of his chin. 

Erik nodded, noticing Charles had practically stopped in front of his building and they started walking together in silence. It was a short walk and soon they were placing the books on the trunk of the fancy car.

“Would you like a ride home?”, Charles asked politely and Erik shook his head “thanks but I hmm.. Live right here”, he answered pointing at the ugly looking building. It seemed old and a place where not very nice people would live at, but the flats were in good conditions and his neighbours were actually nice people.

 

-

 

Charles looked at the flat and beamed at Erik. “Oh you live this close to the city? How convenient! I wish I’d live closer here, so I could go more often to the library, or my parents would-”, he cut himself off here, not wanting to say that his parents would let him go out of the house a bit more often, because he was eighteen and it would surely sound weird. Erik looked puzzled at him, but Charles just waved it off. 

“Where do you live then?”, Erik asked and Charles blushed. “When did we go from phone number to private address?”, he joked to buy himself more time. 

He used to live on the upper east side near central park, but when the air around them got too bad for Charles’ lungs, they moved to their old house in Westchester, far from the city. 

“Hm, Westchester. It’s a family house”, Charles shrugged and Erik nodded, eyeing his own apartment again, as if it was something bad. But Charles would give everything to live in the city again - damn his lungs, he was going to die out of boredom before the cancer got him. 

“I’d love to live in the city again”, Charles said, which surprised Erik and he looked at him again from where he’d been eyeing his apartment block. Erik opened his mouth to ask or answer something, but Charles suddenly spotted his dad walking towards the car and his eyes widened. “Look, I gotta go now”, he rushed to say, hoping Erik would get the hint and leave. 

 

-

 

“I’ll text you”, Erik said a little upset that Charles had to leave and because of the clear dismissal “Yeah, okay”, the other man said in a rush and turned away, going closer to his car. 

Erik sighed and went inside his building, seeing it a little more differently now that Charles had looked at it in awe. He did see through the glasses door when a man came closer to Charles and they smiled at each other.

He recognized him from the rich uncle’s party and knew he was family and didn’t pose as any threat for Charles. But there must have been a reason why the other man acted like that out of nowhere and the only one Erik could think of is that he didn’t want to be seen with someone like him; the waiter. 

He went up the stairs to his flat and pushed the door open. The furniture was scarce but comfy and he threw himself at the soft couch, letting his body relax. The book Charles had given him was resting on his chest and he started turning his phone around over and over again in his hands pondering if he should text now or later.

While he didn’t want to seem desperate, he also wanted to show he was quite interested. But right now, Charles would probably be driving to his family house in Westchester and wouldn’t see the message anyway so Erik decided to read a little of his new book before he had to go to work at another party and texted Charles then. 

 

-

 

“Who was that boy?”, his father asked on their way back and Charles silently cursed himself for letting his father spot Erik. It wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to have friends - his parents actually encouraged him all the time to make some friends - but it was against Charles’ saying that he would never get friends. He blushed scarlet red at his father’s question. 

“Um, I met him at uncle Harry’s party and today again. We just recognised each other”, he stuttered and tried to brush it off as a simple incident. But his father wouldn’t be his father if he couldn’t see right through him. “So, are you guys meeting again?”

“Um, not sure … you know mum wouldn’t let me anyways”, Charles shrugged and got out of the car, when they arrived at their home. Brian took the bags with the books for him and they walked the small path towards the main entrance. “You can always invite him here?” 

Yeah, Charles thought, best idea to invite Erik here, when he was already feeling self conscious about his apartment. Charles didn’t like rubbing his wealth into people’s faces, so he tried avoiding it at all cost. And showing Erik this huge mansion was probably the opposite from what he wanted to do. Apart from the fact, that it was a bad idea from the start to get closer to Erik. He should just ignore him from now on and pray they wouldn’t meet again. 

 

**[Erik (the sexy waiter)]**

 

**Hey :) Already started one of the books?**

 

The message came in the evening and Charles grabbed his phone so fast, he nearly fell from his bed. The CD from Erik was playing in the background and he quite liked it from listening to it for the second time now. 

 

**[You]**

 

**No, but I’ve been listening to the album. It’s great! Thanks for the recommendation.**

 

-

 

Erik smiled at the text message, that funny feeling on his stomach making him almost dizzy. He was glad Charles was enjoying the album, seeing that it meant so much to him and he even found himself liking the book he had gotten, which was something to say, since it wasn’t his cup of tea. 

 

**[You]**

 

**That’s good! I’m enjoying the book a lot, didn’t stop reading since I got home :)**

 

He got up from the couch after he sent the text and started getting ready for work which consisted on ironing his clothes, taking a quick shower and making himself another butter sandwich. The beeping of his phone made him stop everything though and he ran towards it.

 

**[Charles X]**

 

**What do you think of it so far?**

 

**[You]**

 

**I love Robbie’s character and I hate the child! Maybe we should meet up so we can talk about it properly, I could truly go on forever :D**

 

-

 

His breath hitched at the last message and Charles stared at the text for longer than he wanted, his thumbs unmoving over the display. What should he answer to that? The rationally best answer would be so say no, to make it quick for Erik before he got too attached. His heart, though, his heart told him to invite Erik over, to meet in the book shop again, to meet somewhere. He was longing to see his friend again, since they had clicked so well. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I won’t be in the city for a while now, tho.**

 

It was an honest answer and pretty much the only one he could give, that would avoid Erik question. If his friend decided to read it as dismissal, than he would just roll with it, if Erik insisted on still meeting … he would go. 

 

**[Erik (the sexy waiter)]**

 

**How about I visit you this weekend? Say Saturday?**

 

Weekends were mostly boring for Charles, seeing that his parents were out to go to banquets and other society events, where they mostly wouldn’t agree to take Charles. It wasn’t like he insisted on coming anyways, since it was mostly boring events and political smalltalk. Just sometimes, like Harry’s birthday party, he was forced to accompany his parents, but if it could be avoided, he like to stay with his books. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Ok, but only a few hours in the evening. Warning: my house is huge, I don’t even know all the rooms, so don’t be intimidated.**

 

-

 

**[You]**

 

**I won’t! Just give me the address and I’ll be there.**

 

Erik wore a smile for the rest of the day, scaring his colleagues during his shift at work and then during the week.

He texted Charles all the time he could spare, making updates about the book and freaking out at the ending, when they thought things were made right but there was a plot twist and it was only a book the little girl was writing, truth was, Robbie and Cecilia had died and Erik would be damned if he told anyone he cried. 

Saturday came soon and he mounted his bike right after lunchtime, riding to Westchester. The ride was long but he enjoyed it and when he finally reached his destination he found out Charles didn’t live in a house. He lived in a freaking mansion!

Erik wasn’t intimidated per say, but it did make him understand why Charles would want Erik to go when one of his relatives was getting closer. But perhaps he had thought better of it since now Erik was coming to his house and was bound to meet his parents. 

He thought it was a really good sign when he walked to the door, helmet under his arm and rang the bell, heart beating fast in anticipation. 


	3. Chapter Three

Charles walked from his room to the door, knowing already who was at it. He grinned, trying to regulate his heartbeat, but it would only increase its pace. His parents would be gone for about four hours and Charles hoped that was enough time for them to talk. 

He opened the door and smiled at Erik, who came with a motorbike, helmet underneath his armpit. “Hey, come in. My room is just there, we don't need to walk through the whole house”, he started babbling and Erik’s lips formed a smirk. 

Charles let him in and showed him where to put his clothes and while Erik stripped out of jacket and boots, Charles pointed at the kitchen and one of the bathrooms, he could use. 

“Where are your parents?”, Erik asked, once he was done and they walked towards Charles’ room. Charles opened the door for them and let them in, having hidden all his medication and special needs equipments very well. 

“Oh, they’re not here. We're alone”, he smiled but caught Erik’s expression faltering a little. Had he wanted to meet Charles’ parents? Sharon would freak out, if she saw Charles hanging out with a friend, laughing and running around, already seeing him in a casket. No, meeting his parents wasn’t the best idea. 

“Oh, okay”, Erik said and sat down on Charles’ bed as if he owned the place. Charles blushed a little, but made himself comfortable at the head of the bed, legs crossed and body facing Erik. “So, tell me about the book.” 

 

-

 

Erik couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the fact Charles’ parents weren’t there. He knew, meeting the family was a huge step that wasn’t supposed to be rushed and he should be glad to be alone with the other man, play many scenarios on his mind where he would enjoy the absence of other people to ravish that red mouth, but… He was being hidden away, wasn’t he?

He pushed those thoughts away in order to answer Charles, but concluded first that he shouldn’t dwell on it. If they ended up just friends then he didn’t care about his parents, but if Charles let him in, let them be something more… He would take it without considering longer than once. Somehow, between the rooftop, the library and the week they spent texting, he had already fallen hard and couldn’t take Charles off of his mind. “Hmm.. I think the book was really well written and constructed. I couldn’t see that ending coming at all! I loved how it switched from past to present all the time without making me confused and how complex all the characters were. I’m still not over that ending.. I couldn’t even feel sorry for the little girl when she regretted it! I mean, I know she was a child but she must have known accusing Robbie of rape was wrong. I was happy to see Cecilia didn’t believe her”, he finally answered. 

 

-

 

“I do love the tragedy behind it all a lot. That they have never got their happy ending”, Charles smiled excitedly, talking about one of his favorite books. Erik nodded and they talked a bit more about some characters and their development. 

At some point, Charles remembered his manners when he heard Erik’s stomach rumble. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you're hungry!”, he said and stood up from bed. 

“No, it's fine, uh-” - “Erik, you're my guest and there is plenty of food in the house”, Charles cut Erik off and pulled him by his arm towards the kitchen. 

He looked into the fridge and got out what they had eaten for lunch - roast chicken with croutons and Fennel Panzanella. Erik put his thumbs up, when Charles showed him the food and Charles went to heat it up in the microwave.

“So who cooks in this household?”, Erik asked, while they were waiting for the food to be ready. Charles just shrugged, grabbing two glasses and filling them with sparkly water. “We have a cook. But he’s living in the east wing with the other staff. I’d love to learn how to cook, though.”  _ Even if it wouldn’t make a difference anymore.  _

Erik seemed taken back by the fact, that they had servants and Charles couldn’t quite read his reaction. It made him uncomfortable again, guessing that Erik must have taken him for a snob. 

The loud ping from the microwave startled them, but Charles was quick to get the plate out and placed it in front of Erik. Knowing his manners, Charles got a small snack to eat with Erik. “Aren't you hungry?”, his friend still asked, eyeing his food.

“I ate that for lunch early.”  _ And the medication makes me sick.  _ But Charles didn’t add that, feeling guilty all over again. 

 

-

 

“Oh”, Erik said and nodded, the smell of food making his mouth water and stomach grumble louder. He hadn’t eaten a full meal like this ever since the holidays and he felt immensely grateful for it.

“Thank you”, he said before digging in happily and moaning around the first bite. He thought about what Charles had said about wanting to learn how to cook and a few bites later, when he finally slowed down on his eating he commented “I can cook”.

“Yeah?”, Charles perked up at that and his curious expression was adorable. “Uhum”, Erik nodded “I can teach you if you want. It isn’t hard, my mama taught me and she always said the secret ingredient to every food was love”.

“Love?”, Charles asked with a chuckle “works for her”, Erik shrugged and put more food on his mouth, before speaking “This is so delicious! You have a great cook”, he commented without swallowing and Charles screwed his nose at him.

“Sorry”, Erik mumbled after swallowing it and feeling slightly bad. With a blush, he said “But yeah… I could always teach you”. 

 

-

 

Charles laughed a little and when Erik furrowed his brows at him, he tried to explain. “It’s just hard to believe you can cook, when you had a butter sandwich with you the first time we’ve met.”

Erik blushed a little at that and looked down. “Well, you gotta have the right ingredients”, his friend said and Charles nodded, wondering how much Erik earned, that he couldn’t afford the simplest of food. 

He wasn’t going to ask, though, knowing that money seemed to be a difficult topic between them. Charles just had too much and Erik had not enough. Maybe Charles could give him some money after his death - not that he was possessing any money, his parents did. Charles sighed at that thought and Erik asked “hmm?”, while chewing his food.

“Nothing, but I’m not sure about the cooking. I’ll see about it.” - “Why not? You’d look cute with an apron”, Erik chuckled, making Charles blush. 

“Maybe. Did you finish?”, he asked, pointing at the almost empty plate and Erik nodded quickly. Charles put the dishes in the sink and they walked back to his room, sitting on the bed again. 

“So… what do you wanna do now?”, Charles asked, shifting on the bed to feel more comfortable. They were facing each other now with their legs crossed, Erik having moved closer until their knees touched. 

“Hm, making out?”, his friend teased and Charles flushed red again, his heart hammering against his chest. If only he could, he thought. “No, how about you tell me what you wanna become?”

This got Charles even more uncomfortable, plus he felt a small ache in his chest, that he hadn’t said yes to making out. He looked down and fumbled with the sheets. “I don’t know. I really don't know. How about you?”

“Wow, that sounds really hopeless”, Erik said and Charles shrugged. He knew what Erik must have been thinking:  _ he already is rich, why thinking about a future? _ And he wished it only was the case. But it was more like:  _ he already is dying, why thinking about the future he won't have?  _

 

_ - _

 

Even if Erik had been teasing, there had been a huge part of him that hoped the other man would say yes and they could enjoy their time together. But talking could be enjoyable too when Charles was so smart and funny. 

It wasn’t surprising to him that Charles didn’t have any plans for his future, seeing that most rich kids didn’t worry about it. But he did had things he’d like to learn, like cooking, and maybe that could become a passion of his and he would see life could be more than sitting on money. 

“Well, as I told you before I want to become an architect”, Erik started to babble and told Charles all about when this had started; it was his father’s profession and on a “bring your child to work” day he had accompanied him to the company he worked at and fell in love with everything.

“Ever since then, I’ve been wanting this. Now I’m working to have enough money to pay for college”, he said with a grin “That’s very nice, Erik. Does your father still work on the same company?”, Charles asked with interest. 

“I don’t think so”, Erik answered thoughtfully “He left when I was ten.. It was just my mama and I for a while”, he explained at Charles’ frown. 

 

-

 

“It is sad that you don't have any contact with him anymore”, Charles said regretfully. When one was dying, it just changed the whole point of view. Charles believed, that people should stay close to the ones they loved. But then again, sometimes he’d just want to run away and make everyone forget him, so it wouldn’t be as hard afterwards. 

“Well, I got used to it”, Erik shrugged it off, but Charles could see through that facade and knew it was hurting Erik a lot. He gently put a hand on Erik’s knee and squeezed it. 

They talked a bit more about some less meaningful things, just getting to know each other. In the back of his mind, Charles still thought it was a bad idea to let Erik get attached, but there was this selfish part in him, that couldn’t let go. 

At some point, his medication was starting to show the usual side effects, making him feel tired and unenergetic. He blinked more often and found it harder and harder to listen to Erik. “... I mean, I know they love to show how good they are with their tongue, but you can put it over the top.”

“I wouldn’t know”, Charles muttered, remembering that Erik was talking about kissing and he never had one to kiss. 

 

-

 

Erik stopped his babble abruptly after hearing what Charles had said and asked “W-What?”, after a moment of silence. It wasn’t  _ wrong _ or unnatural to not know about kissing at 18 but… It was  _ Charles! _ Gorgeous, smart, funny Charles who must have had people falling on his knees for him. 

The other man blushed and blinked slowly, - which he had been doing a lot for the past minutes… Was Erik boring him? - before repeating it “I wouldn’t know”, eyes downcast. God. He had never kissed anyone. Okay. That was… Kinda nice wasn’t it? If Erik of all people managed to win Charles then he would be the only one to ever touch him. Would Charles be a natural or all clumsy at first? The possibilities were enough to make him dizzy. 

“Wow, that’s… That’s nice, Charles. Is it, uhh… By choice?”, he asked just to make sure even if he knew it  _ had _ to be. “Well, there was never anyone who… and I never..”, Charles stuttered and trailed off a few times without actually finishing any thoughts.

He yawned at the end of his amazing speech and managed to say “I’m tired”, looking at his alarm clock afterwards. Erik hadn’t gotten the chance to pay attention to Charles’ room seeing that he was rather focused on the owner, but looking around, it was more messy than he thought it would be; books were scattered everywhere along with tea mugs. The room felt cozy in the midst of a huge, cold mansion and Erik quite liked it.

“I think it’s time for my nap. My parents will be home soon anyway, so…”, he said and there was again, the dismissal. Erik tried not to feel disappointed after the amazing afternoon he had had, but it was hard when he felt so connected to Charles and the other one was hot and cold.

“Yeah… Can’t have them seeing  _ me”,  _ he said, not helping the bitter undertone to it. He sighed and got up from the bed, Charles moving to follow. “No, I know the way out. You just rest, alright? Text me later”, he said a little more softly and stepped closer, bending lower and kissing Charles’ forehead briefly before leaving. 

One thought stuck to him all the way home; why did Charles, a healthy 18 years old who was loaded and could be anywhere he wanted, doing anything he wanted, had a nap time?

 

-

 

It occurred to Charles, that he had hurt Erik by throwing him out and he wanted to fix it. But the minute Erik was out of the door, Charles fell asleep on top of the covers. 

“Charles, baby. Have you been sleeping until now? Are you feeling bad again?”, his mother woke him up an hour later and he blinked a little to adjust his eyes. 

Then he yawned and look at his mother, but could barely move a muscle, due to the feeling of moving through molasses. He shook his head and murmured “I went to bed an hour ago.” 

“But why, honey? You need your rest, remember? It's dinner time now, do you wanna come and eat with us?”, Sharon asked, but Charles shook his head again, despite knowing that she wouldn't like it. 

The thing was, if he could have Erik over every day and had only one hour of nap, he would still do it. This day was one of the best days he ever had, avoiding the boring routine and just talking to Erik. 

“Are you really feeling okay, honey? You have to tell-”, Sharon started again and Charles shook his head. “I’m fine. I just wanna sleep some more.”

Sharon nodded and then tucked him underneath the blankets, giving him a small kiss on the forehead. When he left, all Charles could think of, was that Erik had kissed him there too. His heart was jumping in his chest again and however much he tried, he couldn’t go back to sleep. 

At some point, he gave in and grabbed his phone to text Erik. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I had a great time today, thank you for coming over. I’d like to learn some cooking from you. As for my parents: it's more like, I can’t have you seeing** **_them_ ** **. They are … special. You wouldn't like them. Why were you surprised that I haven't kissed anybody?**

 

-

 

When Erik finally reached home an hour later, he was feeling quite tired from the long ride but he had to get ready for work. Today, he was filling in on the local bar for a bartender who had called in sick, - since he had already looked for a job there, he had been called. 

He picked his phone to check the time and was surprised to see a text from Charles in it. He hadn’t heard the beeping of a text since he had been riding, but the surprise mostly came due to the fact he thought Charles would sleep longer than an hour since he seemed so tired when Erik left. 

The text, while confusing him about the parents situation, made him smile. He was glad Charles had enjoyed their day together, because truth was, Erik had absolutely loved it. And the other man wanted to learn how to cook, which meant they could meet up more times and it made Erik’s stomach twist and turn, that exciting feeling of butterflies flying there making him giddy.

 

**[You]**

 

**I had a really good time too, Charles. And I trust you about your parents :)**

 

He texted first and then sent another one in sequel.

 

**[You]**

 

**Tell me the time and place and I’ll be there to teach you to cook, can’t have you burning food forever, can we? And the kissing… Well, you’re honestly too pretty to have never kissed anyone! How did you manage to fight off all the people throwing themselves at you?**

 

Then, he proceeded to get ready since he needed to leave for work early; he had burned all his gas on the trip to Charles’ house and didn’t have the money to buy more. He would use what he would get today on the bar to get it on the next day. 

 

-

 

When the message came, Charles was almost off to sleep again, feeling more than exhausted. But as soon as his phone beeped, he opened his eyes again and his heart immediately started beating faster. He bent over to retrieve his phone, when it beeped again, signalising another text. 

He read them quickly, blushing a lot on the second one. He knew, Erik was flirting with him a lot and that he should cut him short - it was hard enough to fight with his guilt of having Erik as a friend, but if Erik was going to fall for him, he would never forgive himself. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I’m mostly free on weekends during the same time or weekdays in the afternoon, but not evening.**

 

He debated if he should just ignore Erik’s obvious flirt, but that would have been rude, seeing that he was the one who had asked in first place. It took him longer to write the second message. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Thanks, but not many were interested in me. Women mostly and I don’t have the same interest in them. There are some other reasons too. You seem more … active in that area?**

 

-

 

Erik walked through the streets with his nose glued to his cell phone, smiling like a maniac. Talking to Charles gave him a funny feeling and he enjoyed it so very much that he almost bumped into many people on his way. 

So Charles was gay! God yes! Erik did have a chance after all and he wasn’t going to waste it. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Next saturday afternoon, then? I’ll meet you at your place and teach you the basics ;)**

 

He couldn’t help pretending he would teach Charles the basics to something else he didn’t know but tried to keep it cool for the moment.

 

**[You]**

 

**I doubt many weren’t interested. Maybe you just didn’t notice it. And I had a few men here and there, but no one special.**

 

After his last text, he had to put his phone away since he had reached the bar and his shift was just about to start. He would only be able to check his texts on his break and it made him anxious that he would not speak to Charles for a few hours. 

 

-

 

**[You]**

 

**I can’t wait! :) Nah, I doubt that. So you’re only into men?**

 

Charles waited for a long time for an answer, but it seemed like Erik was working, so he put his phone away and read some more. There wasn’t much he could do apart from that anyways and he also felt rather tired. 

When no answer came after two hours, Charles felt too tired to continue reading, so he grabbed his phone again and sent Erik another text. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I gotta go to bed now. Talk to you tomorrow! :)**

 

Then he put his phone to charge and took the medicine for the night, before falling asleep. He was woken up in the middle of the night, though, barely able to breathe. He tried catching his breath, but he knew it wouldn’t work, coughing and tears running down his cheeks. 

His parents came running into the room. “Charles! Hold on, wait, the doctors are coming”, his mum said and Charles couldn’t even nod, his vision blurring out as the pain took over his whole body. It felt like daggers in his lungs, cutting deep and fast, paralysing his whole body. 

The next time he woke up, he was in hospital, barely remembering how he got there, but being used to it nonetheless. The pain lessened, but he felt more exhausted than ever, barely able to open his eyes. 

 

-

 

Erik felt disappointed that the only time he managed to grab his phone again, Charles had already gone to sleep. He had hoped they could chat a little more, but it was fine… He should have said he was working on something anyways. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Sorry, I was working. And yeah… Only into men. The pretty ones, so you’re lucky ;) have a goodnight!**

 

He texted one last message and finished his shift only in the middle of the night. Erik was knackered and slept like a rock as soon as he hit his mattress, only waking up in the middle of the afternoon on sunday. 

There was still no message from Charles and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Had he been too pushy? Too forward? No… Charles was just busy with something.

Or… Five hours later into the day, he was just ignoring Erik. He challenged himself to go all the way from home, through the gas station to the bar without checking his messages, but he gave up while getting gas only to see there was nothing yet. 


	4. Chapter Four

It was only two days later that Charles felt slightly better again to ask his parents for his phone. He had been sleeping most of the time during those days, but at least didn’t get another attack again. He felt bad for letting Erik wait, but had convinced himself that it was better that way to not lead Erik on or something. 

Still, his heart had been longing to chat with his friend those past two days and he couldn’t hold himself from starting to like him a lot. As soon as he got the phone back, he felt bad when he read the message from Erik. Now he looked like a total douche for not responding for two days and he couldn’t even give an explanation. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I’m sorry I haven’t replied. Important things came in the way. Can we delay our meeting on the weekend after?**

 

He knew that his parents wouldn’t let him out of sight for the weekend and he honestly didn’t feel good enough already to spend time with Erik anyways. It broke his heart for having to stand him up, but he couldn’t risk Erik finding out about his health condition. Not then, not when they were just getting started. Once Erik would know about his sickness, he would treat him differently and Charles didn’t want that. 

 

-

 

On tuesday, Erik had already forgotten everything about Charles. Or so he wished. He had tried as hard as he could not to text the other man because if this was some sort of game he was playing, then no matter how Erik wanted him, he wouldn’t crack. 

But two days later, he was hanging on by a thread, writing a thousand messages without actually sending them and wondering if something bad had happened, but he had been there before; he had been smitten for a guy who would leave him waiting for days only for Erik to text him again and be treated like nothing important. That boy hadn’t become anything special because Erik had soon put himself together and the tables had turned, but he had always wondered if the boy was busy with something serious or even hurt, when truth was, he just wasn’t interested. 

Erik had written another message : ‘ _ hey, I hope you’re alright? Just checking in since we haven’t talked in awhile’,  _ and he had been on the verge of sending it, thinking maybe Charles was different, Charles was  _ more  _ but he had been relieved of sending it first when the other man reached out to him and the message was more than disappointing.

It was clear that Charles wasn’t interested and maybe he was just the same as others. “Erik! Break’s over”, his boss called and he sighed. He didn’t know what to answer anyway so it would be better if he did it after he had some time to think it over.

When he finally did, hours later, he felt defeated but couldn’t help the hopeful tone of his text. One more try. One more. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I get it… Text me when you’re available? I’d still like that date.**

 

-

 

_ I get it. _ I get it. Charles had too much time watching many movies, that he knew these three words always meant the opposite from what they were saying. He didn’t get anything, because he  _ couldn’t possibly understand _ . Erik had probably put together any stupid reason why Charles hadn’t answered and was now blaming him. Was Charles already about to screw up his only ever friendship?

_ Friendship. _ Another funny word. Apparently, according to Erik, they had always been more than that. Had he considered their last meeting a date as well? Was that what they were having? Charles had always thought, one would have to go out for dinner or watch a movie to have a date. But apparently, meeting at someone's home was also a date too. Why was he so bad at those things? 

 

**[You]**

 

**Same time just the weekend after? I’m really sorry.**

 

He couldn’t bring himself to tell Erik, that he hadn’t considered any of their meetings as dates. He still didn't want any relationships, didn't want somebody to grow that attached to him, but how could he just tell that to Erik without losing him?

When would he stop being so selfish and admit, that losing Erik was probably the best thing he could do? 

 

-

 

It almost made Erik angry at himself how Charles’ apology made his heart melt and the hurt slip away from him so easily. He was happy they had re-scheduled it and even if he didn’t think this was an  _ official _ date, Charles hadn’t denied it. 

 

**[You]**

 

**See you then!**

 

On the following two weeks, Erik worked hard on the diner and the gigs at the bar, but soon, the worker he was filling in for was back to his full health and ready to pick it up from where he had left. The buffet wasn’t in need of anyone else and he spent one weekend free from work.

The weekend was mostly boring, he spent it between looking for other gigs and at the CD store where he was still being teased because of Charles. He and the other man were texting occasionally, sending things that reminded them of each other or just commenting about their days. 

Finally, he heard back from one of the places; a strip club. He was hired if he still wanted the position and Erik wasn’t one to say no for a job. He would simply have to walk around half naked, serving drinks, - some poured directly to the person’s mouth - and if requested, he had to give lap dances, but he wasn’t a main attraction. 

Between all of that, time flew by and it was already the saturday he was scheduled to meet up with Charles. Erik tried harder on his looks this time, he didn’t always have to look tired, right? So he put on his best turtleneck, pair of jeans and sneakers. He even fixed his hair and put on some cologne; it didn’t hurt to up his game when one was trying to win over  _ Charles.  _

The ride on the motorcycle might have ruined his hair and made his cologne mostly fade, but he got there twenty minutes earlier and excited. Erik wasn’t stupid, he knew that being early risked him being seen by Charles’ parents so with a heavy heart, he parked away from the mansion’s door where he was mostly hidden by bushes. It felt ridiculous, but he did it anyway and texted Charles.

 

**[You]**

 

**I’m here.. Don’t worry, I found somewhere to hide. Let me know when the coast is clear?**

 

-

 

When Charles received the message, he chuckled to himself and got up from the bed. He wasn’t stupid as to schedule their meeting so close to his parents departure, so he was already alone at home. It was still cute of Erik to hide somewhere, ready to wait twenty full minutes. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Don’t worry, they're already gone. Come in ;)**

 

He was feeling better again, but still felt weak on his knees and he knew, he couldn’t stand the whole evening. The pain was mostly gone, but there was a small rustle in his breathing, that he hoped Erik wouldn’t notice. 

After he opened the door for Erik, he walked towards the kitchen to check on the fridge - it was rather useless to do so, because they were never short on food. But when he walked back, Erik was already pushing off his shoes with his feet and putting his helmet next to them. Charles couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips. He was here again; Erik was here after two weeks. 

“Hi”, he said and walked closer. Erik looked up and immediately started smiling as well. “Hey, it's good to see you.”

Charles nodded and stopped right in front of Erik, where he awkwardly debated if he should go for a hug or not. Luckily, Erik took that decision from him and embraced him quickly, kissing his cheek when he pulled away again. 

A blush spread across Charles’ cheek and he stuttered “um.. Let’s go to.. to the kitchen.” 

 

-

 

Charles blushing was absolutely the cutest thing. It made Erik want to see until where that blush spread and cause it so many times with all the different ways he could think of.

The other man guided him to his huge kitchen and Erik frictioned his palms together, getting ready. Cooking was something he enjoyed thoroughly but didn’t try very often anymore.

“What do you wanna try? Pizza or Lasagna?”, he offered his two favorite food that were simple to make. It was a little selfish that he wanted to teach Charles that, seeing they would actually get to eat it afterwards and Erik missed both dishes.

“I thought… We were starting with the basics?”, Charles asked, turning around with a frown. “Like hmm.. Pasta? I can’t ruin that, can I?” - “Well… It can be ruined but I’m sure you wouldn’t. You want pasta then?” - “Yeah, it’s… Simple. Our cooks don’t do simple very often”, he answered and Erik nodded. If all their meals were like the ones Erik had tried two weeks ago, then they really didn’t do simple. 

“Alright. Let me see…”, he trailed off, opening cabinets and then the fridge like he owned the place. “Bolognese sauce?” - “Perfect!”, Charles exclaimed with a grin. 

Erik picked the ingredients then, and put them on the counter. He planned on making the sauce with fresh tomatoes instead of the using the naked ones that came on a can and teach Charles his mother’s secrets for a perfectly cooked pasta.

“Come here”, Erik said, cocking his head and beckoning the other man closer. Charles came somewhat shyly and stood next to him, the heat of his body radiating and making Erik shiver with the proximity. “First, we need to cut these tomatoes, like this”, he said, making it once and then handing the knife to Charles “Think you can handle? Without cutting your pretty little fingers?”, he asked teasingly and Charles glared, starting to work on the next tomatoe. 

He did it clumsily, the chunks not looking as accurate as Erik’s but good anyways and he stepped a little closer, as if wanting to inspect them better, letting his breath hit Charles’ neck. “Are you okay? You’re breathing funny.. Do you have a cold?”, he asked after a moment, voice pitched lower. 

  
  


-

 

Charles felt shivers running up and down his body, making tremble a little. He closed his eyes to regulate the sudden flush on his cheeks and his heartbeat.

“Um.. I had a cough”, he lied and felt like he could barely talk, his tongue heavy in his mouth. 

Erik’s hands crept around his hips and he swore, he felt the ghost touch of lips on his nape. But then Erik was gone again and Charles continued to cut the tomato.

They took twenty minutes only to cut all the ingredients and get them ready, but after that, Charles already felt exhausted. He had tried to delay his medication for today, so that he wouldn’t feel as tired, but having something to work, exhausted his body a lot. 

“Erik, could you.. could you finish with me watching? I still feel .. still feel tired from the.. the cough”, Charles excused himself, while already sitting down on a stool at their kitchen island. Erik eyed him in concern, but nodded and didn’t say anything else. 

Another twenty minutes later the food was cooking and Erik smiled at Charles. “So we got half an hour now. What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know, you suggest something”, Charles shrugged and smiled at his friend. 

 

-

 

Erik thought for a second and then “Is there a television somewhere on this huge mansion?”, he asked, actually remembering he had seen one on Charles’ room. 

The other man laughed lowly, as if asking if Erik truly doubted it and then answered “Yeah! Do you wanna watch a movie?” - “Do you have a big collection for me to choose from?”, he teased friendly “I do… Oh! But we should watch Atonement! It’s probably still on the player in my room!”.

“There is a movie?”, Erik frowned wondering how he didn’t know that yet and why he didn’t watch it. “There is”, Charles nodded “But we would need to stop for the food, so how about later?”, he suggested and Erik agreed to it. 

“Why don’t you show me your library in the meantime? I know it’s your favorite place to be”, he grinned and was very excited to see the place. But if Charles was still tired… “I’d love to”, his friend smiled and then got up, if a little slowly. 

“You sure? Maybe you belong in bed.. I should have made you soup or something-” - “I  _ don’t _ belong in bed”, Charles answered firmly and Erik was a little taken back from being cut off like that.

Charles sighed and looked at him apologetically “I’m fine.. And I’d truly like showing the library to you”, he said more calmly and Erik nodded. They walked a little, going past Charles’ room and then pushing up two huge doors. Before going in, Erik thought Charles should have been getting that cold for a while now, seeing he had been tired two weeks ago from going up the stairs. 

 

-

 

The library was his favorite room in the whole mansion. It was like one room with ten thousands of different worlds in it. He could lose all sense of time and space in that room, while reading in his favorite chair.

“Here we are. Welcome to my world”, Charles smiled proudly and showed Erik the whole library. His friend gazed through all the rows of books, his mouth hanging open. 

“Well, I certainly see why you like to spend so much time in here”, Erik said and looked around the different shelves. Charles blushed, thinking that, yes, he did love the library, but if he could, he would love to explore the outside a bit more. 

Driven by a sudden urge, he asked “Why don’t we go outside?” 

Erik turned towards him with a frown and Charles shrugged. “We’re not gonna read here and there is not much two people can do in a literary. You can show me your bike?”, he explained and Erik agreed. 

They walked to the main entrance and then into the front yard. Whenever his parents threw a party at the mansion, the small path on the green would be parked with cars. Now it was all empty, except for one motorcycle standing close to the bushes. 

“Erik! That's awesome”, Charles grinned like a child and walked closer, his tiredness already forgotten. “As your friend, I can clearly sit on it, can't I?”.

 

-

 

Erik laughed deliciously at that question and nodded at Charles “Of course you can”, he said. He loved how the other man had reacted to his old bike, seeing that it wasn’t anything impressive but it took him to places and Erik didn’t need much more.

Charles stepped closer, seeming unsure of what to do, making Erik chuckle once more. He approached the other man and told him “You have to put both hands right here”, showing him exactly where and waiting for Charles to follow the instruction. “Now, you step here and you just have to throw your other leg over it”, he said and watched as Charles mounted his bike. 

He looked flushed and all cute like this, the light breeze making his hair move just like on the rooftop and giving Erik goosebumps. The bike was slightly crooked, the metal handle keeping it balanced on the floor, making it possible for Charles to still keep one of his feet there, not having to do anything other than sit.

“It must be really exciting to ride it”, Charles said almost breathless, looking at every single detail of the bike. “It is! The long ride until here is really good. I feel very…  _ free”,  _ Erik agreed “I could take you out on it at some point. Why don’t we do something on the outside next time? There’s a circus in town. It’s supposed to be good, would you like to come with me? I’ll give you a ride”, he asked with a charming smile. 

 

-

 

Charles was on the verge of say no, that he couldn’t just go out like that, especially if the whole trip would take longer than four hours. But those past meetings with Erik, breaking the habit with him, it made Charles feel more alive than anything in years. It didn’t matter if his time shortened while doing those things - even if Charles honestly doubted that - because what is time worth, if it's spent inside a cage?

“I’ve never been to a circus. Of course I’d love to”, Charles grinned excitingly, with a giddy feeling spreading in his stomach. 

Erik smiled too and said “good, ‘cause you look hella fine on my bike.” 

That made Charles blush and he looked down, still not knowing how to handle Erik’s flirtations. But he luckily didn’t need to, because they heard Erik’s watch beeping and knew the food was ready. Carefully, Charles moved down from Erik’s bike and they walked back inside. 

The food was delicious. Charles could barely believe, that he was part of the process of making it and had even paid attention to the part Erik had made, so he could remake the whole dinner. Not that his parents would want him to. 

They watched Atonement while eating in his room, but it didn't take them long to finish the meal and just continue watching, while they were sitting on the bed together, thighs pressing into each other.

 

-

 

The movie was just as good as the book, the cast was amazing and they managed to tell the story really well with a beautiful photography. The actor that played Robbie was fucking gorgeous but Erik could barely pay attention to any of that when he was sitting so close to Charles. 

Their bodies were pressed together and it felt really good to be like this. He knew, that at the moment they seemed more friendly than anything but after setting up a date to the circus, Erik was quite excited he could act more couple-y with Charles and hold his hand, maybe even kiss him at the end of the night.

When the movie was over, Charles had been yawning several times towards the end. It seemed that it was past his nap time and Erik felt slightly bad for keeping him up when the other man was still recovering from a cough.

“I should get going now… can I pick you up next week at the same time?”, he asked, getting up from bed and retrieving the dirty plates with him to take to the kitchen. Charles got up as well and walked with him “Yeah, that sounds perfect”, he said.

“Okay. Can’t wait”, Erik grinned at the door and once again came closer to press a kiss to Charles’ cheek, seeing him blush beautifully “See you then”, he murmured, lips brushing against Charles’ skin. “Y-Yeah”, he agreed somewhat shakily and after that, Erik left.

He had his first shift at the strip bar in the night, having to make several lap dances, - to which they had trained him for - and being felt up by many men and women, but his mind was stuck with Charles through all the time.

The job had made him earn a lot of tips and on the next day, Erik woke up wanting to cook. He went out and bought several ingredients to make a soup. For Charles. Because he had a cough. 

When it was ready, he put it inside his best, - and only - tupperware and mounted his bike. He knew it was late for him to come, seeing that Charles’ parents would be there but the other man’s room was on the floor level and they could manage to talk through the window.

Erik hid his bike there and walked on the shadows to the mansion, calculating each one of the windows to find out Charles’. He wasn’t planning on staying and getting him in trouble, just on dropping the soup off and getting a glimpse of that beautiful face. 

Picking his cell phone, he dialed the number quickly and for his relieve, Charles picked up on the third ring “Hey”, he said excitedly. “Hi! Uh, this might seem weird but… Are you in your room?” - “Yeah?” - “And are you alone?” - Yes, Erik, what ar-”, he didn’t listen the rest of the question because he pulled the phone away from his ear in order to knock on the window. 

 

-

 

Charles was startled by the sudden knock at his window and he took a moment to realise, that Erik was outside. Oh god, did he want to go out now? Charles just couldn’t run away with his parents in the house, they would worry themselves to death!

Slowly, Charles got up and walked towards the window, removing the curtains and opening the glass barrier in order to peek outside. “Hey”, he heard a familiar voice and then Erik was stepping into his line of sight with- with a tupperware in his hands. 

“Hi, what are you doing here?”, Charles asked and couldn’t help but whisper. Erik just held out the tupperware and Charles reached for it. 

“To get you this. Don't want you walking around sick anymore, so I made you soup”, Erik said with an honest smile, that made the guilt in Charles eat him inside out. He took the tupperware nonetheless with a blush on his cheeks. Only he wished the soup would actually make him healthy again. 

“Thank you, but you really didn’t have to. Um.. my parents are there”, he said awkwardly, but Erik waved it off, telling him that he knew and was only dropping by to give him the soup. Erik had gone all the way from the city to his house in order to give him food. The guilt only grew in Charles and he couldn’t send him away just like that. 

“Hm, my parents are upstairs, though. Maybe..  um, if we stay in my room.. you could stay for half an hour? I could heat up the soup and we both have a plate?”, Charles offered and Erik’s smile widened. Charles took that as a yes to his invitation and opened the window some more, so Erik could climb inside. Only in the last moment, Charles remembered to hide his medication and threw a blanket over the oxygen generator that he had for emergencies. 

“What about my shoes?”, Erik asked, crouching on the windowsill. Charles just gestured him to come inside, didn’t care about his carpet, while he walked into to kitchen to heat up the soup. It didn’t take long in the microwave and he returned with two plates to his room.

“Have a seat”, Charles smiled and gestured towards his bed. 

 

-

 

Even if Charles had waved it off, Erik still took his shoes off and threw them outside so he wouldn’t ruin the carpet. Charles was really bad in this whole hiding thing if he thought no one would noticed muddy steps on the floor, coming from the window. 

While the other man was away he noticed one weird thing in the corner of the room. It was hidden by a blanket and it hadn’t been there before on his last two visits. Whatever it was, it was either new or something Charles didn’t want him to see. Erik’s curiosity was about to get the best of him when the other man came inside the room and he had to be discreet by not asking what the hell was that.

He sat down on the bed and even if the whole soup was for Charles, he accepted sharing it since he hadn’t had dinner or much else for the rest of the day. They carefully started eating to not let anything drop on the mattress, but after his first spoon, Charles was already chatty.

“Hmmm… This is amazing, Erik”, he said after swallowing “The key is always using the best ingredients”, he revealed, since he was trying to teach Charles how to cook after all. His friend laughed and they started chatting about nothing and everything.

“You seem tired”, Charles commented after a while “There are circles under your eyes”. Erik hummed and answered “Yeah, I got a job for the weekends and it runs a little late”, he said. “Oh so now you have two jobs? What’s the new one? Waiter as well?”, he asked.

Erik blushed and looked down for a second before answering “Er.. Kinda off. I’m working at a strip club, serving drinks and a few lap dances”, he shrugged. He truly wasn’t embarrassed of it, it paid well and he wasn’t insecure about his looks, so he didn’t mind walking half naked. 

 

-

 

“Oh wow, that sounds like fun”, Charles laughed, but remembered to be a bit more quiet. He had never been to a strip club and had actually believed, that only women would act there, but it sounded nice to have men there as well. He wasn’t sure, if he would be comfortable with random strangers touching him, but if Erik didn’t have something against it, then he wouldn’t judge either. 

“You think so? Not jealous?”, Erik grinned and wiggled with his eyebrows, to which Charles could only huff. Why should he be jealous of a stranger? Why should he be jealous at all? It wasn’t like him and Erik were anything more than friends. 

“No, why should I?”, Charles said honestly and saw a confused frown on Erik’s forehead, before it disappeared again, replaced by a confident mask with a cocky smile. His friend just shrugged and put his empty plate on Charles’ bedside table. Charles fit his own one into Erik’s plate and leaned back, so that he could rest his head against the wall.    
“Thank you so much for the soup again. It was delicious and I’m sure it helped already”, Charles smiled and looked at Erik, who scooted closer to him, in order to press his back against the wall as well. 

 

-

 

They chatted a bit more on a low tone of voice, thighs pressed together just like on the day before while they were watching the movie. But this time, there was something nagging at the back of Erik’s mind and his focus on the conversation wasn’t the best anymore. Did Charles know they were going on a date next week?

When his half an hour was up, he knew it was time to leave. Getting caught by the parents would only ruin the surprise he had made and Erik wasn’t eager for it to happen.

“I should get going”, he said and got up from bed, straightening his clothes afterwards. Charles got up too and he seemed almost sad that Erik had to leave. This time, he felt awkward about saying goodbye; he wanted to stick to the kiss on the cheek and the quick hug, but something told him that he was the only one seeing all of this as something more and therefore, he felt out of place.

“I’m just gonna..”, he trailed off and pointed to the window. With a short nod, he turned around and walked towards it, hearing a “See you next week, Erik”, which made him stop.

“It’s a date, isn’t it?”, he asked, facing Charles who was frowning. “Next week. On the circus… I invited you as a date. I wanna hold your hand and buy you popcorn.. Maybe even kiss you at the end of the night if you’ll let me, but.. I’m not sure you know this is what I want or if you want the same”, he said honestly. He could do friends if Charles  _ really _ wanted it. If Charles said it was only friendship, he would still enjoy going out with him but he’d have to lower his expectations a lot if it wasn’t a date, since he didn’t want to get disappointed.

“I can be anything you want”, he completed “I just wanna know what it is”.

 

-

 

It felt like the breath in Charles was being pumped out of his lungs all at once - a feeling he should be used to by now, but this time it was different. It left a pleasant, tingly sensation in his guts and his heart rate quickened. A date. He had never been on a date, never had anybody who wanted to buy him popcorn and hold his hand. 

And then he remembered, that Erik didn’t know about his condition, that Erik had no clue Charles was going to die. Erik deserved better than that, deserved better than  _ him. _

“Erik, I”, he stuttered, “believe me, you .. you don’t wanna date me.” This made Erik frown and he walked closer to Charles, taking more and more of Charles’ breath away. 

He stopped right in front of Charles and moved his hand up to brush over his cheek. It made Charles’ skin tingle even more and he closed his eyes for one second, half expecting to be kissed right in that moment. “Why don’t you let me find that out?”, Erik asked in a low voice that sent shivers down Charles’ spine. 

He was lost right then, his resistance melting away and he nodded, “okay, yeah.. a date then”, he whispered. 

 

-

 

Erik smiled happily, his skin tingling where he was touching Charles. He cupped his friend’s cheek firmly now and bent lower to press a kiss on the other side, his breath ghosting over Charles’ mouth when he pulled away.

“I’ll bring flowers”, he teased and saw the small smile that formed on Charles’ red lips. It was then, that Erik heard footsteps on the outside of the door and the other man’s eyes immediately snapped open, widening comically. 

With a wink, Erik turned away and hauled himself outside of the window, falling with a painful ‘oof’ on the grass. He knew he had scraped himself on the bushes, but quickly got up and picked his sneakers, shoving his feet on them so he wouldn’t run with his white socks on the lawn.

He didn’t linger under the window not wanting to intrude on the family and made his way back to where he was parked, hidden on the shadows.

Later, right before he went to work, he received a text from Charles that made him laugh fondly. 

 

**[Charles X.]**

 

**You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?**

 

**[You]**

 

**Nothing that a kiss won’t make it better**

  
Almost all his texts to Charles from then on had a flirtatious tone to it and he found himself more and more excited to their upcoming date on saturday. 


	5. Chapter Five

On Saturday, Charles went out of his way to look nice for Erik. He started getting dressed when his parents were still at home, but he used his own bathroom, so they wouldn’t notice the extra effort he was putting in changing his clothes. His hair was styled in a nice curve, he put cologne on and wore his finest blue silk vest over a white button up with blue jeans. Since he had never been to a circus, he hoped that he wasn’t over or underdressed. 

When his parents left, they eyed his clothings suspiciously, but none of them said a word and no ten minutes later, Erik finally arrived. Charles opened the door as soon as he heard the motorcycle and saw that Erik really did bring him flowers. 

“Oh, you brought the flowers. They look lovely, thank you”, Charles blushed and took them, while Erik grinned at him. “Of course I did.” 

Charles smiled and gave them to Bertha, the housekeeper, so she could put it into a vase, since they had a tight schedule and he couldn’t do it on his own. “Make sure to put it on my windowsill”, he told her and she nodded, while eyeing Erik curiously. 

“Alright, ready to go?”, Charles grinned, more excited than a ten-year-old on Christmas, as he closed the door behind himself and walked closer to Erik. 

 

-

 

“I was born ready”, Erik grinned and didn’t move away, seeing that he and the other man were standing so very close to each other and he didn’t want to lose that. “Then let’s go”, Charles breathed, eyes locked with Erik’s.

It took a moment before they both moved at the same time and walked side by side towards the bike. Erik had borrowed a helmet from a friend but he knew, if he and Charles actually became a thing like he wanted, he would end up buying one. 

He picked the smaller one and put it on Charles’ head, pulling down the glass in front of his eyes and chuckling fondly. “You look cute”, he said and then put the helmet on his own. 

He mounted the bike still smiling and stretched his arm out for the other man to hold his hand and go on top of it without losing his balance. When Charles was settled behind him, their bodies were flushed together, chest and back, ass and groin. 

“You can hold onto me”, Erik said and after a moment, felt arms coming around his waist, warm and soft. He took a moment to just feel the wonderful touch, loving how they felt wrapped up at each other and then he turned the engine on, the motor roaring to life. 

 

-

 

His hold to Erik was tight and he was afraid the first ten minutes or so, until he finally started relaxing and he dared to look around while they were driving down the street. Another twenty minutes in and he had never felt this free before. 

“This is amazing!”, he yelled and hoped Erik would understand him, while they were passing by cars. The wind was blowing against his clothes, but he couldn’t care less about ruining them or being cold. 

When they arrived, Charles had wobbly arms and legs from holding on too tight, but he felt amazing and grinned widely. Erik smiled at him and said “you liked it?” to which Charles only grinned wider and nodded. 

“It was great! I felt free, Erik. Wow”, Charles smiled and finally steadied himself a little more, so that they could walk inside the big circus tent. It looked huge and people were already walking towards the entrance. Charles took his time to gaze at the big, colorful tent in front of him, feeling like a child all over again. 

 

-

 

Erik smiled at the man next to him. He almost looked like a child, staring at the tent with huge eyes and his mouth slightly open, forming an ‘o’. 

He pulled out the colorful tickets from his jeans pocket and handed them to the man at the entrance, who was dressed up as a clown and wished them a nice time. Charles observed everything as if this was his first time at a circus, - which might as well be in a simple one like this - and at some point, he started pointing to every single thing he found interesting. 

“Erik, that’s a… Oh wow look at how huge that elephant is”, he said with eyes sparkling. Erik frowned at him and asked “Have you never been to a zoo?”, to which the other man blushed.

“I think I did when I was a child, I just don’t remember”, he answered with a small shrug. Grinning, Erik reached out and slipped his hand into Charles’, their fingers interlacing “Let’s get closer then”, he said and tugged at the arm, pulling the other man along. 

“Erik, I think we’re not supposed to… I think we have to sit and-” - “No one needs to know”, he said and pulled Charles along, loving that soft palm on his. They jumped over the small wall that separated them and the elephant, - Erik helping Charles - and were faced with the huge animal.

“Oh God, it’s beautiful”, Charles breathed out, still a little scared of coming closer even if they knew those were peaceful creatures when not threatened. “It is”, Erik agreed, but their fun was so quickly interrupted that he was absolutely sad.

“You’re not supposed to be here”, a man with a funny mustache, purple clothes and a topper said. He came closer and Erik felt Charles’ grip tightened on his hand and he could see his date was afraid of being called out for this. 

“We were already leaving”, Erik said and turned around but the man kept talking “you’re quite the adventurous couple, huh?”, he asked with an amused tone of voice “why won’t one of you assist me on my first act?”, he asked and the idea made Erik grin like a crazy maniac before saying “Charles would love to!” - “But-” - “Don’t worry, Charles. Our date will continue when you’re done”. 

Charles gave him a nervous smile and the funny guy pointed him the way while Erik went to take a seat right on the front. It didn’t take long for the show to start, all the seats taken except the one next to him, saved for his date.

The funny guy was actually the narrator and magician, who opened the show with old tricks that still made the kids impressed even if the adults knew how they worked. He made Charles sit down on a chair and pull colorful cloths out of his sleeve that lasted forever, pull a rabbit out of his topper and even put him inside a box where he pretend to be cutting Charles in half. The young man was laughing clear as day, enjoying himself so thoroughly that it made Erik fall even harder for him.

At the end of his first act, the magician bound down to the crowd that was cheering, and Charles did the same, his cheeks flushed red and eyes huge with the excitement. Then, his date crossed the stage and found Erik, sitting next to him and starting to chat immediately. 

 

-

 

“Erik this is the best trip of my life!”, Charles beamed and couldn’t decide whether to look at Erik or the next act. He felt so happy and giddy that he wanted to hug the world. Erik chuckled and put his arm over the- oh, no he wasn’t putting it over the seat, he moved it around Charles’ waist. His skin tingled immediately and he blushed, while turning his head away from Erik to watch the circus. 

“I’m glad you like it”, Erik grinned and squeezed his side a little with the hand. They watched the show for a while longer, until the horses came inside and ran around in circles. The horses whirled up the dust in the arena, making it hard for Charles to breathe and he gritted his teeth. 

“I think I need some air”, he said and got up from his seat, “my allergy”, he lied and rushed out of the tent, while trying to catch his air. 

 

-

 

Erik immediately got up from his chair and went after Charles, not wanting him to be alone or lose sight of him. He didn’t even know the other man had an allergy to horses or maybe the dust, but it was something to remember in the future and not put Charles at any sorts of risk. 

He catched up with him on the outside, hand on his chest as he tried as hard as he could to put some more air on his lungs. Erik put a hand on his back and started running it up and down, doing the best he could to soothe him. “Do you need something? A pill or…?”, he asked since he had no clue what to do and Charles just shook his head no. 

They stood there for a while, Erik caressing the broad back and Charles gulping for more air, until his breathing settled and he was back to normal again. “Okay, I think… I think I’m good”, Charles said with a hoarse voice and turned a little, putting his hand on Erik’s stretched arm. 

“Alright. Why don’t we ditch this place then?”, Erik asked and Charles widened his eyes “But we haven’t finished watching the show and the tickets-” - “Doesn’t matter. We can do something nicer”, he answered and started pulling his date towards his bike. 

But it was a nice day and there was a park they could sit at close by, so he went through it, making Charles frown. The walk was short and their hands were connected, fingers intertwined while Erik made small circles on the smooth skin using his thumb. The park was green grass everywhere, there was a lake and you could even buy bread crumbs to feed the ducks, - which Erik did. 

“C’mon, it’s cute when they go for the bread”, he said with a grin and tugged Charles towards it, handing him the pack but getting some of the crumbs to throw in there himself. 

 

-

 

Charles threw some of the bread crumbs into the water as well and smiled as the ducks swam towards it. Still, his mood wasn’t as happy anymore and he thought about the incident at the circus again. He had hated himself for not being healthy enough to finish the show, hated that Erik had given his money for nothing. Charles wanted to repay him, but knew that Erik wasn’t the kind who’d take his money. 

He couldn’t keep the secret forever - he was living in a dream world, where he was perfectly healthy and normal. But those small incidents reminded him, that he was actually dreaming and wouldn’t get his happy ending with Erik. Why did he keep leading him on, if they wouldn’t work out anyways? 

Those thoughts haunted him for the whole time in the park and even when they rode the motorcycle back home, he couldn’t feel as free anymore. Time to wake up and leave this dream. 

“Well, that was fun”, Erik smiled, while they walked towards the door. Charles had kept quiet on their way home and only hummed now, eyes fixed on the ground. Inside, he wasn’t so calm, his stomach turning into tight knots and nausea piling up in him, that didn’t come from his medication for once. “Everything alright?”, Erik asked then, more concerned. 

They stopped walking close to the door and Charles swallowed. “I had a good time too, Erik…. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but we gotta stop seeing each other now”, Charles said in a small voice, still not meeting Erik’s eyes. His heart clenched at the idea of never seeing his friend again, but they had already gone too far. He couldn’t live like that any longer. Erik deserved better. 

 

-

 

“W-What?”, Erik asked, not understanding anything at all. Everything was so good up until the allergy attack, Charles had even said.. “But you said this was your best trip… I thought we were having fun? What did I do wrong?”, he asked, a terrible feeling on his guts. 

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong!”, - “Then what is it?”, he asked a little desperately “We just… Can’t, Erik. We can’t. Trust me, it isn’t you, it’s-” - “No, don’t give me that crap”, Erik shook his head.

“We had a good time. I saw for myself that I want to date you, I’m… Fascinated about you, Charles. I like you!” - “I’m sorry, Erik. I am”, he said with a final tone. It made Erik tear up to see they were already done even before starting. He had wanted to be Charles’ first kiss, first boyfriend, first everything and they didn’t even get the chance to be  _ close.  _

“Charles”, he said with a shaky voice, tilting his head to the side, ready to ask for another chance, say next date would be better, they would have more fun and no allergies attack, but then they heard a car approaching and they both froze.

“You need to leave”, Charles said and Erik felt his heart shattering at the words. “Charles, please-” - “Go, Erik!”, he said, looking a little scared. “They already saw me”, he protested, not wanting to leave like this. “I’ll… Say you were looking for information, I just… Need you to go”, he said.

Erik felt his entire expression hardening, the hurt being hid away by his anger of being humiliated. “I see”, he said and turned around, getting on his bike and leaving that place behind. 

 

-

 

Tears were prickling hotly against his eyes and he swallowed several times to calm himself down, but his lips were still shaking, when he tried to pull up a smile for his parents. He wanted to vomit, wanted to cry out of anger and frustration, wanted to break down. Erik was gone. Charles finally had the guts to send him away and it felt like he was being shattered. 

“Honey, who was that?”, Sharon approached them and Charles just shook his head and walked inside the house, not trusting his own voice anymore. He practically rushed into his own room and pushed the door close, before throwing himself on the bed. A pained cry escaped his lungs and then he was crying, weeping into his pillow that still faintly smelled like Erik. 

God, why did he feel so miserable? He had known Erik for a few weeks only, he barely knew him and yet- And yet Erik had shown him in this short time, that there was so much more to the world. Places to be explored, skills to be achieved, memories to be made. Charles couldn’t deny, that he was wasting away in this mansion, not being able to actually  _ live  _ the short life he had been given. 

There was a knock on his door and then it was pushed open before he could protest. “Honey, are you alright?”, his mother asked worried, but Charles was frustrated and sad, so he couldn’t stand her in that moment.

“Go away!” - “Charles-” “I said  _ go away _ !”, he screamed, making his lungs burn. But of course, acting out this way wasn’t helpful to make his mum actually leave. Instead, she stepped closer and Charles flinched when she touched him gently on his back. “Honey-”

“I hate my life! Okay? I hate it! You made sure to keep me away from everything in order to not make me more sick, but truth is,  _ I’m already dead _ ! I have nothing to do here and now he's gone! I sent him away and he’s gone”, Charles yelled, while tears were running down his cheeks. He knew, he didn’t make any sense, his thoughts running wild inside his head, but he needed to blow of steam and couldn’t cope with the situation.

Sharon looked shocked at his sudden outburst, but then she nodded and after another pat on his shoulder, she just left the room. 

 

-

 

The long ride home helped him unwind and gave him time to clear his head. Charles just kept pushing him away and Erik didn’t know what to do! He wanted to keep reaching out, keep trying, but one could only be rejected enough times before giving up. Charles insisted this wouldn’t work, that Erik should stay away so… Pushing only made him clingy and turned him into that guy that couldn’t take a hint. 

Getting home, he didn’t have much time to get ready for work at the strip club which meant he didn’t get many opportunities to be weak and cave in. Charles didn’t want him so he had to move on. This was life, that’s how it worked! He just had to find someone new even if it seemed like Charles was one in a million. 

That night, Erik danced harder, drank more and flirted in a even heavier way but didn’t take anyone home. The next morning, he would only wake up with his massive hangover and broken heart. He wasn’t a crier and this was his way of dealing with things; it had made him quite surprised when his eyes had filled with tears in front of Charles but that  _ wasn’t  _ happening again.

It was only on monday, when he was getting ready to go to the diner that he noticed Charles still had his tupperware. He used it to take food to work whenever he could afford to have the food. The tickets for the circus had been expensive and the tupperware had been a gift from his mother which meant he couldn’t and didn’t want to replace it.

Maybe it was just him finding a reason to reach out to Charles but he wanted his container back and that was that. But he couldn’t do that just yet. Texting two days later would only make Erik more aware of what he had lost, more hurt and humiliated. God… Charles was all he wanted and so much more. Erik had lost him for what? Being poor? Taking him on a bad date? Of course he didn’t fit Charles’ standarts. He was just… Erik.

And maybe crying this once wouldn’t mean he was someone else. He was just poor, loser Erik. 

 

-

 

Two days later and Charles was still sulking in bed, barely moving or doing anything. His parents had already tried taking him to the doctor, convinced that he must be feeling bad again. But Charles had not moved, kept telling them that they didn't need to worry. 

“Charles? Can we talk?”, he heard his father from the door of his room and shifted his body to face him instead of the wall. He was lying underneath the covers, hair greasy and clothes unwashed. “Hmm?”

Brian stepped closer and sat on the edge of the bed, one hand landing on Charles’ calve over the covers. There was a troubled look on his face and Charles could tell, that he would probably try and convince him to see the doctor again. 

“That boy two days ago. Was he the one from the library?”, Brian asked and Charles frowned in confusion, not having expected that question. He nodded slowly, wary of trusting his voice these days. 

“And he’s your friend? Boyfriend?” That question was even more confusing than the other one. Why did his father assume that he was gay? How did he know? Was it that obvious? “We’re … nothing anymore”, Charles chose to answer. 

“Did you break up? Is that why you're upset?” - “We weren't together.” - “But you wanted to?” - “He did.”

Charles sat up then, feeling vulnerable while not being in an embryo position, but he just needed to talk. 

“I haven't told him. And I don’t … I don’t wanna make friends so they can see me dying. I.. don't want to”, he said what had been on his chest since forever. Brian was silent for a few moments, looking thoughtful. 

“Your mum and I, we love you so much, Charles. And it's hurting us beyond repair to see you .. suffering. I shouldn’t tell you this, because no child deserves to hear that, but you are smart and you have probably figured it out on your own. But believe me, we would never want to erase those memories that we have with you to avoid any pain. Having you was the best thing that happened to us. Don't you think it's only fair to give others the chance of creating memories with you too? Of course it’ll hurt them to… let go, but they will always love you, as family, friends or whatever.” 

Charles swallowed thickly and he was on the verge of tears again, but he only sniffled and nodded. They smiled at each other for a moment, before hugging tightly. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, monkey. Now go, get ready. I’ll drive you to the bookstore”, Brian answered and Charles knew, that he wanted him to meet Erik again. 

 

-

 

By the time Erik actually got to leave home, he was already put back together. He would text Charles for his tupperware and if the other man could mail it to him it would be even better. Seeing him would only increase the chances of him begging and he truly didn’t want to reach that low.

Without gas, he had to walk to the diner, a plastic bag in his hand where he had placed his butter sandwich for break time. His thoughts were still crazy over Charles and he wondered how long was enough to get over a relationship he didn’t even have in the first place.

It was getting ridiculous to the point he was even seeing Charles walking down the street towards him. He huffed, wondering where his imagination would take him next. Would they hug each other like long lost lovers? Kiss? Ha. What a fucking joke.

Except the mirage wasn’t disappearing and he was forced to consider the possibility of this actually being his Charles out there on the street. He was, after all, still close to home and the library the other man liked to visit was right there.

He considered walking past Charles, pretend he didn’t see him or didn’t care but before he could even make that decision, the shorter man was stopping right in front of him and he breathed out “Erik”, like a long, tired sigh, one a person would let out when coming home after a tiring day. 

“Charles”, he said with a small nod. And then it got awkward because none of them said anything and Erik really wished he had walked past him to avoid the weirdness. Gosh, Charles looked handsome on that light blue sweater even if he seemed tired. Fuck, seeing him wasn’t on the plans. 

“Hmm.. I gotta get to work”, he said, forgetting everything about his tupperware. He made a move to walk but then Charles stopped him again and looked up shyly “I was actually hoping we could talk?”, he asked and the words tugged at Erik’s heart.

“I can’t be late. If you wanna talk you gotta walk”, he said, curiosity getting the best of him. He still couldn’t bring himself to be all nice and gentle tones… No, that was reserved for the people who didn’t break his heart and made him feel unworthy. 

 

-

 

Lifting his chin, Charles answered “okay. You lead the way.” Erik didn’t lose any time and started walking, his long feet taking fast steps, as if he wanted to get rid of Charles by walking quicker. That might as well be true, because Charles felt his lungs burning after the first fifty metres. But he couldn’t throw Erik away once again. 

“You .. once said that we could be anything ..  can we.. be friends?”, Charles started tentatively and heard Erik huffing. Ok, no good sign of a nice start then. 

“I think we're long past the point of being friends. At least on my side, I couldn't… anymore”, Erik answered coldly and took a sharp turn right. Charles stumbled after him, his thighs starting to burn as well since he wasn’t used to such workout. Only he wished that Erik would stop for just a second!

“I know uh… Erik, please..just”, he tried catching up, devastation spreading in his body. He had fucked it up, hadn’t he? “I’m sorry, Erik! I’m really sorry… for… for sending you… away… I”, he started to feel a sharp pain in his chest, his vision blurring out on the edge. 

He knew the symptoms too well, but he needed to explain himself, he couldn’t just lose Erik like that!

“I wanna try… I wanna try again.. please …”, he breathed, his breath rattling and then he couldn’t walk anymore. A sharp pain cut through his chest and he whimpered loudly, his hand flashing up to grab his chest, while he forcefully tried to pump air into his lungs. 

 

-

 

The sharp whimper made him stop dead on his tracks and he turned around to see Charles almost bent over, hand on his chest as he tried breathing. Jesus fuck, was he allergic to other things? This seemed worse than the circus incident and Erik immediately felt bad for making Charles practically run during an attack.

Coming closer, he tentatively put a hand on the other man’s back and he looked up with those huge blue eyes “E-Er..”, he tried speaking again but Erik shook his head “c’mon, Charles… The diner is right there”, he said pointing and tried making him stand up higher “just a few more steps, hm? You can do this”, be said, wrapping an arm around the other man’s waist to support him.

But now Charles was the one shaking his head, breathing hard and loud. “You don’t want me to carry you, do you? A few more and you’ll sit down”, he said and started walking, pulling Charles along, who slowly started moving, feeling like jelly on Erik’s arms. The bell over the door jingled when they pushed it open, Erik’s boss was right behind the counter and widened her eyes, coming closer. 

“What’s going on?”, she asked worried “My friend is not feeling well. Could someone bring him water? And something for him to eat, too. It’s on me”, he said, knowing it would be taken from his salary, and they finally reached a table where Charles sat down and put his face between his hands struggling to breathe.

Erik sat across from him, on the red leather chair and watched, waiting for him to calm down. All the while, he kept thinking of the words Charles had stuttered. He was sorry. He wanted to try again. No, maybe he was just babbling because he had started out saying he wanted to be friends… And they couldn’t be friends. Erik would always want more. 

When Charles finally calmed down, Erik spoke up “You don’t have to apologise for dumping me, Charles, it’s not like I’m going to force you into something you don’t want. But I appreciate you coming, I just… Being your friend? I’m not ready for that. It would be too hard”, he said honestly and there was a pause between them, when the waitress came over and put the glass of water along with a light sandwich in front of Charles. 

 

-

 

Eating was the last thing Charles wanted to do. The pain in his chest had dulled, but he still could feel it and knew, he needed the oxygen generator. Sharon would be upset with Brian for taking Charles out like that, if she ever were to find out. 

But the pain wasn’t the only reason Charles didn’t want to eat. The fear of losing Erik forever was so very close, like Erik would slip right through his fingers. He couldn’t lose him like that, couldn't let him walk away. 

“Erik, please … there are things you don't understand”, Charles tried and reached out to put his hand over Erik’s, a desperate move to not let him slip away. Erik only eyed their connection with a frown, which made Charles’ heart clench. 

“What don't I understand? I think I understand perfectly; you’ve made yourself pretty clear”, Erik answered, his voice being back to cold as he guarded himself. But Charles couldn’t let those walls stand between them. 

“No.. I.. You really don't know things, but I don't wanna talk about it here. Just .. believe me. I thought- I still kinda think that it's better if you’d just forget me, but… I am selfish and I can’t let you go. You're… you're the only friend I’ve ever had”, he admitted and blushed again, staring at the water in front of him. He would pay for the food, even if he couldn’t eat a single bit of it. There was no reason for Erik to buy him things, no matter how things would work out. 

 

-

 

Charles’ hand on his felt warm and Erik looked down again at them. He couldn’t. It would be too hard! Every time he saw Charles he would want to kiss him, touch him, hold his hand like this… what could possibly be the reason they couldn’t be more? What was Charles hiding?

“You can have any friend you want to”, Erik said still coldly, but on the inside he felt like a lost child, not knowing at all what to do with himself. “But I don’t want any other friends, Erik. I didn’t bump into you on the street by chance, I came here to see you”, he said, grip tightening a little. 

Erik looked around the diner to clear his thoughts, scared of crumbling down. But he already was, wasn’t he? Spiraling down to his free fall, knowing the crash would be devastating but not finding a way to say ‘no’ to that man that had snatched his heart on a rooftop.

“We can be friends”, Erik said and saw Charles’ whole face light up, only to change into guarded when he heard the next words “Under one condition”, Erik explained “You’ll tell me why we can’t be more. If the reason is good enough then we’ll see, but if it’s not…”, he trailed off. 

 

-

 

Charles swallowed thickly and blinked down to eye the glass of water again. Small droplets were running down the glass, indicating that it was fresh and cold. He took it in his hand in short process and drank half of the water. It ran down his throat smoothly, soothing some of the pain and the dryness, that was still there from his attack. 

When he put the glass down again, he had made his decision. He couldn’t lose Erik, not like that and it would be for the best anyways, that Erik knew. Erik deserved to know and he deserved to decide whether Charles was worth sticking with or if he’d rather end things now than to get hurt later. Charles couldn’t help but think, that Erik would never choose him anyways. 

“I’m… I..”, he didn't know how to tell the bad news. He had never told anybody who didn't know before.  _ I’m gonna die. I have cancer.  _

His throat was dry all over again and he swallowed, while being pierced by Erik’s blue eyes. The woman came back and looked at Erik with an arched brow. She was probably his boss and didn’t like him talking through his shift. 

Charles didn’t feel any comfortable telling Erik about his condition in a diner with not more than five minutes to spare. Erik would probably have questions and Charles didn’t want to be responsible for Erik losing his job as well. 

“How about I wait for you to finish the shift and you come home with me and I tell you there?”, Charles suggested and Erik frowned. Clearly it looked like Charles was avoiding the truth again, but he wasn’t doing that, was he?

“I work for three hours now”, Erik answered, the coldness in his voice back again. “That’s okay. I can wait for you. Really, Erik. I’m not feeling comfortable telling you here and your boss looks at you like she is about to fire you”, Charles insisted quickly. 

 

-

 

Erik looked at his boss, confirming what Charles had told him and nodded slowly. He couldn’t afford losing this job and if Charles truly waited all those hours for him, then it would feel like he truly meant what he was saying. 

“Eat your sandwich”, Erik said a little grumpily before getting up and starting his shift. He had to change into the red and yellow clothes, plus a white apron wrapped around his waist and then serve the tables right on Charles’ line of vision. Great!

The first two hours were quite normal, Erik walking around with the dishes and serving the clients with ease since this was a job he was already used to, trying to avoid Charles’ gaze. But then, a family walked in with a child and Erik practically beamed.

That family was always there at the diner and he loved that kid. “Hey, buddy!”, he said coming closer and lifting his hand to high five him. “Eriiiiik!”, the kid squeaked while hitting his hand and then laughed.

“Is it the usual today? A big portion of fries with cheese and a milkshake with extra chocolate syrup and colorful sprinkles?”, he asked picking Sam up and maneuvering him so he would sit on his shoulders.

“Yees!”, he said and his parents chuckled fondly, walking towards their table. “We wanted to try a new restaurant today, but he insisted on coming here to see you”, the mother said and Erik smiled “Is that true?”, he asked looking up at Sam.

“You make the  _ best  _ milkshake!”, the little kid confirmed. Erik wasn’t the cook, but he would always bring the syrup and sprinkles to the table, so Sam could help putting it on. “Okay then! So let me go and get it for you, hm?”, he said, putting the little boy down on his booth. 

Then, because it was part of his job, he walked towards Charles’ table and asked him “Can I get you anything?”, noticing the sandwich and water were gone, but not knowing if he had actually eaten it or if someone just cleaned it away. 

 

-

 

Charles had watched Erik interacting with the child with a bitter smile. Erik was good with kids, probably wanted some of his own. Yet another future Charles couldn’t give him. 

But still, he had stayed and was still waiting for Erik. It was up to him now, if he still wanted to be with Charles after what he was going to tell him. He would get the chance of choosing, that he had deserved from the very beginning. 

“Um, no. I .. I’m fine. You're good with kids”, Charles noted and flushed. He didn’t want to say it, but it had slipped out of his mouth. 

Erik look just as uncomfortable, but managed a smile. “Yeah, too bad I’m gay, huh?” - “You could always adopt”, Charles countered and Erik raised an eyebrow. 

“Talking about a family now, are we?”, Erik teased with a small smirk, but Charles couldn’t even force himself to smile. “No. Sorry.”

The smile on Erik disappeared again and he left. Charles took the rest of the time to text his father about picking them up at the diner later and explaining to him, what he wanted to do. Brian was okay with it and so Charles waited for the time to pass.

When Erik finally stepped in front of him again, he was wearing his normal clothes and a natural face. “My father is picking us up. Our driver will bring you back home later”, Charles said and got up, before he stopped and bit down on his bottom lip, “that is, if you still want to come?”.


	6. Chapter Six

Erik knew he shouldn’t go. His whole body and mind were shouting at him to say no and just move on, but his heart… His heart needed a reason to why they couldn’t be.

“Yeah”, he said with a nod and Charles smiled softly at him, getting up from the booth and going outside. His father was the same man Erik had seen those weeks ago and he greeted Charles while eyeing Erik curiously.

Stepping closer, Erik stretched an arm to him “Erik Lehnsherr. Is nice to meet you, Mr. Xavier”, he said nicely while they shook hands and the father smiled. “You can call me Brian”, he said warmly and then cocked his head towards the car “Shall we go?”.

Brian started the long drive towards Westchester and he was the one to fill all the quiet. He spoke about the lands they were seeing, told them historic curiosities and made small talk with Erik, asking him about his job, family and studies. 

Charles had sat on the backseat next to him, but the distance between their bodies was a lot smaller than the metaphorical one, Erik barely daring to look at him. He just wanted to understand! Wanted one small reason.. Why did they have to come all the way here for this?

When they finally arrived, the cool air on the dark night was better than the stuffed car and Erik breathed out a little easier. “Why don’t we go to my room?”, Charles asked and guided the way Erik already knew well.

When he closed the door behind them, Erik looked around, not feeling comfortable as he once had. “Your father is nice. You said I wouldn’t like him”, he commented, while taking in a few things that were not there before; pills on the nightstand and a oxygen tank close to the bed. What the hell?

 

-

 

“My father is easier than my mum”, Charles shrugged, but he knew that Brian had his lines as well. It was only after Charles had constantly cried those past two days, that he had even considered driving him to the city. 

“Charles, what the fuck is this?”, Erik asked and walked closer to his oxygen supply and medication. Right. No time for smalltalk and straight to business then. 

Charles swallowed thickly around a sudden lump in his throat and he also stepped closer. He let his one hand run down down the metal stick of the oxygen generator, as if being purposefully gentle. 

“That’s the oxygen I need sometime, when I have.. attacks like the one in the circus or diner. My.. my lungs are not working properly”, Charles explained and Erik turned towards him with a puzzled look, as if he didn’t understand. Which he probably really did not. 

“What? Ok so you have asthma?”, Erik asked and Charles shook his head. 

He sighed, wanting to say something else, distract from the inevitable a bit longer. But he knew, Erik deserved to know now. 

“The reason… the reason why I don't..  I don’t want you to ..  want us to be more, I… I don’t have friends or.. relationships, because..”, he stuttered, but couldn't find the right words to tell Erik he was going to die. 

“Charles, just tell me”, Erik pressed and Charles looked down. 

“You don’t have a future with me. I.. I’m gonna die, because I have lung cancer. That's why.. that's why I don't want you to get attached, because I wanna spare you from the pain of .. when I’m gone.” 

 

-

 

Erik stared at Charles, with his eyes wide. There was no words left in him and he just…  _ stared.  _ No.  _ No.  _ What the fuck?

Charles was eighteen! He wasn’t dying, he was going to go to college sometime soon, have tons of friends, - because who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? - would be successful, would travel the world, have a family, grow  _ old  _ and bald and wrinkly… He didn’t have a death sentence at eighteen! 

Except he did. He did and this wasn’t getting through Erik’s head, it made no sense! He knew near to nothing about lung cancer or cancer in general, had never dealt with death in his life… How was he supposed to cope? To react? Charles was bright and young… He was cheerful, chatty, funny, he shone like a freakin beacon! He wasn’t dying! 

Oh God, Erik made him go up rows and rows of stairs, made fun of him being tired! He took Charles to a circus arena where he would definitely breath bad air, had made him practically chase after Erik to the diner… Those three attacks he had had… He couldn’t  _ breathe.  _ He couldn’t breathe because he had cancer! Charles had… He was going to… 

“Erik, please say something”, the other man cut through his line of thoughts, looking up with those beautiful eyes. He seemed vulnerable and now, something that Erik wanted so badly to protect and never let go. 

What should he say? “I…”, he started weakly “I don’t understand, I mean… You’re  _ eighteen.  _ How did this happen? How long do you…? What? Charles, I… Don’t know what to say”, he stuttered, feeling numb all over. 

 

-

 

“Please just.. sit down, will you? You look like you're gonna black out”, Charles said weakly and guided Erik towards his bed by his shoulder. Erik fell on the mattress with a thud and paled even more, his hands lying uselessly on his thighs. Charles wanted so desperately to help him and he knew, the only way to do so was to answer all the questions. 

He sat down next to Erik and put a hand on his thigh, trying for a gentle touch. “It’s okay, I know it’s hard to cope. I’ve.. well, I’ve been practically born with lung cancer. It comes and goes, there is not much I can do. That's why I’m not sure how long I have, but the doctors say around two or three years. Give or take.”

Erik still didn't say anything and Charles could only guess what was going on inside his head right now. He needed to think and that was probably okay. Charles should just give him time- or, he tried to think how to forget Charles the quickest. 

“Three years? That's all you… you’ve got?”, Erik croaked and trembled. Charles did the only thing that came to his mind: he moved closer and wrapped his arms around Erik, hugging him tightly. He rested his brows on Erik’s shoulder and breathed in the still foreign scent. 

“I know, it's hard to understand… That’s why I didn't want you having to deal with it at all.” 

 

-

 

“That’s not your choice to make”, Erik said still retaining some of his capacity to think. Charles had been pushing him away because he didn’t want Erik to deal with all of this and it was very selfless of him, it truly was but… What if Erik wanted to?

He wasn’t sure he did though and he let himself feel that embrace for as long as possible, just breathing in and out, letting those warm arms calm him down from his almost panic attack and avoiding to think about this in front of Charles.

“I know”, the other man nodded “But I still wanted to save everyone from it”. His tone was sad but conformed and Erik couldn’t take that conformity at the moment, he couldn’t just accept how fucking unfair the world was.

“I need… I need to think, Charles. I need to breathe”, he said and Charles pulled away, nodding “That’s understandable. Would you like to go to the kitchen and have some tea? Perhaps play a game of chess or something”, he offered but Erik shook his head.

“No, I… I want to go home”, he said, sensing he was this close to freaking out and wanted to do that alone “I need to be alone can you ask your driver to take me? I’m sorry, I can’t be here right now”, he said getting up and starting to pace. He felt he was going to pass out, maybe even throw up at any point now but he couldn’t yet. He didn’t want to hear Charles’ comforting words, hear him saying it was okay and he had made his peace with it… It would only make him sadder and angrier. 

 

-

 

Charles felt his heart clenching painfully in his chest. Even if he had known that Erik would just run away from him, there had been a little part in him, that had just… hoped. He had been hopeful that Erik would understand, that he would choose to stay with-

No, there was no use in dwelling in his lost hopes right now. Charles stood up from the bed as well and nodded firmly. “Of course”, he said in a small voice and left the room to call for his driver. 

No five minutes later, he guided Erik to the door and nodded once again, a silent goodbye. “I’ll just..”, Erik trailed off and made a hand gesture towards the car. 

Charles cleared his throat and watched Erik sitting in the black vehicle, while the driver drove down the path. 

“Hey, he's already leaving?”, Brian suddenly asked behind him and Charles just shrugged, brushing off his father’s hands on his shoulders and walking to his room. 

 

-

 

As he had predicted, Erik freaked out. The moment he got home he felt the pure despair and sadness taking over him, his knees shaking and almost giving out before he had the chance to sit down on his old couch.

He buried his head on his hands and felt the hot tears stinging on his eyes. It shouldn’t feel this way, not when he had just met Charles… But the effect the other man had caused on him was so instant. He had catched Erik’s eyes ever since the first moment and it shattered him to think that beautiful man didn’t have his whole life in front of him.

Soon, those blue eyes would be lifeless and that red mouth wouldn’t move. Charles’ voice would fade away from his memory… His smell, the sound of his laugh and the warmth of his skin… It would all be forgotten someday and Erik would be left with what?

He should let the other man go. Should let this be their goodbye and not think of him again because if he got involved further he didn’t know if he could make it through. Only the thought made his stomach flip and even if he hadn’t eaten anything in hours, he ran into the bathroom and threw up his guts. 

Charles would die. He would be buried under seven feet of dirt or be burned away, ashes scattered somewhere. He had no future and so their relationship. Was it worth it to put himself through all the pain for a few moments? He didn’t know the answer and that scared him. 

 

-

 

“Charles? How did it go?”, he heard his father again, but he couldn’t speak. No, all he wanted to do was cry again about how unfair the world was. He had never cried about that, had never complained about his life, because he had practically been born with it. But now, having handed something better than what he had known and it being taken away from him, it felt like the whole world was unfair. 

“He left. Said he needed to think, but I honestly doubt he’ll be back”, Charles shrugged, as if it was no big deal, “who would come back after all?”

Brian walked closer and sat on bed with Charles, putting on hand between Charles’ shoulderblades. “If he is truly your friend, or- .. he’ll come back. Give him time to process. You had all your life for that.” 

It was hard to believe for Charles, especially since he didn’t hear anything from Erik in the next two days. Charles was back to reading and spending his days inside, hidden away from everyone and everything. But he found himself looking at his phone more and more, expecting Erik to text him and say, that they couldn’t see each other again. 

But after two days he just couldn’t keep himself together anymore. He needed to hear it at least, needed to words to believe they were true, to actually process that he had lost Erik. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Should I lose your number?**

 

-

 

Erik had been at work when the message came and after he read it, he still couldn’t answer Charles. But he had taken long enough, had left the other man hanging up to dry for two days already and he could only imagine this was hurting Charles as well. 

He did need a little more time though, so he mounted his bike and rode around town for hours, not caring he was burning his gas. How fragile life was! Erik could crash his bike right now and then he was gone… He could die on his sleep and not even notice it, could get shot on a robbery, could go into a alcoholic coma… The possibilities were endless.

No one was safe. Would he really lose the opportunity of having someone,  _ Charles _ , because the future was scary? No. No he would not! He would be there, he would be a friend or whatever Charles needed him to be because he liked the other man and the memories would be worth it.

Erik took a sharp turn with his bike, going on the direction of Westchester. He had to see Charles. Didn’t matter his wristwatch said it was 2 fucking am. He was going to see him and tell him… Tell him he was worth it. 

It was raining when he reached the mansion, his clothes soaked through and the wind biting harshly against his skin. He knocked on Charles’ window non-stop, praying the other man would hear him through the rain and open it. 

 

-

 

Charles was woken up by unfamiliar sounds coming from his window. At first, he thought that it was some branches or the wind from the storm, but the knocking sounds kept coming. Charles woke up a bit more and blinked several times, until he finally realised that the sounds were actual knocking sounds. 

He turned around in his bed then and lifted himself on his knees, so that he could peek out of the window. An almost scream escaped his mouth, when he saw a figure standing close to the window, its silhouette only enlightened by some lightnings.  But when the lightning was over, he actually saw Erik’s face and was even more surprised. 

Quickly, he opened the window and asked “Erik? what the hell are you doing here?”, while waving him inside. God, he was going to get a cold or worse things like that!

“I don’t wanna ruin your carpet”, Erik murmured, but Charles insisted on letting him inside. He held a hand out to help with the climb and then Erik was inside, shivering like a leaf in autumn. 

“Jesus, you’re gonna get sick”, Charles said and quickly grabbed his blanket to wrap it around Erik’s cold, wet body, not caring about getting it wet as well. He didn’t take the time to think of the meaning of Erik being here, since he still hadn’t answered his text, but he couldn’t help the small hope in his chest blooming again. 

 

-

 

Erik shivered, clinging tightly to the blanket around his body, the cold water dripping on the carpet. “I-I n-needed to s-see you”, he stuttered trying to catch the other man’s eyes.

“At two am in the rain”, Charles stated with a gentle tone on his voice, his palms running up and down Erik’s arms. He could see the oxygen tank from where he was standing and it scared him, but it also made him even more sure of his choice. He wanted Charles for as long as he could get.

“I k-know it’s l-late but I had t-to”, - “Shhhh… You’re shivering, Erik. Let’s get you warmed up first, alright? Just stay here and I’ll bring you hot cocoa”, he offered. Erik shook his head, meaning to protest but the sharp look from Charles shut him up. 

Erik paced around the room while waiting and a few minutes later, the other man came back with two full mugs. It smelled delicious and when he held it, it warmed up his cold fingers. His joints hurt from the cold, and he took a sip, the delicious chocolate with cinammon did wonders to his scratchy throat and God, he didn’t have something so delicious in a while. 

“Why don’t you sit?”, Charles asked, doing that on his bed “I don’t want to get the mattress wet” - “Oh crap, I should give you something to wear”, he said jumping up and going towards his wardrobe, but Erik grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

He could speak again without his teeth clattering and didn’t want to wait anymore. Putting the mug down on the nightstand, he stared at the shorter man and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I disappeared, I… Needed time to process this. And it doesn’t change anything to me, Charles. I still want to be with you, I still want to be around”, he said and even if he saw the happiness on Charles’ eyes, the other man still protested “Erik, I’m dying”.

“You are… And it breaks me”, he said, voice catching “But we have time! You’re not there yet… And I… I want you. Do you want  _ me? _ ”, Erik asked. 

 

-

 

His traitor of a heart was beating fast inside of Charles’ chest and he bit down on his bottom lip out of a nervous habit. He couldn’t think straight anymore, only one thought running wild inside of his mind:  _ Erik wanted him.  _ He didn’t leave and he wanted to stay in his life. 

“I.. yes, I want you too”, he choked out and flushed bright red. Charles didn’t quite know what it meant for them, if Erik wanted him as a friend or if he meant in his life, or.. as a boyfriend. 

He couldn’t stop the hope now, but he honestly didn’t think Erik would change his mind again, so he could actually allow himself to be happy for a while. Erik was the best thing that happened to him and now he got to be with him for a little longer. It made Charles giddy and he couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face, while he kept looking at Erik. 

 

-

 

Erik’s smile was almost immediate. He let go of Charles’ wrist and framed his face with his hands, saying “you look beautiful when you smile like that”, meaning the words wholeheartedly. He loved Charles’ carefree smile and he wanted to cause it as often as he could.

“Oh”, Charles breathed out, blushing even harder if that was possible. “What?”, Erik asked slightly amused and the other man shook his head before answering “I wasn’t sure what you meant…”, he trailed off and it was hard to keep his composure, but Erik did. 

“I meant I want you in my life. It doesn’t matter how, but I’d prefer to date you, if you’re up to it. Take you to dates and kiss you silly, you know… That kinda stuff” - “Erik-” - “Think about it before saying no, hm? We can take it slow and see where it takes us… I don’t want to force you into anything, I’m just telling you what I would like”. 

It was important to Erik that Charles would understand he had a choice there since it seemed he had been trying to convince the other man to go out with him since day one. He just wanted Charles to  _ see _ they could be so good together but not force him into it by being pushy. 

 

-

 

“How about we start with going back to sleep for now?”, Charles suggested with a chuckle, not being able to hold back his happiness. He cupped Erik’s cheek in his palm, moving his fingers alongside the sharp jawline. His feelings threatened to overcome him, though, so he was relieved when Erik nodded and stepped away. 

Charles remembered that Erik was still in his wet clothes and so he walked to his wardrobe and picked out a black t-shirt. Erik was taller than him, though, and had a slim waist, so it would be hard to find pants for him.

“It’s okay, I need to go anyways”, Erik shrugged and Charles whirled around to glare at him. “Erik, it's two in the morning and storming outside. I’m not gonna let you drive home on your bike. You sleep here”, he insisted in a tone that his mother usually used - one, that didn’t allow any other argument. 

Erik sighed, but accepted the shirt when Charles gave it to him. He made short process to strip out of the wet jeans, jacket and shirt, leaving him only in boxers. Charles flushed a bright red and he turned away out of modesty. “Do you need pants?”

“Only if you want me to. I can do without”, he heard Erik say and closed his wardrobe afterwards. It would be too hard to find fitting ones anyways. When he turned around again, Erik had changed and was standing in the middle of the room. Charles put on an acted confident smile and walked towards the bed, climbing on top of it and moving to the one side he had been sleeping on. 

“Are you gonna stand there all night?”, Charles asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

-

 

He stared at Charles for a long moment before walking towards the big bed and pulling the covers up. He was still freaking cold and undressing had made him start shivering again, his skin all clammy from the water. 

The bed was warm and comfortable, causing Erik to purr like a cat and stretch to feel more comfortable. He looked at Charles, who still had a dopey smile on his face and to tease him, came a little closer, pressing his ice cubes of toes on the warm shin. 

“Holy crap, Erik! You’re freezing!”, Charles jumped, startled. Erik laughed and just wrapped himself up tighter on the blankets, wishing his body would stop shivering soon. “If o-only I had someone t-to warm me u-up”, he stuttered. 

He saw Charles rolling his eyes even on the dark and chuckled again. It was cute to see the other man being so flustered so Erik couldn’t stop himself from teasing him all the time.

“Goodnight C-Charles”, he said and his friend answered “Night, Erik”. There was a moment of silence between them, Erik watching Charles because of the illumination the lightening provided. 

Then, the other man opened his eyes and practically whispered “You’re still shivering”. Erik nodded and tried a small smile but the cold was seeping on his limbs, it almost hurt. 

To his surprise, he heard and felt the rustling of the sheets and then Charles’ warm foot was tangling between his shins, going up and down to cause friction and try to help. “Does this… Make it better?”, he asked tentatively and Erik felt shivers run down his spine. “It really d-does. My hands are c-cold too”, he said on a low tone, afraid to break the precious moment. 

 

-

 

Charles immediately reached out and wrapped his fingers around Erik’s, feeling the cold absorbed by his body. The shivers still didn't stop, though. 

“My chest i-is c-cold too. And m-my thighs”, Erik continued and made Charles chuckle now. Of course, Erik must have felt cold all over, but it was cute how he named several body parts in particular. 

“You’re gonna end up with a cold tomorrow”, Charles said and tried to stop his heart from beating ever so loud. It was clear what he needed to do in order to keep Erik warm and, to be honest, the thought made him giddy. He had never cuddled with someone apart from his parents and movies had always made it look like the nicest things. 

Without further hesitation, Charles scooted closer the rest of the way and snuggled up to Erik, wrapping his hand around Erik’s hips and pressing his face into Erik’s chest.

For a small moment Erik stiffened, as if he hadn’t thought Charles would follow through with his plan, but then he relaxed completely and the tremors melted down to occasional shivers. 

“Goodnight, Erik”, Charles whispered again and tried controlling his betraying body. He loved being close to Erik and was sure, that Erik felt the same - so why not show him anyways? It was only fair; no more hiding.

Charles let his heartrate be then, didn’t try to fight off his ragged breath or warm cheeks and chest from the flush. He was gently rubbing Erik’s calves, because this was what he wanted, even if they were warmer already. This was them and right in that moment, nothing else mattered. 

 

-

 

In the middle of the night, Erik must have been warm enough to move again because he had woken up not only snuggled by Charles, but also cuddling him with his arms around the shorter man’s body.

It was such a good feeling and he smiled softly against the soft, fluffy hair, rubbing his nose on Charles’ scalp and tightening his grip around him. Their legs were still intertwined and his friend’s arm was thrown around him, making Erik feel both safe and closer to Charles. Making him wish to have this more than just once.

It had taken him a long time to fall asleep in the night and he had revelled on the feeling of being there, had loved Charles’ foot moving against his calves and his soft breathing making their chest touch together occasionally. And even after that, he still hadn’t gotten enough, still didn’t want to move.

The sun was out when he woke up and Erik was happy about that. He and Charles forgot to put his clothes up to dry and wearing wet clothes on the cold was not something he was eager to try. He also knew that being found on Charles’ bed wearing only his boxers was a no go.

“Charles?”, he called softly, letting his fingertips run up and down the other man’s spine, his foot doing the same to Charles’ calves as it was done to him the night before. 

 

-

 

Charles was woken up by Erik’s voice, but it took him a moment to realise, that the voice was not coming from the dream he had. He blinked his eyes open slowly while his sense of touch came back to him and he felt Erik’s fingertips on his back. It made him shiver pleasantly, not like Erik had been shivering last night. 

“mnnng”, he mumbled and clang closer to Erik, not wanting to let go of his warmth and comfort yet. He heard Erik chuckling, but the simple caress didn’t stop, so Charles just hummed. 

“Charles, what if somebody sees us?”, Erik asked, sounding a little concerned. Of course, being spotted by his parents was a possibility, but they usually never came to wake him up, since they were convinced he needed whatever long sleep he took. 

Charles buried his nose deeper in Erik’s warm, morning scent and asked instead of answering Erik, “how are you feeling? Better?”

“Well, definitely. My clothes won’t be dry, though.” - “I can give them to Bertha. She’ll dry them.” - “Okay, thank you.” 

Charles looked up for the first time that morning, meeting Erik’s own tired eyes. They stared for a long moment at each other, while Charles’ thoughts were running wild. He kept thinking  _ please kiss me  _ and  _ we can’t _ . It was hard to separate his feelings, he found, so his heart started beating traitorously faster again. 

 

-

 

Up this close, Erik could see all the freckles on Charles’ face, the different hues of blue on his eyes and all the blonde-ish eyelashes. He could see how Charles’ gaze was flickering down to his lips every other second and for a moment there he let himself be.

He came as close as he could without actually touching him, Erik’s eyes were almost closed now and he was breathing faster, lips hovering there so close to Charles’.

Erik was scared of ruining this. He was scared he would kiss Charles and the other man would pull away or that he would take it but deep inside he had always imagined his first kiss would be romantic and on a perfect place, with the perfect man.

But that moment right there felt so very perfect for Erik, they were close to each other and Charles hadn’t pulled away yet, in fact, he was gripping tight to Erik’s biceps, pressed up against him. “Charles, I-” - “Shhh…”, his whisper was cut off by the shushing of his friend and Erik couldn’t take it anymore. 

“I’m gonna-” - “Shh” - “Kiss-” - “Shhhh” - “Yo-”, his last word wasn’t interrupted by another shushing but by their lips meeting halfway, a soft hum escaping Erik’s throat. 

 

-

 

The kiss was gentle and very careful from Charles’ side. He barely moved his own lips, so taken back by the sensation of being kissed for the first time. It felt so very soft and warm, their lips sticking together as if glued. He couldn’t help but stare at Erik for a little while, admiring those long lashes and the fine wrinkles on his eyes that showed he laughed a lot, before his eyes fluttered shut. 

Their kiss was tentative, as if Erik was trying to hold back and Charles didn’t know what to do. They only slowly got the hang of it, separating their lips for only a millimetre before diving back in from another angle. 

Charles’ heart was going crazy and his head was spinning, like he was going to pass out any second. But that wouldn't be the case - he also felt warm and fuzzy, protected by the Erik’s hands on his hips. He couldn’t believe, he had nearly lost that. 

It could have been minutes or hours that had passed, before they pulled away a bit more, opening their eyes in order to look at each other. Charles’ throat was dry and his lips felt swollen, that he immediately moved his hand up to brush his fingertips over them. He smiled dreamily at Erik, when he removed his hand again and curved it around Erik’s neck, pulling him closer. 

“I should probably talk to Bertha”, he mumbled in a hoarse voice and Erik said “hmmh, you should”, before diving back in and pressing their lips together once more. 

This time they kissed not as careful anymore, assured by their first one. Erik nibbled on Charles’ bottom lip a little and Charles tried his best to copy his movements, while blushing coyly. 

 

-

 

Charles was neither a natural or all clumsy during his first kiss. He was shy and careful, his movements tentative, slow and so very perfect. He felt amazing against Erik, his mouth soft and inviting.

They were only moving their lips, not daring letting their tongues meet yet, - and Erik wasn’t planning to, at least not with morning breath and while he could so easily get lost and press for more.

Charles let out the softest of the sounds when they separated for a second before meeting again and it was like fuel for Erik, hearing such angelic sound and being there with him, so he pulled away, knowing they had all the time in the world to do this and explore each other later.

Their eyes locked and Erik moved his hand from Charles’ hip to his hair so he could push the brown locks back and observe him better. His gaze flickered from one eye to the other and he knew there was a smile on his face that matched Charles’ own. 

“Go talk to Bertha… Or we’ll stay here forever”, he said hoarsely and heard Charles giggling “I’m not against that”, he answered back and came closer to press a lingering kiss to the corner of Erik’s mouth. “What if I do want to stay here forever?”, he asked then and Erik remembered.

He remembered they didn’t have the whole time in the world, they only had the present and he wasn’t denying any of their wishes. “Then we’ll stay”, he said trying not to let the despairing pain take care of him. No. He wasn’t thinking of this on such happy moment.

Charles smiled against his skin, nuzzling Erik’s cheek and then asked “How was it?”, shyly, still not pulling away to face him. “It was really good… I’m having a hard time not doing it again… But I think we could both do with more practice. Lots and lots of practicing until our lips get numb”. 

The other man giggled the cutest sound and then looked at Erik, eyes sparkling “You were not so bad yourself”, he said softly and then they decided it was best to get up and not let it escalate so quickly.

 

-

 

Charles took two deep breaths to calm himself down a little more, but he knew his was was still showing a lot of evidence from their kissing. He felt his cheeks burning, his lips were all tingly and plush and he could only guess about his hair. If his parents were to find him, they would certainly be suspicious. 

Still, he grabbed Erik’s clothes and told him to way, before going to find Bertha, who was usually in the garden at that time. Indeed, it didn’t take him long to find the housekeeper and he approached her with a little smile. “Hey, could you dry these for me? I need it to be done quickly”, he asked her and she raised an eyebrow. 

“Those are not your clothes?”, Bertha answered, but grabbed the clothes because it was her job. Charles blushed a deeper shade of red, as he followed her inside, but it was obvious enough already, that Bertha didn’t need his bashful reaction to figure things out. 

“He’s a nice boy, if it’s the one that brought you flowers. Men who bring flowers are always trustworthy. Should I … add maybe condoms or any other precaution to the shopping list?”, Bertha asked and Charles eyes literally widened to their maximum. He stuttered “no.. no, I .. uh, I take care.. of that.. sort of thing.. thanks.”

Then he walked away as quickly as possible, while Bertha yelled after him, that the clothes would be ready in half an hour. Only when the door to his room was safely closed behind him again, he dared to relax a little more and looked at Erik. “Half an hour.” 

 

-

 

Erik smiled seeing how red Charles’ face looked and he could only guess that giving his clothes to Bertha had embarrassed the other one a lot. “That means I can kiss for another half an hour?”, he teased, watching the red turn into a darker shade. 

“Can I use your bathroom?”, Erik asked, changing the subject so it wouldn’t make Charles uncomfortable “oh, of course! Go ahead, how rude of me”, he answered, slipping back to his familiar territory.

Erik grinned at him and went on to his morning routine, - or whatever time it was when he woke up - and used his finger to brush his teeth with Charles’ mint paste. 

Coming out of the room, he saw that the other man had changed into khaki pants and lilac sweater, looking completely edible, his ass perfectly round like that. 

“You look very good on that”, he commented, to which Charles turned around with a blush. He had been standing in front of his nightstand, holding a glass of water in front of all the pills. Right. Not avoidable.

With an encouraging smile, Erik stepped closer and put his hands on Charles’ shoulder before pressing a kiss to the back of his neck and saying “Tell me what they are for”, eager to learn more and be as helpful as he could. 

 

-

 

“Hmm, this one”, he picked up a small, blue pill, “is for nausea. And this one for the therapy. It's a light therapy, since-”, he broke off then. 

Erik wouldn’t like to hear that, but he had asked and Charles wanted to tell him everything. He cleared his throat and continued. “Well, since there is basically no chance of healing and I’ve chosen to keep my dignity with my hair and less vomiting. It only prevents the cancer to spread, but doesn't necessarily fights against it”, he explained the use of the bigger pill. 

“Wait, so there  _ is  _ a chance of you healing?”, Erik asked, his hands clenching around Charles’ shoulders. He nodded, and took those two pills and then swallowed a transparent liquid that was for his blood circulation to regulate, since the medication was still heavy and would tire him all day long. The liquid, despite how bitter it tasted, was Charles’ favorite, because it would give him energy to go through some hours without feeling sleepy. 

 

-

 

Erik carefully put aside the information that there was a chance no matter how small. The way Charles affirmed he would die before made him believe the other man didn’t have the smallest chance but this was something Erik would definitely hold on to.

“Does that mean I’m not getting to see you bald?”, he asked to break a little bit of the seriousness of the conversation, but Charles immediately spun around and said as if the most important thing in the world “I like my hair”, which made Erik laugh. 

“I do too, it’s a beautiful hair”, he answered, carding his fingers through it tenderly “But you’d still look gorgeous bald”, he made sure to say. “Don’t you think I’d look like an egg?”, Charles asked, which made Erik laugh more. “Maybe.. But a friendly egg”, he answered still massaging Charles’ scalp.

“Hmmm… No”, he shook his head, but was still smiling. “I would get bald with you, then we could both look like friendly eggs”, he said honestly. Charles’ eyes widened a little and he asked “You would?”, as if he didn’t believe. “Of course… But we’re both keeping our hairs, right?” - “Yeah” - “Then I think you should kiss me”, he murmured.

“What does that have to do with our hairs?” - “Nothing”, Erik shrugged and closed the distance between them for a kiss. 

 

-

 

Charles smiled into the kiss, but was still not used to the close lip contact with Erik. It made him feel electrified, as if all his hairs were standing from his body and he could fly. Carefully, Charles put his hands around  Erik’s neck to draw him closer and felt Erik’s hands on his hips in return. Charles’ thumbs brushed over the edges of Erik’s jaw and felt the slight stubble. 

Then he pulled away, but kept close to Erik and smiled widely. “This is.. you.. never mind”, Charles blushed and thought it was too soon to tell Erik something like that.

“What?” - “No, nothing.” - “Charles.” - “You are the best thing that happened to me, okay? But just.. in general you, i don't uh.. want to rush saying something like that. But yeah, you just.. you showed me that there is more to the world, even in the short time we know each other”, he murmured and blushed again. 

Erik grinned and answered with a kiss, flushing their bodies together. Charles was encouraged by the reaction and kissed him more energetic, playing with the hairs on Erik’s nape. Tentatively he reached out with his tongue and brushed over Erik’s lips. 

 

-

 

“Hmmh”, Erik moaned softly at the wet feeling of Charles’ tongue running across his bottom lip. He wrapped both his arms around the other man’s waist bringing him even more closer and holding him tight. The caress on his jaw was gentle and it made him enjoy the kiss even more, to feel so cherished. 

He opened his mouth now that he had a fresh breath but waited for Charles to do his careful exploration before starting to lead the way and guide him. It was tentative, the warm tongue moving slow and sinfully inside his mouth and Erik couldn’t help but wrap his lips around it and suck gently, winning a surprised moan from the other man. 

It was like Charles had been shocked, the way he immediately broke the kiss. He was blushing scarlet red and said “Sorry about that”, as if the delicious noise he had made was something wrong. “Did you like it?”, Erik asked simply which resulted on Charles biting his bottom lip and nodding coyly. 

With a smile, Erik closed the distance again and kissed Charles. This time, it was a deep kiss, letting his tongue lick over that gorgeous mouth, taste each corner with the sole reason of sweeping Charles off his feet with the best kiss Erik could give. 

 

-

 

Charles felt dizzy when he was kissed like that by Erik. He felt like drowning in Erik, his scent, his lips, his touch, everything he could think of was Erik. 

He hadn’t imagined that kissing could be that … sensual. Always had he thought, that he would like being kissed, but just for the purpose of going  _ further _ . But just kissing Erik like that, it completed him. 

Charles still struggled to find out what he was supposed to do with tongue, lips and hands at the same time and felt like moving too fast in Erik’s mouth. But Erik’s firm guidance helped a lot and soon they figured out how to move together. 

They pulled away with a sudden knock on his door and whirled around to see who it was. Bertha entered the room with a tablet of croissants, eggs, orange juice, fruits and even coffee. She smiled knowingly at them and placed the tablet on Charles’ nightstand. 

“I couldn’t leave you starving all morning, could I?”, she said, looking at Charles, but the double of spoons, forks and glasses told him, that she had made breakfast for them two. 

“Thank you, Bertha. Um.. if you could maybe not mention… my parents”, he said and she nodded, giving them both a warm smile. 

Then she walked out of the room again and Charles let out a shaky breath. He turned towards Erik again. “Well, meet my housekeeper, Bertha. She’s nice, the motherly kind, you know? Not like my mother.”

 

-

 

“She seems really nice. Tell her it was nice to meet her”, Erik smiled and eyed the food hungrily. Last time he had eaten was before his shift at work the day before and he was starving.

“Let’s eat”, Charles chuckled and sat on the big bed, cross legged. Erik sat across from him and they both started eating together. Erik took the black coffee, knowing he wouldn’t survive his crazy schedule without it while the other man took the orange juice.

They ate chatting about books and music, laughing and enjoying themselves. Erik loved spending time with Charles because he was smart, funny and kind, which meant time flew by. Soon, they had already finished eating and Bertha had come and gone with Erik’s clothes.

“So yeah”, Erik completed “My childhood was nice up until my dad left! We had this thing we would play videogames together, I loved it so much! After I’m done with college I’m definitely saving up for another console, playing guitar hero was my favorite part of the day”, he said with a smile.

“That sounds amazing, Erik. Would you believe I never played?” - “What? No way-”, Erik was starting to say, but then there was another knock on the door and Bertha put her head inside the room “Your parents are talking about waking you up to see if you’re doing okay”, she said and after a nod from Charles, left.

Erik looked at him sadly and got up to get dressed. “I think that’s my cue… When can we see each other again?”.

 

-

 

“How about next weekend? I mean, if you don't have any plans”, Charles said, but Erik just shook his head and pecked him on the lips. “For you? I’ll take my time.”

Charles smiled like the sun itself and kissed Erik again, tasting the caffeine on the thin lips. 

When Erik climbed out of the window, Charles was already missing him. He wanted to reach out and hold him forever, but he knew, it wasn’t the best situation if his parents were to catch them now. Not only his mother would overreact if Charles would simply introduce Erik as his boyfriend over dinner, she would probably have a heart attack if she knew, they spent the night together. It wasn’t about his sexuality really, it was just that she would imagine what they would do as boyfriends and that most of those things could cause an attack. 

“See you on Saturday”, Erik called from outside and Charles waved him goodbye, as he climbed on his bike and drove away. It was right afterwards, that his parents came inside the room and eyed the tablet and the messy bed. 

Charles shrugged and lied “I was quite hungry”, to which Brian only raised an eyebrow, but Sharon didn’t have any reason for suspicion. They were about to go out of the room again, when Charles stopped them. “Wait! Can I uh.. have a console to play guitar hero? I read it online and it sounds fun”, he asked. 

“Is it like that weird Just Dance game? Then no, Charles, you cannot exhaust yourself like that”, Sharon said, but Charles quickly shook his head. He explained to her, that he would only play instruments and that would hardly be exhausting for him. Sharon promised to look into it, but Brian was already on board and Charles knew he would get the game in no time.


	7. Chapter Seven

Erik didn’t last without texting Charles for long. In fact, as soon as he was home, he picked his phone.

 

**[You]**

 

**Hey, handsome. Already miss you ;)**

 

Then, he proceeded to do something he should have done before; research about lung cancer. He found the most common symptoms are coughing (including coughing up blood), weight loss, shortness of breath, and chest pains. He knew Charles already had the last two ones and the others scared him a lot.

The worst part, was when he read “ _ Most cases are not curable”.  _ He felt himself get desperate once again, the thought of Charles not walking the earth was despairing.

Erik felt the tears stinging on his eyes, but it was still something that wasn’t processing for him. It didn’t make any sense that Charles would die and he believed with all his heart that Charles would be healed. His phone beeped and he immediately left the wikipedia tab.

 

**[Charles X]**

 

**Me too! Can’t wait for saturday :)**

 

Saturday couldn’t come soon enough and Erik dedicated the whole rest of his week to research about the disease and things they could and could not do. 

 

-

 

When Saturday rolled around, Charles already felt more energetic than the whole week. He wanted to do things with Erik, cook or go out and drive on his motorcycle, but he also wanted to kiss Erik again. 

He had been feeling quite okay these past weeks, save from the circus incident. Of course, he was used to the endless roller coaster ride, knowing that after an up curve, the inevitable down would come. But it wasn't there yet and it felt like Erik’s presence had given him some kind of boost. He almost felt healthy, wanting to run around and scream as loud as he could. Still, he knew that both those actions would cause immense pain and therefore he didn’t do it. 

 

**[Erik(The sexy waiter)]**

 

**I’m here. Can I come in? :)**

 

Charles quickly jumped up from his bed and rushed towards the door, while texting his okay to Erik. His parents were long gone, so there was nothing to worry about. 

He opened the door for Erik and beamed at him, the energy still not leaving his body like it usually did. “Hello!”, he grinned and stepped closer. 

“Hey Charles”, Erik answered softly and they moved in for a short hug, before letting go as much as to press their lips together. Charles immediately shivered at the contact and smiled dreamily into the kiss. 

“Come in”, he said after they let go of each other and opened the door a bit wider for Erik. “What are we gonna do today?” 

 

-

 

Erik had two options of what they could do. One, was going to the town’s water tank where they could go up there and see the whole town. It was a nice place to be, private and fun. He had spray paint they could use to draw or write anything there and it wouldn’t be suspicious since the whole thing was already covered in names anyway. There was two problems about that; one, it was kinda forbidden to go there  _ and _ spray paint it and two, the climb up could be tiring for Charles.

The other option was a chill date on the movies with popcorn and peanut covered in chocolate. They could hold hands and make out in the dark. It was both amazing options he would love to make but he would give Charles the choice so he wouldn’t assume the other man wouldn’t handle the adventurous option.

“Well, I… Thought we could go to the town’s water tank or to the movies. What would you rather do? Do you have any suggestions?”, he asked following the other man inside the huge mansion and smiling when he saw Bertha standing there. He was holding two helmets, - he had ended up trading his dvd player for one helmet with his friend so Charles could always ride with him - but still managed to wave hello at her “Hey, Bertha! How are you doing?”, he asked.

“I’m okay mister..?” - “You can call me Erik”, he said and then turned at Charles, waiting for an answer. 

“Let’s go to my room, we can decide there”, he said and Erik nodded. As soon as the door was closed and he had put the helmet down, he had an armful of Charles, their bodies pressed close as they hugged for longer than on the door. 

 

-

 

It was the best feeling on earth to have Erik back in his arms. His smell started to become familiar, but Charles had always liked it anyways. It was a mix of cologne or deo, he couldn’t tell, musk and the faint smell of oil or something like that. 

When he pulled away after a while, he looked up at Erik and said “I’d love to try out the tank. It sounds fun.” 

Nodding, Erik lifted his hand and brushed a strand out of Charles’ face behind his air. It flopped right back into place, because his hair wasn’t long enough to be held by his ear. Charles smirked. 

“Alright, but it's a lot of stairs. I’m just warning”, Erik agreed and Charles shrugged. He had made it on top of a building, so he would master the tank as well. Just in case, he took his medication with him and some money. 

“Oh! I forgot to tell you”, Charles grinned and walked towards the TV in his room. He picked out the game and grinned as he held it towards Erik. “Guitar Hero!”

“No way! You bought it? I think I wanna stay here”, Erik laughed and Charles fell right with him. “Well, we can stay for half an hour?”.

 

-

 

Erik’s eyes sparkled and he stepped closer to hold the game “Yeah, I think I wanna stay for half an hour”, he answered while inspecting the cover. It looked a little more modern now, but somehow still the same and he was flooded with memories of a mini him singing in the living room as if he was on stage while his father played the guitar. 

Charles grinned at him and went to turn on the console and put the game in it. The famous intro made Erik shiver and he was sure, he was looking like a child on christmas at the moment. They were sitting side by side on Charles’ bed, cross legged and eyes glued on the television, but the other man put a hand on his thigh and squeezed it softly.

When Erik looked at him, Charles was beaming and he couldn’t help but come closer and kiss his cheek, whispering “Thank you”, afterwards and nuzzling the skin a little before pulling away.

They each had a control and Erik picked out ‘welcome to the jungle’ to start the game so they could both do it together. 

 

-

 

They played for a little while, but half an hour wasn’t enough for Charles to get the hang of it. He could play the piano, but playing those plastic instruments was definitely something different. Obviously, Erik won all the rounds, but that didn’t matter, because Charles could see him all happy and young, almost carefree. Most of the time, Erik looked all grown up when he went from one job to another, but having him here, playing his favorite childhood game with him, it made Erik look like a child again. 

“Okay, I give up for now! I’ll train more for the next time”, Charles promised with a chuckle, as he lost for the fifth time in a row. Erik laughed and agreed, before they both got up from the bed and put on their clothes again to go out. 

“Have you ever been to the tank?”, Erik asked as they made their way towards the motorcycle. Charles was already wearing the helmet and a leather jacket, in case they would fall. 

“No, never. I don’t … go out very often”, he answered and Erik gave him an odd look, but nodded, not commenting on it. Good okay, Charles had confessed about his sickness, but Erik was right to believe, that wouldn’t handicap him too much and he would still get to go outside more than once a month. But that conversation was one, they would have another time. 

Erik mounted the bike and Charles did the same a bit more clumsily, but then he held onto Erik’s waist once again, his groin perfectly fitted to Erik’s ass. “Alright?”, Erik yelled back. 

“Let’s ride!”, Charles shouted and the motor roared. 

 

-

 

It felt amazing to once again ride with Charles on the back. The way to the water tank was a long one but Erik didn’t care when he had the other man holding tight to him like that.

When they finally arrived, he parked his bike a little far from it just so they wouldn’t be too obvious if someone passed by the tank and waited for Charles to come down so he could do the same.

He framed Charles’ face with his hands and they smiled at each other, Erik kissed the tip of the other man’s nose and said “Ready?”, to which he nodded. They held hands until they reached the stairs and then Erik looked up, biting his bottom lip.

He forgot how high the tank was and thought maybe he had made a huge mistake. He remembered how tired Charles had been to go up the roof and now that he had a reason for that he was still pushing for more. Fuck, this had been a  _ bad _ idea.

“The view from up there must be breathtaking”, Charles murmured looking up and Erik turned his gaze at him. “Was this a bad idea? I know you can do it if you want but I don’t want it to seem you’re being forced to or something”, he said with a shrug. 

“Don’t be silly, Erik. I chose to come”, he answered and went to the stairs, starting to climb it. “You’re giving me the best view of your ass”, Erik joked, even though it was true and followed the other man up. 

 

-

 

The first half was okay to climb, but he started to feel tired rather quickly. His lungs burned and he felt some aching pain in them, but he tried to put on a good face for Erik. He didn’t want Erik to worry about him, even if those stairs were higher than the rooftop. 

“Charles? Are you alright?”, he heard from behind him, as the rustling sound in his breath increased. He tasted copper in his mouth, but gritted his teeth and looked ahead of him. It wasn’t long anymore, they couldn’t go back down now! “Charles?”, he heard Erik’s worried tone again and felt a warm hand on his back. 

“I’m fi-”, he tried saying, but it ended up in coughing and automatically used his arm to cover his mouth. There was a second hand on his back now, but the stairs were too small for Erik to go ahead of him. When the coughing stopped, Charles pulled his arm away and saw blood on his sleeve. He felt dizzy all of the sudden and the pain threatened to overcome him, but there was also a will inside of him, that he continued climbing slowly. 

When they made it upstairs, Charles broke down, not being able to conceal his exhaustion and pain anymore, even if he really didn’t want Erik to worry. “Charles!”, he heard Erik and then he was next to him, his hands on his upper arm and concern written all over his face. 

 

-

 

Erik was fucking traumatized now. There was blood on his sleeve that Charles had coughed out and it scared the hell out of him. Fucking stupid idea! God, he was so freaking stupid, what was he thinking of?

“Oh God, what can I do? Shit, I’m so sorry Charles”, he said running his palms up and down the other man’s arms. Charles was gulping for breath and it looked painful, which made Erik’s heart literally hurt. 

“Shhh… I’m so sorry darling, I’m so sorry”, he said desperately and hugged Charles to his chest, trying as best as he could to find out what to do, to soothe him. “Tell me what to do, I wanna help”, he pushed out while the other one struggled.

It took a long time for Charles to calm down and Erik started kissing his whole face, cradling his head and apologising over and over again. He would never put Charles at risk like this again. Never. 

 

-

 

Charles lifted his hand to move it gently through Erik’s hair and smiled weakly at him. The pain was still there, but he could breathe again now.  Erik kept apologising, but it wasn’t even his fault! Charles had wanted this, he had seen how high the tank was and still wanted to climb it - if anybody’s than it should be Charles’ fault. But, truth was, he would do it all over again, after he managed to sit himself up and take in the view from above. 

“Stop.. apolo-gising”, he breathed and scooted closer to the edge of the tank to see downwards. Everyone on the street looked like those figures in miniature worlds, even the cars were so very small. 

“Jesus, don’t go too close to the edge”, Erik said and pulled him back a little. Charles hadn’t even been afraid of falling. You kind of lose your fear of death, if you have been living eighteen years with a guillotine above your head. “God, I’m never gonna do that again with you, I’m so sorry”, Erik repeated behind him and Charles turned around. 

“What? why?” - “Why? Because you nearly died, that’s why!” Erik looked frightened to the core and only then Charles realised, how bad he must have looked like for Erik. He wasn’t used to seeing him like that and even Charles’ parents still paled at those attacks. 

“Erik, no. This is wonderful. Up here, this is the best place I’ve ever been. I wanted to come and besides, I took medicine with me for that case”, Charles argued and fished the medication out of the bag that Erik had been carrying. It would taste bitter, but he would trade that taste with the one of copper in his mouth any day. 

 

-

 

Erik looked at the medicine with weary eyes, wishing he hadn’t caused Charles to need it. “You say everywhere is the best place you’ve ever been”, he commented, trying to distract himself from ruining their time out. “You take me to nice places”, Charles shrugged before swallowing the pill. 

Erik looked around them at the view and tried calming his racing heartbeat. It had been more than scary to see Charles like that and he knew, he had to get ready to see it happening again. “I mean it, Erik”, the other man said softly and put a warm hand on the small of his back. 

He nodded slowly and turned to smile gently at Charles. “Okay”, Erik said, choosing to believe in him and not sulk for now, not wanting to make things bad. Erik took the moment to fish out of his backpack the spray paints he had brought; a blue and a green one. “Here, you get the blue”, he said, associating the color to Charles’ eyes. 

“Erik, w-what?”, he asked looking at it and Erik grinned like a shark “We’re leaving our marks”, he said and shook his one spray before pointing it at the tank. It was already painted everywhere so he just aimed over something that looked old and started making a drawing. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes glinting with challenge, he asked “You’re not scared are you? You’re not wasting the whole trip over here to just watch me?”. 

 

-

 

“Erik! That’s illegal”, Charles argued, still not sure of how to reacted to seeing Erik spray painting the tank. He had thought that they had come up here in order to take in the view and talk a little. But spray painting a construction of the commune? 

“Well, do you think coming up here was any kind of legal?”, Erik laughed and continued his drawing, but Charles saw him tensing up a little. He didn’t want to ruin their day by not participating and well, the tank was already full of graffiti anyways. One more wouldn’t make a difference. 

“Okay”, he said and grabbed the blue spray paint to leave his mark on the tank next to Erik’s. He stared at the wall in front of him for a moment to think what he should write and then started to paint his initials.  C.F.X.

Erik looked over and made a considering sound. “Hmmh, Charles Freaking-cute Xavier?”

“No”, Charles laughed and said, “Francis. What is your- oh.”

He had looked at Erik’s painting and saw him writing  C+E and drawing a heart around it. A deep blush showed on his cheeks and he looked at Erik who smiled with all his teeth. 

 

-

 

Charles’ blush was tantalizing and Erik couldn’t resist dropping the spray paint with a loud clink and coming closer, their bodies getting flushed together. Even though he had approached too strongly, the kiss he pressed to those cherry lips was soft and tender.

Charles hummed gently before letting his free hand come up to tangle with Erik’s short hair. They kissed just with their lips sliding against each other and pulling away for mere seconds before coming back together.

When they broke apart Erik had a dopey smile on his face that matched Charles’. “How come a future architect isn’t against graffiti?”, he asked cheekily and Erik laughed, recognising so easily one of the many reasons he had liked Charles so much from the start.

“Well.. What we did wasn’t exactly graffiti… Besides, it’s a rite of passage to spray paint the water tank, everyone has to do it at some point”, he answered which made Charles chuckle “I see!”, he said and then wrapped both arms around Erik’s waist, pressing his cheek to Erik’s chest and watching the whole town from up there. 

“I brought cocoa”, Erik said after a long moment and they pulled away. The space up there was small but Erik put a cloth on the floor with the thermo, - they would share the cap as a cup - on top of it and some snacks he had bought. It was enough space for them to sit, legs swinging from up there. 

 

-

 

When they finished the last sip of the cocoa, it started to get a bit more windy up there and Charles shivered. Erik looked at him with a considerate look and Charles knew immediately what he was thinking. 

“No, you don’t need to give me your jacket”, he protested early, but Erik was already stripping down and grinned. “Why not? I wanna do you some good.” - “no, Erik.” - “Why?” - “No..” 

Erik put the jacket around him and the warmth coated his freezing body immediately. He smiled thankfully at Erik, even if he had protested only a few moments ago. 

“I wish I could see the sunset from here”, he murmured with a sigh, as he looked down the city again. Erik wasn’t likely to get him up here again and his parents wouldn’t allow it anyways. Still, it must have been a great view to catch. 

“Do you have other wishes?”, Erik asked and when Charles frowned at him he added, “well, you know, a bucket list.” 

Oh, things he wanted to do before he died. He had never thought about that, because he had never known how much of the world he was missing. But with Erik showing him only a little bit, he actually considered making one. Maybe Erik could help him fulfil it. 

“No, I don’t”, he answered and when Erik went to say that he should make one, he said at the same time, “but I wanna make one.” 

“Yeah! You should”, Erik smiled and Charles nodded, already thinking about some ideas. He would write all them down at home, though. 

They decided to climb down again afterwards and when they were on the street, they walked towards Erik’s bike with their hands clasped together tightly. 

“Thank you for bringing me here, Erik. The view was phenomenal and so was the cocoa”, Charles smiled and ran his hands over Erik’s chest. 

 

-

 

The feeling of Charles’ hand on his chest was delicious and he smiled wildly at the other man. “I’m glad you liked it Charles. How about you plan our next date, huh? Decide something you’d like to do”. 

Charles beamed and said “Okay, I will let you know” - “Are you free tomorrow? We can hang on my apartment if you want and next weekend you plan”, he said “I would love to! I can meet you there?” - “Great”.

The ride back to the mansion was much the same and soon, they were standing in front of the doors, kissing slow and deep. Erik’s hands caressed lightly the other man’s back and their tongues were tangled sweetly.

“Hmm.. Don’t wanna say goodbye”, Erik murmured against soft lips, Charles’ arms wrapped around his neck keeping their faces close. “We’ll see each other tomorrow”, he grinned but place another lingering peck to Erik’s lips, also not wanting to let him go.

“Tomorrow then?” - “Tomorrow”. 

 

-

 

As soon as Charles stepped inside the house, he saw his mother rushing towards him, followed by his dad who looked not as worried as her, but still concerned. His heart dropped to the ground. What were they doing here so early? That wasn’t supposed to happen!

“Charles! Oh honey, where have you  _ been _ ?! We’ve been  worried sick!”, Sharon exclaimed and hugged him tightly. Charles didn’t know what to answer and felt dizzy all over again. Fuck. 

“Bertha told us you went out, but I couldn’t believe you just left! You never leave”, his mother continued and Charles was lucky that Bertha hadn’t said anything about Erik. 

“Have you been out with that Erik boy?”, Brian said no minute later and Charles’ heart stopped altogether. Why would his father do this to him? Brian knew how overprotective Sharon was. 

“Who is Erik?” - “No one.” - “Charles!” - “Mum, please”, he begged but only earned an angry stare from her. It was the wrong reaction apparently, because now she really got upset. 

“Fine then, give me your phone. You're grounded for sneaking off without telling us.” Charles stared at her with wide eyes. His parents had never grounded him before or taken away his stuff. But then again, he had always behaved those past years. 

When he grabbed his phone from the pocket, he felt like throwing up. But then his mother saw his sleeve and her breath hitched. “Did you have an attack? Charles! Be honest, did Erik do that? Who is that man, I will find him and I will-”

“No! Mum stop! Erik is.. I really like him okay? And he likes me. I… don't blame him, mum. He makes me feel more alive than anything in those past years”, he blurted out and both his parents went silent. Sharon blinked at him, his phone still in her hand. 

“So you’re boyfriends then? I will have to meet Erik”, she said then, putting his phone in her pocket. Charles cringed at the prospect of his mother meeting Erik, but knew better than to object. He nodded firmly. 

“I want to meet him tomorrow. At his apartment in the city.” - “You’re grounded, Charles!” - “But… do you really want me to spend the time I have left useless in my room? Please, Mum. Dad?” 

He hated playing the cancer card, but he was desperate. Still, he hated himself for saying that, when he saw the hurt on his parents’ faces. “Alright then. We’ll come with you tomorrow to meet that boy. And your phone stays with me until then.” 

Charles nodded, being dismissed into his room afterwards. It sucked that there was no way of warning Erik about his parents - or rather his mum. He wondered if Brian would tell her, that he had already met Erik or not, but then again it wouldn’t be wise not to, since Erik would clearly recognise him tomorrow. 

He barely found sleep in that night and when his parents decided it was time to meet Erik after lunchtime, they all got ready. Charles had told them on their way, that Erik might not even be at home at that time, and he actually hoped his words were true. He had taken the console with him to have something to do at Erik’s apartment,  _ if  _ his mum decided to approve of him. 

They rang the doorbell to Erik’s apartment half an hour later and Charles’ heart beated rapidly when the buzzer let them in. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Erik had texted Charles the night before to ask him at what time he would come, but had never gotten an answer. Then, he had sent a string of messages where he had been worried sick about the other man. Did he have another attack? Did Erik make him worse or something?

He had barely slept during the night and had tried calling several times but didn’t hear from Charles. He was getting desperate and had even decided to go to the mansion ask about him.

After lunch, there was someone ringing his doorbell and he yelled “Coming!”, from his bathroom where he had been taking a shower. Erik quickly maneuvered into a jeans pant and had a towel on his hand to dry his hair. He opened the door shirtless and barefoot, water dripping on his torso.

When he saw Charles at the door, his heart started beating faster and it suddenly seemed like the world was right again. “Charles!”, he exclaimed, completely missing out the people next to him. He threw himself at the other man and hugged him tight, talking in a single breath “You weren’t answering your phone! I was so worried, are you alright?”.

Charles was tense on his arms which was weird and he only silently said “Erik?”, which made him open his eyes immediately, knowing something was wrong.

It was only then that he saw two people there. One, was Mr. Xavier and the blonde woman, Erik assumed was Charles’ mother since they were quite similar. He pulled away as if he had been shocked and tried looking more presentable. Well, as much as he could being half dressed and with a towel on his hand.

“Mr. Xavi- I mean, Brian, is nice to see you again”, he said as smoothly as possible and then stretched a hand which Charles’ father shook. Then, he stretched it to the mother and said “Are you Mrs. Xavier or Charles’ sister?”, he asked cheekily, but the woman didn’t crack a smile and he gulped visibly. Fuck. It felt like he was against a wall at gun point. 

 

-

 

With each second that passed, Charles felt more uncomfortable. Not only was he mad with his mother that Erik had been worried, because she had taken Charles’ phone, but he could also feel her not being pleased behind him. She had obviously forgotten her manners, because there came no answer from her to Erik’s question. 

“Erik, so sorry we come here unannounced. My.. my parents wanted to meet you”, he broke the silence and looked apologetic at Erik. His eyes wandered downwards, though, over Erik’s naked chest. He forced himself not to lick his lips, but couldn't deny Erik was good looking. 

“Very well, there is no problem with that. Please, come inside”, Erik answered in a tone that showed, that it was a problem. Fuck, he felt completely uncomfortable. 

All three of them stepped inside and pulled off their shoes, while Erik excused himself to put on some clothes. When they stepped into the living room of the small flat, Charles was astonished by all the small details in the room. Pictures, mugs, rugs, pillows in different colors, plants, cables, lights, candles, fruits and other food and loads of records. It looked so very homey. “Sorry, I.. haven't expected any guests”, Erik said while rushing into the living room in a shirt now. He quickly removed a shirt from the couch and gestured them to sit. 

Charles smiled thankfully at him and took a seat, just to see his mum eyeing the window, as if she considered opening it to prevent Charles from choking. He rolled his eyes and pulled her down. “Erik, this is my mum, Sharon, and my dad, Brian who you know. Mum, dad, this is Erik, my .. my boyfriend”, he introduced them officially with his heartbeat picking up its pace at the last words. 

 

-

 

Erik couldn’t help smiling at the introduction. He had been restraining himself from calling the other man his boyfriend because he wasn’t sure if Charles was comfortable with it, but Charles had said it himself and it sounded so freaking perfect that Erik felt giddy. Boyfriends!

He did put himself together though and sat on the chair close to the couch so he wouldn’t be hovering over the in-laws and directed his smile at Sharon “It truly is nice to meet you, Mrs. Xavier”, he said politely, remembering the small tidbits Charles had told him about her. She seemed strict and not very motherly so he knew he had to be on his best behaviour if he didn’t want things to go down the drain with his boyfriend before they had even started. 

“I can’t say the same about you, Mr..?” - “Lehnsherr, but you can call me Erik”, he said proudly even if she had just insulted him inside of his own home. “Mother!”, Charles protested and she shook her head “You must forgive me, Mr. Lehnsherr but I didn’t know you existed until yesterday, so you must understand I am quite surprised”, she continued and he nodded. 

“Yes, I can see how it would be upsetting to you but we were going to tell you at some point”, he said “Were you?”, the mother asked, narrowing her eyes at him as if she could see right through his lie. “Mrs Xavier, I assure you… I only want what’s best for Charles. I like him and I would never cause him any harm”, he said, wanting her to understand they were all on the same side. 

“Is that so? Well, do you know about Charles’ condition?”, she asked briskly and Erik nodded curtly, glancing at his boyfriend to see how uncomfortable he felt. Erik wished he could hold his hand from where he was, but he also kinda wished this wasn’t happening at all and that it was only the two of them, making out on his couch and learning how to cook. “If you know that, how come did you take him out of home where he’s safe? How come did he came back home with blood on his sleeve?”, she asked angrily, but still composed. 

“I didn’t- I only took him out. He said it was okay”, he tried defending himself but Sharon shook her head “You wouldn’t have taken him out at all if you cared!” - “Is he a prince that is locked on his tower?”, Erik asked feeling almost offended that she wanted to keep Charles away from the world, or maybe only away from  _ Erik.  _

“We should calm down”, Brian said then, voice smooth. Calm down? Calm the fuck down? They were invading his  _ home _ ! A place he barely took anyone because it was his fortress, and she was making small case of him, was telling him he was hurting her son! How was Erik supposed to calm? He got up from the chair, fuming but still try to maintain a pose. “Can I get you anything?”, he asked, knowing he probably didn’t  _ have _ anything to get them. 

“Just a glass of water”, Brian said and Erik nodded shortly before going to the kitchen. He needed to breathe, he didn’t want to screw this up. If he did that, then he would lose Charles and that was not acceptable. 

-

 

The moment Erik left to the kitchen, Charles turned around to meet his mother’s stare with the same angry glare. “Mother, I swear, if I’m going to lose him because of you, I’ll take my own life before you even get to apologise”, he hissed and saw his mother paling in two seconds. 

That was probably the most cruel thing he had ever said to her, but Erik had given him so much in those past weeks, he couldn’t just go back to reading for hours, locked up in his room. There was also this tiny spot in him, that could already not live without Erik and so his words weren’t just an empty threat. 

“Charles, don't say such thing”, he heard Brian saying, but didn’t break the eye contact with his mother. Of course, threatening her wouldn’t be any solution, so he tried to explain once again. “Erik has done so much for me. He makes me  _ happy _ . Please just… give him a chance.”

Sharon resisted for another couple of seconds, before she sighed and nodded. “Alright, I can't deny that you have been happier these past weeks.  _ But _ , you will have to tell me or your father about your dates before you go. I don't want you doing something dangerous.” 

Charles nodded and just then Erik came back with a glass of water, looking calmer now. Both his parents stood up and Sharon said “that won't be needed anymore. We’ll come pick Charles up at eight. You stay in the apartment, no excursions. It was nice meeting you, mr Lehnsherr.”

Erik looked confused but said “yeah, thanks”, while watching Charles’ parents leave. As soon as they were out of the house, Charles moved forwards and said “I’m so sorry I couldn't warn you. My mum took my phone yesterday and- god, I’m  _ so sorry _ Erik!”.

 

-

 

Erik let Charles blurt it out, while calmly putting the glass of water down on the center table. Then, he stepped even closer and put both his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. Charles shut up and looked up at him as if frightened. 

“Calm down”, Erik said softly, the fact it was just the both of them already enough to make him feel ten thousand times less angry “Don’t apologise, there wasn’t anything you could do about it, was there?”, he asked and Charles shook his head no. “There you go… Now, I won’t say it was pleasant or even lie that I liked meeting her, but… They left you here. Does that mean they approve?”. 

Charles looked down for a second and then up again “Not approve per say… They just don’t want to make me unhappy. But Erik, are you sure? You didn’t seem very glad about it and I truly am sorry, I don’t want you to be mad”, he tried again and Erik just shook his head. “It was… It felt like I was being put against a wall. I’m not good with parents Charles and at the same time I wanted her to like me, I was angry at her for accusing me of not caring and for wanting to keep you on a leash so.. Yeah, I am a little mad, but not at you, hm? Never at you”, he said squeezing the other man’s shoulders. 

“Thank God”, Charles breathed out and then he pressed his body against Erik’s, hugging him tight “I thought you’d be mad at me” - “How can I be mad at you when you say we’re boyfriends? It made me want to kiss the life out of you”, he said running his hand up and down Charles’ back, trying to calm both of them down completely and push this awful meeting out of his mind. He’d have to deal with the parents again later, but right now he just wanted to enjoy Charles’ presence. 

 

-

 

Charles started smiling against Erik at the mention of them being officially boyfriends now. He looked up at Erik and his smile formed into a smirk. 

“Especially if that boyfriend of yours had brought guitar hero with him”, he said teasingly and watched Erik’s eyes light up with joy. A kiss was placed on Charles’ forehead and when Charles practically purred at the touch, Erik moved downwards with his lips. He kissed the bridge of his nose, then his eyebrows and cheeks, the tip of his nose and each corner of his mouth with a grin. 

Their lips met in a warm, wet kiss, both smiling like fools. Charles’ heart hammered against his chest once again, almost permanently while being with Erik actually. He pulled away happily and Erik leaned in again to brush their noses together in an Eskimo kiss.

“Well then, we should definitely get that console connected to my TV”, Erik said and they kissed once again, before actually starting to work. 

Erik knew exactly how to connect the cables and the console was built up in no time, while Charles watch him from the couch. He wondered when he had given in and allowed Erik into his life, but couldn't recall the exact moment. 

“Erik?”, he asked and heard a soft humming from his boyfriend, “would you ever be mad at me for making you go through all this?” 

“What do you mean?” Erik asked back, still concentrated on the task before him. The muscles on his back shifted, as he stretched for another cable. 

“I mean, if this with us… actually holds on.. when.. I’m gone, would you hate me for making you like me?” 

 

-

 

Erik almost dropped the cable he was holding when he heard the question, but he carefully connected it on the television and then turned around. He was sitting on the floor and rested his arms on top of his knees, hands meeting in the front while he looked at his boyfriend who sat on the couch. 

That topic wasn’t one he wanted to approach and Erik almost felt heartless for the fact he hadn’t been crying over it but he just couldn’t believe it was the truth. Still, he knew in his head it was. 

Charles’ expression wasn’t easy to read and Erik would guess something in between sad and guarded at the same time. He thought about his answer for a moment and then “I… don’t think so, no. It isn’t your fault you’re so irresistible”, he said with a grin. Charles smiled softly and then his expression closed off again “I’m serious, Erik”. 

Erik sighed, wishing this could be avoided, but got up from the floor and sat next to his boyfriend, holding one of his hands and intertwining their fingers “I couldn’t be mad at you, Charles. You told me I’m the best thing that happened to you, and I’m telling you right now you’re the best that happened to me too. I would be mad if I had let this escape, if I had missed this with you. I will… be devastated. Angry at the world, at me for not being able to save you. But not you, how could I when I feel so much for you? I will.. I-I.. God, I won’t survive losing you”, he said and his eyes were filled with the tears that hadn’t come up until this moment. 

Why were they talking about this? Erik wanted to go back to his bubble and pretend this wasn’t real, believe Charles could be cured. Not talk about losing him and how he would feel. It already felt despairing right now, he didn’t know how he would deal if it actually happened. 

-

 

He immediately felt sorry for approaching the subject, seeing Erik’s eyes filling with tears now. Fuck. He hadn’t want to upset him or make him think about the inevitable.

Charles quickly framed Erik’s face with his hands and kissed him in an attempt of calming him down. But when he pulled away, he saw a tear running down Erik’s cheek and felt his heart breaking. 

“I’m so sorry for starting this”, he said, because honestly, what was he thinking? Erik had already been upset after meeting his parents and now Charles couldn’t shut up and upset him even more. “We can play, okay? We.. we play”, he tried desperately to change the topic, as Erik inhaled soundly.

When Erik was about to open his mouth and probably say something in protest, or talk even more about it, Charles just pressed their lips together. It took him a moment of moving his tongue along Erik’s thin lips, but then Erik opened up for him and Charles entered his mouth. He used all his focus on copying all of Erik’s tricks, he had picked up over the time, to make this one of their most passionate kisses. It didn’t take long for Erik to slide his own tongue against Charles’ and his hands to grab his waist. 

Apart from their first kiss, they haven't made out while lying down, but Charles wanted to feel close to Erik now and he sensed that his boyfriend needed it too. He firmly pressed against Erik’s chest to make him move backwards, until he was lying down on the couch and Charles was awkwardly positioned half on top of him and half sliding down his body. Still, he didn’t break the kiss and moved his hand along Erik’s upper body to let him feel Charles everywhere. 

 

-

 

Erik felt… heartbroken. But with every flick of Charles’ tongue he felt like he was getting mended, the pieces glued back together and healed as if he had never felt hurt before. The distraction from his boyfriend was more than efficient and soon he forgot all about why he had been crying and was solely focused on the warm hand touching his chest up and down. 

It made him shiver to be kissed so thoroughly and passionately by the other man, to be pressed down and touched like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. His hands started to respond soon and he circled Charles’ hips with them, one slipping underneath the soft shirt and feeling the warm skin.

They made out for what felt like forever and when they pulled away, Erik pushed Charles’ hair back, looking from one ocean blue eye to the other, trying to memorize the different shades “You are so beautiful, did you know what?”, he asked softly making the man on top of him blush bashfully and shake his head no. “How come? You took my breath ever since I first saw you” - “I guess… I just never heard it like this before”, Charles confessed coyly. 

“You’re gorgeous”, Erik said and then lifted his head up to kiss those cherry lips once more on a quick peck. “Thank you” he whispered without moving back and heard Charles hum, acknowledging he had helped with the small panic attack Erik had been on the verge of having. 

“Do you wanna play, then?”, he asked and then added “Or do you wanna make out a little more”, with a teasing smile and letting the hand under Charles’ shirt move further underneath it, palm sprawled on the small of his back, right at the curve where back met ass. 

 

-

 

Charles shivered, thinking about making out some more with Erik. But with Erik’s hand underneath his shirt now, he was soon going to get a problem, that he didn’t want to approach just yet.

“How about a few rounds of guitar hero and then we'll just see from there?”, he suggested to which Erik agreed and they pulled themselves up again to start playing. 

Erik fetched the guitar for himself quickly, wearing a boyish joyful grin, so Charles was left with the drums. They played several rounds and even if Erik won each one of them, Charles was proud to improve his record. 

An hour later they got tired of playing and put the instruments aside. “You can keep it”, Charles said, pointing at the console with the game. 

Erik frowned in confusion, as if he couldn’t understand why Charles would possibly give him his favorite game as a present. “That is way too expensive!”

“Erik, as much as I hate showing off my wealth, believe me when I say, that giving you a new Ferrari wouldn’t even be too expensive for me”, Charles countered and gave Erik a small kiss on his cheek. 

Erik grumbled something but didn’t protest, so Charles quickly chose that moment to change the topic and suggest going down to the record shop. Erik’s face lighted up at that and no fifteen minutes later, they were walking down the street towards the shop, no matter how Sharon's order not to leave the house. 

When they entered the shop, all heads turned towards them and Charles recognised some of the customers from last time, remembering that they all knew Erik. 

 

-

 

“Erik! You brought lover boy! Does he know about your crush already?”, the owner teased them as soon as they stepped inside the store and Erik rolled his eyes.

Charles immediately stopped and looked at Erik with huge, round eyes “What? Erik, do you have a crush on me?”, he asked and everyone that was a regular there and knew him, went silent to watch the scene. 

“I… Well, yes”, Erik said putting his nose up and resisting the urge to laugh. He saw the glee on Charles’ eyes and he knew the other man was holding the laughter as well. “Please, Charles, I hope we can still be friends”, he said and then the other man broke into a grin. 

“I guess it’s okay that my  _ boyfriend _ has a crush on me”, he shrugged and stepped closer, intertwining his fingers with Erik’s. Erik came closer and pressed a kiss to Charles’ temple.

“Any questions?”, Erik asked to his so-called friends and they all looked surprised, but were smiling too. One of them whistled and said “I never thought I’d see the day”, which caused Erik to flip him. 

Then, they walked further into the shop, but Erik’s friends wanted to talk and didn’t stop speaking. 

 

-

 

Charles lodged Erik to talk to his friends, while he walked through the rows of CD’s to find some new music. He only half listened to what Erik was talking about, not wanting to eavesdrop, but also not being able to block the voices out entirely. 

There were merely just congratulating Erik in their own way anways, so there wasn’t much he could overhear. So Charles concentrated on the CD’s in from of him and chose some of them for Erik to listen. While Erik was occupied, Charles walked towards the cashier and bought the CDs. The cashier looked at him curiously and Charles remembered that he knew Erik as well.

“Um, do you know if he’ll like them?”, he asked, pointing at the CDs in front of them. The man looked down and observed them for a moment, before he hummed and started putting them into a bag. Charles took it as a good sign and paid, before walking back towards Erik. 

“I got you something”, he murmured, putting his hand on Erik’s arm and giving the bag to Erik with the other. Erik almost stared dumbfoundedly on the bag in his hands, while his friends whistled again. “You can unpack in your flat, if you want?”, Charles offered with a small smile. 

 

-

 

“Yeah, let’s go”, Erik answered barely believing Charles had given him yet another gift. He knew, the other one was rich but that he wanted to spend it with  _ Erik _ was quite the pleasant surprise.

“Bye, guys”, he waved at his friends and then left the store hand in hand with Charles. He chuckled softly thinking of what his friends had said and his boyfriend looked at him with a smile “What is it?”, he asked and Erik shook his head.

“My friends said we’re a match made in heaven for your small joke there”, he commented and Charles practically  _ beamed _ at him “Really? Oh I’m so glad!”, he said as if it was the best news he had ever heard. 

“Really”, Erik nodded “But I don’t care what they think”, he shrugged and then let go of Charles’ hand to put an arm around his shoulders “Thank you for the gift”, he said and when Charles smiled up at him, Erik couldn’t help but kiss him. 

It was a quick peck and then they were on their way again. When they reached his flat, Erik immediately opened the pack to see which cd’s his boyfriend had bought him and felt like a child once again. 

He immediately picked the first one up and put it on the player, the song filling up the silence. Erik stepped closer to Charles and stretched his hand “Care to dance with me?”, he asked with a charming smile. 

 

-

 

“I didn’t know you were the dancing type”, Charles chuckled, while being pulled towards Erik. They pressed their chests together and swung in the rhythm to the fast beat song. Charles was used to dancing like that, even if only for a few songs,  because his parents had taught him for the purpose of dancing at events. Of course, his mother would always collect him after two songs, saying that he should rest, even if it had been the slowest beats. 

“Well, there are a lot of things you didn’t know about me”, Erik grinned charmingly and pushed Charles backwards, just to catch him with his hands and pull him back in. Charles widened his eyes and laughed, but didn’t lose the rhythm in his feet. 

They danced for a while, smiling at each other through the beat, until Charles felt his chest tightening a little. He let go of Erik then and said “let’s take a break. Are you hungry? We could cook.”

Erik agreed, so they made their way to the kitchen. It was time for Charles’ nap soon, though. He started yawning a little and feeling his energy quickly falling back into exhaustion. “Hey, how about you nap until the food is ready? It’ll be around an hour?”, Erik suggested and gestured for Charles to go to the bedroom. 

Charles wanted to protest, but was cut off with another yawn and then nodded, slowly walking towards Erik’s room. As soon as he cuddled himself in the bed with sheets that smelled like Erik, he fell asleep. 

 

-

 

Erik had nothing home. Actually, he had ramen but he wasn’t about to serve Charles that, which meant he was actually glad for the nap since he could slip out to a grocery store and spend the money for a whole month of eating on a meal. But truth be told, it made him happy to provide something good for Charles, he would be too embarrassed to serve ramen to his boyfriend. 

So he went to the grocery shop at the corner and bought all the ingredients he needed to make a nice herb crusted salmon. Yes, it was a little expensive but he wanted to show off his cooking skill and he wouldn’t hold off when it came to the people he cared about. He also bought cans of sardine which was the only meat he could afford until his next salary, no matter that he hated them and it often gave him a bad stomach to eat it.

The preparation was quick since he knew his way around a kitchen, but it took a little longer to get ready. He put the mismatching plates and cups on the table and when it was finally ready, they had just about the time for Charles’ parents to get there to eat.

Erik went to his room to see his boyfriend curled in his bed. It looked like he belonged there and Erik remembered how it had felt like to wake up next to him, wishing they could do that more times. Stepping closer, he crouched down and carded his fingers on Charles’ hair before starting to give him several pecks on the lips. 

 

-

 

Being woken up by someone kissing you, Charles had thought it was only reserved for fairy tales only. But yet here he was, being kissed awake by Erik, until he blinked his eyes open and stared right into Erik’s. He mumbled something not understandable, before yawning and sitting himself up a little. 

“What time’s it?”, he mumbled right after another yawn and searched for his phone to check. “Quarter past seven”, Erik answered and held out a hand to help Charles up. 

Charles still felt a bit drowsy, but soon managed to get on his feet and they walked into the kitchen, where Erik had set the table already. It smelled like salmon and different seasons, making Charles hum. 

“I’m pretty sure I left you here with only noodles in the kitchen”, he commented while sitting down with a small smirk. Erik sat down across from him and shrugged. “Well, can’t just give you noodles for dinner, can I?”

It made Charles feel bad that Erik had bought their whole food, remembering their first meeting, when Erik had nothing more but a butter sandwich. “I’m gonna pay half of this and don’t you dare complaining. You already paid enough for me”, he said and took a look at the delicious food. “The food smells amazing, by the way.” 

 

-

 

Erik wanted to protest about the paying, but be planned on distracting his boyfriend with a lot of kissing after dinner and with a little luck, Charles would forget all about that, he wanted to be able to pay for things too, after all.

“I’m glad”, he grinned and gestured for him to sit down, already serving food for Charles. He knew his boyfriend didn’t eat much because of the nausea but he had also seen online that one of the symptoms for him would also be losing weight and that would  _ not _ happen under his watch.

“That’s enough”, Charles said softly and put a gentle hand on Erik’s wrist to stop him. Erik smiled and moved on to his own plate. The smell was indeed incredible and his mouth watered with the desire to eat something that looked so good. He did like eating ramen to be honest, but after a while it just lost it’s appeal and eating something so elaborate was a pleasure he missed more than often. 

As soon as Charles took the first bite, he moaned around the fork and it made shivers run down Erik’s spine to hear such beautiful sound. He reached out and held his boyfriend’s free hand which was how they spent the whole time during dinner. They talked about everything and nothing and then soon found themselves doing the dishes side by side. “Did you think of what you’d like to do next weekend? Or would you like to meet up earlier?”, he asked, not really knowing how his boyfriend’s schedule worked. 

 

-

 

“Oh, hmm, I haven’t thought about anything yet. I was quite upset yesterday, so yeah. But I’ll plan something for Saturday. I’m free any day, Erik, so I’ll just go by you. I just thought you work a lot during the week”, Charles said in one go and turned off the sink when they were ready. He dried his hand and walked towards the living room, followed by Erik who still hadn’t said anything. 

“Well, that’s true, but I do have work on the weekend as well, so it’s much of the same to me. And… I do wanna see you as much as possible”, Erik finally answered, when Charles grabbed his purse to give Erik some money. 

He gave him 50 quid, but Erik refused to take it, his face set on refusal. Charles sighed put it on the table nearby. “Erik, just take it, okay? See it as … me caring that you don’t eat another butter sandwich. I do have the money, but what good does that to me, if I can’t spend it? In the next two years I’ll be dead with the same amount of money that will go to some stranger who claim to be my third cousin’s uncle.” 

He walked closer and wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck, hoping to convince him with several kisses and closeness. 

 

-

 

Erik knew his own strategy plan was used against him but he was powerless to stop when he had Charles kissing him so sweetly and all over. His arms immediately wrapped around the other man’s waist and he hummed happily, bringing him closer.

He let Charles do as he wished, peppering kisses on his lips and cheeks but started moving them backwards until he could sit on the couch and pull his boyfriend down on his lap.

Charles sat on his legs sideways, not straddling Erik like he would have preferred but he found the position was actually quite perfect and hugged him like that, kissing some more, slowly and gently.

His boyfriend kissed as if he wanted to ruin Erik and then mend him back together, his tongue moving sinfully and hands enveloping Erik everywhere, overwhelming with the oh-so-gentle touches and caresses. Erik was falling steadily for that man, his heart already given away.

At some point they stopped kissing and only held each other cheek to cheek. It was a few minutes later that the doorbell rang and Erik sighed sadly, holding Charles tighter for a moment as if not wanting to let him go. “Another kiss”, he murmured nuzzling the skin and Charles whispered “My parents-” - “Just one more”. 

 

-

 

Charles smiled down to Erik and pressed a closed-mouthed kiss to his lips, before climbing out of Erik’s lap and collecting the few things he had left scattered around Erik’s flat. Erik walked to the door in the meantime, opening the door and greeting Charles’ parents as formal as he could. Charles really hoped his parents wouldn’t make it hard on Erik once again. 

He quickly gathered all the things and grabbed his bag, leaving the console be, because he had no time to untangle the cables and Erik would have more fun with it anyways. Then he quickly rushed to the door and smiled at both his parents. “Hi, I’m ready to go”, he said and his mother eyed his hair for a moment, making him blush and try to comb it down. 

It must have tangled when they were making out a few moments ago. Brian had been talking to Erik with a welcoming, warm smile, so Charles hoped that at least they would get along soon. 

“Okay, I’ll see you on Saturday, Erik”, he said and turned to his boyfriend who nodded and leaned in to give him a small peck on the cheek. Charles flushed red again, but held it together in front of his parents, saying goodbye to Erik. They walked to the car and Charles immediately started babbling about his day when Brian asked him. His parents should see how happy Erik made him. 

On Saturday, Charles still had no plan of what they should be doing, since he had no clue what the world offered them. He had googled all week, part to write his bucket list and part to research on date ideas. The internet had provided him with interesting options for the first matter, but only the clichés for the second one. Going out on a candle light dinner or into the movies sounded boring compared to the things he had done with Erik. 

That’s why, when he let Erik into his room on Saturday, he had a bucket list full of things, but no ideas in his head of what to do. In the end, he had booked a restaurant and movies, since it was the only thing, he could come up with. 

“Hey”, he smiled and started babbling, “I haven’t much idea for the date, but I’ve written the bucket list you have requested and-” and then he was cut off by Erik kissing him. 

 

-

 

Erik’s eyes fluttered shut and he hummed into the kiss, his hands framing Charles’ beautiful face. “Hello to you too”, he said warmly, thumbs caressing the smooth cheek. 

“Hi”, Charles said sounding as if he had melted after the kiss. “Now tell me what you have planned for today”, he chuckled gently and his boyfriend smiled, hands touching Erik’s hips ever so lightly. 

“Movies and dinner?”, he said making Erik break into a huge grin “That sounds perfect. Are your parent here?” - “No… They already left but I told them you’d come over”, he answered.

“Okay. Do you wanna go already?”, Erik asked and his boyfriend nodded, already walking outside and then towards the bike and grabbing his helmet “Did you always have an extra helmet?”, he inquired with a smile and Erik shook his head no “I got that one for you”, he said with a proud grin.

“So you always thought I was going to he your boyfriend? Cocky”, Charles said cheekily which made Erik laugh. “I hoped”, he answered and they both mounted the bike, riding away to where Charles was giving the directions for the restaurant by shouting and pointing. 

It was a nice change that someone was taking Erik out and seeming to take care of him, making reservations and all.

 

-

 

They arrived at the restaurant and were guided towards their table by a young waiter. Charles remembered when Erik was the waiter at the party and imagined his boyfriend in those clothes. He couldn’t help the smile appearing on his lips. 

“It looks nice”, Erik commented when they were properly seated, looking around the restaurant. Charles looked at the menu, even if he already knew what he would order. His parents used to take him there and he always had the ratatouille with red wine. Erik seemed to consider his options, though, so Charles politely kept looking at the menu. 

“I think I’ll go with uh.. wow that's expensive.” Erik raised an eyebrow at the prices and Charles chuckled. “Don’t worry. My date. I’ll pay.” 

Erik pressed his lips together but didn’t fight Charles. “Alright then I take the cordon bleu with a water.” - “Why no wine?” - “I have no clue of wine.”

Charles giggled and ordered wine for both of them when the waiter came back. When the waiter left again, Charles suddenly was very aware of the increasing pain in his chest. It had been there all night, but only now got to the point of being uncomfortable.

“If you excuse me for a moment”, Charles cleared his throat and pushed himself out of the chair. The walk to the bathroom was making him dizzy and when he finally arrived, he could only steady himself on the sink to prevent from falling down. 

The pain got stronger then, throbbing in his chest. No matter how tight Charles pressed his eyes shut, the dizziness didn’t leave and he found himself gasping for air. No, this couldn’t happen right now! He was just on a date with Erik, god! 

With shaky hands he tried opening his medicine, but then he blacked out and fell with a loud noise on the floor. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Erik waited for Charles to come back, the waiter came and poured wine to them but his boyfriend was still not back yet. It was unnerving to wait so long and there were people already looking at him as if he had been stood up and his date had fled through the bathroom window. 

But as soon as Erik thought Charles could be sick in there, he got up and went towards the bathroom. There was a small crowd on the door manly consisted on staff. Since he couldn’t see the bathroom door from his seat, he hadn’t noticed the commotion and now, his heart had started beating faster in worry. 

“What’s going on?”, he asked pushing his way through and seeing first shoes that he was faintly familiar with, followed by pants and shirt and finally the confirmation. Charles was on the floor, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. At first, the panic didn’t take over him, Erik just kneeled down close to him and called out his name followed by a string of curses.

“Did anyone call an ambulance?”, he shouted filled with worry and heard as if the waiter who answered was far away “They’re on their way”. Erik nodded and started carding his fingers through Charles’ hair. The steady move of the other man’s chest calmed him enough to know Charles was  _ breathing _ and he looked around the bathroom, being distracted by the scattered pills.

He must have tried taking one but passed out first. Stupid,  _ stupid,  _ **_stupid!_ ** Why didn’t he tell Erik? Didn’t ask for help?

Probably for the same reason why Erik didn’t want him to pay for their dinner. He was still musing all those things while caressing his boyfriend when the ambulance got there. Erik rode on the back, holding Charles’ hands and telling the paramedics he had lung cancer.

When they reached the hospital, Erik fully intended on following the other man to the room but a nurse stopped him and said he wasn’t allowed to because he wasn’t family. “Will you at least update me?”, he asked desperate but she shook her head, saying they were not allowed to and that his parents were on the way, so he could get news from them.

Erik sat down on the plastic chair and buried his face on his hands. Seeing Charles there, looking like he was dead…  _ god,  _ that would happen for real some day and then there would be no more Charles, no more dates, no more kisses or conversations. 

He was on the verge of tears when he heard “You!”, being hissed close to him and lifted his head to see Charles’ mother. Erik got up with red rimmed eyes to talk to them but Sharon already had something on her mind to say “This is  _ your  _ fault! He wouldn’t have left home if it weren’t for you! This is your fault and I don’t want you close to my son anymore” - “Mrs. Xavier-” - “No!! You’re killing him earlier”, she said with venom “Leave!”, she barked, already crying. He had never imagined she would lose her pose like that.

Erik was crying but he couldn’t actually feel it happening. He had to walk all the way to the restaurant to pick his bike since he couldn’t afford a cab, but had to sit on the floor there not being able to ride on his state. Oh God. Was he really killing Charles sooner? He was, wasn’t he? Pushing him like that… Fuck. The tears were burning like fire and Erik felt an endless pain on his whole body.

 

-

 

When Charles woke up, it was to a familiar pain, familiar sound and even his parents sitting close to his bed was very familiar. But the moment Charles blinked his eyes open, he knew that something was missing. He remembered going out with Erik, then going to the toilet and blacking out there. Later, he remembered, he heard Erik talking above him, his hands soothing through Charles’ hair. He had been there and now he was not. 

“Where”, he said with a croaky voice after removing his inhalator. Sharon immediately tried to shush him, telling him that he shouldn’t speak, but Charles shook his head no. He needed to know where Erik was. “Erik”, he croaked again. 

His mother’s eyes went cold and she pressed her lips into a thin line. “I sent him home. Charles, he’s bad for you! You almost  _ died _ because of him!”, she explained herself, but Charles was already getting angry. 

Erik probably was worried sick because of him, had stuck with him until the hospital and all Charles’ mother could do to thank him, was sending him home? If Charles didn’t know his mother, he would even believe that was all she said to him, but he could already guess what she told him else. “Call… him”, he said in a hoarse but stern voice and when his mother refused to do anything, he said “You don’t … have the right… to scr- screw up.. my relation-ship.”

He wanted to cry desperately, once again just hoping that his mother hadn’t screwed it up already. It was Brian who grabbed Charles’ phone and tapped on it, until he held it to his ear and everyone waited for Erik to pick him. Charles was the most desperate one, clenching his hands in the sheets and praying that Erik wouldn’t just ignore him. 

 

-

 

When his phone rang, Erik scrambled up from bed on his half-awake, half-asleep state. He could tell it was somewhere in the mess of clothes he had made on the floor when he got home the night before and cried himself to sleep, skipping work.

It took him a moment to find it on the pocket of his jeans and he pressed it to his ear, “hello? Charles? Are you okay?”, he breathed out in a rush and rubbed his sleepy eyes with the back of his hand.

“Erik, this is Brian”, he heard and his heart immediately shrunk, what did it mean that he was being called by Brian and not Charles? Oh God, no. No.  _ No. _

“Is he-?” - “Charles just woke up, he’s voice is a little hoarse but he’s alright”, Brian said and Erik let out his breath, sliding against the wall he was leaning on and sitting on the floor “Thank you for calling me,  _ thank you”,  _ he said honestly. 

“He’s asking for you, he wants you to come”, the father said and even if it gave Erik a happy feeling, he was still quite scared of what Sharon had said. “But what about Mrs. Xavier? I don’t want to make things worse” - “Just come”, Brian said and turned off the call then. 

Erik only debated for a second about that. He  _ wanted  _ to go more than anything but… He was making things bad for Charles, was pushing him to go up stairs, to get out of home.. He couldn’t keep hurting him like that.

But he had to apologise, had to explain why things were supposed to be different from now on. He would never forgive himself for putting Charles at risk like that. It just wasn’t acceptable. 

He rode to the hospital and gave the patient’s name, being told visiting hours wouldn’t start for another two hours and since he wasn’t family, he couldn’t go in. He texted Charles’ number saying he would wait until he could come in but was very direct with his text, not knowing who was reading it. Erik went by a mirror on his way to the waiting room and was startled to see he looked wrecked and older. 

 

-

 

Brian had read out the text from Erik and even if Charles had protested, they had to wait the two hours for Erik, since even the Xavier family couldn’t bend the rule of a hospital. Charles was in a private room, that his parents paid for. It was a solitary room, but as big as his room at home with a nice view and a private TV. 

When Erik finally came inside his room, Charles’ heart immediately started beating faster and he beamed at Erik. “Hi”, he whispered, because he would start coughing if he would raise his voice. 

“Hey”, Erik answered, sounding unusually shy and scared. Charles’ heart shrunk in his chest when Erik stepped closer and he saw the red rimmed eyes. He quickly patted for Erik to sit next to him, trying to give him a reassuring smile. 

“Sorry I messed up our date”, he whispered in an attempt of a joke, but Erik just pressed his lips in a thin line. Maybe it was the presence of Charles’ parents that made him afraid. 

Charles looked at them and said “could you leave for half an hour? Go eat something, please.” 

His mother didn’t look pleased with the suggestion, but his father just dragged her out of the room. The moment they were gone, Charles put his hand on top of Erik. 

“I missed you when I woke up”, he confessed and squeezed their hands a little. 

 

-

 

Erik’s smile to that sentence was small and he turned his hand upwards so their fingers would intertwine. “I was worried about you but… I had to leave”, he answered taking in every detail of Charles’ face to assess if he was in pain or something. 

“I know”, his boyfriend nodded slowly “I’m sorry she made you leave”, he said, his voice hoarse and on a low tone. Erik had so much he wanted to say, but seeing Charles in a hospital like that made him ignore everything… How was he supposed to be angry and upset on a situation like this?

“It’s alright. She’s your mother and only wants what is best for you”, he said but Charles shook his head “You’re what’s best for me”, his boyfriend answered and this time Erik couldn’t help the bitter “Am I?”, that escaped his lips. 

“What? Erik, what’s wrong?”, Charles asked alarmed and he immediately regretted his slip. They were not supposed to do this now, but it was already out there and God knows how stubborn Charles can be.

“I keep… Pushing you”, he started “I keep causing you to have attacks and making you leave your home, leave your safety. You didn’t even ask my help on the restaurant and I… Was  _ useless _ . I’m hurting you, Charles, I’m making it worse and I don’t want to do that, I- I’m so sorry I put you in here”, he said, crying again. 

 

-

 

Everything on Charles pulled tightly together at Erik’s words. He wanted to let out a wince, but it was like the air was soaked out of him. Was this Erik breaking up with him? No, no this couldn’t be. 

“Erik, stop. This is not your fault”, he tried saying with a steady voice, but since he didn’t whisper to catch Erik’s attention, he started coughing at the end of it. There was a little blood coming out of his mouth, which was usual for after an attack. But of course, Erik didn’t know that and pulled an unhappy face at the sight of it. Charles tried to wave it off, while grabbing a tissue to remove the blood. 

The taste of copper made him want to vomit, so he also grabbed a glass of water and drank a little, hoping it would also calm down his dry throat. “I didn’t ask you, because I thought I had it under control. It was just.. a pill I had to take.. but then I blacked out”, he finally croaked and had to breathe deeply in order not to cough again.

“Charles, you shouldn't speak. Please rest”, Erik said worried, but Charles needed to say this now. Erik couldn’t just leave him without knowing everything. 

“It doesn't matter if those activities make things worse, because  _ you  _ make me happy”, he said and Erik only huffed, blinking away from Charles. It made him feel terrible to see Erik so detached. “I’m making you die faster, is all.”

“I’m gonna die anyways, Erik. Don't you think I get at least the courtesy to choose who I wanna spend my time with and what I wanna do with it? It doesn't matter to me if I die tomorrow or in two years, I… everyone keeps talking about my death, when all I wanna do is  _ live _ .” 

“Well, it  _ does  _ matter to me if you're gonna die tomorrow or in two fucking years!”, Erik said desperately and with a raised voice that made Charles swallow thickly. He was this close to losing Erik, wasn’t he? God, why did this stupid cancer ruin everything from him? 

He felt his eyes filling with tears and pulled Erik’s hand closer to his chest, afraid Erik would let go any second now. “You're right… I .. I do whatever, just.. please don't leave me”, he said, the last words coming out as a whisper.

 

-

 

Charles seemed like a small, lost child like that. It tugged at Erik’s heart and he squeezed the hand he was holding tighter, both still pressed to Charles’ chest. “I don’t want to leave you, Charles”, he said honestly.

His boyfriend looked up then, eyes filled with tears, one of them escaping. Erik’s free hand flew up immediately to dry that tear away and he said softly “I don’t want to leave you but I… I need you to tell me if it honestly wouldn’t be best for you”.

Charles shook his head fervently and croaked out “No, Erik! Please, no… It’s not best, it’s the worst you could do to me”, more tears coming down now. It made Erik feel guilty once again for causing all of this. If he hadn’t been so pushy, insisted so much on dating Charles when he had been set on ‘no’, he wouldn’t be causing so much pain right now.

But he was already in. There was no coming back now. “Then I’m not leaving. I don’t think I could anyways”, he finally said and scooted a little closer.

“Charles, you have to tell me what to do to help, where the line is so I won’t cross it. I won’t forgive myself if I make this worse”, he said and his boyfriend nodded, pressing his eyes closed.

Erik’s free hand curled around Charles’ neck and he leaned closer to kiss each of his eyelids tenderly, fingers curling around the hair on the nape of his neck. “Don’t cry”, he whispered “I’m here, love. I’m here”. 

 

-

 

 

Charles breathed out shakily and nodded, letting himself fall into Erik’s comforting security again. This was good. This was nice. He didn’t ever want to miss this, he thought and snuggled closer to Erik. 

“Can you kiss me?”, he asked in a whisper and felt Erik’s lips on his a moment later. The kiss tasted salty because of his tears and was only two mouths pressing onto each other, but when they pulled away, Charles saw his parents standing in the doorway. He turned his head to look at them properly and when he did, Erik noticed them as well. 

Charles blushed upon being seen kissing his boyfriend, even if they were already out. He was raised with modesty and it felt just wrong to kiss Erik in front of his parents. 

“We brought you popsicles”, his mother said and handed them both one of the ice. Charles smiled thankfully at her, not only for the ice, but also for getting Erik one as well. They both thanked Sharon and unpacked the popsicle to eat it. 

“Erik, I’m sorry for sending you away. You were just as worried as we were and it wasn’t right”, Sharon apologised to all of their surprise. Of course, Charles could hear the silent implication of  _ you just seem to make everything worse. Ever since Charles knew you, he is getting more sick. _ But Erik couldn’t possibly hear it and if Sharon didn’t say it, then she knew at least, that it wouldn't do any of them good. 

 

-

 

Erik smiled at Sharon and said “Thank you. I understand we were all concerned yesterday”, knowing he might have acted even worse if he thought someone was putting his Charles in danger. 

He turned back to his boyfriend to see him suckling on the grape popsicle, his lips turning purple on the process. It was a mix of adorable and sexy, so when Charles’ pink tongue darted out to lick the whole thing, Erik looked away fighting a blush and focused on his own strawberry one.

“Do you work today?”, Charles asked after a while, his parents sitting down on chairs next to his bed again. Erik was starting to feel a little nervous around them and even if he wanted to stay with Charles the whole day, it rather felt like he was intruding and he also couldn’t be any intimate with his boyfriend while his parents were there.

“Yeah… I have a double shift”, he said and Charles frowned “Why?” - “I missed it last night”, Erik shrugged. “Oh, I’m sorry”, Charles said but Erik was quick to hold his hand and shake his head “It’s okay.. You’re more important”, he said softly to which the other man beamed.

They talked a little bit more until Charles yawned and Erik knew he should get going since his boyfriend wouldn’t rest while he was there. “I’m gonna go now”, he said to which Charles started protesting “No, Erik-” - “You need to rest.. Why don’t you text me, hm? Keep me updated and tell me when you go home? I’ll stop by”, he asked and when Charles nodded, came closer pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

He said goodbye to his in laws shortly and then left, wanting to stay. 

 

-

 

It took Charles five days to leave hospital again. The doctors kept wanting to do more tests and tried to convince him about new cures. Charles hated it, so he signed himself out on the fifth day, only wanting to rest in his own room again. He also wanted to see Erik, cuddle with him or watch a movie. 

Those past days he had been explaining to Erik, that the last attack had nothing to do with him. Those attacks came randomly and he hadn’t even exhausted himself a lot at the restaurant, so it truly wasn’t Erik fault. Of course, Charles couldn’t be entirely sure that Erik believed him via text, but he hoped to at least make some sort of impact on him. 

When he finally was back in his own room, he laid down and waited for his boyfriend to arrive. Erik had already agreed on meeting him, as soon as Charles had told him when he could leave the hospital. It didn’t take long to hear the doorbell and Bertha greeting Erik, because Charles was still too weak to walk a lot. 

“Hey”, Erik said when entering the room and Charles smiled happily at him. “Hi! C’mere”, he replied and stretched his arms out for Erik to hug him. 

Erik didn’t let Charles say it twice and walked towards him, bending down to hug Charles who was sitting in bed. Charles immediately tugged him downwards and Erik landed right into his lap. He grinned boyish and blushed, but sealed their lips together in a longing kiss, that made his heart beat faster. 

 

-

 

Erik put all his passion into the kiss trying to show Charles through it how much he had missed and adored him. His hands were gripping tightly to the other man’s sweater and he didn’t pull away until his lips were tingling. 

“Missed you”, Erik murmured and basked on his boyfriend’s dopey smile. “Me too”, Charles whispered coyly and there was that beautiful flush on his cheeks and neck again. Erik finally let go of his shirt to card his fingers through hazelnut hair. 

“I hope you weren’t upset about me not coming to the hospital”, he said softly but a little scared the answer would be yes. Charles looked down before saying anything and Erik knew the answer even if his boyfriend said something else “Not upset… I just hoped you would”, he murmured. 

“I’m sorry”, he said “But I have good news” - “What news?”, Charles asked looking up “I worked some extra shifts last week so I could get this one off and stay with you… If you want, of course”, he blushed. Also, he had been avoiding Sharon but that was not important.

“Of course I want that”, Charles grinned widely and Erik leaned closer brushing their noses together in an Eskimo kiss “Good… I can sneak in and we’ll do something nice”, he stated. 

“How do you feel about a movie now?”, Charles asked after a moment and Erik agreed, getting up to put something on the dvd for them. He snuggled up to Charles afterwards, his boyfriend lying on his arms while they watched it. A few minutes in, though, Erik couldn’t help but start nuzzling the other man’s neck, having missed him so much.

Charles hummed softly and then Erik started peppering kisses all through the milky skin of his neck until he reach Charles’ ear and pulled the lobe inside his mouth to suck and bite on it. He wasn’t aiming for anything specific but just enjoying caressing his boyfriend like that and watching his reaction since no one had ever done that to him before. 

 

-

 

Shivers ran down Charles’ spine when he felt Erik’s breath on his neck, being so close to scatter kisses all over it. But he sucked in his breath in a hiss when Erik reached his ear. To be honest, he was a bit ticklish on that spot and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to press into the touch or squirm away. It felt so very intimate to have Erik that close, feeling his breath puff against Charles’ skin through his nose, and just that intimacy made Charles aroused. 

He had barely touched himself in his life, only once or twice, since his mother had scared him for most part of time. He feared getting an attack, because his breathing would increase, but he was rather laid back those past few weeks. Erik had showed him, that not everything his mum had told him was true. 

That's why, he felt more and more aroused with Erik attacking his neck like that. He closed his eyes, barely following the movie anymore and only concentrated on the rather nice feeling. A moan was about to escape his lips, when Erik turned the angle and Charles giggled at the sudden tickle, pulling away. “That tickles”, he said with a red flush on his cheeks. 

He was breathing heavily and his eyes were a little hooded, as well as his cock had started to come alive in his pants and was now half hard. Had Erik been as aroused as he had? 

“I’m sorry”, Erik grinned cheekily and leaned back, but Charles already had an idea. “Could you.. um.. put a hickey on me? I never…”, he trailed off and blushed deeper at his request. 

 

-

 

Erik’s stomach fluttered at the request and he smiled even wider if that was possible. He moved his hand so it would be sprawled on his boyfriend’s stomach and said softly “Of course”, happy that Charles was engaging on what Erik had started. 

He came closer, letting his leg tangle with his boyfriend’s so this would be more intimate and then kissed his neck gently, trying to pick the perfect spot there. He shied away from where it tickled, wanting to use that knowledge later but definitely not right now and murmured “You know your parents will see right?”, he asked just to make sure.

Charles nodded and then whispered “Don’t care”, telling Erik exactly what he needed to know before he started kissing again. The spot right underneath the curve of Charles’ jaw was perfect and he opened his mouth there to suck. Erik scraped his teeth on the skin and heard Charles  _ moan _ a mix of pain and pleasure that made Erik’s cock jolt with interest. 

It was a perfect sound he wanted to cause again so he sucked a little harder and heard it once more. When Erik was done with his job, he pulled away and licked at the abused flesh, wanting to soothe it. 

He opened his eyes to see that Charles had kept his shut close and then asked “Would you like to give me one too? Or try something else?”, he asked lifting his head just enough to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek. 

 

-

 

Charles wanted to try everything out, but he didn’t want to shock Erik and also thought it wasn’t a good idea to do those things while his parents were at home. He cleared his throat and eyes Erik’s neck, wondering if he would feel the stubble on his lips a lot. Just the thought made his cock twitch in delight and he had to touch his own hickey to reassure himself, that it was there.

“Okay.. I.. I just suck, right?”, he murmured and leaned closer, his heart beating loudly in his chest. Charles felt nervous just like with every other new thing one did. He did not want to fail Erik, even if it was just a simple hickey. 

Erik hummed and Charles brushed with his nose against the scratchy skin, Erik’s cologne filling his nostrils. He breathed in deep to dwell in the scent, before cocking his head to the right and making contact with his lips on Erik’s skin. It felt warm and so alive, he could feel Erik’s blood running through the pulse point and his Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed. 

Then Charles started opening his lips a little in order to suck at that point, creating a small, round mark. He didn’t know how long he should suck and how much pressure to apply in order to make the hickey stay, but when Erik moaned, he didn’t care anymore. 

He leaned closer now, sucking on the skin and his hands clenching around Erik’s biceps. Erik made the most beautiful noises, that hardened Charles’ dick even more, so he had to lean away a little to not let Erik feel him. 

When he pulled away he was more than proud of his work and smiled, his eyes glowing and cheeks still flushed, but no more out of embarrassment, but more because of the arousal that he felt. 

 

-

 

Erik opened his eyes slowly and let his vision focus on that beautiful man that was his boyfriend. “How did you like it?”, he asked wrapping his arms around Charles but being careful not to poke him with his erection. He was only nineteen what could have been expected from him?

“It’s nice”, Charles answered breathlessly and quite shyly, Erik could see on his expression that he enjoyed what they had done and chuckled gently. “What about you?”, Charles finally asked, burying his head on Erik’s neck but not to suck on it this time, just to be there. “I know this isn’t any new to you, but…”, he trailed off, hands still gripping Erik’s biceps.

“Hmmm… It is kinda new. I’ve never done anything quite like this. Everything with you is…  _ different _ ”, he answered and Charles moved a little to look up “How different?”, he asked uncertain.

“Really good different… It’s better than it’s ever been before”, he said and Charles broke into a huge smile, leaning down and kissing Erik’s chin up to his mouth. They made out for a while then, Erik’s hand slipping underneath Charles’ shirt to once again rest on the small of his back, but once their breathings started to increase too much, Erik stopped, reminding himself Charles had just gotten out of the hospital. 

With a kiss on the tip of his boyfriend’s nose, he said “let’s finish the movie, schatz”, the endearment being one he had always liked but never used on anyone before. 

 

-

 

“Wait. What did you just call me?”, Charles asked and propped himself up a little, but still staying snuggled against Erik. “What? Schatz?”, Erik asked back and Charles nodded, before he frowned confused.

“What does it mean?” - “Hm, it’s German for precious”, Erik explained as if it was nothing special that he had called Charles a german endearment. It was quite cute, the word, and it sounded great when rolling off of Erik’s tongue. 

“ _ Schatz _ .. hmh, sounds nice. I didn’t know you can talk german”, he said and started searching for the TV remote in order to resume the movie. Erik must have stopped it at some point and Charles hadn’t even noticed. 

“Oh well, I have german roots. But only some words stuck with me through time”, Erik explained again and Charles found it an extraordinary discovery. Maybe he should take Erik to Germany, it sounded like a nice thing to add on his bucket list. 

They resumed the movie then, staying close and cuddling, until Bertha came in and called for dinner. Since Charles’ parents were at home, they would have to eat with them and Charles didn’t really know if Erik would be up for that, given that he hadn’t visited Charles in the hospital to- well, to avoid seeing Sharon.  Charles was no fool, he knew that Erik had been avoiding her and that they didn’t really get along, even if he wished they would. Erik was family for him. 

“Well, you don’t need to come, if you don’t want to. It’s up to you”, he said to Erik at last. 

 

-

 

Erik bit on his bottom lip and looked around the room as if the furniture would give him a good enough excuse that would not disappoint his boyfriend and free him from having dinner with Sharon at the same time, but there was nothing and he gave up.

“I’ll come”, he said kissing Charles’ forehead and then getting up. He braced himself for whatever it was to come at dinner and waited for Charles to follow him to the kitchen.

It proved to be a good idea to wait for his boyfriend because when he grabbed Erik’s hand and started walking, it wasn’t to lead him towards the kitchen but apparently to the dining room. When they entered it, Erik saw the huge table and fancy decor, immediately feeling inadequate for that place.

He smoothed down his hair on a nervous gesture and looked at Charles for reassurance but all it did was remind him they both had matching hickeys on their necks and it wouldn’t go by unnoticed for too long. Charles smiled at him unaware of the turmoil inside Erik’s mind and tugged at his sweaty hand so they would sit side by side.

Not even a third of the table was taken by them and it made him wonder why they would eat here when they had the kitchen, - but that was probably were the servants ate wasn’t it? It was quite nice that Charles sat there to eat and cook, the thought giving Erik warm feelings all over.

This was worth it. Charles was worth any mother that disapproved of Erik and he would take it all so he sat with his boyfriend across from Sharon, Brian on the head of the table.

Erik said a small hello to them both and fidget a little on his seat, not knowing quite well what was next. He decided to go forward and serve himself some food but Charles stopped him, saying “We wait for Robert to serve us”, which made Erik’s eyes widen.

What? Were they still on 1900? No. “I can serve myself”, he said honestly and with no bite to his tone, just explaining himself. “You’re probably right”, Charles nodded seeming a little nervous and Erik sighed knowing he should be trying to please his boyfriend’s parents and not pick a fight.

He retrieved his hand and nodded, patiently waiting to be served by the man who chose that time to appear. Charles squeezed his thigh underneath the table and Erik looked at Sharon to see she had a small smile, looking please he had waited.

But then, she focused her look on Charles and seemed quite shocked before asking “What is that?”, looking pointedly at her son’s neck. 

 

-

 

The blush on Charles’ cheeks turned deep red and he looked down onto his plate to avoid his mother’s stare. It was true, though, that he hadn’t cared about his parents’ reaction when Erik had created the hickey on his neck. But it still felt weird to have to justify himself now. 

They were boyfriends, so it was normal to have hickeys and get to know each other a bit more intimately. What was there to explain? It wasn’t like they had sex while Charles’ parents were in the same house - even if the house was big enough to have lots of opportunities. 

“Well.. that’s.. a hickey”, he said truthfully, even if he knew that it wasn’t what his mother wanted to hear. Everyone was silent then, apart from Robert who served the dinner. Sharon had a displeased frown on her face. 

“Care to explain how it got there?” - “Well, I couldn’t have made it myself, could I?” - “Charles Francis Xavier!”, Sharon said sternly, but Charles started to get pissed as well. He met his mother’s stern glance with piercing eyes and tensed all over.    
“What do you expect me to say? You asked those stupid question!” - “What your mother is trying to say, is that you should watch your mouth and not answer her like that!”, Brian cut in and his voice was loud and deep. 

Charles thought it was unfair, that his father was taking sides now, since his mother had asked those stupid questions to begin with. “What do you have against Erik?”, he asked loudly, while standing up from his seat as he was really upset now, “he does nothing but make me happy, why are you trying to ruin this? Or are you just homophobic?” 

And with that he walked out of the dining room, but immediately felt guilty for leaving Erik behind and hoping, that his boyfriend would just follow. It wasn’t the first time they had fought over the dinner table and Charles usually just went and ate with the servants in the kitchen. 

 

-

 

Erik was left gaping on his seat completely at loss of what to do. Well, not really. He knew he should get up and follow Charles but he was stuck to his chair, not being able to move. He scrambled for words that would fix this but came up short, not knowing how to defuse such situation with a parent. Hell, he hadn’t talked to his own mother for over a month now.

He looked at Brian and Sharon nervously and then said “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things bad”, to which Sharon huffed. “You say that, but you keep making it worse”, she said angrily and Erik sighed.

“I know, but you have to believe me when I say I’m not doing anything your son isn’t comfortable with, I only want him to he happy”, he said. 

“We know, Erik”, Brian said “but you must understand Charles is fragile and he can’t… Overdo anything. He could have an attack while doing the simple things as kissing”. Erik hadn’t thought of it this way. He didn’t think that sex could cause Charles to cough blood or lose his breath but it made so much sense.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Just give me a chance, will you? I… I’m in love with your son. I haven’t told him but I love him and I would never hurt him”, he said honestly, the words surprising him, since he thought he would never say it so easily. 

“Please? Mrs. Xavier? I bet he would be happy if we could get along. Or at least pretend”, Erik pleaded, looking at Sharon who nodded reluctantly. “Pretend then”, she said coldly but that was enough for Erik. “I’ll go get him. And we can have a nice dinner together. For Charles”, Erik said before getting up. 

 

-

 

When Erik finally stepped out of the dining room, Charles was relieved he hadn’t just threw him to his predators. He was just about to go into the room again to collect his boyfriend, his guilt eating him alive. 

“Erik! I’m so glad you made it out there. Sorry for leaving you behind.” Charles rushed towards his boyfriend who- who looked nice. He looked fine, not upset at all, was even smiling a little, as if everything was great. 

Unsure of what to do with that situation, Charles put his hands on Erik’s shoulder and inspected him a little more. “Charles, I talked to your parents and we’re getting along now. It's fine”, Erik said, but Charles couldn’t believe those words. 

“What?”, he asked confused. “Come back inside and we'll eat dinner”, Erik said, as if it was the simplest thing on earth. 

Charles reluctantly shook his head no. No, he couldn’t go back in there now. He was upset with his mother and father and had to prove a point here. “Erik, I can’t go back in there now. No matter if you get along, I just.. want to be alone right now. Or with you, but not with my parents. Not now”, he said with a sigh and grabbed Erik’s hands. They were warm and firm, immediately interlacing with Charles’ hands. 

“We could make our own food later? Or see if there are any leftovers?”, he suggested with a smile and squeezed Erik’s hands. 

 

-

 

“Okay, that sounds good”, Erik smiled and came closer to kiss the corner of Charles’ mouth. His boyfriend hummed and then tugged at Erik’s hands to pull him back to his room. 

On their way, they asked one of the servants to tell his parents they weren’t coming for dinner anymore since it would be rude not to do that and then closed themselves back on the room.

They sat on the bed and Erik pulled Charles into a tight hug, kissing his temple and saying next “I’m sorry about the fight. I didn’t mean to make things bad” - “You didn’t. You make everything so good, Erik”, he answered clinging to him. 

Erik laughed at that and answered “I can say the same”. They decided to sit through another movie but halfway Erik’s stomach grumbled and Charles chuckled gently “Why don’t we go feed you, my hungry boyfriend?”, he teased and they got up to cook together.

Since Erik had gotten the week off, he wasn’t in a rush or something and they decided to cook themselves. “Okay, what would you like to eat?”, Erik asked when they entered the room but immediately stopped, seeing there was still staff there. 

 

-

 

Charles smiled at the staff, Bertha and Robert were there, as well as their cook Louis. He knew all of them by name and they were like family to him, so Charles was easy going around them.

“Should I heat something up for you, sir?”, Louis immediately asked and got up from the chair, but Charles shook his head and declined friendly. 

“Erik wanted to cook something with me”, he explained a little proudly and then turned towards his boyfriend and asked “how about burger?” 

Erik nodded, but Charles saw that he was unsure of how to act around the staff. But this- this was Charles’ real family apart from his parents. They were like uncles and aunts to him and Charles knew, that Erik would get along better with them than with his parents. 

“Burger meat is in the fridge as well as the vegetables. The buns are in that shelf”, Louis explained and showed them the ingredients. 

Bertha and Robert looked like they were about to leave out of formality, but Charles was quick to say “please stay. I want you to get to know Erik a bit more.” 

Erik still looked uncomfortable, but didn’t comment and just collected the items. It was twenty minutes later, that Louis and Erik seemed to become the bestest of friends, while they cooked together and Bertha, Robert and Charles talked about who looked better in an apron. 

“Oh c’mon! Look at his butt. He’s made for that apron”, Charles countered with a laugh, pointing at Erik’s firm ass. Erik turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, but had a grin on his face. 

“Well, I would have a slice of that too, but I know you are not going to share”, Bertha commented and everyone bursted out laughing, even if Erik started to flush red. 

“Nahh”, Charles said then and got up to wrap his arms around Erik’s hips and drape a kiss on his nape, “he’s mine.” 

 

-

 

Erik was sure he was redder than the tomatoes he was slicing but he also had this warm, loving feeling on his guts and when he felt Charles’ arms around his waist followed by a kiss, he was more grateful than ever that he had pursued this, because God… wasn’t he happy. 

“Getting possessive, are we?”, Erik teased with a wide grin “Poor Bertha won’t even get a piece?”, he asked which won him a slap on the butt. He yelped and laughed delighted, not expecting that from Charles who said “Be nice, will you”, while everyone else was laughing as well. 

Erik couldn’t resist but dropping what he was holding and turning around to plant a firm kiss to Charles’ lips. When he pulled away, his boyfriend was blushing hard and Erik chuckled “Now we’re both embarrassed”, he said and brushed their noses together. “Erik, did you just put your hand with tomato on my hair?”, Charles asked after a long pause of tense silence. 

It cracked them up all over again and after a small wink, the other man turned around to go back to his seat and let him finish the cooking. Erik made burgers for everyone, wanting the other three to eat with them as well seeing he had loosen up around them and they were all quite amazing. 

“Wow.. you gave him a big appetite”, Bertha told Charles with a chuckle and Erik shook his head “This isn’t for just us, you guys are staying too. Right?”, he asked after affirming that. He didn’t want to force them or something. Erik removed his apron and when he was sitting next to his boyfriend, heard Robert telling “You keep him, sir”, Charles who put a hand on Erik’s thigh and smiled “I plan to”. 

 

-

 

The burgers tasted amazing and even Louis approved of Erik’s cooking with a big smile. Charles felt immensely proud of his boyfriend then and scooted a bit closer to Erik. 

When they were done with eating, Bertha told them to leave already, her tone warm, as she declined their help to do the dishes. “I know you boys have better things to do than that”, she said and glanced at their hickeys, which made them both blush. 

They said goodbye to the staff and walked back to Charles’ room. Not surprisingly, they weren’t in a mood for a movie after watching one and a half already. So, Charles turned the CD player on and Erik’s CD started to play. They sat down cross legged on the bed and just looked at each other for a moment. 

“You’re gonna stay the night, right?”, he asked then, needing reassurance after the fight at dinner. There was a good thing about the fight after all: Charles’ parents wouldn’t come near his room that night and they wouldn’t have to pretend Erik was leaving, just to have him sneaking in again. 

“Of course, if you still want me to?”, Erik answered with a half grin and Charles leaned forward to kiss him as an answer. The kiss was brief, given the weird angle Charles had to take, but then he unfolded his legs to kneel on the bed and leaned in again. This time, their lips met for a longer time, while Charles cupped Erik’s face and held him in place. 

 

-

 

Erik opened up to let Charles’ tongue in and they kissed long and deep. It was a marvellous feeling, how very reverent it felt to touch Charles like this and be so close. He moved too, kneeling in bed right in front of his boyfriend so that he could hug him and bring him closer, those soft palms still bracketing his face. 

When they parted for a small moment, Erik murmured “You’re a really good kisser”, trailing small pecks on the other man’s jaw and then he chuckled, remembering their moment at the kitchen “And you have a really nice butt too”, he commented, letting his hands wander down and cup both cheeks at the same time, grabbing them with a strong grip. 

Charles gasped at the touch and Erik pulled his face away to look at him “Is this not okay?”, he asked, worried he had crossed a line but Charles only shook his head while blushing bashfully “Feels good”, he murmured and then pulled Erik in for another kiss that went on and on. 

Erik’s favorite song from the album started playing and he said “I’ve always wanted to kiss to this song”, and his boyfriend’s eyes widened a little in interest while he paid attention to the lyrics. “It’s nice”, he said approving and when he tugged at Erik next, he pulled him down to the bed, Erik on top of him but being careful not to crush him with his full weight. 

He moved his hands from under Charles to steady himself up and let his boyfriend kiss and move on his own rhythm. It wasn’t until the song was over that they stopped and grinned at each other. Erik sometimes didn’t want to stop at all and just taste his boyfriend forever, but their relationship wasn’t only just about that and he could enjoy every other moment. 

“Speaking of things we want… why don’t you tell me about your bucket list? Maybe there’s something we can cross today? Or start planning?”, he offered on a husky tone of voice, being quite aroused by their makeout session. His cock was half hard inside his pants and he feared Charles had felt it before he adjusted himself and lied in bed again, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. 

 

-

 

“Okay then, but don't laugh. It's just… what came to my mind”, he said and got up from his bed to go to the desk. The list was hidden underneath his laptop, since he felt like it was something rather private for him. He trusted Erik enough, though, to show it to him, plus it was Erik’s idea in first place. 

“I won’t laugh at your ambitions in life”, Erik said seriously and sat up. Charles curiously glanced at his pants, since he could have swore, that he had felt something when they were making out. But he couldn’t make out any bulge and discarded the idea quickly. 

“Well, here you go then”, he said and handed Erik the bucket list. 

 

  * Get a tattoo
  * Learn how to surf
  * Take a family portrait (with Erik)
  * Shower in a waterfall (naked)
  * Snowy Christmas
  * Sail a boat
  * Swim with dolphins
  * Hold a sloth
  * Name a star
  * Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day
  * Write a message in a bottle
  * Make an origami
  * Take pictures in a photo booth
  * Learn how to drive a motorcycle
  * Go to a drive-in-movie
  * Paintball
  * Ride on a Ferris wheel
  * Build a sand castle
  * Receive a love letter
  * See a strip tease
  * Golf
  * Fly in a helicopter
  * Kiss under the Eiffel tower 
  * Have sex



 

He knew the list was long and full of dreams that would never come true, but he hoped to fulfil at least five of them somehow. 

 

-

 

Erik took the sheet of paper with curiosity but also so much respect for whatever would be in it. He couldn’t help but smile widely to each one of the items he was reading in there and felt Charles’ hand slipping on his halfway through it. Making a pause, Erik looked over at him and kissed his cheek before continuing.

He knew how to make many of those wishes come true, but there were some like kissing under the eiffel tower and swimming with dolphins he had no way of helping with since he didn’t have the money and probably still wouldn’t have it on their short time. 

When he was done, he said “These are amazing wishes, Charles”, looking at him once more. His boyfriend broke into a grin seeming like he had been holding his breath so far and Erik shook his head at how silly he was. He could never make fun of something the other man would wish and he would take it upon himself to make most of them become reality. 

Sadly, at the moment he would only be able to provide a strip tease that would definitely not be the whole experience and sex, but he knew both were off the table so early so he kept his mouth shut about it and decided to start planning. 

“Do you have a copy of this?”, he asked and Charles nodded “It’s on my laptop” - “Then I’m holding on to this one, alright?”, he said to which his boyfriend nodded. “I’ll plan something for this week”, he commented and Charles’ eyes widened “Already?”. 

Erik shrugged at the question and answered “It’s never too early to start, is it?”, with a boyish grin, actually very excited to do those things with Charles. “Now, let’s talk details. Does it count if we learn origami from the internet or would you rather a real class? And how do you want your strip tease? I could take you to the club I work at and I’m sure one of the guys would be glad to do it and be respectful to you or… did you mean me? I could, but I guess it wouldn’t be like the real experience?”. 

 

-

 

Charles fought off another blush, but had to look down bashfully at least. He had added the point, when he had remembered Erik telling him about the strip club. He wanted to see how it was, to have someone undressing slowly in front of him and dance a little. But just the possibility of Erik being that person, made Charles’ urge to fulfil that wish even stronger. 

“Um.. I’d love if you could do it. But I understand if you would be too uncomfortable for that”, he stuttered.

Erik chuckled and kissed Charles’ cheek. “Of course not. I’m just saying that I might not be that good”, Erik answered and Charles shrugged. 

“I doubt that. As for the origami, it's okay to watch videos online, if we manage to do it. I want to make you one”, he said and couldn’t help the blush spreading at last.

Erik made a sincere ‘naw’ sound and hugged Charles, rocking both their bodies back and forth. “Okay, I’m onto it then.” 

The list was carefully folded and put away then, before Erik returned to the bed. They silently agreed on getting to bed then, so Charles gave Erik the shirt from last time and changed into his own pajamas. It felt weird to strip down to his boxers in front of Erik, but he wouldn’t go to the bathroom to do so. 

“Erik.. just.. one more thing”, he said, when he pulled the shirt over his head, “don't spend your money on this list. It's my list and I have the money for that.” 

 

-

 

“How am I supposed to surprise you then?”, Erik asked with a frown. He almost felt useless to think that Charles had a point; he barely fed himself and he had to save money for college. If he spent it out as if he was rich, he would be worse than when he started off. 

“We’ll see about it… We can have a bucket list fund, hm? Just please… I don’t want you to spend your money”, he said again and Erik reluctantly nodded, looking down and then murmuring “I’m sorry”. 

“Whatever for?”, Charles asked stepping closer and wrapping his arms loosely around Erik’s waist and looking at him “I wanted to take you to Paris and to swim with dolphins and it makes me sad I can’t”, he answered.

Charles shook his head and said “Don’t ever think like that. You hear me? You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Erik. Do you think a rich guy that could take me anywhere but didn’t care about where I’d want to go would make me happy?”, he asked and kissed him next, not even waiting for an answer. 

“I’ll give you my card and I don’t want any complaining, Erik. You can surprise me that way and it’s perfect”, Charles smiled and then started pulling him towards the bed where they lied together and after exchanging a few kisses, fell asleep holding each other close. 


	10. Chapter Ten

In the morning, it all felt like a dejavu for Charles, waking up next to Erik. He quickly remembered, though, that now he could kiss Erik whenever he wanted and vice versa. This was where it all had started, with their kiss in his bed. 

The warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach made him smile inevitably and he cuddled closer to Erik and started rubbing up and down his lifting and sinking torso. Erik was so very warm and soft, almost peaceful underneath his touch. Charles wondered how Erik could still be asleep like that, but he took what he got and continued his exploration. 

His fingers carded through fabric and of his own shirt, but it felt so very different on Erik. With each stroke, he shifted the shirt and suddenly, he felt skin underneath his fingers at the very hem of the shirt. Erik was even warmer at the touch of skin to skin and Charles shivered, but didn’t recoil his fingers. On the contrary, he started pushing forwards to feel more of the skin, when-

When the knuckles of his hands pushed against something hard, still surrounded by the fabric of Erik’s boxers. He had never in his life felt the erection of another person, but it felt surprisingly good, at least through the pants. He wanted to push against it again and did so, but this time Erik stirred in his sleep and Charles snapped his hand back like he was burned, a blush already spreading on his cheeks. 

 

-

 

Erik had an amazing dream of Charles touching him, exploring his chest all the way down to his cock and it had felt so real that for a moment there he even wondered if it hadn’t actually happened.

But he knew it  _ hadn’t _ really, even if he had a full on morning erection when he woke up. He opened his eyes slowly to see Charles mere inches away from him, face flushed so red it almost made him believe that  _ ok, perhaps he did _ but Erik couldn’t just guess and be sure. 

“Morning”, he murmured with a hoarse voice, being mindful of his bad breath. Charles broke into a grin and answered him by cuddling closer and kissing his jaw “Did you sleep well?”, his boyfriend asked and Erik had to shift a little uncomfortably because of his hard on. 

“Of course… I like sleeping with you”, he answered caressing the other man’s broad back and then “Do you think your parents will let you sleepover at mine sometime? I know it’s not the best and my bed isn’t this big but I think you would like it”, he said, thinking he had to slip away through the window soon, pretending he didn’t sleep there. 

 

-

 

Charles smiled at the thought of sleeping over at Erik’s. He had already liked napping in the bed that smelled so intensely of his boyfriend, but thinking about sleeping  _ with _ his boyfriend there made him happy. 

Of course, there was the problem of Charles’ parents and he was sure, at this point, they wouldn’t let him sleep over at Erik’s. But then again, he had never stood up against his parents in all his teenage life, so it was more than time for that. 

“Well, I guess they can't tell me what to do anymore. Doesn't matter if they will allow it”, he answered with a mischievous smile. Erik didn’t look as happy about that, though. “I thought we might want to try and get along?”

“Well, we can try, but I am not sure they will allow it. Also, you don’t have to be friends with my parents, actually, two years from now and you don't have to see them ever again. I would try harder if we, I don’t know, tried to get married and spend the next 50 years with each other  _ and  _ my parents.” 

 

 

-

 

Charles’ words broke Erik’s heart into a million pieces and he couldn’t help but the sudden change of his mood. Just the thought they wouldn’t get to have that future with each other, that Charles wouldn’t get to have that future  _ at all  _ was enough to bring him down to his place of deep sadness and desperation. 

It must have been clear on his face because the small smile Charles wore immediately fell down and his eyes widened a little. He framed Erik’s face and said “I didn’t mean to make you sad” softly, voice barely above a whisper “It’s just the truth, Erik”. 

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it”, he said getting annoyed by the way Charles took this so well. He sat up and put his arms around his knees, deeply hurt by all of this. Charles was eighteen for Christ’s sake! He  _ should _ be planning his future,  _ should  _ be thinking of college, a career, a family… God, this was all shades of wrong and Erik didn’t even know where to begin. 

Charles sat up to but didn’t touch him again, maybe scared Erik would pull away once more “I know”, he said “It’s hard Erik, but I had my whole life to get used to this” - “You’re damn right it’s hard”, Erik answered upset “It’s not okay when you say something like that, Charles… you shouldn’t have to and it’s not alright. I’m just so…  _ angry!”.  _

“I know”, Charles repeated in a whisper and now he did touch Erik, his hand being placed between his shoulder blades and moving softly. “How would you see our future?”, Erik asked in a murmur, wanting to know if Charles would see them together at all if he wasn’t going to die. 

 

-

 

Charles’ breath was stuck in his throat for a long moment. How was he supposed to answer that without sounding like the fool in love he was? As far as he was concerned, people just didn’t talk about such deep, intimate topics as their future after - what? - three weeks of relationship. 

“Um.. I … I don’t know. We barely know each other, Erik”, he said frankly. Charles didn’t even know if Erik would ever want to marry, or if he planned on staying in New York. All he knew about Erik’s future was, that Erik wanted to become an architect.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. He watched Erik’s face fall into an unhappy one and then look away, saying “never mind.” 

“Erik, no. That's not.. I would want kids. I love kids. Back when I lived in the city my neighbours would let me watch their kids sometimes. It was always nice, watching them play”, he rushed to say and caught Erik’s attention again. 

He smiled softly at Erik and then turned it into an even bigger grin. “I would want at least five! And I would totally greet you with great food every evening when you came home from work. I want to learn how to cook from you and then I will teach our children. Oh and we need to move to the city again, close to the record shop, because you like it. I want to read to our children and you should take them out to play soccer”, he went on and didn’t even realise how he changed from would to will in his sentence. 

 

-

 

Erik would have been scared to hear those words from any other person after three weeks of  relationship but Charles was… different. Maybe the fact they couldn’t get any of that made the thought less scary and if they were actually planning it all, Erik would want to run or something but as it was, it only warmed his heart. He had been smitten with Charles ever since they met so it wasn’t even surprising that he might have imagined something for a future as well.

“That sounds really nice”, he smiled and then stretched his arm to hang it around Charles’ shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple afterwards. “How are we ever going to manage five kids, though? Can you imagine the hell they’ll raise?” - “Oh well”, Charles shrugged and then chuckled. 

“I should get going”, Erik sighed after a moment and Charles turned quickly to look at him “No, we haven’t even had breakfast yet”, he protested “You should have breakfast with your family, Schatz… I already put you in a bad position yesterday and if we have any hopes of you sleeping over, we need to get on their good side, ok?”, he said, truly not wanting Charles to have a bad relationship with his parents because of him. 

“Okay”, his boyfriend nodded slowly. Erik got up then and started getting ready to leave. His clothes were folded on a pile and he dressed up quickly. “Next time I see you we’ll check something off your list”, he grinned and Charles giggled “Aren’t you the best?”. 

“Oh! That reminds me”, Charles sprung up from bed and went for his wallet, picking a silver credit card. “Here you go”, he said and stretched his arm. Erik eyed it not wanting to take the plastic but Charles kept insisting and at the end, he shoved it on his pocket feeling a little ashamed he had to take the money. 

“Text me”, Charles murmured, coming closer and kissing Erik deeply, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand “I will”, Erik smiled and then he was jumping out the window and leaving. 

 

-

 

He went to eat breakfast with his parents then, even tried to put on a good mood. But it became clear rather quickly, that the bad behaviour from the day before was still wearing them off and so they barely talked. 

Erik texted him a few hours later, telling him that he got home safe and that he missed him. It felt more and more antagonising and weird to not have Erik around him - like they were wasting the time they had been given. He wanted to see him again soon, wanted to do everything on his bucket list with him and then just… live. 

Charles thought about the bucket list for the whole day, pondering on ways they could make everything come true. He wanted to invite Erik to go on holiday with him, leave the country, leave the states, just to kiss underneath the Eiffel tower. 

 

**[You]**

 

**Do you wanna go to Paris with me?**

 

He sent that text out of an impulse at two o’clock in the morning, but he knew he meant it so very much. He wanted Erik to come along, even if they knew each other for such short time.

 

-

 

Erik was at the club when he received the text from his boyfriend. He stared at it for a moment until a customer waved him and he went towards the man. “What can I get you?”, Erik asked with a friendly smile. 

“A lap dance”, the man smirked and Erik nodded dutifully. He wasn’t supposed to disagree when someone requested it and now that Charles had revealed he wanted one from him, he would take every opportunity to train as much as he could. 

Putting his tray down, Erik lifted one leg to be straddling the man’s lap and started moving slowly but somehow still on rhythm of the song. He was wearing the tight underwear that was his uniform, body oiled up to increase the atmosphere of the club, making his body look like it was better than it really was while he danced and prayed he didn’t look completely clumsily. 

The other man immediately reached out to put a hand on the back of Erik’s thigh and it was fine at first until he started rubbing it up and down “Sorry”, Erik said, batting the hand away “you can’t touch”, shaking his head. 

The man made an unapologetic face and as soon as Erik resumed his dancing, he stretched his hand up to touch his nipples, fingers immediately pinching it. Erik yelped and pushed the man away yelling “what the fuck?”, which just proved to be a bad idea. From then on, the customer started kicking up a fuss, saying he would touch whenever he wanted to and Erik was just a whore who worked there to please men and he was secretly waiting for someone to love him and pay for his bills. 

He handled it considerably well seeing that he didn’t lose his job or break anyone’s nose. His boss was on his side since it was against the rules to touch but sent him home two hours earlier because Erik was this close to losing it. It lost him two hours of really good tip and when he stepped out the club, the air sobering him up from the anger, he felt a weird urge to just cry… Were the things the man said real? They couldn’t be… He had a boyfriend who he loved and seemed to like him very much, he was only working that job for college but he still felt… dirty. 

His eyes were prickling with tears when he made the call, but Charles had only texted twenty minutes later so he had to be awake, right? Probably not since it took a while for him to answer and his voice was sleepy. “Did you mean it?”,  Erik asked knowing he sounded desperate and on the verge of tears. “Erik? What-”, his boyfriend started but he cut him off not wanting to tell him what had happened or even talk about it “Did you meant about Paris? Because I would go… Anywhere with you to be honest”. 

 

-

 

In his sleepy state, it took him a moment to sort the question out that Erik was asking. He had just fallen asleep, thinking that Erik was probably not awake anymore, when his phone had woken him up again. 

Charles frowned and relaxed his brows again, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark and break through the sleepiness of his mind. “Well of course I-”  he yawned, “do. I wouldn't have ask otherwise.” 

Why did Erik sound so upset? Oh god, was he upset because of Charles’ proposal? Shit. He was calling him to break up, because Charles was definitely developing feelings way too fast. First that weird future talk, when Erik decided to go quickly after, and now Erik decided to call him in the middle of the night to ask him if Charles had meant his offer. He was clearly moving too fast and Erik wanted to call him back.

Suddenly Charles was wide awake and he clenched his phone on his hand, waiting for some sort of reaction from Erik. But there was something off about his theory, he thought, when he heard Erik sniffling on the other end. 

“Erik? Where are you? Is everything alright?”, he asked, sitting up in bed. His heart was picking up its pace and worry started to spread in his whole body. 

“I’m fine.. I just.. needed to hear that, you”, Erik said on the other end of the line, but Charles couldn’t believe him. Clearly, something had happened to upset Erik and Charles should be there for him now. 

“I can come to you. I’ll call a cab, alright? Should I pick you up somewhere or are you at home?”, he asked and got up from his bed to put some clothes on, his mind already set on driving to Erik. 

 

-

 

“No! No, really… Just stay home and sleep ok? I don’t want you to get in trouble-” - “Erik where  _ are _ you?”, his boyfriend asked a little more sternly now “There’s nothing you can say that will stop me from coming to meet you so you’d better just say it and save me from the trouble of looking all around town”. 

There was a rustling sound on the other side of the line and Erik knew Charles was already up. He bit his lip to stop his apology from coming out because he would only sound more whiny and then breathed out “I’m at the Royal Club but you can meet me at home? I could get there before you do” - “Are you sure?” - “Yeah”, he answered knowing it was a short walk. 

“Okay, I’ll see you there in a few”, Charles said before turning the call off and Erik sighed. It was indeed a short walk to his home but it was cold and dark. He didn’t come on his bike to save some gas and hoped he wouldn’t be bothered. 

Of course that before he even made it to the next block, he encountered the dude from the club who had felt him up and tried to walk past him without being noticed, maybe he wouldn’t be recognised when dressed but he had no such luck. 

“Hey pre’y thing”, the man slurred following him. Erik picked up his pace while the other one stumbled after him “how muc’ for the nig’t with ya?”, he asked “I know you’ cheap don’ act coy”. It was enough for Erik to let the anger take over him and turn around with a murderous glare. He wasn’t at the club anymore, he didn’t have to act a certain way and he fucking well wasn’t going to take this. 

“Changed you’ mind hm?”, the man smirked on the same way he had before the lap dance and as if instinct, Erik pulled his arm all the way back, hand closing on a fist before he swung it hard on the man’s face. It made his knuckles hurt but it seemed to be enough to release all the anger he had been feeling towards that man and so much  _ more _ lately. 

He watched him fall to the ground and scream, hand coming up to cradle his bloody face. Since they weren’t far from the club, there were people who saw it and came to the man’s aid, leaving Erik free to lift up his hoodie and slip away. Some called out to him wanting him to stick around and face the cops but he wasn’t stupid to do that and since no one followed him, he went home. 

His hand was throbbing but he didn’t regret this at all and didn’t make a move to clean it up. His heart was still beating wildly on his chest and he started pacing on his living room, while waiting for Charles. 

 

-

 

The drive was fast into the city at that point into the night. Charles had to order the cab to the parallel street close to the mansion, so that his parents wouldn’t be alarmed by a car parking in their driveway. 

Charles had never been out at that time of the day and it kind of scared him to be in a car with a complete stranger. But his mind was set on finding Erik and whenever he got scared, he recalled in his head how upset Erik had sounded. 

When he finally got to the apartment, he was more than relieved to see lights through the window. It could only mean that Erik had made it home, right? So he wasn’t in danger. 

Charles quickly went to the door and texted Erik that he was there, not wanting to wake everyone by using the bell. A few moments later, the door was opened and Charles walked inside, his thoughts running wild about what could have happened. 

“Hey”, he said, as soon as he saw Erik and checked up on him, trying to spot any injuries. He was close to not noticing, but then his eyes fell on Erik’s knuckles and he paled a little. “What did you do, Erik? Oh god, we should clean that up”, he babbled and Erik pulled him inside, so they would have more privacy. 

All the concern was back in Charles and he immediately pulled Erik closer to hug him tightly, rocking them both back and forth. “What happened? Talk to me”, he tried again, knowing that he should actually care about the injury first. 

 

-

 

Erik let himself be distracted by the comforting hug. Feeling his boyfriend close like that was the best thing and the only one he needed at the moment to ground him back from everything that happened that night. He had been so caught up on how happy Charles made him and the fact his boyfriend had cancer that he had completely forgotten his own problems. It was weird when they catched up to him. 

He hugged Charles a little tighter before starting to speak. The other man had made all the way from Westchester because he heard how upset Erik was so this really was no time to hold information. Erik started babbling about it all, scared Charles would find him violent or even be disgusted by what happened.

“It’s stupid… I shouldn’t have been upset and disturb you in the middle of the night”, he started and when Charles stirred to look up at him, he continued before being interrupted “I was working at the club and there was this customer.. He asked for a lap dance but he didn’t just watch, he tried to… Touch me while I was doing it”.

Charles took in a sharp breath and Erik went on “It was just… Unpleasant. Then he started saying some things and my boss told me to get home which was around the point I called you. But afterwards, I met the guy outside and he… He wanted to  _ r-rent  _ me. Asked how much I cost.. And I just lost it and punched him”, he finished up.

Telling the story made him feel dirty again, a person asking him how much he costed took it’s toll and he let go of Charles to assess his expression, know if he felt disgusted too, if he was scared of Erik being violent,  _ anything.  _

 

-

 

Charles’ expression was an honest disgusted one. He couldn’t believe, that someone would do this to his Erik, would try to use him like that. His heart was clenching inside his chest just by thinking of it, by imagining himself into Erik’s place. It was so easy to forget, that Erik was still a child himself, not even twenty one yet, but the way he usually acted made him look so mature. Right now, though, he looked like a lost child, confronted by the cruel outside world and in need for help. 

“You had every right to punch him, Erik. I .. I can’t believe he did this to you”, Charles said, still speechless of how to help Erik at all. Charles didn’t even know if he would have had the guts to punch that dude. 

He decided to patch Erik’s injuries while talking, since he knew now what they were and how to heal them. Slowly, he pushed Erik towards the couch and asked for the antiseptic, cotton balls and some ice. When he collected the things with Erik’s instructions, Charles kneeled in front of Erik and gently took his hand in his own one, before cleaning it with an antiseptic cotton ball. There wasn’t much blood on it and Charles was more than relieved to see, that more than half of it wasn’t Erik’s. 

“I honestly think you shouldn’t work there anymore, Erik. You’re so young and you have a bright might, strong muscles. Other places would want you easily”, Charles said and inspected the hand after cleaning it. It would have a large bruise all around the knuckles area, but Charles made Erik stretch and relax his fingers to check if anything was broken. 

“Charles, I can’t just quit there. Not until I have something new”, Erik reasoned and Charles sighed, knowing full well that he wouldn’t accept his credit card like that. He grabbed the ice pack and wrapped it around Erik’s knuckles, before standing up and sitting down next to Erik, putting his hand on Erik’s thigh. He was warm there and firm, but Charles didn’t dwell on the feeling, since it wasn’t the right time. 

“You know I have the money. I .. I would honestly like to see you out of that club.”

 

-

 

“No”, Erik shook his head adamant about that. He wasn’t taking Charles’ money for himself with no good reason. “The job there pays well and nothing like this ever happened before, Charles…I can’t just take your money like that and I won’t. I’ll find something else and then I’ll quit”, he said.  

Charles’ hand squeezed a little tighter and it reminded him of the man in the club, touching his thigh and looking at him hungrily like he wanted to fuck Erik all the ways until sunday. He held the hand inside of his own to avoid feeling it there for now and looked at Charles, begging for understanding. He didn’t want to fight now. 

“Erik, it wouldn’t make a difference if you take it! And what happen-” - “Charles, please. I’m not taking it, ok? I need you to just…  _ be _ here, not throw your money around”, Erik cut him off, the talk about money making him even more upset.

“I’m here, Erik”, Charles whispered, scooting closer and putting his chin on Erik’s shoulder “What do you need?”, he asked then and the answer was only one: he needed Charles to hold him but he had to ask one question first.

“Are you staying over?”.

 

-

 

“Yes, of course. Anything”, Charles was quick to say and nuzzled Erik’s neck in a soothing motion. Erik let out a shaky breath and nodded, slightly cocking his head for Charles to have more space.

“Okay, then.. could you just..  hold me?”, Erik requested and Charles nodded against his neck, giving the skin there a small kiss. He got up and stretched out his arm for Erik to pull him up from the couch. Erik took it and they both walked towards the bedroom. 

“I don’t even need clothes”, Charles grinned in an attempt of a joke, while he pulled off his sweater and revealed the pajamas, he was still wearing underneath it. Erik chuckled and then stripped off his own clothes. It seemed like Erik was used to sleeping in his boxers, so Charles wouldn’t be bothered by that. 

They settled down on the bed, but something about the way they were tentatively touching each other, felt weird and different. Charles was so very careful with his touches, one hand on Erik’s hips and the other underneath the pillow, where they were usually full on hugging each other in bed. 

“Erik I.. I can’t read you. Just tell me what you are comfortable with at the moment”, he said carefully, his eyes darting between Erik’s in the dark. 

 

-

 

It felt somehow weird to be touched right now but he wasn’t traumatized by that man or anything, he just… Wanted to be cared for. This was Charles, this was good.

He sighed to release his tension and breathed out “Just…”, not being able to put anything into words at the moment. He moved closer and fit himself on Charles’ arms, against his chest, head underneath his chin.

It was different from how they usually cuddled; Erik holding Charles, but when he felt his boyfriend’s arms wrapping around him careful but sweet and warm, it didn’t feel like the man at the club anymore and he let himself relax completely.

At some point, he wouldn’t have this anymore. All would be lost and he would live under the shadows of these perfect memories of having met the perfect man. Erik doubted this was some silly teenager crush, he didn’t have time for that on his life.

“What are you thinking of?”, Charles murmured and Erik put a hand on his waist. “You… Us… This… It’s nice. I don’t feel  _ dirty _ anymore”, he whispered and his boyfriend’s breath hitched.

“Erik why would ever feel that?”, he asked squeezing him tighter and Erik looked up to that beautiful shade of blue “It doesn’t matter right now… Can we just sleep?”, he asked tiredly and after a moment, Charles nodded.

It took him a little longer to fall asleep, but he felt safe there and when sleep took over him it was deep and restful. 

 

-

 

Charles was up for a little while longer, just holding Erik and and seeing him finally drifting into a peaceful sleep. He pondered for even longer what Erik had meant with feeling dirty, but couldn’t see past the obvious. Of course, being touched by a stranger, constantly having other strangers asking him for lap dances or whatsoever, it was clear that this couldn’t make Erik happy at all. He probably felt more like an object at work rather than a person and Charles was the one who needed to change that.

At some point he must have fallen asleep as well, because he woke up hours later, when the sun was already up. His phone was buzzing like crazy and he felt overheated from sharing a blanket with Erik. Moving as little as possible, while releasing a warm yawn, he bent over to grab his phone and accept the call, knowing already who it was. 

“Charles? Thank god you’re alive! Where are you?”, his mother asked on the other end and Charles looked down to see if Erik would wake up while he spoke. But he remembered, that Erik could sleep through the third world war and wouldn’t even notice anything, so he decided to go for it. 

“I’m fine. I’m .. at Erik’s. He needed me yesterday and-” - “Oh, he needed you? Wow, can’t imagine what that must have been for”, his mum answered dryly and Charles sighed. “Look, I’ll be back soon, no worries”, he said and before she could argue more, he just hung up and put his phone away.

 

-

 

Erik woke up to a delicious touch on the small of his back. It wasn’t what woke him up but it felt nice to be the first thing he felt and he hummed trying to bury himself deeper on that warmth. It was too warm but he didn’t care, he just wanted more and more of Charles.

His boyfriend smelled like himself and sweat which made Erik’s morning arousal increase only to feel it and he started kissing Charles’ chest over his shirt. “Hmm.. I see that someone’s awake”, Charles murmured.

“Morning”, Erik said looking up at his boyfriend and smiled feeling a lot better. The problem from last night seemed like a distant nightmare and right now he felt good. “Thank you for staying, Charles… I feel better with you here”, he said honestly and then moved up to kiss the other man’s lips.

“How do you feel about cooking breakfast with me?”, he asked after they pulled away, avoiding to let him feel his erection. “That sounds perfect”, Charles smiled and they both got up. After their morning routine, they went to the kitchen to make french toasts.

“When do you have to go?”, he asked wishing the answer was a good one. 

 

-

 

“Hmmh, soon, I’m afraid”, Charles answered with a sad face. He had hung up on his mother and had put his phone on silent, so he was ignoring all her other calls. Part of him was even afraid that she would show up on Erik’s doorstep any second now. 

Erik seemed unhappy about those news and didn’t even try to hide it, making Charles sigh sadly as well. He didn’t want to part from Erik again, especially not since Erik seemed so devastated last night. 

He walked closer to Erik and hugged him from behind, placing a small kiss between his shoulder blades. “You could come with me?”, he offered and let his hands wander briefly underneath the hem of Erik’s shirt, exploring the warm and soft skin there. 

These days he felt more and more like exploring Erik’s body, finding those places that would make him shiver pleasantly and touching everything for the first time. He wanted to feel and touch other places too, but wondered if Erik would want that, since Charles had no clue of what the right pace was to move on in their relationship. 

 

-

 

Charles’ tentative fingertips on his stomach felt good and Erik shivered with the goosebumps that it sent all through his body. “I’d love to, but wouldn’t your parents be mad when they see us? I don’t wanna make it worse”, he asked.

“I don’t care”, Charles answered and then kissed the back of Erik’s neck, making him shiver even harder. “Okay”, he nodded and let his hand wander down to cover Charles’ and keep it right there for a moment. 

When he lifted his hand and went back to work, Charles started pulling away “hey.. don’t go”, Erik smiled looking over his shoulder “I like having you pressed up against me” - “Yeah?”, Charles chuckled “Uhum”. It earned him another kiss and his boyfriend peeking over him to see the oven. 

After breakfast, they got themselves ready to go and mounted Erik’s bike. He knew he was going back to the club later, but tried not thinking of it too much only focusing on his boyfriend.

When they reached the mansion, Erik felt nervous about encountering the in-laws. “Do you think I should… Go in through the window?”, he asked a little nervously. He knew he would be blamed for Charles running away in the middle of the night and it was the truth after all. 

 

-

 

“Erik, you will have to face my parents again, one way or another. I mean, you can go through the window now, but that won't make things any better or worse”, Charles said, giving Erik a fair choice. 

He couldn’t help but still feel a bit sad, when Erik chose the window, but he would never admit that. Charles, himself, went through the front door and it took his parents a minute to show up, both with worried and stern expressions on their faces. 

“Charles, I know you don’t like us much right now, but you gotta have to tell us when you go see your boyfriend. We were worried and you know why”, his father started, trying hard not to attack him like Sharon would. And yet, Charles felt like they had been against his relationship from the very start and no matter how well he and Erik would act, they would always find a way to be mad at him. 

“Oh well, sorry I couldn't do that in the middle of the night. Next time I’ll make sure to wake you”, he said dryly and that was enough for his mother to explode. 

“This is not how you talk with us, young man! Did Erik teach you this?! That man is trouble; ever since you know him, you’ve been not yourself!” 

Charles met her angry stare with the same anger. He couldn’t understand why she always blamed Erik for everything! That was the last thing, Erik should hear right now. “All I am since Erik is feeling better! If it weren't for him, I could have died two years ago and it wouldn’t have made a difference!”, he yelled, making his lungs burn, but a satisfying feeling ran through his body. 

His mother was about to open her mouth again, her whole body still on attack, but Charles cut her off beforehand. “Go ahead, ground me again. This will just lead to me sneaking away again! You cannot control me anymore! And if being with Erik costs me months of my life, then he is still giving me the best time I’ve ever had!” 

With that, he turned around and walked to his room, feeling slightly dizzy at the lack of oxygen in his body. He still made it, though, and locked the door behind him, before opening the window and falling onto his bed. 

“Could you.. give me that mask there?”, he asked Erik, pointing at the small breathing mask that was connected to the oxygen generator. 

 

-

 

Erik finished jumping inside the room and rushed towards the oxygen tank to get the mask. He stepped closer to the bed and sat on it, putting the mask over Charles’ mouth and nose.

He had never seen him using it and it was a different experience he still enjoyed being part of. Erik carded his fingers through Charles’ hair, massaging his scalp gently while his boyfriend breathed in and out steadily catching his breath.

“Okay?”, Erik asked gently and Charles’ eyes fluttered open before he nodded. They stayed there for a while and then his boyfriend lifted his hand to pull the mask away and said “I’m fine now”, sitting up in bed and leaning against Erik when he sat back down.

Erik wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed his temple “How did it go with your parents?”, he asked even though Charles’ reaction made it very obvious. “They’re mad at me”, he shrugged as if it was no big deal. 

“I’m sorry”, he said and started kissing Charles’ face all the way from his hairline down to his chin “What can I do to distract you from that hm? What a movie? Play video games? Make out? I’m secretly hoping you’ll choose the last option”, he murmured in a low tone. 

 

-

 

Charles blushed and looked at Erik, feeling somewhat like a naughty school boy, hiding from the teachers, when he said “kiss me then.” 

A large smile appeared on Erik’s face and he leaned in, so that their noses bumped together and Charles’ eyes fluttered shut automatically. But after a moment, Erik still wouldn’t meet his lips and after another one, he opened his eyes again with a puzzled look on his face. 

The wide smile was still on Erik’s face, but it turned a little mischievous, like a spark in his eyes. “Nah, not like that”, Erik simply said and then he grabbed Charles by his waist and pushed him up the bed. 

Charles had barely time to react, before he landed with his head on his pillow and no second later, Erik appeared in top of him. The grin was still on Erik’s face, but now Charles was smiling too and wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck to pull him closer. 

“Now that's better”, Erik answered in the same low tone, before their lips met. Finally, Charles’ eyes fell shut and he only felt Erik moving on top of him to find the perfect angle, their lips aligned perfectly, like they were glued together. 

Charles only felt them both breathing and the wet kissing sounds, some faint rustling of sheets whenever  they changed position. Heat was radiating from Erik, while his hand ran up and down Charles’ side, trying to find the hem of his shirt to slip underneath it. Charles was simply lost in the kiss, opening his mouth willingly to let Erik lick his way inside it and then join Charles’ tongue. 

A moan escaped his lips then, making him flush a little, but he didn’t break the kiss, only felt Erik kissing him more fiercely. Charles’ own hands were now running over Erik’s back, exploring every valley and everyone muscle that was shifting with Erik’s movements. His heart was racing inside his chest, pounding against him and silently screaming all the feelings, he wasn’t ready to admit yet. 

 

-

 

The kiss was enough to leave Erik dizzy and it took him a lot of self restraint to pull away from it. A thin line of saliva connected their lips for a while and then Charles opened his eyes, pupils blown only leaving a little of the blue visible. It was a breathtaking view especially combined with the messy hair and swollen red mouth, one that Erik saved away for later references. 

“This is what I call snogging”, he said cheekily and kissed Charles again, but this time they were only several pecks before he sat himself up, his whole body feeling cold away from his boyfriend’s. Charles remained on the same position, staring at the ceiling and breathing hard almost as he had been before using the mask. It was quite the alarming thought but he was glad to see Charles seemed fine. 

“I have an idea”, Erik smiled and then got up from the bed going towards the shelf Charles had in his room. The other man had explained once that his favorite books were kept there so he wouldn’t have to go fetch them at the library so Erik picked one out of luck, not even reading the title. 

When he came back to the bed, he commanded Charles to sit up so he could get himself comfortable against the headboard and open his legs and arms, inviting his boyfriend to rest between them. When Charles was settled with his back pressed to Erik’s chest, he handed him the book and asked “Why don’t you read it for me, hm?”, and started caressing his boyfriend’s hair. 

Charles smiled and then opened the book up, starting to read. Erik kept half his attention on the book and half planning something for them. He was thinking maybe they could go out next saturday night, he would take a day off from the club or whatever work he had then and would take him out. The weather people had predicted next saturday around one am they would be able to see a meteor crossing the sky and maybe if Erik rented them a telescope and made a picnic on a open field, it was the perfect day for Charles to name a star and try to find it on the sky before seeing the meteor. 

 

-

 

Charles finished chapter one before he closed the book again, his mouth dry from all the reading. Erik was still listening, but it seemed like he was deep in thought at the same time. 

He put the book on the nightstand and shifted his weight, so he would lie more on one butt cheek to look up to Erik, one hand sprawled on Erik’s firm chest. Grey eyes met his when they stared at each other and Charles smiled warmly. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Hm, do you have plans next Saturday?”, Erik asked back, which made Charles chuckle. As if he would have plans- oh. 

Next saturday was the benefit dinner that his parents made him go to every year. Charles felt sad for saying that he indeed had plans, but then he realised that he could simply take Erik with him. 

“Hm, unfortunately I do. There is a benefit dinner that my parents will want me to go, from six to nine or something. We usually don't stay long, because of my condition, but I have to be there.” 

Talking about his medication made him realise, that he had forgotten to take them today, due to spending the night at Erik. He quickly leaned towards the nightstand and grabbed the pills and the water bottle that was ready there.  While prepared his medication, he asked what Erik had planned and felt him shrug. 

“Nevermind then. I guess the benefit dinner is more important.” - “You know it’s not. Actually, I’ve been hoping you would accompany me? We could still do something before or after?” 

Erik stiffened, a sign of being uncomfortable, so Charles sighed and swallowed the medicine before turning around and kneeling between Erik’s legs. He framed his boyfriend’s face, sharp edges of the jaw perfectly aligning with Charles’ hands. “I’d love to have you there. And it's just three hours at max, probably less if I want to. Besides, you’d look amazing in a tux”, he tried convincing Erik and pressed kisses all over his face. 

 

-

 

Erik sighed and then murmured in a grumpy tone of voice “I don’t own a tux”. His boyfriend kept kissing his face but between the pecks he answered “I’ll buy you one”, which bothered Erik in some level but he knew he wouldn’t say no to Charles at the end. 

The idea of a benefit dinner with all the stuffy people who would be talking about their wealth and things they owned while throwing some money they would not even miss to a famous charity was enough to make him want to puke. He would probably be serving that people if he hadn’t been invited and to be on the other side of it just sounded too weird, but Charles was asking him to come with, to make it more bearable for him and how could he say no?

The prospect of a date with him afterwards, seeing the comet and looking at the stars together was too inviting and he found himself breathing out “Okay, yes”, while he tried not to think of how uncomfortable it would be. Charles’ parents would probably disapprove terribly of his presence there. 

“Really?”, Charles beamed at him, his eyes practically glowing “That’s amazing, Erik! I’m so happy you’re coming with me… What did you plan for afterwards, hm? Tell me everything?”, the good reaction made him see he had made the right choice and Erik didn’t regret it for a second. At least not yet, he might change his mind on the actual dinner. 

“I can’t tell… But we’ll cut something off of your list then”, he answered with a huge smile before coming closer and being the one to kiss Charles’ lips softly now.

It was two days later when they finally had a time booked with the tailor. Charles had wanted to take Erik to the same one he went to since he was little and he seemed quite excited about the whole thing so Erik tried to be on his best mood and tell himself he would enjoy being poked by needles and trying on different clothes at the same time, what he didn’t realise it was that his boyfriend would sit there ogling at him and that he would have to fight off a boner on top of it all, caused by the hungry stares. 

 

-

 

Charles was sitting on a chair and smiling happily at Erik who was standing in front of a mirror and staring into his own reflection. The woman who was measuring him, was fussing all over him, taking length and samples to adjust the tuxedo, Erik was wearing. 

“You look amazing. I knew you’d kill that tux”, Charles grinned, eyeing Erik. He had never felt so proud of his boyfriend and he just needed to go closer and smooth down the fabric on his chest. 

Erik smiled unsure, so Charles just kissed him to reassure him that he meant what he said. It was just a small peck, because they weren’t alone and it would be impolite. But they still smiled like fools after pulling away and Charles could have sworn to see Erik blushing a little. 

When Charles sat back on the chair, started yawning a little, since his medication was starting to rub off on him again. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep. Not yet, you can sleep when we’re at home”, Erik laughed and Charles forced his eyes open with a grin. When the woman was finally done, she told them that the tux would be ready in a week and they both thanked her. 

They stepped closer to each other, when they were out of the door, and Erik tugged Charles’ arm underneath his arm, making them walk close together. “Thank you, Erik.. for coming with me. I know this is not something for you, but I’m glad you’re coming anyway.”

 

-

 

“It’s hard saying no to you when you have such pretty eyes”, Erik grinned knowing he was being cheesy but it would make Charles smile anyway. One of the nice things about dating someone who never dated before is that he could use all that and his boyfriend would still be flustered; it was adorable.

Charles chuckled at it and looked up at Erik, his eyes round and innocent when he asked “Really?”, but the evil glint there was enough to tell Erik he had just given away useful information. “Maybe”, he said still playing the part, Charles looked too happy about it for him to deny now.

“That’s good to know”, he grinned even more before they reached the bike and mounted on it. When they got back to Westchester, Erik went in through the front door and was relieved to not see Charles’ parents. He hadn’t done anything to upset them lately but being cautious was never enough, right? Besides, he didn’t know how they felt about him going to the dinner and wasn’t eager to find out.

Charles was yawning more and more and pulled Erik towards the bed where they both fell tangled up together “Will you stay?”, Charles asked but Erik shook his head “I can’t, schatz… I need to run some errands for saturday”, he answered and his boyfriend nodded understanding.

It was best if Erik wasn’t there while Charles slept anyway, he always seemed to wake up a lot earlier when he was, and Erik wanted Charles to get his full rest.

“Sleep.. You can call me when you wake up, hm?”, he said and kissed Charles’ forehead, letting him snuggle even closer. He knew it would be hard to leave that embrace without waking Charles up later, but it was still worth it. He waited for his boyfriend’s breath to even out and even a little longer after that, enjoying the feeling of being there. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

On Saturday, Charles had still not explained to his parents that he was going with Erik to the dinner, but he knew he had to face them. It wouldn’t be fair to Erik, if Charles just let him show up and get all the mean comments from his mother. 

He walked slowly towards his parents in their bedroom, already dressed in a tuxedo - the same one he had been wearing when he met Erik. His parents turned towards him, as soon as he entered the room, both wearing a smile on their faces that, Charles guessed, would soon fade. “You look fine, Charles. Everything alright?”, Brian asked. 

Charles fumbled with his fingers and took a deep breath. “I invited Erik to the dinner as my date. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I knew you wouldn’t like it”, he just tore the baind-aid off and waited for the impact. 

Sharon raised a brow, but that was all she did and Brian only kept smiling. “Okay, darling. Should we pick him up?” 

Charles was more than confused about their reaction, but he wouldn’t jinx it and only smiled as well. “Yes, that would be nice, thank you”, he answered, putting more honesty into the thank you to show them, it wasn’t entirely about the picking up matter. 

An hour later, they pulled up at Erik’s flat and Charles texted him to come down. When he saw Erik in the fitting tuxedo, his couldn’t help his dreamy eyes, feeling like he was picking up his date for prom. Erik smiled a bit more reserved, but entered the car and sat next to Charles. 

Charles immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed it, feeling somehow coy around his parents. Still, he told him in a low voice “you look amazing.” 

 

-

 

“You too”, Erik answered warmly, but with a nervous edge to his tone of voice. “Hello Mrs and Mr. Xavier”, he said politely. Sharon was more than polite when she answered and Brian gave him a smile, but that was it. The ride wasn’t silent because Brian once again filled the gaps talking about small trivias and such, for which Erik was more than thankful and he knew his boyfriend was too. 

When they arrived at the place, Erik wasn’t blown away by how huge it was since he had already worked at places like this and had already seen Charles’ mansion, but it was very luxurious and everyone was dressed up like they were getting an Oscar rather than donating money for children who couldn’t afford a blanket when they were cold. 

It was something that always worked Erik up and made him angry, but he also took consolation on the fact Charles was different, he was a shiny beacon in the midst of all the hypocrites in the room and Erik was more than proud to be with him. They shared a look with each other and Charles’ hand tightened around his before they entered the huge room. Erik found it quite overwhelming to be on the other side like that, but he put on his best face, trying to remind himself what they would be up to later. 

What money could do would never cease to amaze Erik and he had someone right at that moment who was setting up the picnic with the telescope on the open field they would ride a cab to. Erik had the paperwork for naming a star on his pocket since he didn’t want to part from it and after Charles had picked the name, they only had to file it the next day when the place would be open; but that was just a formality since the documents were already signed and ready, only one gap needing to be filled. 

“There’s our table”, Charles said pointing with a tilt of his chin. Apparently, they got to sit while Sharon and Brian mingled because of Charles’ condition and Erik wasn’t complaining about it. 

When they sat down, he saw how people were avoiding the middle of the room, right in front of a stage where a band was already starting to play. It was very… classical and Erik smiled softly, looking at Charles “Will you dance with me later?”, he asked. 

 

-

 

“Of course! I’d love to”, Charles said happily and looked around the room. People were chatting and drinking out of expensive champagne glasses, eating finger food that were served by the waiters. 

Charles was concerned that Erik might know one of these waiters and would feel uncomfortable around them, so he eyed Erik again and tried to assess him. “Do you.. know anybody here?”, he asked a little awkwardly but was more than relieved to see Erik shaking his head. 

They ate a little and watched the people around them, but mostly talked to each other about everything. Charles had created that little game of guessing where Erik would take him and Erik would always answer with “I’m not telling you.” 

An hour later, people were still not dancing and Charles knew it wouldn’t change, because they were too snobby for that. But he promised Erik to dance and was actually quite excited about his first dance with someone else than family members. He got up from the chair and held out his hand to Erik. “Come on, let’s dance.”

“What? There are still no people dancing”, Erik argued and Charles chuckled a little. “That won’t change if someone doesn’t make a start. C’mon, I can lead if you want?”

Erik breathed out and then took Charles’ hand, so Charles pulled him up and guided him a bit more into the open room. People were of course noticing them, but only glancing at them quickly, before turning away again. 

Charles put his hand on Erik’s back and told Erik to put his hands on Charles’ shoulders, since they would go for a Waltz. “Charles, I .. have never done that”, Erik said a bit unsure, but Charles smiled and took one step forward, to which Erik took a step backwards automatically. 

“See, it’s that easy”, he said grinning and then continued to move in the beat of the music. 

 

-

 

Erik did his best to follow Charles’ steps and was glad when he didn’t step on his boyfriend’s toes or made a mistake, he hadn’t even noticed he was staring at the floor though, and was surprised when Charles let go of his hand to put two fingers under his chin and make him look up. 

“Keep your eyes on mine”, he murmured and held Erik’s hand again. It got easier then, he followed the steps but was so focused on Charles’ eyes that he didn’t even think of what he was doing, he just…  _ did.  _ There was so much they were saying with their eyes, so many feelings and emotions that Erik felt overwhelmed by it, his heart bursting with it all. 

“You’re amazing”, he whispered pulling him closer with the hand on his shoulder their bodies perfectly aligned “I could say the same about you”, Charles answered and their rhythm changed a little when his boyfriend put his head on Erik’s chest and their joined hands came closer, their elbows bent. 

They were still dancing around with long steps, Charles guiding Erik with expertise while Erik had his eyes closed and a dopey smile on his face. He didn’t even notice they were on their fourth song and there were other people dancing as well until Charles pulled away with a smile and sparkly eyes.

“You did great”, he said but his voice was quite spent and Erik noticed he was breathing harder “You okay?”, he asked worriedly to which Charles nodded. “Yeah, I usually don’t dance over three songs though, I need to sit down… And a glass of water”, he said. 

They went back to the table, waving a waiter for water on the way, - which reminded Erik of how they had met each other - and when they reached there, Sharon and Brian were also sitting, which made Erik a little nervous. 

 

-

 

Charles tried to catch his breath, in order not to worry his parents who were sitting at their table now. He put on a smile and sat down, his chest aching a little, but he was used to that now. Erik sat down next to him and they intertwined their fingers underneath the table. 

“Oh, you have cold hands”, Erik noted and Charles nodded. He knew it was because he didn’t have enough oxygen in his body and that he would just need to calm down and it would go away. 

Of course, his mother knew that too and she raised an eyebrow. “You do? Are you feeling okay, Charles?”, she asked, the worry in her tone mingling with a judging one towards Erik. Charles nodded again, trying his most honest smile, but still couldn’t talk much without giving away his exhaustion. 

The waiter with his water came to his rescue and he quietly drank it. His fingers were still playing with Erik’s underneath the table and he smiled at his boyfriend. 

“I’m really excited for tonight”, he whispered with a knowing smile and wondered what Erik would be doing with him. 

Of course, late at night, there weren't many options of what they could do from Charles’ bucket list and he couldn’t help but wonder if Erik planned of having sex  with him tonight. Was he ready for that? What did Charles even want? What did count as sex for him? A blowjob or a handjob? Or maybe the whole penetrative shebang? 

 

-

 

“I hope you’ll enjoy it… I’m making sure it will be a magical night for us”, Erik smiled charmingly at his boyfriend and moved his fingers against the shorter ones, also very much excited about their upcoming night. “When can we leave?”, Erik whispered back, his face close to Charles’ ear. 

He felt his boyfriend’s small hairs lifting and touching his lips very softly, almost as if they were not there. It sent shivers through Erik’s spine how Charles tilted his neck because of the goosebumps the proximity caused him and then his boyfriend said lowly “Soon”, which was good enough for Erik. 

Charles’ parents were eyeing them critically but Erik didn’t care about it. He was expressing his caring for his boyfriend and no one would stop him from doing it. They went through more finger food and at some point, Erik noticed how stupid he had been planning a freaking picnic after a dinner. “Crap!”, he exclaimed out of nowhere and all eyes turned on him, making him blush. 

“Uh.. Sorry”, he said looking around and then at Charles “I need to make a phone call”. His boyfriend nodded and Erik got up from the chair, finding a corner where he could speak on the phone and call off the picnic. He asked for the woman he hired to keep the blankets, flowers and the beer but to take the food back to his place. 

When he finally came back to the table, Charles was getting up and smiled softly saying “I’m ready to go, I told my parents I’m tired and they’ll stay for longer”. Erik grinned, happy about that and stretched out an arm to hold his boyfriend’s hand “Let’s go then! You’ll love this”, he said, thinking how much Charles would enjoy watching the comet and his own star. 

 

-

 

His heart was beating faster with every minute they were walking towards the cab. He was almost entirely expecting them to go to Erik’s apartment and start undressing each other there, that he was surprised to hear Erik saying Central Park as their final destination. 

“We’re going in a park at night?”, Charles asked and Erik shrugged, “is that okay?” 

Of course it was okay, but just not expected. Still, Charles’ excitement didn’t wear off and he kneaded Erik’s hand all the way to the park. When they arrived, Charles insisted on paying and they stepped out of the car to walk the bit into the park. 

It was cold, but not freezing, so Charles snuggled closer to Erik and put their joined hands in his pocket. It was only when he saw the blankets, that it finally doomed him what they would do. The stars looked perfect tonight and he finally realised that they would go stargazing. 

“I can't believe I nearly missed this because of a dinner”, Charles exclaimed and walked closer to the beautiful set. He smiled like a happy child on Christmas and finally sat down, fitting himself between Erik’s legs. 

“I take it you like it?”, Erik asked and wrapped his arms around Charles, nuzzling his jaw. Charles squirmed, because he was ticklish, but nodded and put his hands above Erik’s. 

“I love it. Thank you, Erik. This will definitely be a night to remember.” 

 

-

 

“I’m glad you liked it”, Erik murmured nuzzling the back of Charles’ neck now. “There’s a comet tonight… We’ll be able to see it better with the telescope around one am”, he said after a moment and Charles turned himself around a little to gaze at him, looking like an excited child. 

“Really?”, he beamed, smile so huge Erik thought it would slice his face in half “Yeah.. It’s going to be beautiful, hm?” - “It really will”, Charles said turning around again and leaning against Erik’s chest, looking up at the dark sky, full of stars. 

There were other people on the park doing the same activity but gladly it wasn’t so full and they were all apart from each other, none of them prying on what the others were doing or close enough to be heard. It was perfect and intimate. Erik was more than happy about it. 

He let go of Charles to reach out for one of the blankets that was folded next to him and to get the paperwork for the star out of his pocket. He opened the blanket over their legs, knowing it would take a while and he didn’t want his boyfriend to feel cold. “Thank you… this is perfect”, Charles said and intertwined his fingers with Erik’s on top of his stomach. 

“Well, not perfect yet”, Erik commented “I did say we were making one of your wishes come true today, so…”, he trailed off and grabbed the paper, opening it in front of Charles’ name “How would you like to name a star tonight and try to find it through the telescope?”. 

 

-

 

His own star? Naming it. Charles couldn’t believe his luck to have such a devoted and caring boyfriend. He snuggled closer to Erik, awkwardly half hugging him from their position and grinning like an idiot. 

“You’re the best!”, he exclaimed and plastered kisses all over Erik’s skin, everywhere he could reach. It made him giggle and they both fell over, rolling on the blanket together. 

Charles finally found Erik’s mouth and kissed him silly, giving him small pecks all over his lips. They smiled into the kiss, while Charles rearranged himself on top of Erik and kissed him properly. Erik’s hands rested on Charles’ waist, just a light touch that made him shiver. 

“Erik, you do know I’m serious, right? You’re the best that ever happened to me”, Charles whispered against Erik’s lips and watched him blush. They sat up again afterwards to set up the telescope and look through it. Charles tried first, but he gave Erik the telescope, as soon as he found a star he wanted to name. 

“Do you see that one? The one that isn't shining the brightest, but is there like it belongs there. I want to name it”, Charles grinned, trying to explain to Erik which star he meant. 

Erik nodded and smiled like he had found exactly which star Charles was talking about. “What do you want to name it?” 

This brought Charles to thinking. Naming a star was a big deal and couldn’t just be done in a rush. It needed to be something special, something that was related to them. While he was thinking, Erik opened a beer for each of them and handed Charles one bottle. Charles blushed immediately, holding the cold bottle in his hands. 

“I never drank beer before. Is it good?” - “You’ll get used to it, but it's worth the experience.” Charles nodded and nipped on the bottle, tasting the bitter, watery beer on his tongue. 

He pulled a face, but swallowed it and took another sip. He had more imagined it to taste like apple, but that wasn’t the case at all. After his beginning disappointment, though, Charles got used to the taste quickly. 

“I think I need a few more beers, before I can think of the perfect name for the star”, Charles grinned and took the telescope again to find his star again. 

 

-

 

“Of course”, Erik grinned and put his free hand on Charles’ hip, looking up at the sky while his boyfriend used the telescope to do that. It was quite sweet that Charles had picked the less shiny one and he felt a wave of warmth towards that special man he adored so much.

“How long until one?”, Charles asked straightening up again and snuggling closer to Erik, looking up at him. “It’s not long”, he said stretching his arm so the sleeve of the suit would be pulled back and he could see his wristwatch “half an hour”.

“I like that wristwatch”, Charles commented with a smile and Erik grinned “it’s quite… Sexy”, he said. It was surprising to hear Charles say that but he was not complaining or losing an opportunity. “Talking about sexy.. I can’t keep my eyes off of you on that suit”, he countered looking up and down hungrily at his boyfriend.

“Erik… Have you  _ seen  _ yourself? You take my breath away”, he said and now Erik couldn’t help but lean in and press their lips softly together. He pulled away but just enough so they weren’t kissing anymore while their lips still brushed “I like you so much, Charles”, he breathed out, noses bumping. 

 

-

 

The words gave Charles warm chills up and down his body, but some part of him was filled with bruised confidence. He was feeling so much more for Erik to simply  _ like _ him, but Erik seemed like he wasn’t there yet. Or… or they were both just dancing around each other. 

Charles had never felt those three magical words to someone other than his parents. Well, he had never felt this way before, so that was that. 

“Erik?”, he asked, pulling away a little more to eye his boyfriend properly. “Have you ever been in love before?”

The question sounded so childish, because it was stupid to assume otherwise, but Charles just needed to know. There were a thousand feelings lying underneath his chest and they were bubbling up and wanted to get out. 

“Hm? Well, yes”, Erik answered and Charles nodded, hiding his disappointment that he wasn’t Erik’s first in any case. “How does it feel?”, he asked instead. 

“It feels… good. It just.. feels different from what you ever felt before. Like you constantly want to be around the other person, drawn close together. You feel like you are not able to contain all those feelings inside of you. I know it’s cheesy, but your heart beats faster and you feel like devoting your existence to the other person”, Erik said, while scamming his fingers through Charles’ hair. 

Charles smiled, those words sounding exactly like he was feeling and he kissed Erik once again. “I have a name for our star. Cherik. It's um.. a merge of our names. So, whenever you’ll look up that sky and see the small star there, you will be reminded of me.”

“Don’t make this sound sad”, Erik pouted, but looked like he was flattered by Charles’ name. 

Charles gently stroked his hand over Erik’s stubble on his cheek and looked from one grey eye to the other. “I love you, Erik.” 

 

-

 

Erik had been in love twice before on his life. The first time, he had been in love with his neighbourhood at ten years old, he loved her for the grand total of two years until he finally noticed that she wasn’t interested and girls weren’t that attractive to him. 

Then, he had been in love with this boyfriend of his. It had lasted longer and he had been older but when it all came crashing down it had hurt a lot more than the first time and he found out he had never been loved at all.

This… Charles saying he loved him with so much devotion and  _ honesty… _ It was the first time Erik heard those words and he couldn’t even explain how he felt. His heart was pounding crazily inside his chest, a tight knot had formed on his guts and Christ! He felt like laughing madly. 

When he had described how it was to feel in love, he had been thinking of Charles and no one else. He had thought and feared that once again his feelings would be one sided. But Charles  _ loved _ him. He had said it!

Lifting his hand, Erik pushed Charles’ hair back from his forehead, gazing deeply at those blue eyes. “I was scared you didn’t feel it”, he whispered almost inaudibly, his voice failing him. “Why would you be scared?”, his boyfriend frowned, looking a little upset.

“Charles… No one’s ever loved me before. I don’t think I could take it if the one that means the most to me didn’t feel it back”, he managed to say it louder and this time, it was Charles who whispered “... Back?”, needing to hear the words.

“I love you...”, Erik said, his palm sliding down to cup the side of Charles’ face “... ever since the first moment I saw you”. 

 

-

 

Charles chuckled, even if his heart was racing and a blush was spreading on his cheeks. “Love at the first sight doesn't exist, don't be silly”, he grinned, but pressed into Erik’s touch on his cheek. 

“Well, what was it that I was feeling back then?” - “Hm, maybe hunger?” - “You’re the silliest person I know”, Erik laughed and shook his head. 

Charles giggled too and put his hands on Erik’s warm chest, fumbling a little with his buttons. When he looked up again, Erik took it as a signal to lean in and press his lips onto Charles’. Compared to the other kisses they have shared, this one was slow and almost shy. They moved their lips against each other, while Erik’s thumb was rubbing over Charles’ cheek. 

When Charles kissed Erik again, he tilted his head a little and intensified the kiss only a little. He pushed Erik onto the ground, moving down with him so he was on top, and then he wrapped a blanket over them, so they were hidden from the cold and prying eyes. 

“I love you too”, Charles smiled, overwhelmed by his feelings. It felt like he couldn’t stop grinning when he locked their lips once again and let his tongue slip inside of Erik’s mouth. He couldn’t believe, that no one had ever loved Erik before. What was there not to love him? He was so devoted and caring, handsome and charming. 

Charles let his hands run underneath Erik’s shirt, feeling the warmth of his skin there and a little bit of curly chest hair. He had never explored Erik’s chest before, but now he wanted to feel him everywhere, to be as close as possible to Erik. 

 

-

 

Erik loved everything about Charles from his looks to his personality and he couldn’t believe this amazing person felt the same.

The hands on his chest were giving him goosebumps and Charles was moving them slowly but everywhere, exploring his stomach, chest and collarbones. It was when those soft palms brushed against his nipples that Erik’s back arched slightly and he moaned into the warm mouth.

Charles broke the kiss just slightly, hovering above him and whispered “you like being touched here?”, hands coming back up to rub over Erik’s nipples. “Y-Yeah… Feels good”, he answered, letting his own hands dip underneath Charles’ tux to touch the skin on his sides.

“Does it?”, Charles asked curiously and Erik nodded “I can show you”, he offered caressing the warm skin. “Yes, please”, he answered. Erik lifted his head to catch those cherry lips in a kiss while his hands ran up.

Their tongues were intensely intertwined, their kiss deep and slow, leaving their mouths slick with saliva when his fingers finally found Charles’ nipples and he touched them gently at first, teasing until there was a hardening nub and he pinched it and played with it, feeling how Charles’ concentration on the kiss had lowered, but they were still clumsily trying. 

 

-

 

It felt amazing to be touched at his nipples. At age eighteen he had of course tried it himself once or twice, but it had never felt so good and he never saw the appeal in it. But having Erik’s thumbs working his his nipple now, it distracted him more from the kiss than he wanted. He panted into Erik’s mouth, trying not to moan in public, but little sounds kept escaping his mouth. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”, Erik said in a low voice in front of his lips and Charles let out a mix of a whimper and an approving sound. He couldn’t help but press his lower body closer to Erik’s, just to be surprised by the bulge in Erik’s pants, that was poking him. 

He parted from Erik’s lips then and sat himself up a little, making Erik stop touching his nipples. Both their breaths were ragged and Charles could only guess how red he was in his face. “We can’t .. not here”, he said and Erik nodded, even if they both were kind of sad about that. 

Charles helped Erik with his buttons again and then they removed the blanket from their bodies again and sat up. He still felt Erik’s erection in his pants when he pressed his back against Erik’s front again, but tried to ignore the problem for now. 

They came out from under the covers in the right moment, seeing the comet just passing them by, like a bright shooting star, but definitely slower than those. “It’s so beautiful, Erik. Thank you so much for making one of my wishes come true”, Charles said with so much gratitude in his voice. 

 

-

 

Erik breathed out shakily, trying to control his lower body and smiled, arms tightening around Charles’ front. “I’m glad you liked it, Schatz.. Thank you for for naming your star after us”, he said, thinking what an adorable name  _ Cherik _ was. 

“It’s  _ our  _ star now”, his boyfriend answered, his hand resting on top of Erik’s and thumb caressing the skin there. Erik smiled, burying his head on the crook of Charles’ neck and thinking the surprise had gone more perfectly than he had thought it would with the love confession and all. It made him giddy and he chuckled gently there.

“What?”, Charles asked, eyes still glued in the sky. “I’m happy”, Erik murmured. 

They watched the comet for a little while longer but the night was getting colder and and Erik’s ass was hurting from sitting down this long. “Do you wanna come over or should I drive you home?”, he asked after they had gotten up and folded Erik’s blanket, - he explained someone was there to pick the telescope up and they didn’t have to worry about it. 

He knew how promising it was for his boyfriend to come over, but he wasn’t sure if he had said something to his parents about it and didn’t want to assume anything. 

 

-

 

“Hm, I’ll have to call my parents but I do want to come and they can't change my mind about that. I just want to tell them, so they don't worry”, Charles said, already pulling out his phone to call his parents.

Erik grabbed Charles’ hand and they walked towards the exit of the park, both with phones on their hands. Erik was probably calling a cab for them, Charles presumed. 

“Charles? Is everything alright?”, his mother asked, as soon as she picked up the phone. Charles was quick to explain that he was fine and then asked if he could stay over at Erik’s. 

“You know what I think about that. You don’t even have your medication there or- what if you get an attack?”, Sharon said and Charles couldn’t help his eyes from rolling. 

“Mum, I’ll be alright. I’ll come back as soon as possible”, he said and she only sighed, but didn’t argue anymore. They hung up just in time for Charles to enter the cab with Erik. Their hands were still joined and before Erik could ask if Charles had gotten his permission, Charles simply named Erik’s address as their destination. 

 

-

 

Erik played with Charles’ fingers all the way to his home, happy that his boyfriend was going there for the night. The other man paid the cab and they made their way up to Erik’s flat still attached to the hip. 

He took off his suit jacket and helped Charles out of his before they went to the bedroom to hang them so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. Erik almost forgot the suit belonged to him, thinking he had to keep it in good state to give it back the next day, but he had gotten it as a gift from Charles. 

His boyfriend was unbuttoning his cufflinks when Erik stepped closer to him and put both hands on his hips, smiling warmly “Thank you for the suit”, he said because he hadn’t done so yet. Charles beamed at him, still fumbling with his cufflinks and answered “You look amazing in it”, for which Erik had to kiss him for. 

Then, he batted Charles’ hands away to unbutton his sleeves for him. “Thanks, darling”, he said and the endearment made Erik’s heart flutter. He felt more bold tonight and when he was done with those buttons, he started working on the ones that would open up the shirt. He slowly opened each one solemnly, focused on his work. 

He could feel Charles’ body shaking slightly when he reached the last button and looked up at him, locking eyes. “Is this okay?”, Erik asked and Charles nodded, his pupils blown, only a small blue circle around it. He pressed his palms to his boyfriend’s chest and moved them outwards, slipping them around his shoulders underneath the shirt to push it off. 

The white shirt fell to the floor but Erik didn’t care about it. Charles was shirtless in front of him, inches and inches of pale skin and God!  _ Freckles! _ “I didn’t know you had freckles here too”, he whispered huskily and Charles blushed bashfully “That’s my curse”, he said half joking, half serious. 

“What are you talking about? They’re… so sexy”, Erik said, deciding to go with what he  _ really _ thought of them. Erik looked lower, taking in the two brown nipples he had touched earlier and the flat stomach with a pretty belly button. Christ, Charles was gorgeous. They had changed before in front of each other but Erik had never let himself look too closely. Now, it felt like his whole world was spinning faster and faster with how sweet and good the moment was. 

“You’re beautiful”, he breathed out and let his hands come up to curl around Charles’ neck “I don’t know how I was so lucky to get you, but I’m so glad I did”. 

 

-

 

Charles would never ever believe, that somebody who got him, was lucky. How could it be considered luck, when those people close to him, would all be hurt by him? He didn’t want to change the mood now, though, so he didn’t say any of his doubts out loud and forced them away. 

“Thank you, Erik. But you clearly don't see how good looking you are, or otherwise you wouldn’t be surprised that I was attracted to you since day one”, he answered, already feeling like he was saying too much. 

This was one of those rare moments that should have been cherished without unnecessary words. Charles leaned in and turned his head right before Erik’s lips, kissing the spot before his ear instead. 

He smiled cheekily and gathered some more confidence to scatter small kisses on Erik’s jawline, leaving a wet trail there. The thoughts from earlier came back to his mind and he wondered if they were going further tonight, if Erik had planned that. 

His hands came up to find the buttons for Erik’s shirt, undoing them while his ljps were still moving along Erik’s neck. The smell of Erik’s cologne got into his nose then, making him feel hazy. He heard Erik panting into his ear, the grip on his neck loosening a little and hands falling to his upper arms. 

Erik pulled him closer then, making him take the small step that was still between them and pressing their bodies together. It felt so good, being close to Erik, the heat radiating from him. Charles kissed his was to Erik’s lips again, but they only kissed briefly, before Erik put his head in the crook of Charles’ neck. 

He fought off a tickle, bending his head to the side to give Erik more room. It felt like Erik was kissing each one of his freckles and just the thought gave Charles’ chills. 

“Feels good”, he whispered, not daring to raise his voice more. He pressed into Erik’s body more, but angled his hips a little, too awkward about his own erection.

 

-

 

Erik spread kisses on the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and on the length of it, licking a line on the vein there and then sucking right underneath the curve of his jaw, making a new hickey. 

It felt good indeed but Charles’ body was angled weirdly away from his, not allowing them to be pressed close as he wanted to. He gripped those hips tighter and moved them, bringing Charles’ lower body flushed to his.

He heard the small surprised gasp that came out of his boyfriend’s mouth that mixed with his moan when he felt the bulge on Charles’ pants. He had always wondered if he was getting aroused on their make out sessions too and now he knew. It felt perfect.

“Love marking you”, Erik murmured kissing up Charles’ chin to meet his mouth at the same time he started walking them backwards towards the bed. Before they fell into it though, Erik pulled away and whispered “Charles… I just wanna… Kiss you and be close to you but doesn’t mean we are doing anything more okay? I just like feeling you like this”, his hand rubbing up and down Charles’ torso. “Is that okay? Tell me to stop and I will”.

 

-

 

Oh. Okay, good, just plain kissing, nothing more. That was okay. He tried really hard not to be weirdly disappointed by that, pulling on a smile. Of course, just kissing Erik already felt amazing and he would gladly accept that, but somehow it had sounded more like  _ Erik _ didn’t want to go further. 

“Of course, that's okay”, Charles said and pressed their lips together again. Their kiss was just as intense as before, but something had died down around them and the atmosphere had changed. The moment didn’t feel as pregnant with meaning anymore, causing Charles to relax a bit more and just go with what he knew. 

They laid down on bed together, bodies turned towards each other and legs tangling together. The proximity was forcing their lower bodies together, but Charles’ erection was already softening again, as there was no reason for it to be there. 

“Do you want to sleep without a shirt? I noticed you usually do”, Erik asked then and Charles shook his head.  Whenever they were sharing a bed, Charles was overheating anyways, so maybe his shirtless state would help him accommodate. 

Erik went to kiss him again, warm and soft, almost tenderly moving their lips against each other. Charles kissed him back, of course, his hand resting on Erik’s waist. He pulled away a mere centimetre and murmured “goodnight, Erik. I will always remember today.” 

 

-

 

Erik was a little disappointed at the change of mood. He hadn’t realised his words would ruin the moment, he had only wanted to reassure Charles he wasn't  _ expecting  _ anything from him but now… It was over. 

“Goodnight, schatz”, he said and pressed a kiss to Charles’ forehead. He wouldn’t ruin it next time. Definitely not. 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Upon waking up, Erik blinked slowly up to the ceiling. The first thing that came to his mind was that Charles had said he loved Erik last night and  _ Christ _ wasn’t that amazing?

He decided to surprise the other man with breakfast in bed so he got up very silently, walking on eggs. There was nothing there to serve a proper breakfast but there  _ was  _ the food from the picnic last night and Erik picked the sandwiches from the fridge, - since they were meant to be eaten cold anyway - accompanied by an empty bottle of beer in which he put on two little flowers, - he had gone downstairs for them. There was also orange juice in it and he hoped his boyfriend would like it, since he only deserved the best and Erik was doing what he could there.

He took one look at the fridge door, where he had put Charles’ bucket list with the help of a magnet. He read it through again, the words almost tattooed on his brain now and pondered if he should take it down, but he didn’t since he wasn’t scared of Charles seeing it. They  _ loved _ each other.

Walking back to the room with the tray, he carefully put it on the nightstand and lied down next to Charles, hand curling on the soft hair as he whispered “Charles?”, and caressed his naked back next. 

 

-

 

Charles was woken out of pretty dreams of a hug prom, dancing with Erik in the middle of it. But being woken up by Erik’s voice and a warm hand touching his back, wasn’t bad at all. He blinked his eyes open and yawned a little, taking a few moments to fully wake up and look around the room. 

“Oh”, he said, when he spotted the breakfast on the nightstand, his eyes lingering on the beautiful flowers in the beer bottle. He couldn’t help the smile spreading on his cheeks and then finally looked at his boyfriend, who was hovering above him.    
“Morning, sleeping beauty”, Erik grinned, showing all his perfect teeth. Charles blushed a little and sat himself up some more, in order to be on the same level as Erik. 

As soon as he was up, Erik’s lips were glued to his, despite the morning breath that he probably had. It was only a brief kiss, though, so they parted again and silently decided to sit on the bed, with their backs leaning against the wall. Erik balanced the tray closer to them, so that they both were able to eat from it. 

“It looks really nice, Erik. Thank you”, Charles said and kissed Erik’s cheek as a thank you. Then they both ate the delicious sandwiches and drank the orange juice, just silently enjoying their morning together. 

 

-

 

Erik loved watching Charles in the morning, hair sticking to all sides and blue eyes half open. He was getting more and more awake while the time passed and Erik smiled to himself, completely in love with that human being. 

He knew though, he had to take Charles home soon because his boyfriend had to take his medication and he wasn’t getting in the way of that.

A week later, Erik was at home watching television and bored. He was hungry and for one of the few times in his life he decided to indulge on a desire of his and order a pizza with the tips he had gotten at the diner. 

When it got there, though, Erik thought he would rather share it with his boyfriend. He had spent his gas money on the pizza and therefore he would have to take a bus to westchester and the food would probably be cold when it got there, but that was besides the point. Cold pizza was delicious anyways.

Erik thought of what they could eat as dessert and opening his fridge he only had a half eaten chocolate bar and spoiled milk, - which he threw away. The bar was okay and he thought they could maybe melt it and eat with something else Charles could provide.

They had seen each other the day before but it still felt like forever ago and Erik missed his boyfriend so he grabbed the things and went to grab a bus. 

 

-

 

Charles was just reading  _ Pride and Prejudice _ , when he heard somebody knocking at his window. He looked outside, but already knew who it was, so he unlocked the window to let Erik inside. “Hey, what are you doing here?”, he asked, but already saw the pizza box. 

“You brought pizza? Wow, thank you”, Charles grinned and grabbed it from Erik, so he could climb inside Charles’ room. 

“Well, I was craving it and thought about sharing it with you. I also brought chocolate as dessert. If you have strawberries, we could cover them with chocolate”, Erik grinned and Charles agreed enthusiastically. 

First, of course, they came closer and kissed each other. Charles had missed Erik, even if they had seen each other only yesterday. It felt like time was running out for them, having already spent two months with each other. 

“Hey”, he whispered against Erik’s lips and Erik smiled openly. “Hi”, Erik whispered back and they kissed each other again. When Charles walked into the kitchen to heat the pizza up and to prepare the strawberries, Erik helped him, but returned to the room a bit earlier and Charles saw him setting up a picnic blanket in the floor of his room.    
“I love picnic with you”, Charles laughed and set the things on the ground, before sitting down himself and scooting closer to Erik. 

 

-

 

“Me too”, Erik answered warmly and smiled at Charles with all his teeth, on that way that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle. They each picked a share of their pizza and started eating.

“What were you up to when I got here?”, he asked after chewing on his first bite. Charles had put on the cd Erik had given him on the background and the atmosphere felt amazing.

“I was reading  _ pride and prejudice _ ”, he answered to which Erik playfully rolled his eyes “Again?”, he teased “You give that book more attention than me” - “Don’t be a drama queen”, he chuckled as an answer.

The whole pizza box was eaten along with easy conversation and light banter, small touches here and there and bright smiles.

“Oh! This is my favorite song from this cd”, Charles suddenly exclaimed and Erik grinned, it truly was an amazing song. He got up and bowed down, stretching an arm and saying “Can I have this dance?”, to which Charles immediately agreed.

They dance around the room, his boyfriend laughing excitedly to the silly dance moves and spins Erik was making. When the song was over, they went to eat dessert. The strawberries were delicious but Erik couldn’t take his eyes off of Charles’ lips. They were the same shade of the strawberry and when he bit into the fruit, the red juice was tinting it even redder.

When a small droplet went down Charles’ bottom lip, Erik whimpered and his boyfriend looked at him curiously “What?”, he asked after swallowing down and Erik lick his lips unconsciously. “Jesus, you don’t even know how much I want you”, he said not being able to hold himself and came closer, catching the drop with his mouth and starting to kiss the other man. 

 

-

 

Charles let out a surprised sound, when Erik kissed him with energy. He hadn’t seen that coming, but wasn’t protesting either and kissed Erik back immediately. Erik’s tongue was already invading his mouth, licking every corner of it, as if he was chasing the taste of strawberry. 

The angle was a bit uncomfortable, though, so Charles got up on his knees without breaking the kiss and crouched closer to Erik. Erik shifted as well and stretched out his legs, inviting Charles to straddle his lap, which he did immediately. The food was already forgotten, now that Charles was feeling Erik’s warm body underneath him. It was blissful and exciting at the same time. 

Charles’ hands came up to frame Erik’s face, while Erik’s hands rested on his hips, trying to find a way inside of Charles’ shirt. His fingers were cold when they touched Charles’ skin and it made him flinch a little, but Erik didn’t loose his grip and after the first shock, Charles relaxed again. He felt Erik’s hands wandering up and down his spine and then finding his nipples once again, brushing with his thumbs over them. 

Charles moaned into Erik’s mouth and his cock gave an interested twitch, starting to fill with blood. He broke the kiss then and sank his head into the crook of Erik’s neck, where he started to kiss the exposed skin and breathe hotly against it. “I want you too, Erik”, he whispered in a rough voice and bruised Erik’s skin again. 

 

-

 

He moaned, fingers pinching Charles’ nipples a little more roughly and making him groan on the back of his throat while still latching to Erik’s throat. “You’re so gorgeous… So hot”, he said moving his arms to wrap them around Charles’ waist and bring him even closer.

His boyfriend’s fingers carded through Erik’s short hair and gripped them tight, wet mouth kissing up to his ear where Charles bit on the lobe and licked the shell, teasing out more moans from Erik.

He moved his hands downwards now, his hands boldly slipping underneath Charles’ khaki pants to cup both of his ass cheeks over his underwear,

They hadn't touched themselves anywhere apart from their chests yet and it felt amazing to just  _ feel _ Charles like this, put his hand everywhere and feel like they belonged. He kneaded the flesh with hot flaming desire pumping through his veins and moaned softly when Charles came back to his mouth, kissing him deep. 

Charles grabbed the back of Erik’s shirt, pulling it up a little and when Erik let go of his ass to put his arms up, the other man removed his shirt and Erik proceeded to do the same to him.

The heated skin of their chests pressed together sending shivers through Erik’s spine and he parted from the kiss to trail down to Charles’ collarbone and lick a path there. He looked up through his eyelashes and said “Love you”, eyes locked with the other man’s. 

“I love you too”, he answered. “Can I try something?”, Erik asked and when Charles nodded, he started kissing down to his boyfriend’s nipple and wrapped his lips around it. 

 

-

 

Charles inhaled sharply with the sudden spike of arousal in his body. He arched his back and pressed his chest closer to Erik, while moaning a little bit too loud. It was like sparks of arousal were blinding his sight, as he was touched with Erik’s lips, somewhere he had never been touched before. If Charles was already that sensitive on his nipple, how would he ever survive-    
He moaned again, when Erik changed for his left nipple and his hands tangled into Erik’s hair to press him even closer to his chest. 

Erik let go of his nipples then and teased the skin around them, letting Charles think straight for a few seconds, even if he still felt dizzy. His knees were starting to hurt on the hard floor and the best thing would be, to move to the bed. That’s why he kissed Erik again, after pulling his head away from his chest, and then he said “let’s lie down.” 

“Sure”, Erik answered and Charles got up, before helping Erik up with one hand. But somehow he must have gotten up too quick or something, because the dizziness was getting worse and he had to steady himself on Erik now. Luckily, Erik barely noticed and they just moved to the bed, where Charles lied down first and Erik climbed on top of him. 

They kissed once more, passionate and consuming, before Erik kissed down his chest again and moved his lips along Charles’ muscles. Charles closed his eyes, enjoying the attention and moaned occasionally, while his hips unconsciously started rubbing against Erik’s thigh. Erik noticed that and suddenly, there was a hand above Charles’ bulge, kneading it through the fabric. He moaned loudly, the pleasure increased more and more, taking Charles’ breath away. 

It was only when he started to cough, that he felt his lungs collapsing again, making his chest ache and tightening his windpipe. “Erik…. stop, Erik”, he pressed out and then it was like he couldn’t take a single breath anymore and the pain overcame him hard and fast. 

He screamed with the breath that was left inside of him, tears streaming down his face. 

 

-

 

Erik immediately stopped moving and looked up alarmed, his erection dying down as fast as it had appeared. Charles was crying, gasping for breath as a fish out of water would be gasping for his own life. Erik’s own eyes overflowed with tears and he scrambled up both hands cupping Charles’ face and trying to dry him “Oh baby, baby, I’m so sorry”, he said, completely freaking out. 

He got up from bed and went to the oxygen tank, grabbing the mask and pulling it closer to Charles, putting the mask over his face. “Breath, schatz, please breath”, he said crying too. His free hand, he used to grab the blanket they had dropped while making out and putting over his boyfriend so he wouldn’t be cold. 

“I’m sorry”, he whispered pushing Charles’ hair back now. Should he get his parents? God they had never talked about what to do on these situations, if he should get a medicine, the doctor, anything other than just being fucking useless while Charles was in pain. 

Erik was crying as much as his boyfriend now, it felt like his whole body was hurting from the pain and the regret. He had been so stupid! He knew Charles had shortness of breath and doing this… His heartbeat would raise and he would breath faster, it was just a matter of thinking! Jesus… How could he keep putting Charles in danger like this? Making him dance, go out in the night when it’s cold, go up stairs and making him tired! What was wrong with him? God, no… No more. He couldn’t make this happen once again. 

Charles’ parents were right, he was just taking away precious time acting so recklessly. “I’m so sorry”, he whispered once again, tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried the best he could soothing down Charles. He wasn’t making these mistakes again. He couldn’t.

 

-

 

Charles only noticed faintly that his parents stormed into the room after minutes, or hours, he couldn’t tell time anymore. He desperately tried to suck air into his lungs, the pain threatening to black him out any time now. Erik was there, trying to help him and the oxygen mask did help, but Charles already knew, he needed to go to hospital. 

“Charles! Honey, everything will be alright”, he heard his mum saying and then felt strong arms picking him up, which must have probably been Brian. The rest he didn’t notice anymore, the pain finally overcoming him and he broke down. 

At some point, they finally arrived at the hospital and the doctors took over, immediately giving Charles morphine and putting him in a sleepy state. When he woke up, he felt the breathing system connected to him, pumping his lungs to full stability again. It was a big tube, that went through his throat, a small cut on his neck opening his windpipe. Mostly, it looked scary, but Charles wasn’t feeling anything and he was used to it. The only unpleasant thing was, that he couldn’t speak like that. 

His parents were sat on the seats next to him like always, looking crushed and hopeless. It was always a relapse for them to see Charles sick like that in hospital, he could tell that. 

“Charles, honey. You’re awake. How are you feeling?”, his mother asked worried and Charles held up his thumb to signalise, that he was doing better. 

One person wasn’t there, though, and Charles immediately reached for his phone to text Erik. 

 

**[You]**

 

**I woke up. Can you come?**

 

-

 

_ ‘What is happening?’ - ‘What are you doing here?’ - ‘Did you come in through the window?’ - ‘Have you been doing this the whole time?’ _ ’. Those were a few of the question Sharon had shouted at him when she and Brian found them both on Charles’ room. By their shirtless state, messy hair and plush lips, it was obvious what they had been up to and Erik had no words to explain or even apologise. 

He had been kindly asked to leave and well… it was around midnight, there were no buses from Westchester at that time. The ride there would take an hour, the walk in the dark took him almost three. Shaking and still very traumatized, Erik had gotten home and done the one thing he could think of. 

He called his mother. After months of radio silence she had been quite worried getting a phone call at three am from her son and they had talked until early in the morning, Erik catching her up on his life and his new boyfriend, telling her about the disease and all. It reminded him how warm she was and how much he loved her when she wasn’t close to his stepfather, - then, she completely changed her behaviour and he couldn’t handle it. 

She had said she would love to meet Charles and be there for Erik whenever he needed it and even if he still felt devastated about what had happened, he was a little more calm when they hung up. He managed to take a shower and drink more coffee than he should have before he finally got some news from Charles in form of a text from him. 

Erik immediately left home and made his way to the hospital, this terrible sickening feeling on his stomach. It took a while for someone to show him the right direction to Charles’ room but when he knocked on the door and it was opened by Brian, he knew it was the right place. 

He saw Charles lying in bed, the white sheets from the hospital being almost the same tone of his skin now and a terrible,  _ awful _ looking pipe on his throat where a cut had been made. 

Oh God. What did he do? He didn’t even know if his boyfriend could speak with that thing there but he whispered a “hey”, anyways and waited for the parents to leave. When they did, Erik carefully stepped closer and held one of Charles’ hand, fighting off more tears. Christ, he wouldn’t leave Charles’ side, he owned him at least that. 

 

-

 

“Hi”, Charles could only mouth back, not being able to form any words in his state. He stretched out his hand for Erik to take and their fingers slit together perfectly. 

Erik looked devastated and ruined. Charles recognised that look from his parents, even if they used to wear it more often when he was little. 

“Can you.. speak?”, Erik asked carefully and Charles shook his head ‘no’. The doctors needed to remove the tube first, but that would probably only happen tomorrow or the day after, depending on how his lungs are doing. 

“Okay, hm… you shocked me quite a lot there”, Erik said, trying to sound normal, but his shaky voice was giving him away. Charles squeezed Erik’s hand in an attempt of reassuring him.

Erik broke their eye contact then and sighed soundly. He looked defeated like that and the picture made Charles’ insides clench painfully. He hated to see Erik like that probably just as much as Erik hated seeing Charles in this hospital bed. 

“Christ, I’m so sorry Charles. This is all my fault”, Erik blamed himself and Charles shook his head again, his eyebrows drawn together in an almost angry way. He couldn’t let Erik blame himself for an attack, that could have come at any time. Erik had helped Charles. 

But it was hard to convince him, when Charles didn’t have a voice and he only squeezed Erik’s hand again and guided it towards his mouth to kiss the knuckles. 

 

-

 

Erik’s eyes followed Charles’ motion all the way to his lips, watching him kiss his knuckles but not actually feeling any soothed by it. He sighed once more and tried a small smile, knowing he had failed. Looking around, he spotted the chair behind him and brought it closer to himself so he could sit on it; this time, he wasn’t going to keep away because he wanted to avoid his boyfriend’s parents. 

He started babbling almost unconsciously, telling Charles how his parents knew about him sneaking in through the window and probably thought they had been doing  _ stuff _ there quite often. Charles widened his eyes a little but there was only so much his eyes could convey and Erik couldn’t read him perfectly.

Sharon and Brian returned after a few minutes but he refused to move, letting them know he was staying until Charles was discharged. When Brian went home later, Erik asked him to bring back a book from his boyfriend’s shelf.

He spent the next two days reading ‘ _ Jane Eyre’ _ to Charles, holding his hand, singing and babbling to him, all the while watching him closely and paying attention to anything the doctors did. He talked to Brian about what to do if emergencies like those happened again while Charles slept and even tried getting on Sharon’s good side but apparently that was a lost cause.

Erik went home once for a shower and a nap, but he spent the rest of the time with his boyfriend, eagerly waiting for the pipe to be removed from his throat and for him to be discharged. He was dead set on new boundaries that would protect Charles now, having enough time to think them over.

 

-

 

When the doctors finally came to remove the tube from his windpipe, Charles already felt as good as new - in a case of how good a cancer patient could feel. He wanted to go home again, wanted to kiss Erik and talk to him. They hadn’t continued the bucket list yet and Charles knew, those attacks would only increase. They had to travel now, if they ever wanted to. 

“Hey”, Erik said with a tiny smile around his lips, when Charles finally had the tube removed and could speak again. He wasn’t delusional, he knew how weak his voice sounded afterwards. 

Still, he whispered a small “Hi” back and grabbed Erik’s hand instinctively. With the other, he fished a glass of water from his nightstand and drank it, trying to strengthen his voice. 

“I can go home now”, he said once he had stopped drinking, but his voice was very hoarse. Erik nodded nonetheless and as if it was a cue for Charles’ parents, they showed up in the doorway. 

“Ready to go home again?”, Brian asked with an attempt of a cheerful voice. Charles knew, though, that his parents were worried and would probably want to see him in hospital 24/7. Technically, it was the safest place for Charles to be, but he would rather die earlier than spending his days in a hospital. 

“Yes. Erik comes with us”, he croaked, still caught in more a whisper than anything. Sharon pressed her lips together, but didn’t comment and then stepped closer to help Charles get dressed. But this time, Charles didn’t want his mother to help him. “Erik? Could you help me?”, he asked and tugged on his nightgown. 

Erik flushed red, but nodded, already stepping forward to help Charles. Sharon and Brian left the room, saying they would wait outside with a wheelchair. 

“Okay, so my clothes are in that wardrobe. I’m still weak, so you have to help me undress first and then get dressed again”, Charles explained, happy that his voice seemed to stabilise a little. 

 

-

 

Erik’s fingers were trembling a little when he unknotted Charles’ gown and opened it up, pulling out of his boyfriend’s body and leaving him completely naked in the cold room. He noticed how the small blonde hairs of Charles’ arms were standing up due to the temperature and tried his best not to look too closely but he couldn’t help looking a little. 

He went towards the wardrobe and picked the soft cashmere sweater and another pair of those khaki pants his boyfriend liked so much, along with his black boxers. Erik had to kneel down on the floor for this part and it brought him too close to Charles’ crotch in a position he had been wishing to be at for so long, but now was simply scared of thinking of it as something more than just helping him dress. 

He held the boxers open, Charles using the bed for balance as he put his feet through the holes and then Erik pulled it through his calves and thighs. Charles met him halfway, helping as well and he was glad that he other man wasn’t completely naked anymore. He let himself look up and smile softly at that beautiful man he loved so much. “Are you okay?”, he asked, worrying he might be dizzy or tired already. 

“Yeah… Y-You?”, Charles asked a little shakily and still hoarse. Erik nodded and picked the pants now, rolling the legs up so that Charles could put his feet through them. He looked at those beautiful, thick thighs and while it filled him with lust, it was something he squashed down immediately. He pulled the pants up and Charles buttoned them. 

Erik put his hand on the back of Charles’ thigh and caressed it tenderly, smiling up at him before getting up and helping with the sweater. “All ready to go home now”, Erik said and gave him a small kiss on the corner of his lips. 

 

-

 

Charles couldn’t help but think that something was off with Erik, but he was putting it off as seeing him in hospital. He could imagine, it would be quite a shock for Erik to see him all weak like this and even if he had been doing great those past days, maybe the shock settled in now. 

“Yes, thank you”, he answered honestly, after deciding not to ask Erik about it. 

Outside the room, Charles had to sit in the wheelchair, but he also felt better like that, seeing that he was still weak. Brian pushed him out of the hospital, where Sharon was already waiting in the car with their driver. 

When they arrived at the house in Westchester, Charles insisted on going out himself, but subtly leaned against Erik when they walked towards the door. Only that short walk got Charles exhausted and when they reached his room, he was totally out of breath. 

“You should rest”, his mother said, one eyebrow arching towards Erik. But Charles wasn’t tired after sleeping a lot in the hospital, he just wanted to sit on his bed and cuddle with Erik. 

“Mum, I rested enough those past two days..”, he argued and stepped into this room, pulling Erik close. From behind him, he heard his mother sighing, no other argument coming. 

“Can we leave you alone here?”, Brian asked and Charles fought off the annoyed tone in his voice, when he told him that, yes, they could leave him and his boyfriend alone now. 

 

-

 

It was quite surprising to him that Sharon and Brian didn’t make a bigger fuss over leaving them alone in the room, but he  _ did _ see there was a new lock on the window that hadn’t been there before and he was sure, Charles would get into an argument with his parents over it soon, which just made Erik angrier at himself for causing all of this. 

His boyfriend immediately collapsed to bed when they were alone, fluffing the pillows before lying in it and looking up at Erik with his huge, blue eyes “C’mere?”, he asked in a small tone and Erik nodded, stepping closer to bed, where it all happened, a little awkwardly. 

“Should I turn the television on?”, he asked and Charles shook his head no. “Maybe grab a book? You could read it for us”, his boyfriend suggested and Erik nodded, going towards the shelf and grabbing something randomly. He ended up with an old copy of Atonement and it made him smile softly, remembering this was the first gift Charles had given him. 

He lifted the book up, silently asking if it was okay and the other man smiled “Perfect”, sitting up in bed. When Erik sat as well, Charles was quick to scoot over and lie against his chest, Erik opening the book and started to read it. 

They read together like that for a long time, until Erik’s throat was dry and he closed the book and only caressed Charles’ hair, enjoying the silence with him and just the sense of  _ security _ it brought him to not move at all, just lie there and hold his boyfriend. Charles wasn’t going to lose his breath like this, wasn’t going to have an attack and leave Erik heartbroken if they weren’t doing anything to cause it. 

 

-

 

Two weeks passed like that. Charles was recovering from the attack, but after the first week he was already doing good again. Somehow, Erik didn’t think so, because he still acted weirdly towards Charles. They only kissed shortly, Charles barely had a chance to deepen it, and they haven't been on a date since the hospital. 

Maybe Charles needed to reassure Erik again, that it was okay now to go back where they had left off. Planning their trip to Paris was the perfect opportunity for that. Charles knew, they couldn’t stay long due to Erik’s job and Charles’ sickness, so he planned a long weekend. 

There was a knock on the window, when Charles was just scrolling through flight options, and he looked up to see Erik there. He immediately started smiling happily and got up to open Erik the front door. He had already fought with his parents about the new lock, but they said that he should start trusting them for them to remove it. It felt unfair, because  _ they _ were the ones not trusting  _ him _ , so he found another way to sneak Erik inside. 

“Hey”, he greeted his boyfriend and kissed him happily, already grabbing his hand to pull him into the room. 

“Hey, Charles. What are you up to?”, Erik laughed at being dragged into Charles’ room but followed nonetheless. 

Charles grinned and showed him the website with the flight options. “Oh you know, just planning this trip to Paris with you”, he shrugged, as if it was no big deal, but couldn't help the wide grin on his face.

His happiness wore off, though, when he saw Erik not making a very happy face. 

 

-

 

Erik knew that going to Paris was on Charles’ bucket list, he knew he had said he wanted to go too, hell, he knew he was the one who came up with the whole list in the first place! But he hadn’t known everything back then, hadn’t known how dangerous it was for his boyfriend to do all those things and well… Blame him for wanting Charles to live a little longer. 

“We can’t”, the words left his mouth with a little difficulty because he didn’t want to hurt the other man. “What? I thought… you wanted to”, Charles answered with his mouth hanging open. “I did. But now… We shouldn’t go, Charles”, he said stepping closer but noticing immediately that his proximity wasn’t very desired right now. 

“Why not?”, his boyfriend asked not believing what he was hearing and frowning at Erik. “It was stupid of me to encourage it, I didn’t realise… Didn’t know it was dangerous! What if you 

have an attack there? What are we supposed to do?” - “There are doctors in Paris too” - “Not  _ your _ doctor! The one that knows you well, that will be able to give you the best treatment.. I can’t put you at risk like that, schatz. The flight will be tiring and then we’ll walk around the city and it’s just… it’s too much, I don’t want you to have an attack if I can avoid it, I.. I don’t want to be the reason for it again”.

 

-

 

“Oh great and now you want to be like my parents and just lock me up here?”, Charles huffed, not believing what he was hearing. Erik had been the one who had encouraged him to do that stupid list. After years, Charles had allowed himself to dream a little, have wishes - and now he shouldn’t fulfil them? 

“Charles, you know this is not the same.” - “Oh yeah? So what is it then? You are not the reason for my attacks, the cancer is! There is nothing that will make it any better!” 

Tears were standing in his eyes then, but he couldn’t see himself breaking through Erik’s walls yet. Something had changed for Erik with that attack and now he thought the same way as Charles’ parents. 

“But I can avoid doing certain things with you to prevent them from happening more often”, Erik argued, not as upset as Charles was. He sounded more defeated than anything. 

“Oh you mean the surfing, the swimming, paintball, golf… why did you make me do the bucket list in first place, if you didn't want to fulfil it? Oh, fine then. I’m going to paris myself”, he said, turning towards the computer again and sitting down on his chair. 

Who needed a stupid kiss underneath the Eiffel Tower, if he could take photos there and just  _ be  _ there. Didn't matter if his parents didn’t let him, if Erik wouldn’t accompany him. 

 

-

 

Charles was right; it was obvious his bucket list couldn’t be fulfilled but Erik couldn’t just tell himself  _ ‘Oh, he’s going to die anyway so let’s just do all these dangerous things’.  _ He couldn’t because he loved Charles too much to take part in hurting him like that. 

“ _ Charles”,  _ he tried but his boyfriend wouldn’t turn back to him so he kept talking “I literally kissed your breath away the other day _.  _ They cut your  _ throat _ so you could breathe, I - Do you really think I’m eager to see that again?”, he asked, his eyes stinging with tears because of the memories brought back to the surface. 

“I won’t live in fear, Erik! You’re the one who showed me there’s so much more and now you want me back in my shell? No!”, his boyfriend shook his head and kept scrolling through the site until he clicked on one of the options for tickets. So what then? He would go and find some random stranger to kiss him under the tower? Surely he would find many volunteers.

“I’m only trying to protect you! Charles, please-” - “I want to fly an helicopter, I want to drive a motorcycle and I want to sail a boat. I want to have sex, Erik! I want to do all of that and I will!”, he said and there’s only one thing Erik could ask, seeing that Charles had already marked the option for ‘1 ticket’ even if he hadn’t bought it yet. 

“With or without me?”, he asked more than scared of the answer. Maybe he should leave. They needed to breathe and to think straight because this… this wasn’t what he had been expecting. If Erik was scared of kissing Charles, how could he ever do the other things?

 

-

 

At the question, Charles hesitated a long while, not moving at all, while a hundred thoughts ran through his mind. He turned towards Erik, unsure of what to answer. 

Truth was, he had thought of Erik while writing down half of his wishes on the bucket list. He hadn’t thought of a random stranger to teach him how to ride a motorcycle, it was Erik. He could only think of kissing Erik underneath the Eiffel Tower, of Erik deflowering him.

“Of course with you, always with you if you want. But I will not hesitate on fulfilling my bucket list myself. I’ve been uselessly sitting around for my whole life, now I need to do things, need to get out and  _ live _ .”

Charles got up from the chair, the tickets behind him abandoned, while the site was counting down for him to finish the sell. It didn’t matter now, if it meant to get Erik on board with his plans again. 

“I want to make those memories with you. Because that's what we live for, memories. How else are you going to remember me? From sitting around my room all day long and reading the same book for the tenth time? I want you to treat me like the time you met me, when you didn’t know about all this and you just saw me as a normal man. I am just your normal boyfriend, alright? And normal boyfriends go on vacation together and they also kiss each other without being afraid”, he said, one hand carding through Erik’s soft hair now. 

 

-

 

Erik let himself get lost on Charles’ eyes for a moment, trying so hard to be convinced by those words but he was still scared, could only think of protecting this beautiful man in front of him, keeping him as long as possible. 

“I don’t know, Charles”, he said and watched as his boyfriend’s expression turned hurt and sad again, his hand on Erik’s hair stilling. “I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you because of my suggestion”, he tried explaining once more but his boyfriend didn’t seem to understand. 

Still, when Charles talked, his voice was still soft and convincing “Erik, darling. I’m going to Paris and I want you to come with me. Either way, I’m going and if something happens… well, wouldn’t you want to be there to help me?”, he asked and that… oh, that was something he hadn’t considered. 

Charles was going to fulfill his dreams but… He could have an attack at his hotel room and no one would know. When would he be found? What if something happened and he was there all alone and in pain, that was such an unbearable thought that it almost brought Erik to tears.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea”, he shook his head but his voice wasn’t as strong as before and a tiny smile started to form on Charles’ lip as if he knew, he had won. “But?”, he asked gently and Erik all but whispered “I don’t want you to be alone”. 

 

-

 

Charles didn’t care if Erik wasn’t really doing it to see him happy, but rather just to see him safe. It didn’t matter to him now, because it still meant, that Erik would go with him to Paris. He grinned almost maniacally and threw himself into Erik’s embrace, wrapping his arms around Erik’s long neck and inhaling deeply the now familiar scent. 

“Thank you”, he whispered and buried his face even deeper into the crook of Erik’s neck, feeling Erik’s strong hands holding him. It was such a big relief to know Erik was on board with his plans and he let out a light laugh. 

“Hey, I will do whatever I can to protect you”, Erik answered in a tone of voice, that Charles couldn’t decipher. Charles pulled away then and kissed Erik gently, letting himself dwell in his endorphins for a moment. 

In the back of his mind he knew, that their problems wouldn’t be solved like this, that there was something bigger to talk about, but he really didn’t want to think about that then. Instead, he walked back to the computer and opened the flight page again. “What do you say, hm, the weekend in two weeks from now?”

 

-

 

They set the date and figured some details together but Erik was off, worrying about each bad outcome their trip could have and he knew Charles could notice.

His boyfriend talked about their travel for the two weeks straight, he convinced his parents, bought new clothes to wear on the cold weather and even a new camera to take pictures of them.

Erik was still nervous and scared about the whole thing and he made it very hard for Charles on the two weeks, being a little grumpy and not as enthusiastic while the other one was an endless sea of cheer and positiveness. 

He watched Charles pack his Louis Vuitton suitcase with all things that were necessary and not, more clothes than he would wear on the small weekend and a book even if they probably wouldn’t have time for that.

When the weekend for the trip rolled around, Erik had his duffel bag prepared with only what he needed the most, - he didn’t even have that much to carry anyway - and he waited nervously for Charles to come pick him up with his parents so they could go to the airport.

He knew Charles was going to get enough of his attitude soon and Erik truly didn’t want to ruin the trip. If they were going to do this, they would do it right. Erik would be on his best behaviour, would kiss Charles deeply underneath the tower - just once should be okay, right? Only once - he would give him the time of his life but without crossing any lines. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

On the day of their departure, Charles was a bouncing ball of energy, despite having taken his medication that morning. They were on their way to pick Erik up and Sharon was instructing Charles for the third time of what to do in certain situations. He still couldn’t believe, he had convinced his parents to let him take the trip without him sneaking off. 

“We’re here!”, he suddenly exclaimed with a wide grin, when he saw Erik standing on the side of the street with his duffle bag. He still looked wary of the whole idea, wearing an uneasy smile. Charles really hoped, it would disappear once they landed in paris. 

They picked Erik up then and Charles greeted him with a small kiss, before they took of for the airport. It was busy there and it took them overall three hours to finally be sitting in the plane. 

“I have never been on a plane before”, Charles confessed as he looked around their first class seats. There was enough room for them to sleep and even a tv screen on the back of the seats in front of them. Erik had given him the window seat and Charles excitedly looked outside to see the airport. 

“Believe me, it's mostly loud and annoying. But then again, I have never flown first class”, Erik answered and squeezed their joined hands. He was putting an effort into evoking a good mood, for which Charles was grateful. 

“Oh god, it's starting!”, Charles smiled nervously and leaned more to his right to see out of the window, after feeling the plane starting to move and roll down the airport. They rolled for quite a while, hearing safety instructions from the stewardess and then they stopped, before rolling again but this time so much faster. 

Charles squeezed Erik’s hand instinctively stronger and his heart was beating fast, while they were pressed into their seats and then- they were flying. 

“This is amazing, Erik. Thank you”, he beamed when he finally tore his gaze away from the window to look at his boyfriend. He leaned in and kissed Erik happily. 

 

-

 

Erik found himself being glad for being there and watching this awesome reaction of Charles. Flying hadn’t seemed so exciting ever since he first did it when he was a child but Charles made him see things in a whole new light.

He pulled away from the kiss, not eager about pda  _ or  _ causing a breathless attack but still smiled. This was good, being here was nice. “I didn’t do anything”, he murmured because it was the truth; Charles had planned the trip, had paid for the tickets and had the idea in first place. 

“You’re  _ here _ ”, he answered with the brightest smile, straight white teeth showing “You don’t need to do anything else”.

They held hands through the whole trips, playing with each other’s thumbs and sharing secretive smiles. He thought that the further away he got from Westchester the more nervous he would get but it was quite the contrary; he was relaxing with more time that passed because so far, so good. 

Erik mused about the hotel room they would share and the kiss under the Eiffel tower. It was such a romantic city and he could only hope he would measure up to Charles’ expectation with no risks involved. 

Landing was quick but it took a while for them to grab their baggages back. Then, they found a cab to take them to the hotel and such a wonderful thing happened. Charles spoke French. It was like hearing an angel speaking at the same time it was a total turn on, he knew then, nothing on this trip would be fair if his boyfriend kept speaking the other language.

“I didn’t know you spoke french”, he said when the cab took off and Charles blushed, looking down coyly “I learned while growing up, but I’m a bit rusty”, he said shyly and Erik smiled “You sound good in french”.

 

-

 

“Why? Thank you”, he grinned and felt his cheeks heating up after such a long time. He had grown used to being around Erik and wasn’t embarrassed easily anymore. But the compliment had caught him off guard and he felt himself blushing. 

Erik simply shrugged as an answer as the cab drove them the short way from Orly to the centre of Paris, where Charles had booked an expensive hotel. It wasn’t about the exquisité of the hotel, but because of the convenient short walk to the centre. 

When they arrived at the hotel and checked into their room, Charles let himself fall onto the bed, happy to stretch out his legs and tired from the jetlag. 

“Are you okay?”, he heard Erik asking worriedly and looked up again with a reassuring smile. Charles patted on the place next to him and said “c’mere.”

Erik followed his order and lied down next to Charles, his face still worried. Charles simply snuggled closer to his boyfriend and nuzzled his neck. 

“Now i’m okay”, he murmured and couldn’t help kissing Erik’s neck. It wasn’t his fault. They were in the city of love after barely kissing for two weeks. He needed the closeness to Erik, needed to feel loved. 

 

-

 

Erik indulged the kissing, but kept their rhythm slow and gentle. His hand cupped the side of Charles’ head and he let their tongues slide together, the hairs on his neck standing because of the kisses his boyfriend had spread there.

He pulled away and opened his eyes, gazing into Charles’ and looking from one to another. “You’re beautiful”, he whispered and carded his fingers through the curly hair.

Charles came closer and pressed their lips together again, but Erik didn’t deepen it. Instead, he broke apart and asked “Why don’t we save the kissing from under the tower, schatz?”, wanting to stop this before it went out of control but not wanting to hurt Charles. 

The other man pouted and curled his fingers around Erik’s shirt to keep him close while they breathed in each other’s air “Erik…”, he whispered “you.. We haven’t been… Close anymore”, he said in a sad tone of voice that tugged at Erik’s heart.

“We’re as close as ever”, he said because he didn’t feel  _ far _ from Charles. He didn’t need kissing or sex for that, he could have a healthy relationship without it and he loved Charles enough to hang on. “No… You’re scared of this, of kissing me”.

“You barely recovered”, Erik said shaking his head “I’m just looking out for you but I don’t feel far away” - “I’m all okay now, Erik, please, just…”, he said in a pleading tone. 

“We can’t let this escalate, Charles. Can’t let it get as bad as it did, ok?”, his boyfriend only nodded and Erik leaned closer, fear almost eating him up. He didn’t want Charles to feel bad and ruin their getaway, but he was also  _ not  _ letting Charles lose his breath again. He just had to found a middle ground. 

 

-

 

Charles tried not to be disappointed at the what almost felt like a rejection. Erik was just being careful and he would stop that at some point and they would go back to where they were. It was just a matter of time and Erik would come back to him. 

He stopped thinking about that from that moment, not wanting to ruin himself or Erik their vacation. This was supposed to be for them, not only for Charles to reach a goal on his bucket list. 

“Are we gonna go out today? As much as I’d like to sleep, I wanna see the city”, Charles asked instead of answering Erik’s question. Erik seemed to assess the situation for the moment, looking for Charles being sad or angry, but Charles knew he wouldn’t find anything like that  

“Okay, but only if you feel good enough. How about we find something to eat first?”, Erik suggest to which Charles immediately agreed as he felt his stomach rumbling. 

They ended up in a small café right next to the hotel, drinking some tea and eating cake. It was sunny outside and people were walking down the street. They talked about their trip and what they wanted to do. Charles suggested a lot of things, but Erik got rid of almost half of them. In the end, they planned a tourist bus tour the next day, where they would drop off at the Eiffel Tower and then wait around the area until the dark to see it in full lights. On Sunday they would have to catch their flight around six, but Charles convinced Erik to take a look at the Champs-Elysées.

“That sounds like a plan. Now, let’s take a walk, shall we?”, he asked and took Erik’s hand after paying the bill. 

 

-

 

The walk on the dark Paris was more than lovely. The lights were sparkling bright and Charles’ hand on his felt like a sweet dream. They smiled at each other constantly and were in awe with every new thing they saw.

The people walking around them speaking french was so very different and there was this warm feeling on Erik’s guts typical of travelling somewhere new. He had travelled before but nothing like this and the experience was amazing.

He had brought the camera, that Charles had bought, with him and took it out of his case, aiming at his boyfriend and taking many pictures of him from different angles and with different backgrounds.

Charles posed for a few of them but shied away at some which was adorable. At that place, surrounded by those couples and incredible people he felt even more in love and lucky that the other man had brought him along.

“Can we sit for a while?”, Charles asked and the worry filled Erik up “are you okay?” - “yeah, I just want to sit”, he nodded and lead the way to a cute bench next to a beautiful tree where they sat together.

Erik took the moment to turn the camera around and take selfies of them smiling like fools and even a few kissing underneath the moonlight and the stars.

“I love you”, Erik murmured when they pulled away “Thank you for bringing me”. 

 

-

 

“I love you too, Erik”, Charles said back and cuddled himself closer to Erik’s warm body. As warm as it had been all day long, when the sun was gone, the temperature was going down rapidly. Charles shivered a little and nuzzled Erik’s neck, seeking the warmth there. 

They decided to walk back to the hotel not so late afterwards and check out the hotel restaurant for dinner. It turned out to be a nice choice; the food was good and they even had a small ‘river’ running through the restaurant. It was just a enlightened carving into the floor with water running in it, but they were still fascinated by it. 

Back in their hotel room, Charles reviewed the day and couldn’t help but think, no matter how great this day was, there was a thing missing. Charles knew what it was and it made him quite sad, that this dream was so very far from him right now. 

“Hey, why looking so sad?”, Erik asked and hugged Charles from behind. He must have seen Charles’ reflection in the window, as he was looking down at the city. 

Charles leaned into the hug and closed his eyes, allowing himself to smile. “Nothing… it's just..”,  _ no, don't bring it up again, Charles. _

They had such a nice day, he shouldn’t ruin this. But the desire rested happily on his chest and he inhaled deeply. Erik only squeezed him tighter for a moment and then pressed “It’s just what?”

“We’re.. you know, in the city of love”, Charles sighed, but it was already out and there was no turning back now, “It’s just … it would mean a lot to me to .. have my first time with you here.” 

He pressed his eyes shut, waiting for the blow of Erik immediately shutting the doors close again. Why did he say anything? 

 

-

 

Erik tensed at hearing those words. They were both beautiful and terrifying, making him not know how to react at all. Have sex? Wow that sounded scary for the first time ever, not even when he lost his virginity he felt this way.

“Charles, we… Can’t”, he said sadly. It was so sudden when his boyfriend pulled away from the hug and walked farther from Erik saying “Forget I said anything”, but even on his peripheral vision he had seen tears shining bright on the blue eyes. 

“No, love, I mean we  _ can’t _ ”, he repeated and this time, Charles turned around to face him, eyes hurt. “I heard you the first time”, he said with a quivering voice.

“Charles, I don’t know how! I don’t know how to… to touch you without hurting you. I’m not saying no but if we do this… How would it work? We can’t go fast but your breathing  _ will  _ pick up at some point. Then what? We… Stop? Wait? I… I’m not sure what to do here, schatz”, he said desperate. 

 

-

 

Charles sighed again, blinking the tears away. He felt frustrated and angry with himself for bringing this up anyways. Why couldn't he just leave it be and finish the day by watching some TV with Erik?

“I don’t know, okay? I’ve never done this before or otherwise it would hardly be my first time. All I know is, that I wanna do it with you and I’m willing to take the risk”, he said, shrugging frustrated. 

He sat down on the bed and looked at his hands, until he felt Erik’s hand grabbing his and his thumb making soothing circles on his skin. He took a shaky breath then, still fighting the urge to cry. 

“I’m not willing to take this risk, Charles. I.. saw you not being able to breathe .. and I couldn't even help you. I don’t want to see that ever again”, Erik said calmly and the anger and disappointment swelled up in Charles. 

“Oh well, too bad. I will probably sign out choking to death and you will have to get used to that some day! You signed up for this”, he snapped and immediately regretted it, when the hand withdrew as if being slapped.

Charles widened his eyes and quickly grabbed Erik’s arm to stop him from standing up. “No, Erik wait. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did. I didn’t even say no, Charles, if you had listened. But you gotta put yourself into my position as well.  _ I don’t wanna hurt you _ . And this is what I’m doing, if we do it and you get an attack.” Erik looked deeply hurt and troubled, which made Charles’ heart sink to his knees. 

“I know you don’t want to hurt me. But you are not. It's the cancer and you can't do anything against that. We had this discussion before, Erik. It is what it is. Just.. for one night, just.. forget that I am sick.. just.. let me be the boy again, you’ve got to know on that rooftop. Just..”, he said and framed Erik’s face with his hands, his forehead resting against Erik’s.

 

-

 

Erik took a deep breath to let himself calm down before he answered softly “You’re still that boy”, to which Charles gave a small, wry laugh “You know that’s not true”, he said. 

“You are… I still see the same person and I would be trying to protect you from things even without the cancer”, Erik insisted, truly believing his words. He still saw Charles as he did that day; bright, beautiful, funny and intelligent. 

His boyfriend didn’t say anything to that and after a long moment just pressing their foreheads together, Erik breathed out “Okay” and watched as Charles’ eyes lit up and his face split into a grin.

“Yeah?”, he asked and came closer, fiercely kissing the corners of Erik’s lips, his chin, his jaw… “Yes… But not today”, he said, cringing when Charles froze.

“I didn’t bring anything we need and… We can think it through, can decide how we’ll make it good and safe, ok? Tomorrow? Yes for tomorrow”, he finished. 

 

-

 

That was a good enough agreement for Charles and he smiled happily. Of course, thinking about having sex with Erik tomorrow also made him more nervous than he would choose to confess. Everybody was saying that one's first time is a memorable moment and should not be wasted.

“Erik?” - “hm?” - “I’m glad it's with you”, Charles said and hugged his boyfriend tight. It was true, he couldn’t imagine a more caring and devoting boyfriend than Erik and it helped him a lot to calm his nerves, knowing that Erik would be the one to take his cherry. 

He felt Erik’s warm hands stroking over his back and did the same down Erik’s spine. They just held each other like that for an undefined time and when they pulled apart, it was only to look at each other. Charles’ hands rested on Erik’s shoulders and he played with the hair on Erik’s nape. 

“So, yes for tomorrow?”, Charles asked and Erik nodded, but he needed more than that as affirmation. “Just.. I didn’t just force you into this, right? You want it too?”, he asked then, suddenly sounding uncertain. 

It wasn’t like Erik hadn’t given him signals, verbally and with his body, that he wouldn’t like to be that close to Charles right now. 

 

-

 

“Don’t ever think I don’t want to be with you”, Erik whispered and leaned in, catching Charles’ lips in a kiss that was filled with passion and meaning. His boyfriend answered as earnest as him, the fingers on the nape of his hair curling even more with the hair and he hummed softly into the kiss. 

“Of course I want it. I want  _ everything  _ with you”, he completed when they broke apart, his heart hammering inside his chest as if he was having a stroke. He didn’t say that he was scared and probably would keep denying things in the future because he shouldn’t ruin what was being built there. 

“Say what… Why don’t we take a bath together? We can relax a little and then go to bed”, he offered and Charles watched him wide-eyed “Together?”, he asked a little nervously and Erik stepped away in order to hold his hand and tug at it gently, pulling him to the bathroom.

The bathtub was big enough to fit them two, Charles perfectly sitting between Erik’s legs while they just rested against each other and got comfortable on their embraces. And if Erik would like to jerk Charles off while at it, that was just training for the next day.

As soon as they were standing in the middle of the bathroom, he started undressing Charles slowly, removing each item slowly and lovingly. 

 

-

 

Charles’ heart was beating wildly in his chest and he stretched his arms up to help Erik undressing him. It wasn’t like he was self conscious about his body, no. Erik had seen him naked before in hospital. It was more about seeing  _ Erik  _ naked for the first time. 

It felt ridiculous to think like that, but he had never seen another cock apart from his own. So when he was finally naked as the day he was born, he started pulling off Erik’s shirt, while Erik seized him up from toe to chin. Charles could feel Erik’s eyes lingering on his crotch and couldn’t help but blush a little, despite his confidence about his body. 

His hands were starting to get a little bit shaky when he started unbuttoning Erik’s pants and then he pulled them down, both, gently and eager to expose. Turned out, Erik was more than well hung. The tip of his cock was cut and Charles had never seen something like that. It hung loosely between his thighs now, but still looked massive, surrounded by curly, brown pubic hair. 

Charles gulped, but reached down to touch Erik anyways, hearing him hiss when Charles’ fingers curled around the soft cock. 

“Hey, I said bathing, not- hmnh”, Erik said breathless and Charles let go of the dick, before Erik would harden. He looked up and smiled at Erik, his eyes beaming with excitement. “You’re beautiful”, he said and brushed fingertips over the soft skin. 

“And so are you”, Erik answered in a heartbeat. Charles watched his milky skin contrasting with Erik’s tanned one, as his fingers brushed over Erik’s belly button. 

When they finally settled in the bathtub, Charles relaxed against Erik’s chest, head resting on his shoulder. “Tell me something about your family.” 

 

-

 

Erik pondered about the question while he made a shell out of his hand and started pouring water over Charles’ head, gently wetting his soft hair. “There isn’t much to tell”, he started. He had already told Charles how his father had left with no explanation when he was ten and while that was not the whole story, there wasn’t much more to it.

“I told you about my papa and my mama and I aren’t that close. She married this man and… She changes around him so I try to not be around much”, he continued and Charles leaned into the touch of his hand after he threw a little bit more of water.

“I called her, you know. It had been around two months since we last talked and then… You had that attack and I just… Walking home, I realised I needed her so I called and told her everything about you, us…”, he trailed off, picking shampoo to soap up the silky strands. 

“And? What did she say?”, his boyfriend asked curiously. “She said she’d like to meet you, that you sound wonderful”, he answered. “How would you like that? She’s… Nice. She’d like you… It’s just different when she’s around Markus”, Erik asked a little nervously. 

 

-

 

“Of course. I’d love to”, Charles answered instantly. He wasn’t afraid of meeting Erik’s mother at all. Adults, parents in particular, would always love him. He was well raised and had good manners and, of course, the cancer always helped to earn some sympathies. 

“Really?”, Erik asked hopefully and Charles almost chuckled. He turned around in the tub as much as possible to look at Erik and kiss the corner of his mouth. 

“I can’t wait to meet your mother. Where does she live?”, he confirmed and turned around again for Erik to remove the shampoo from his hair. 

The water felt good as it ran down his head, making him a little bit sleepy, but that could also just be the long and exhausting flight. Nonetheless, Charles closed his eyes and hummed a little. 

“Just outside New York in the suburbs. It’ll be a one hour drive maybe from your place.” Charles nodded, a little bit of water running down his forehead. He leaned closer into Erik’s touch, as Erik began to massage his shoulders. 

“Hmm, can’t wait to meet her”, he murmured and made a pleased sound as Erik kneaded his sore limbs. His own hands started to rub over Erik’s calves, up and down in a steady rhythm. It didn’t take long to feel something coming alive and poking his back. 

“Erik”, he said breathlessly, his own arousal increasing, “could you… touch yourself? I want to watch.” 

The request sounded weird and it made him blush, but he shifted in the tub until he was facing Erik anyways. His hands immediately came up to stroke down Erik’s thighs now, looking down at the even bigger looking cock. 

 

-

 

The request made his mouth go dry and he looked at that incredible man who was kneeling in front of him, warm hands rubbing at Erik’s thighs making his arousal harder.

He bit his bottom lip and lifted his hand towards his cock, long fingers wrapping around it feeling familiar but somewhat different underneath the water. Erik gave his prick a long stroke, skin pulling down and up again, shudders running through his body as it did so.

Charles whimpered at the sight and one of his hands left Erik’s thigh to press down at his own hard cock while he watched. Erik had always thought doing this would feel like a porno but it felt private, intimate and so very good. He watched Charles’ face who in return watched Erik’s cock while he pumped it faster now.

Erik couldn’t help but moan. It was loud and dark while he circled the tip of his flushed cock with his thumb and saw Charles licking his lips, pupils blown and incredibly red face. 

“Do you like watching me?”, Erik asked, his voice rough from the arousal. Charles moaned a “God…  _ yes”,  _ kneading at his own rock hard dick and Erik kept talking. “This is all for you, Charles… No one else… I’m all yours”, he croaked out in between moans and groans “You’re the one I think of when I do this… Your hands, lips, body…”.

Charles had managed to scoot even closer now, his free hand sliding up towards Erik’s crotch. He stopped with his fingertips close to his balls, almost tickling Erik there and making his toes curl.

“Christ, Charles… just… Hmnnmnhm grab my balls… Just grab ‘em if you want-”, he asked desperate for his relief and when Charles cupped them perfectly, Erik closed his eyes and moaned loudly, letting go.

 

-

 

Charles sucked in a deep breath, together with his bottom lip on which he bit down. He massaged Erik’s balls slowly and watched Erik’s face carefully, as he was coming apart. It was amazing to watch him coming, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth slightly parted. Charles tore his eyes away from Erik’s face and watched his cock, just as it started to twitch and then Erik was coming between them. 

Watching mesmerised, as the sperm came apart in the water, Charles kept kneading Erik through his orgasm, until he felt that the touch was getting too intense for Erik’s sensitive skin. Then he let go and looked up again, seeing now a totally relaxed face from Erik.    
“The mess you’ve made”, Charles laughed and kissed Erik’s cheek, then his nose and then his mouth, swallowing him in a deep kiss, while he was too high on endorphins to care. 

He let their tongues tangle a little, rubbing his own erection against Erik’s thigh and blushing furiously at that. But he couldn’t help it; he was rock hard and watching Erik come was probably the most arousing thing, he had ever watched. 

 

-

 

He was relaxed, too high on his pleasure to let himself think too much about his fears and so he wrapped his arms around Charles, fingertips trailing down his spine gently. 

Their mouths were pressed together tightly, tongues tangling and lips slick with saliva. How Charles was moving was sinful and hot in a way Erik couldn’t explain but God, at his age it would be no problem to get hard again if his boyfriend kept that up.

Erik’s hands slid down towards the plush ass and he grabbed both cheeks bringing the other man even closer and hearing him moan into the kiss. The water from the tub was disturbed now, falling over the edge and making the floor all wet, rug soaked up on the floor. 

It was when Charles’ chest pressed to his that Erik noticed how much it was heaving, indicating harsh, quick intakes of breath. He broke apart and said “wait, wait…”, stopping Charles by putting his hands on the other man’s hips.

“What?”, Charles asked, lips brushing against his and fingers tangled on his wet hair. “Your breathing”, he said and his boyfriend sighed, pulling away only to lock eyes with his, cock still hard against Erik’s thigh. “Gosh, Erik! Seriously?”, he asked not believing what he heard.

Erik just shook his head and smiled “No, it’s not that… Don’t stop, just… Slower”, he said and pushed the wet lock on Charles’ forehead back, cupping his neck and pulling him in for a slow kiss.

He let his free hand trail down for a nipple when Charles started moving again, carefully concealing all his worries and wishing as hard as he could this would end up well. 

 

-

 

Charles moaned into Erik’s ear, wanting him to hear his pleasure out loud. He was getting closer with each thrust, until they turned a bit desperate, causing Charles to slip more often. 

Truth be told, he was getting a bit exhausted and felt his lungs shrinking a little, but he wasn’t feeling the usual symptoms before an attack and kept going. He had usually gotten himself off by using his hand only and doing those thrusting motions was definitely more exhausting than his hand.

“So.. close”, he panted and let his head sink into Erik’s shoulder, as his hips crashed forwards again and again. 

And then his orgasm rolled over him and he moaned Erik’s name, while he jerked forwards uncontrollably. 

Erik kept teasing his nipples and he rode out his orgasm, until he fell numbly onto Erik’s body, as if paralysed. 

They calmed down a little and then decided to leave the dirty water, showering themselves before leaving the tub. Drying each other with soft towels, they were just smiling dreamily and then got dressed afterwards. 

“Thank you for that”, Charles grinned, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. 

“Stop thanking me”, Erik laughed and Charles heard the sheets shifting as he rolled himself over and half on top of Charles. They grinned at each other like that and Charles lifted himself a little from the pillow to catch Erik lips in a sweet kiss. 

“I love you so much”, he whispered. 

 

-

 

“I love you too”, Erik answered warmly. He couldn’t start describing his relief that Charles had been okay, that they had finally had sex and nothing had happened bad! His boyfriend was still there, breathing. He did look tired though, his chin resting over his own hand on top of Erik’s chest.

“You tired?”, he asked carding his fingers through the soft hair, Charles purring like a cat. “Hmmhumm”, he answered nodding slightly. Erik chuckled fondly and said “Let’s rest then, we have a lot to do tomorrow”.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

In the morning, they woke up early, kissing lazily in bed before getting up. Erik had this saddening thought that he would happily wake up like this for the rest of his life; seeing a rumpled Charles with sleepy eyes, hair pointing to every direction and the bed sheets imprinted on his cheek, lying on each others arms. Then, he remembered why they there in first place and had to push the thought away, knowing it would ruin their good mood. 

Breakfast was amazing and Erik had only had something so luxurious and delicious like that on the mansion, many chopped fruits, doughnuts, cakes, toasts, beans, sausages, pancakes and all sorts of things being offered. He blushed when he sat down on his table again, plate with a huge pile of food,-  while Charles had only picked two waffles with a little of syrup, he had picked one of each option.

“Uh.. you’re not hungry?”, he asked embarrassed even if he knew the medicine made his boyfriend like this. It made him feel bad he was eating off of Charles’ expense and wasn’t even refraining himself. 

 

-

 

Charles smiled up at Erik and stole one of the strawberries on his plate out solidarity. “Not really, but you can eat as much as you want. It's inclusive”, he chuckled and gave Erik a small kiss on the cheek. 

He was excited ever since he woke up that morning. Today was the day, when they would kiss underneath the Eiffel Tower and then Charles would have sex with Erik and everything would be perfect. 

After breakfast they packed a backpack with Charles’ medication and some snacks, before leaving for the tourist tour. They went all around the city and saw amazing things, making silly photos of themselves and giving each other kisses. Charles bought Erik a cheesy keychain with the Eiffel tower on it at a tourist shop, but decided not to give it to him yet. 

When it was finally getting darker, they headed to the real Eiffel tower and Charles was overwhelmed by how big it was in real life.

“Erik! Look at it”, Charles beamed and they walked closer, until they stood underneath it. The lights were beautiful and it felt amazing to be there. Charles took Erik’s hand and they stepped closer to each other.

“I love you”, Erik whispered, his eyes shimmering brightly, making Charles shiver. 

“I love you too. Je T'aime, ich liebe dich”, Charles smiled and they bent closer until they kissed each other underneath the Eiffel Tower at night. It was perfect and Charles felt forever in that very moment. 

He even heard some people cheering in the background and smiled happily into the kiss. 

 

-

 

Erik felt goosebumps all over his skin, this amazing feeling of being complete, of fulfilling something important. This was one of Charles’ dreams and it felt amazing to be part of it, to help him with it. It also felt humbling that he was given the chance to be there, chosen to be loved by such wonderful man. 

They pulled away smiling like fools and gazed at each other’s eyes, completely lost until another tourist approached them. She had her cell phone on her hand and she spoke english to them, showing them this  _ breathtaking _ picture she had taken on the moment of their kiss; both of Erik’s hands framing his boyfriend’s face while the other man clung to his arms, their eyes shut close and faces pressed together, the tower glowing behind them looking like something magical. The most beautiful of it, was that Charles was smiling in the middle of the kiss and Erik felt the biggest wave of love towards the man. 

The woman sent the picture to Charles’ cellphone, who sent it to Erik that was already planning on printing it and making a copy for each of them to keep on their rooms. They kissed once more and then started observing the tower and walking around the premises. When it was time for the bus to head back to the hotel, they held hands and went together, the wind messing their hairs and making their skin look redder as if bitten by it. 

Upon arriving at the hotel, Erik’s heart was beating madly at his chest. They had agreed on asking for room service tonight, wanting to eat on a more private setting, but he knew, it was mostly because of the sex and the fact they were too excited about it.

He was quite nervous though, asking himself if they should actually do it, if Charles wasn’t too tired from their day and if it was the right choice, but he had promised today was the day and Erik wasn’t about to take that back. He stopped walking in the middle of the hall and Charles turned back, frowning. “Go ahead to the room, schatz. Order our food and I’ll be right back, ok? Trust me”, he said, knowing he needed to run somewhere and buy lube and condoms. 

 

-

 

Charles was confused but followed through with Erik’s order. He went to their room and asked for a light dinner on the phone, that he wouldn’t probably eat anyways. His stomach was knotting uncomfortably at the nervousness he was feeling, but there was also his heart thumping excitingly in his chest. 

When Erik came back, it was almost in time with the room service and while Charles helped the man to set up the food, Erik was unpacking the bag on their bed. 

He really hoped, that Erik hadn’t thought he would have forgotten their deal by now. This was the night of the nights, Charles couldn’t just forget about it. 

They sat across from each other for dinner and Charles couldn’t, as predicted, swallow a single bit from his food. His throat felt dry and he was already half hard in his pants, just thinking about their plans. “Erik?”, he suddenly blurted out and made Erik look up from his plate. 

Erik didn’t look as nervous, but then again, he was very good at hiding his emotions and Charles wasn’t good at reading him. “So.. are we gonna do it?”, Charles needed to know and bit his bottom lip, blushing hard. 

“What? Now? I’m still eating. I thought later?” - “I’m asking if we are gonna do it at all today.” - “Well, yes of course. That's why I bought the things..” 

Things? What things- oh. He had forgotten about condoms and all, that Erik had probably been talking about. So, they were going to do it. That… made Charles only more nervous, but also gave him a fluttery feeling in his belly. 

“Okay. I was just checking”, he answered and felt very awkward all of the sudden. It wasn’t probably really a turn on to ask for sex. He wanted this night to be phenomenal and unique, not embarrassing and awkward. 

 

-

 

Erik knew his boyfriend was quite nervous, he could tell it by the way Charles only pushed his food around the plate, how he was trembling slightly and how awkward he was making all of this. Truth be told, Erik had no experience in scheduling sex like this, it had happened naturally with his other partners and he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with the weirdness of having to check if it was actually going to happen. It was like they were nervous about this huge test that would define the rest of their lives and that was not how it was supposed to go. 

Reaching out, Erik put a hand on top of Charles’ free one, squeezing it a little. “Why don’t you eat something?”, he asked since the other man barely ate anything for the other meals either and they had spent a whole day walking around; it worried him that it would all become too much and add to another attack. 

“I’m really not hungry”, Charles said to which Erik nodded. Maybe he would work out an appetite after sex? He’d definitely try and feed his boyfriend when he was calm afterwards. 

Erik swallowed down his last bites, still holding Charles’ hand with his free one and thinking about the better course of action to make this better. Luckily, he had already planned something and it would hopefully help.

Checking his watch, he knew it was time and cleared his throat. “Why don’t you go ahead brush your teeth, hm? I’ll clean up this mess”, he said and insisted on getting Charles out of the room. Right on schedule, he opened the door and there was a man from the hotel approaching their room with a bouquet of roses and a bottle of champagne - a little something he had bought for his boyfriend and liquid courage to calm the other man’s nerves down. 

“Charles?”, he called closing the door and heard a humming from the bathroom followed by some babbling, which made it clear to him that Charles had his mouth full of foam. Erik knew it was all still feeling quite awkward and stiff, and while he was aware the flowers and champagne wouldn’t change that, he thought they would at least ease it and from then on, he would have to take charge, guide things a little and make them good, romantic, sweet. 

 

 

-

 

Charles spit out the toothpaste foam and cleaned his mouth with water afterwards, before looking at himself in the mirror. He knew, that Erik had probably called him, because he was taking a lot of time in the bathroom, but he needed to look neat and sexy. With his hands, he tried to make his hair look combed but a bit messy and he debated whether to shave the soft hair he had on his chin or not. 

When Erik called him again, he decided against it and rushed to leave the bathroom, only to be surprised by a bottle of champagne and bouquet of roses. His breath was caught in his lungs and he stared at Erik, standing in the middle of the room with those items in his hands.    
“What?”, he stuttered and came closer, watching Erik’s face turn into a huge grin. “For you”, Erik smiled and gave him the roses, keeping to bottle to pop it himself. 

Charles smelled the roses, but kept staring at Erik unbelieving. It was like all the nervousness was replaced with gratitude and he couldn’t help but step closer and kiss Erik thankfully. They kissed for a small while, just simple small kisses on the lips, before Erik pulled away and Charles chased his lips for a moment. 

“Lemme open that bottle and you can put the roses into that vase there”, Erik said and pointed at the vase, that hadn’t been in their room before. Charles nodded and they went to do their tasks, Charles finishing his one before Erik. He stepped closer to his boyfriend, when Erik finally held out to glasses full of champagne and took one of them. They clung their glasses together and each took a sip of the sparkly champagne. It wasn’t sweet, but not dry either, so it tasted good and calmed Charles’ nerves a bit more. 

“Thank you, Erik. You’re the sweetest”, he smiled and kissed Erik’s cheek gently, staying close to his face afterwards. 

 

-

 

Erik grinned, glad that Charles seemed a little calmer now. They stood close to each other while sipping on their glasses and Erik started to gently card his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, hearing him hum.

“You take my breath away, you know that?”, he asked softly and trailed down his fingertips from Charles’ temple to his chin. “hmm.. I do?”, he asked but not because he was insecure of that but merely because he wanted to hear it again.

“You do… You’re wonderful. What we did yesterday on the bath.. That was good, Charles. You drove me crazy”, he said, switching to the most pressing matter at that moment. “You feel amazing moving against me and I can’t wait to discover how everything else feels with you”.

He watched Charles’ breath hitch and his eyes widen slightly before his boyfriend said “Then what are we waiting for?”, and leaned a tiny little bit closer, tilting his chin to chase Erik’s lips.

They met halfway and kissed passionately, Erik’s free hand going to rest on Charles’ hips and their bodies getting flushed together. His boyfriend put down the flute and Erik went to do the same but he didn’t aim it quite right and the glass toppled over on the desk, spilling the champagne on the table and floor, but none of them cared, too lost on each other.

 

-

 

They both stumbled towards the bed together, not once breaking the kiss, like they were magnets, glued to each other’s bodies. When Charles hit the edge of the bed with his legs, Erik stopped him from toppling over with a gentle grip on his hips. Charles wanted to frown, but before he could react, Erik’s hands moved upwards and pulled Charles’ shirt with him. 

Kissing sounds filled the air and the rustling of clothes, when Charles stretched his arms in the air and helped Erik removing his shirt. They had to break the kiss in order to remove the fabric and after Erik threw it carelessly away, he attacked Charles’ throat. Despite the strong sucking on Charles’ skin, it still felt gentle and passionate, as if creating a hickey on Charles’ throat was Erik’s only task. 

“Hmmh, feels good”, Charles panted and crept his own hands underneath Erik’s shirt to remove it from his torso. When he pulled it up, Erik stopped him with his hands on Charles’ arms and mumbled a small “wait”, still bruising Charles’ neck. 

Charles let out a small moan and cocked his head to one side to give Erik more access, letting him finish the hickey. He played a little with the hem of Erik’s shift, brushing soft fingertips along the hair path, that disappeared in Erik’s pants. There he found the button of Erik’s jeans and opened it quickly, his hands brushing the forming bulge in Erik’s pants. 

“You’re so big”, Charles moaned as he fumbled his way inside Erik’s jeans and cupped Erik’s dick through his boxers, “wanted to tell you that since yesterday.”

Erik let out a deep moan that chased chills down Charles’ spine and he finished the hickey, continuing to kiss Charles’ shoulder. 

 

-

 

He kissed the skin as if he wanted to kiss each one of the golden freckles and his grip on Charles’ arms tightened. Hearing his boyfriend say he was big, the words on that posh accent and rich voice was absolutely perfect and Erik could feel himself twitching underneath the kneading hand. “You too, love. You have such a beautiful cock, I wanna taste it so bad”, he murmured against the warm skin. 

“God, Erik”, Charles breathed out and Erik had to pull away to look at his boyfriend. He took off his own shirt while at it and then cupped Charles’ face, kissing him deep. “Lie down”, Erik whispered and the other man removed his hand from his pants, doing as he was told, their eyes still locked. 

Erik took a moment to admire Charles lying like that, hair sprawled on the white sheets and looking debauched already. He wanted to tell the other man to say something, anything if he thought his breathing was getting too out of hand, but Erik had already had that conversation with him and he knew he would ruin the mood if he said something else like that, so he tried his best to communicate with his eyes before he kneeled in bed, legs bracketing Charles’ body. 

He bent lower to kiss him, their naked chests pressed together and getting all sweaty. Erik’s hands touched Charles’ chest but avoided his nipples in order to go down towards his pants and open them up. As soon as he had unbuttoned the jeans, he broke the kiss to pull the pants down and eyed the hard cock inside the boxers. It made him lick his lips and he cupped it with a hand starting to massage it slowly. 

Erik remembered perfectly this was when the attack had happened last time and he looked up to check if everything was alright with Charles. His boyfriend gave him a small nod and Erik pulled the boxers down as well, the flushed, pink cock standing up proudly, precum coming out of the slit. 

Charles was looking a little nervous again now, even if Erik had already seen him completely naked just yesterday. He smiled and then grabbed on of his boyfriend’s hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing his knuckles sweetly so he would calm down. 

 

-

 

Having Erik so close to his cock, but not giving it any attention and kissing Charles’ knuckles instead, made him squirm underneath Erik. He wanted to be touched, but was also slightly uncomfortable at the thought and thousands of things ran through Charles’ mind.

“Hey, hey. Relax”, Erik shushed him and kissed the top of his fingers gently. Charles let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes in order to relax a little more. Just when he felt his body slowly relaxing, he felt Erik’s warm lips wrapping around his hard cock. He let out a surprised moan and opened his eyes again just to see Erik’s beautiful mouth sucking down his shaft. 

“Jesus, a little warning next time”, he attempted a joke, but moaned again and couldn’t help his hips from jerking upwards. He heard a small choking sound and blushed a little for causing it, but couldn’t afford the time to think more about that. 

Erik looked fantastic between his legs, his long lashes lying on his cheeks and red tinted lips around his cock. Charles could just come from that, from the sight and the friction, that Erik’s tongue and his lips were creating. “Fuck, Erik, I nnhhgg… no, wait”, he moaned and suddenly the friction was gone and Erik was looking at him with worried eyes. 

“Everything okay?”, Erik asked and it took Charles a moment to realise what Erik meant, due to his clouded mind. He nodded immediately and answered “I’m fine, I just don’t wanna come like that. I thought.. we.. well, we’re going all the way?”

They had never discussed that actually, what their definition of sex was and if Erik was up for penetrative sex. Charles wanted it, of course, but if it wasn’t Erik’s cup of tea, then he could do without. But gladly, Erik answered “yes, sorry, I got a bit lost down there”, with a little smirk and Charles blushed again. 

“Okay then, why won’t you kiss me again?”, Charles said, trying to gather as much courage as possible, while guiding Erik towards him by framing his face. 

 

-

 

“I taste like you”, Erik murmured as a warning and Charles stopped, hands cupping his face, looking from one of Erik’s eyes to the other “Do you mind it?”, his boyfriend asked, showing how little he was used to all of this; he was after all, a virgin. “Not at all”, Erik grinned lazily and completed “It’s actually one of the best things I’ve ever tasted”, coming down to press their lips together. 

Charles hummed into it, and they kept it slow and loving, showing their deep desire towards the other one. When they broke apart, Erik reached out for the bedside table and got the bottle of lube. “You ready?”, he asked and the other one eyed the small bottle suspiciously, so Erik kept talking in order to calm him down “I’m going to prepare you now.. Slow and good, ok? You’re gonna like it, but if you don’t.. just tell me how you feel”.

The other man bit on his bottom lip and nodded, but his eyes shone with fear and after a long pause watching him, Erik noticed he had made quite the huge mistake for assuming things like this. His boyfriend didn’t seem upset at all, not even worried about it but it was something Erik should have thought of, should have offered. 

“Or.. would you like to do it the other way around?”, he asked caressing his boyfriend’s chest in small circles. “I’d love both, so you can choose… I promise I’ll make it good either way”. 

 

-

 

The thing with Charles and choices was, he could never choose one. Especially in the small time he had to experiment, he always wanted to try both options. So how was he supposed to make a choice now?

“Can we do both?”, he therefore asked and then blushed a little and added, “not today, of course.”

Erik seemed to consider his answer a moment and it gave Charles the fear, that Erik saw this as a one time event, like all the other things on Charles’ bucket list, just something to tick off. Maybe Erik was still afraid of causing an attack or hurt Charles and didn’t want to repeat any of that. 

“I… don't want this to be the only time, you know? I mean, this is what you do in relationships, have sex and all, right?”, Charles said, his tone unsure of what to say. 

Erik nodded, but pressed his lips into a thin line, the only thing giving him away then. So, he wasn’t pleased thinking about putting Charles into more danger, but Charles could work on that. He would simply make their sex now so good, that Erik would  _ want _ to have him again. 

“For now”, he said, trying to sound a bit more sexy and teasing, “you can f-fuck me in the ass all you want.” 

Only the small stutter gave away his insecurity, but he quickly pressed Erik’s head down to kiss him passionately again. 

 

-

 

Erik kissed back fiercely. It was more than worrying him that Charles wanted their relationship to follow the normal course, to have sex a healthy amount of time but Erik was willing to give that up if it meant Charles would be okay.

“Go on”, Charles murmured against his lips, putting on a fake bravado. “Alright”, he answered and started kissing down his boyfriend’s body, tongue swirling around a brown nipple, making Charles’ back arch.

When he finally reached his boyfriend’s crotch, he didn’t kiss it to not tease Charles too much and make him come sooner than he was supposed to.

He put both hands on the back of Charles’ knees, making him bent them and put his foot on the mattress. Erik smiled down calmly at him and opened the bottle of lube, pouring the liquid on two of his fingers.

Erik guided one of them to Charles’ ass and he slipped it into the crack, rubbing the lubricant on the tight entrance, hearing the moan that came out of Charles’ mouth “Oh my…”, he cried out, his ass clenching on the tip of Erik’s finger, that wasn’t even in yet. 

“Relax, schatz”, he said and bent lower to kiss one of Charles’ knees and looked up through his lashes “Relax…”, he trailed off.

Charles nodded and there was this glint on his eyes like he was  _ determined _ and his ass relaxed almost immediately, Erik pressing his digit in, through the tight ring of muscles. 

 

 

-

 

Charles shuddered at the sudden intrusion and his mouth fell open in a silent gasp. It wasn’t particularly feeling bad, but also not as pleasurable as he had imagined. The only thing, that kept Charles going and made it better for him, was the thought that Erik’s finger was the force between his cheeks. There was a part of Erik inside of him, stretching his muscle to prepare for Erik’s cock to fit in. It was an arousing thought and he moaned, shutting his eyes while clenching around Erik’s finger. 

“Relax”, he heard again from Erik, feeling the finger circle and bend inside of him. Charles did his best to follow through with that order and breathed out strongly, causing a little pain in his chest. 

“I’m gonna add another one now, you're doing great”, Erik encouraged and then there was another force against his hole, pushing inside his tight channel. There was small resistance coming from him and it eventually plopped in alongside Erik’s first finger, moving gently around the walls of muscle. 

Despite the strange intrusion, Charles was still hard and resisting the urge to touch himself. When Erik moved his fingers around again, he hit something inside of Charles that made him see white. He moved his hips jerkingly, trying to fuck himself onto Erik’s fingers. 

“Fuck, there”, he panted and Erik teased that spot again and again, now rubbing both fingers against the nerve bundle inside of Charles. His cock twitched wildly and before he even knew it, he was arching of the bed and his hand reached down reflexively to touch himself, as he was coming in high spurts all over his belly. “Fuuuuck”, he moaned, his whole body trembling and chest aching a little at the effort of soaking breath into his lungs. 

“That’s okay, that's good”, he heard Erik saying, before he even got a chance to feel embarrassed for coming early. “The orgasm is gonna help you relax.” 

Charles nodded absently, still trying to calm down from his high, while Erik’s fingers still moved inside of him, but didn’t tease his prostate anymore. “I’m gonna add a third one while you're like this, but if it's too much, tell me and I’ll scissor a bit more.” 

Then Erik pulled his fingers out and suddenly there was a sharp pain, as three tried to force their way inside again. Charles inhaled sharply and clenched again, intensifying the pain only. But then, it was like the first two fingers, Erik made it past the ring of muscle and just slid inside without any effort, the initial pain easing out a little. 

“It’s okay, that's good”, Charles said and looked down his body, seeing cum and Erik there. “God, is this really happening?”, he thought out loud with a dreamy voice, still post orgasmed hazy. 

 

-

 

Looking up, Erik saw a debauched Charles with cherry red lips, flushed face and blown pupils. He smirked at him, checking that his chest was still moving regularly and said with a husky tone of voice “It is”.

Bending lower, Erik pressed kisses to Charles’ soft cock, he grabbed it with his free hand and sucked on the head, tasting the salty cum, humming around him and closing his eyes in sheer delight.

He knew it was too sensitive right now so he kept sucking softly, tongue lapping at it very slowly. “You look so good down there”, Charles breathed and grabbed Erik’s hair gently, massaging his scalp.

He let go of his boyfriend’s prick and kissed his flat stomach, not caring about the cum there; it tasted good on his mouth and it made him even harder on his pants, he couldn’t wait to relieve that pressure, to see stars and come deep inside of Charles. 

“I love you”, he said before licking his lips to chase the cum there. “Oh, Erik… Mmhmh me too”, he answered on a overwhelmed tone of voice. It sent goosebumps through Erik’s body and it made him wish they would do that many times again even with the risk.

Charles was so loose already and Erik pulled his fingers out of him, giving him a moment to breathe. “I think you’re ready”, Erik said crawling up to kiss Charles’ mouth gently this time.

“I am”, his boyfriend nodded and reached down with shaky hands to open Erik’s pants, pushing his zipper down along with the jeans and boxers. The fabrics stopped halfway on Erik’s ass and Charles’ hand grabbed his cock, stroking it with a firm grip that got his toes curling. 

It reminded him of the day before when Charles touched him in the bathroom and Erik groaned, finding it delicious. He kissed Charles’ lips again and then parted to push his pants all the way down, standing up next to bed and getting completely naked. 

It seemed like everything slowed down at that moment and he stood there watching Charles as if he was a perfect model that belonged to him, his own personal angel. “Help me with this?”, Erik asked grabbing the bottle of lube and condom before crawling in bed again, wanting to show him how to do that as well. 

 

-

 

“Okay”, Charles said a bit insecure, but grabbed the things from Erik’s hands and opened the condom first. It wasn’t like he had never touched a condom, but he had never put one on another dick, so his hands were quite shaky. 

His heart was still racing in his chest, the situation finally starting to sink in. They were both naked on bed and about to have sex for the first time. The thought was exciting and arousing, making him grin like a fool. 

He finally managed to slide the condom over the head of Erik’s cock and rolled it down the shaft with both hands. Erik’s dick was beautiful, slightly curved, head flushed thickly and veins standing out on the side. Charles felt the urge to taste it inside his mouth, but delayed that thought for another day. 

When he poured lube into his hand, it felt colder than it had on his ass, and Charles remembered Erik rubbing his hands together before touching him.  He had the courtesy of doing the same, before shuffling on the bed to change his position. His cheeks moved easily against each other, due to the slick and it felt weird, but he barely cared, as he did the final step and rubbed Erik’s cock with lube. 

“How about we spoon, hm? It's more personal than you on your knees and more comfortable than missionary”, Erik suggested and to this, Charles could only agree and rely on Erik’s experience. 

He let go of Erik’s dick and moved again to lie himself on his side, feeling Erik’s bare body pressing against his back no moment later. There was a gentle tug on his thigh and he angled his leg, so Erik could press his between Charles’. The hard, slicked cock was suddenly brushing against the crack of Charles’ ass and made him hitched out of surprise. 

“Tell me, when it's too much”, Erik said close to his ear and then dipped down, trailing warm kisses all over Charles’ skin. One of Erik’s arms came around Charles body, joining their hands together close to Charles’ belly. 

It was such an intimate position, but still arousing, that Charles’ cock even twitched in interest again. The cold, sudden press against his ass was sobering enough, though, as Erik’s dick pressed between his cheeks. 

And then Erik pressed against his hole, head thick and blunt and his muscle not giving in for a moment, before he was suddenly widened and reflexively squeezed Erik’s hand as hard as he squeezed his eyes shut and hole tighter. 

 

-

 

“No, no, no, don’t squeeze it”, Erik said in a strangled voice, the strength Charles was putting around his cock was too much and it hurt, making it impossible for him to push forward and his whole body demand for him to pull away. 

Charles wasn’t relaxing though, he only got more nervous and tried turning his head to look at Erik but he did it pretty fast and bumped the back of his head on Erik’s nose, making him see stars and moan in pain.

In a reflex, he jerked away, cock leaving Charles’ ass and softening slightly since he was quite focused on the pain. Charles turned his entire body around now and buried his face on his hands, but not before Erik could see the horror on his face and how much he was blushing “Oh God! I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry”, he said, voice muffled. 

It took Erik a moment to see through his pain and he thought it was rather adorable that his boyfriend seemed really embarrassed by the whole thing. He chuckled and scooted closer, ignoring the flaring pain on his skull.

“Shh.. Hey, hey”, he said gently prying Charles’ hands away from his face and showering with kisses when he managed it. “Don’t apologise”, Erik told him, pushing his messy hair back “I should be sorry for hurting you in the first place. I- Do you want to stop?”.

“No!”, Charles answered finally opening his eyes that shone a little. “But you’re not even…”, his boyfriend trailed off looking down between their bodies where Erik’s half hard cock was pressed against him. “I am, love.. Just kiss me”, he answered. 

When they pulled away, Erik said “You sure? I know it hurts at first and you can squeeze my hand as much as you want to, but you can’t clench your ass like that… It’s hot when you do it for pleasure but that wasn’t it for the both of us”. Charles nodded solemnly and with another kiss to Erik’s lips, turned around.

They put themselves on the same position as before, fingers and legs intertwined as Erik positioned himself to push in again.

This time, Charles squeezed his hand tight as his eyes, but he was putting a bigger effort on being relaxed down there and Erik slowly pushed all the way in until he was settled, cock buried deep inside of Charles’ heat.

“Hmmhm… Wish I could slow time down and stop it so I could hold you like this forever”, he murmured spreading kisses all over the back of Charles’ neck and his shoulder. 

 

-

 

Being more relaxed definitely helped the pain a little, but it was still a rather intruding feeling, as if his insides were being stretched to the impossible. Charles gritted his teeth and tried his best not to let his reflexes kick in and squeeze against the intrusion. His heart was hammering against his chest and his hand was shaking, while his whole body was glistening with sweat. 

“You’re.. big”, he panted and heard a low chuckle from Erik behind him, followed by small kisses all over his skin. It felt nice and made Charles concentrated on minor details, instead of the big picture. 

For example, how Erik’s thumb was caressing the back of Charles’ hand or how Erik’s own heart was beating wildly, so that even Charles could feel it against his back. He noticed the warm kisses and the heat that was created, where both their bodies had joined together. 

“Are you okay?”, Erik asked, slowly pulling his cock backwards, before moving in again and beginning the first thrust. Charles’ toes curled, not only out of pleasure, but he still felt some, as Erik was moving inside of him. 

“Hmmh, feels like my ass is burning”, he chuckled, the vibration increasing the pain a little. But it wasn’t bad per se, it was just new and a little painful. And yet, it was wonderful just to think how close they were just now, how they couldn’t become any closer, the shared intimacy giving Charles chills. 

“I love you so much”, Charles started to babble, as Erik shoved inside of him again, “you are my first love and you will be my last. No one ever can touch me like you do.” 

Erik groaned somewhat possessive and his grip tightened around Charles, as he moved inches closer and brought a new angle with the next thrust, that made Charles’ toes actually curl in pleasure. He felt so open and vulnerable, but yet safe in Erik’s arms, that he allowed himself to stop thinking and just  _ feel _ . 

 

 

-

 

The words were like fuel to Erik and  _ God _ he couldn’t believe this was happening. Why did he avoid it? Why did he think it wasn’t a good idea? He couldn’t remember the answer to that while he felt so complete and absolute like that. He was infinite. 

“Love you too, schatz… You hmmhm.. you mean everything to me”, he breathed out still giving the other man a few kisses on the back of his neck. He thrusted in again, his hips angling once more in a way that brought out a moan from Charles before he said “There, Erik!”, hand tightening around his. 

He kept nailing the spot, wanting to give Charles as much pleasure as he could get from being fucked the first time, and kept whispering disconnected words of sweet nothings to soothe him, to show him how loved and wanted he was. That moment right there, was the closest Erik had ever felt to someone.

Thrust after thrust he felt his orgasm building up, the sheer pleasure pooling on the pit of his stomach, tightening his insides and making his toes curl, ass clench. “ _ Christ”,  _ he moaned, the friction around his cock making him see stars, the entire world around them turning into color and sensations “So good, you feel.. hmhm so tight and good”, Erik said, his mind not being able to form any better words. 

He wasn’t going to last anymore so he let go of Charles’ hand to hold his cock and start pumping it in rhythm with his thrusts, pulling the skin back and forth and feeling how moist it was, the precum gathering on the tip even if it was the second time he was coming today. “God, Charles… I-”, he started saying but his orgasm overcame him, his eyes falling shut and electricity running through his veins as he came deep inside his boyfriend, thrusts getting erratic.

 

-

 

Charles could pinpoint the exact moment when he felt Erik tripling over the edge and coming inside of him. Erik was moaning and his thrusts became irregular and kind of desperate, while his grip on Charles’ cock faltered a little. It felt amazing to have Erik buried deep inside of him in such vulnerable moment and Charles would have given everything, to feel him without the rubber barrier between them. 

He replaced Erik’s hand with his own and jerked himself off, until he started coming for the second time, his cock feeling sensitive and hole spasming around Erik. He let out a moan as well, his breath catching in his lungs and hurting a little, so he tried to even it out a little more. 

Spurts of cum were gathering on his hand and his belly and he shuddered as his orgasm overcame him. 

“This was perfect”, he whispered, as he was coming down from his high and relaxed against Erik’s back. Erik was caressing his belly and Charles felt him deflating inside of him a little more. “It really was”, Erik murmured against his skin and then warned him with small kisses on his nape, before pulling out his cock. 

Charles hissed at the sudden lack of pressure inside of him, but it didn’t hurt and he shifted his body, so that he could face Erik and kiss him gently. 

 

-

 

He kissed his boyfriend back with all love he could pour out and he didn’t care about the cum between their bodies or the layer of sweat covering them, just enjoying being this close to Charles. When they pulled away, they were smiling happily at each other and just locked eyes, no more words being left to say. 

Erik watched how Charles slowly fell asleep on his arms, looking content and beautiful. “You really do look like an angel”, he whispered lovingly before getting up to get a wet towel and clean the other man up, not wanting him to feel sticky in the morning. 

When Erik finally set in bed, he felt completely drained, his muscles aching and mind asking for some sleep. But when it finally overcame him, it didn’t make him rest at all. 

He started dreaming of Charles, them both sitting on a beach in a park, holding hands and smiling at each other until his boyfriend started coughing. Blood started to come out and tint his shirt but instead of stopping, it kept coming out and soon Charles was bent over, throwing up blood all over their shoes and Erik was desperately trying to ask for help. 

No one would stop or even look at them, tears were streaming down Erik’s face and he was so very desperate to do something,  _ anything _ . His cell phone wasn’t there and he couldn’t make a phone call so he started talking to Charles, trying to soothe him and get him to stop throwing up. Just as sudden as it had started, the blood stopped. But then Charles’ body lolled forwards, falling to the ground dead. 

His eyes were open and glassy, pale face covered in blood, his warm hands were cold and unmoving. “No! No! Not Charles… not him, not  _ my  _ Charles”, he started crying out, kneeling next to his dead boyfriend, useless. He couldn’t help, he didn’t do anything to save him or make it better. He couldn’t fight this. It was coming. 

Erik gasped out for air, waking up all sweaty and crying. He sat in bed, looking around desperately to see Charles still asleep next to him. He reached to check if the other man was still breathing and relief washed over him when he realised that yes, he was. 

He got up then, running towards the bathroom and locking himself in there, his whole body trembling as he kept crying and gasping for air. That hadn’t been just a dream.. No, that was going to happen someday. His Charles was going to die and Erik would never get to hold him like he had again, to kiss him or even talk to him. Would he even remember the sound of Charles’ voice? His laugh? He couldn’t stop what was coming and he was so  _ useless.  _

It took him over an hour to calm down and come back to bed, cuddling as close as possible to Charles, needing to feel him breathe against his body.  

 

-

 

In the morning, Charles woke up and felt Erik practically clutching at his body, a tight grip around his belly and legs all tangled with his. He felt overheated and so very sweaty and disgusting, that he just needed a shower, before they had to leave the hotel. 

He slowly untangled him and Erik, pealing Erik’s arm off his body and making sure that Erik was still asleep, when he escaped their shared blanket. Erik must have cleaned his belly at some point, because he couldn’t spot any dried cum there, when he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. 

Did he look different now that he had sex? Was his skin glowing, like they always described it? Honestly, he didn’t feel much different apart from a deep soreness in his ass. It was burning and quite unpleasant, but also a constant reminder, that he had gone this step with Erik. 

The only other clue he had, was the small hickeys on his neck and the way his hair was all tangled up, but these things would vanish soon together with his soreness. 

He stepped into the shower and let warm water run down his spine, pretending it to be a waterfall, like he had wished for on his bucket list. Maybe Erik and him could both stand together underneath the waterfall and shower naked. He pondered a little about the other things on the bucket list, before turning off the shower and drying himself in a towel. 

He put on his new clothes and then decided to lie with Erik again, wanting to see him waking up. His plans were destroyed, when he saw Erik already sitting on the edge of the bed and looking not as peaceful as Charles felt. It immediately worried him and he stepped closer to sit next to Erik. 

“Morning. What's bothering you?”, he asked and intertwined their hands, trying to make a physical bridge between them. 

 

-

 

“Morning”, Erik said and placed a kiss on Charles’ cheek. It was sweet how his boyfriend could tell there was something bothering him and it only cemented his thoughts even more. 

Before he had managed to fall asleep again he had tried his best to think clearly about the whole situation and had come to a conclusion. They had had sex and Charles was fine, they had walked around Paris and there were still no attacks happening. Of course that the more Charles tired himself, the more his chance for an attack would increase but… It didn’t mean each time they did something it would turn out bad.

And after his dream and breakdown he had realised he wouldn’t forgive himself if he had never touched Charles out of fear, if he denied his boyfriend his wishes because he was too scared to try out the things he wanted to do. People did things that endangered their lives all the time, why should it be different for Charles?

“I… I had a really bad dream”, he answered looking at the floor “And it got me thinking about you and all these things you want to do that will put you at risk” - “Erik… I thought we’ve been over this, darling”.

“We have but… I wasn’t convinced yet. I am now”, he answered looking up and locking their eyes “I want us to fulfill your bucket list, I want to live everything with you and cherish you to the fullest. You’re my beautiful,  _ normal  _ boyfriend that I got to know on a rooftop and I want to make you happy”.

“Erik”, Charles whispered, his eyes looking like they were filled with tears “What did you dream of?” - “Of you… Dying”, he pressed out, the dream coming back to him and making every inch of his body hurt “And I will never forgive myself if I stop you from living life to the fullest and being by your side”. 

 

-

 

It was horrible, that Erik had dreamed of him dying and Charles wanted to make him forget so badly. His parents never told him, if they were having those dreams, so he never came to think about it. But it was very likely that they had dreamed of Charles dying as well and that explained their rather tired looks in the morning sometimes. Charles felt guilty for causing those bad dreams for Erik and his parents, even if he couldn’t prevent them from happening. 

“Thank you for making these things happen. I would have missed so much without you. Yesterday was… perfect, far more than that”, he answered softly, a tiny smile on his lips, despite the somewhat depressing mood. 

Charles was glad that Erik would tell him these things, shared his fears with him. It was a sign of deep trust and love, which made it even harder on Charles, that he couldn’t do anything to help. 

“I’m so sorry that you dreamed that. But I’m here now, okay? And I know you don’t want to hear this, but one day you will maybe wake up after dreaming about one of our memories and maybe it will make you smile”, he said softly and brushed his thumb over the back of Erik’s hand. 

 

-

 

Erik held himself back from yelling at that, telling his boyfriend how fucked up that was but he knew where Charles was coming from so he bit his lip and nodded slowly. 

“I wanna use the camera you bought”, he said after a moment “I want to record us all the time we can… I’m scared I will f-forget how you sound, how you smile and carry yourself”, his voice hitching while he fought off the urge to cry. 

“Of course, Erik”, he boyfriend answered and came closer, resting his chin on Erik’s shoulder “Now let me see you smile, hm? I’m still here and we still have at least two years, ok? There’s time” - “Not nearly enough”, Erik countered turning his head a little and leaning against Charles’. “I don’t think eternity would be enough… I would never get tired of you Charles Xavier” - “I love you, Erik Lehnsherr”. 

They stayed like that for a few more minutes until Erik felt like he could put on a smile again and try to improve his mood. “Let’s have breakfast”, he said getting up and stretching an arm for Charles to grab his hand. When he was up, their bodies got flushed together and  _ then _ Erik smiled right before kissing those lips. 

 

-

 

They walked to the hotel restaurant after Erik had gotten dressed and this time even Charles was eating a lot of the delicious food. The sad part came, when they were back at the hotel and needed to start packing to check out. Charles didn’t want to go home again, not back to his old, boring life. He wanted more adventures and visit more foreign countries!

“I don’t want to go back. Let's take the plane to hmm.. Germany! You can show me your home country and we'll get tattoos there or something”, Charles suggested, once they arrived at the Charles De Gaulle airport and walked towards check in. Erik laughed next to him over the suggestion. 

“As much as I am behind you now on the bucket list, let's not worry your parents and make me a kidnapper. Besides, I have a job to return to and I haven't been in Germany in ages. I wouldn't even know what to show you”, Erik argued and made Charles pout.

Erik was right, though. Charles’ parents would probably call the police and never forgive him. They had to go back, as much as it hurt Charles. 

When they waited in the boarding area, Charles felt something in his pocket, that he had almost forgotten due to yesterday's activities. He got the small keychain out of his pocket and smiled dreamily. Paris. His first and last visit and it was fantastic. 

“I got you something”, he said and looked up, holding the Eiffel tower keychain in front of Erik’s face. “A small reminder of this beautiful memory.” 

 

-

 

Erik eyed the key chain with love on his eyes. It was really cute and a great reminder of the good time they had spent together in Paris which Erik absolutely loved.

He reached out to it and held it on his hand, looking at the chain and smiling widely “This is beautiful, schatz”, he breathed out happily and finally looked up at Charles “Thank you”.

“I’m so happy you liked it”, Charles answered beaming. Erik stepped closer to him and pressed a kiss to his lips before putting his hand on his jeans pocket and pulling out his keys. He put the chain on it and showed it to his boyfriend, smile making his cheeks hurt.

The trip back home was quiet, they held each other’s hand and shared Charles’ iPod listening to his playlist and humming under their breaths together. Erik loved each moment with Charles and he started to think of the other items on the list and what they could do next. 

It was only two weeks later that he figured out what they could do next; there was a carnival installing in town and between the attractions, there was a ferris wheel and a photo booth. He decided to tell Charles about it later, thinking of stopping by his place as a surprise and inviting him to go out on the next weekend. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Charles wasn’t sitting on his bed in his room like always, no. He was in the kitchen to prepare some popcorn and nachos with the help of Bertha. Erik had said, that he would drop by later and Charles had thought, they could turn this into a movie night with food and some nice making out session in between. 

“Charles? What are you doing?”, Sharon asked, when she came into the kitchen after her fitness routine. She always had a smoothie afterwards. 

“Oh, hm.. I wanted to make some snacks for later. For me and Erik”, he said and it was probably the first time, that his mother didn’t pull a face at his boyfriend’s name. It was probably, because Erik was coming over and not taking him out. 

“Okay then.” - “Mum?” - “yes?” She raised an eyebrow and Charles gulped. He came closer and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. Ever since Erik, he didn’t have a nice relationship with his mother and he didn’t want that anymore. He had missed her and just the feeling of having her hugging him, made him fight against tears. 

“Do you dream of me dying?”, he asked then. It had been bugging him ever since Erik’s bad dream and he just needed to confirm the answer that he already knew. 

His mother pulled away and looked at him, as if he asked something grotesque, so Charles put on the most mature and serious face he could. 

“Well.. sometimes. Why are you thinking about that?”, she asked and Charles let out a shaky breath. Bertha had left the room out of respect for the private conversation. 

“Erik had dreamed that too. I know, I can’t do anything about you or dad being involved and I know you think Erik is bad for me.. but, perhaps, I .. am .. bad for Erik? If he wouldn’t have known me, he wouldn’t-”, he didn’t know he had started babbling, until his mother put her hand on his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. 

“Honey, if other people start to like you or not, that is not your decision to make. Don't ever think you are bad for Erik, I don’t think he even assumes that. You're bad for no one, okay? We all love you and you give us all that love back”, his mother said and it finally made Charles lose it and he started to cry. 

Before he knew it, he was back in his mother’s arms and smelled her familiar scent, while he cried there. He didn’t want to leave Erik or his mother or his father. As much as he had made peace with it, he didn’t want to die.

It took some time, but he eventually stopped crying and sniffled a little more. “Go on, get ready for Erik and I’ll finish the food with Bertha”, Sharon said in a soft voice and Charles nodded, before retreating into the bathroom and washing his red face. 

 

-

 

Erik knocked on the doorbell with his free hand, the other one holding one small flower for his boyfriend. The door wasn’t open by Charles today but he came in anyway and made his way to the other man’s room to wait there.

It didn’t take long for Charles to show up and find him sitting on his bed. “Hey you”, Charles beamed at him and before Erik even had the chance to get up, his boyfriend was already straddling his lap, kissing him hello.

His hands immediately wrapped around Charles’ body, sprawled on the small of his back as he let himself be lost into the kiss. They didn’t have sex again ever since Paris and this position brought their bodies awfully close, which combined with Charles’ filthy kiss was starting to make him horny.

Pulling away, Erik smiled up to the other man but frowned when he saw the red nose and puffy eyes “You’ve been crying?”, he asked, pushing a lock of the brown hair back. Charles looked down and then up again before answering “I was just… Talking to my mom”, he answered, making Erik apprehensive.

“Everything alright now?”, he asked slowly to which Charles smiled “Yes, everything is perfect”. It made him more than happy to know they were on good terms and not fighting each other so he leaned in to peck Charles’ lips. “That’s great, schatz”, he said warmly. 

Charles didn’t move away and Erik didn’t want him to. He picked the small flower he had left on the bed and lift it up between their faces “for you”, he said. 

 

-

 

“Naww, you're the best”, Charles smiled and took the flower. It led to the inevitable for Charles to stand up again and walk into the kitchen to find a vase. He quickly filled the vase with water and put the flower into it. It looked a little lost in the big vase, but they didn’t have a smaller one and Charles wouldn’t leave it without water. 

When he returned into the room, he put the small flower on his nightstand and admired it for a moment, before sinking onto the bed next to Erik. “I made snacks for a movie night”, he said and pointed at the snacks on a small table close to the bed. 

“Thank you, I already saw it. Looks fantastic”, Erik smiled and reached for the plate with nachos and cheese sauce. Charles hurried to put on a DVD and grabbed his own plate, while he scooted further onto the bed and brushed his knee against Erik’s thigh as he crossed his legs. 

“So, I wanted to invite you to our next date”, Erik said and Charles immediately turned towards him and beamed. “Yeah? Where?”

Erik grinned cheekily and said “that’s a surprise. Next Saturday, though. I’ll pick you up around noon.” 

Charles cuddled closer to his boyfriend and put a nacho in his mouth. “I love you, you know that, right?”, he mumbled and nuzzled Erik’s neck while chewing on the crispy nacho. 

 

-

 

Erik chuckled gently at his adorable boyfriend who was speaking with his mouth full, despite of his upbringing, and angled his head to place a kiss to his forehead. “I love you too, schatz”, he answered warmly, letting himself get lost in the warm and loving presence of Charles. 

Being there helped him more than he would like to admit, seeing that his nightmares didn’t stop after the night on Paris. He would get them every other day and wake up breathless, tears streaming down his face, which meant he was walking around more than tired lately with work on top of it all, - he had found a gig as a bartender during the weekends and now he didn’t need to work at the strip club anymore, but it was still the same journey during the night. 

In the middle of Jane Eyre, he fell asleep, head lolling towards Charles and resting there on top of his. It was only when the movie was over and his boyfriend tried moving, that he woke up, yawning. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep”, he mumbled and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to wake himself up better. 

“It’s okay, you’ve been working a lot”, Charles answered and placed a kiss on Erik’s cheek that got him smiling. They cleaned up the bed and put the plates away on the nightstand before lying on it again, Charles’ head resting on Erik’s arm and their bodies pressed close. 

“Bowling?”, Charles tried to guess what they would do on their date for the nth time and Erik chuckled “Not telling you” - “Watching a football match?”, he asked this time, Erik paused before answering. “Do you  _ want _ to watch a football match?”, he asked curious. “Well.. not really, no, but I’d go with you”, his boyfriend answered and this time, Erik couldn’t hold back from turning his head and kissing those beautiful lips.

“Ice skating?”, he guessed between kisses and Erik merely murmured “Shut up”, kissing him again. “Chocolate factory?” - “hmmm shut up” - “Movie theater?”, Charles tried again and Erik groaned against his lips, turning his so he would lay on top of him and shut him up with a deep kiss, their tongues tangling. 

 

-

 

Charles moaned surprised into the kiss, not having expected such wild response from Erik. Ever since Paris, they hadn't done anything sexual and Charles had started to think, that maybe Erik had second thoughts. It wasn’t like Erik would be careful when taking Charles out or anything, but Charles had worried he didn’t want to have sex anymore. Maybe, it wouldn’t even had been his sickness, but Erik hadn’t actually liked their time together. 

But all of this was forgotten, when their tongues joined and Erik’s hand explored Charles’ skin underneath the shirt. He moaned again, longing to be touched by Erik everywhere, as he lifted his hips up. He wasn’t really hard yet, but his cock was starting to find an interest and the motion came automatically. 

Erik moved downwards to kiss his throat instead, wetting the skin all over and sucking on some spots more strongly. Charles, however, started to feel a familiar pain in his chest and he let Erik keep going, but knew he would need oxygen soon. 

“Wait”, he eventually said and Erik looked up immediately, worry written all over his face. “It’s fine. I just need some oxygen.”

He pointed at the oxygen tank and Erik nodded, already jumping off the bed to serve Charles. He hated to kill the mood like that and sighed, which only caused more pain in his chest and his breath to shorten. “Here you go, schatz”, Erik came to his rescue and put Charles the mask on his mouth. 

Charles wished, it would still be Erik’s lips on his mouth, instead of the plastic, but he breathed deep despite his pain. He closed his eyes and nodded, already feeling better, but kept inhaling. 

When he pulled the mask away, he said “sorry for killing the mood.” Erik only grinned, obviously relieved that Charles was getting better. Charles didn’t want to tell him, that he had been feeling worse these past days - he hadn’t told anyone yet. 

“Who said you killed the mood?”, Erik answered cheekily and kissed Charles’ cheek wetly. 

 

-

 

His boyfriend chuckled weakly and Erik nuzzled his skin while he put the mask on for a little longer and catched his breath fully. 

When they put the mask down, Charles grabbed the hem of Erik’s shirt and brought him down for another kiss but this time they took it slow and not so deep.

Regretfully, it came the time Erik had to leave because of work and his boyfriend put on the most beautiful pout while walking him to the door. There, Charles wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck and hugged him tight.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave”, he said sounding sad and it tugged at Erik’s heart that he had to leave as well. “I’ll see you saturday, love. It will be faster than we think” - “I hope so”, Charles answered and they kissed, before Erik left.

Leaving Charles behind was always difficult, but now, with the nightmares he had been having it felt even worse to do so, like they were wasting their precious time together. 

 

-

 

As soon as Charles closed the door between him and Erik, he turned around and almost flinched, when he saw his mother standing close by. He knew, she was at home, but his parents usually spent the time outside or in the private cinema, somewhere far from Charles’ room and the front door. 

“Mum, you startled me”, he said, but his shock was already wearing off. He wasn’t afraid of his mum’s reaction, since she couldn't disapprove any more of Erik. 

But this time, she was smiling and her face was soft, almost fond looking. “You look very happy”, she started instead of following Charles’ statement. 

Charles frowned a little but nodded then. If she said so? “I am happy.” 

“Not always. I remember a time, when your eyes looked so very dull, that we-.. he gives you that spark back.” 

Charles couldn’t quite seize what Sharon was saying, it almost felt like a peace offering. Sadly, it also reminded him of those days when he had almost given up. He remembered quite well how depressed he had been and how close he was to not take any medication anymore and just … go. 

“Well, he makes me happy. I love him so much”, he said carefully, not wanting any statement to backfire at him. But his mother only smiled and nodded. 

“I know. And he loves you too. How about we try that dinner again, hm?”, she answered and Charles practically beamed. “I’d love to”, he murmured, while hugging his mother for the second time that day. 

 

-

 

Erik thought they would only meet again on saturday, but Charles called him, all excited and adorable, saying his mother wanted them to have dinner together. Erik was, of course, weary but he could never say no to the invitation.

Which was why he took a day off on friday night to come over, have dinner and stay the night, - the latter he hoped it would be with Charles’ parents permission, even if it meant separate rooms or whatever, he’d like to be part of breakfast and walk around the mansion in the morning. Then, they would go out for the carnival.

He dressed up with the best clothes he had on his wardrobe; nice, dark jeans, a white button down that hugged his torso perfectly and a warm jacket for the bike ride. He knew he didn’t make a good first, second or third impression but it didn’t hurt to put on an effort. Besides, his boyfriend could maybe enjoy him on his nicest clothes and that was a plus. 

He rode his bike to Westchester and found a nice way to keep the rose bouquet intact; a backpack. He wasn’t taking those for Charles, he was taking them for Sharon. Erik had thought about taking wine but he couldn’t afford a nice bottle and he knew it would be looked down on so he decided for the flowers. 

When he knocked the doorbell, his heart was hammering inside his chest and he prayed Charles was right about this, that his mother was actually giving them a chance and not using this dinner to find more wrong things on him. 

 

-

 

Charles opened the door with a huge smile and stepped closer to Erik, while tugging him by his white button up and brushing their lips together. His hand smoothed down Erik’s chest then, brushing over some wrinkles in the fabric. 

When he pulled away, he was still smiling fondly and said “you look nice”, while eyeing Erik up and down. 

Erik looked nervous and weary, but he was also smiling from the kiss and Charles’ compliment. Charles could understand why Erik would be nervous, so he grabbed Erik’s hand and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. 

“Come on, I promise she is better now. She sees what we see”, he said and walked with Erik towards the living room, where his parents were already seated and waiting for them. 

“Welcome, Erik. Please, have a seat”, Sharon greeted him with a smile that could either be wrong or generous. Not even Charles could tell, but he hoped for the latter.

They took their seats just like last time, both on the same side, while Brian was positioned on the head of the table and Sharon by his right flank. It was a bit awkward at the beginning, but as soon as the food was brought to them, Sharon made a serious effort to get to know Erik better.

“So, Charles told us you have a new job now?”, she asked and put some broccoli into her mouth afterwards. Erik stiffened a little at the direct question, probably because he didn’t want to talk about his old one. Charles just put a hand on his thigh to give him some courage and was ready to step in, if Erik lost his voice. 

“Well, yes. Still in a restaurant, though. There is only this much jobs to do, without learning for several years”, Erik answered politely and Sharon nodded.

Brian took a sip from his wine and said “well, we’re still looking for a gardener, darling, aren’t we?”

Charles’ eyes grew wide and his heart started to beat loudly at the implication. Would they really let Erik work close to him? That would be more than perfect! 

 

-

 

Erik swallowed down his bite and looked around the table, a little overwhelmed by the three Xaviers staring at him expectantly. Working there as a gardener? That didn’t sound very appealing to him.

Charles would be his boss.  _ Sharon  _ would be his boss. Besides, he had no experience whatsoever with gardens and he would end up ruining it and giving the woman more reason to be annoyed by him.

“Well, that sounds interesting”, he said slowly and then put on a smile “can I think about it?”, Erik asked, not wanting to be rude and turn down the offer like that. Charles was beaming happily and he truly seemed to like the idea and not see something wrong with it. They had to talk about this before he accepted or denied the offer and he hoped, they could understand each other’s side. 

“Of course”, Sharon nodded nicely and they started talking about their trip to Paris. Erik knew Charles must have told them everything about it already but it was a safe topic and he thanked the opportunity to talk about it, telling them about the tower and everything he could, proud Charles didn’t have an attack on his watch. 

 

-

 

When they finished dinner without any mean comment or a fight once, Charles was more than relieved about that. He hadn’t really doubted, that his mother would do anything if she had invited Erik in first place and not after their talk the other day, but it was still a relief. 

Just when they were about to excuse themselves from the table, Brian stopped then. “Erik, how about you accompany Charles tomorrow to the Spring dinner? You can stay over here tonight”, Charles’ father said and made them stop in their movement.

“Um, I’m going out with Erik tomorrow, dad”, Charles explained and eyed both his parents nervously. Brian only nodded and then stood up from the table, making Charles relax a little. 

“Where are you going?”, Sharon asked, also standing up and getting ready to leave the room. She pushed her chair back into the former position close to the table and looked up at the two teens afterwards. 

“Um, it's a surprise”, Erik said, his cheeks a bit red, “for Charles, I mean.”

Charles’ parents nodded and then went their own way, not commenting anything further. “Well”, Charles let out a breath, he didn’t know he had been holding, “that went okay, didn't it?” 

 

-

 

Erik nodded, agreeing it had gone quite well even if he hadn’t felt their equal after the job offering. It bothered him that they didn’t just see him as the boyfriend… Perhaps it wasn’t even their intention to make him feel inferior and poor, but it was how he had felt at the moment. He didn’t want to take the job because he wasn’t the  _ gardener _ . He was the  _ boyfriend.  _

“It did”, Erik nodded and gave Charles a small smile, slipping his hand on the other man’s and pulling him along so they would go to his room. “And they even invited me to stay over, which means I get to be part of breakfast tomorrow instead of sneaking out”, he said and his boyfriend chuckled, pressing his cheek to Erik’s arm while they walked. 

“I know! It’s amazing”, he answered excitedly and Erik waited until they were inside the room to ask him “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the spring dinner? We can reschedule the date”, while he unbuttoned his shirt that was already suffocating him. 

“Let me help you with that”, Charles said softly before answering his question and stepped closer, his fingers just a little clumsy as he started opening each button slowly and revealing more and more of Erik’s skin. 

 

-

 

“I don’t want to-”, Charles started and kissed the small path of skin that was revealed, after he opened the first two buttons. “Honestly-”, he murmured and unbuttoned the next one, while mouthing the skin there. “Sit at a table with boring”, he mouthed Erik’s nipple and teased a moan out of him, before moving to the other one, “old people”, he let his tongue run around the other nipple. 

“If I can have a nice day with you”, Charles finished and put himself into a standing position again, as he finished unbuttoning Erik’s shirt. Erik was left with an open mouth and Charles couldn’t resist licking his way inside and kissing him passionately. 

He had never thought that teasing would be anything but ridiculous in real life. In movie, of course, it looked and sounded sexy, but he had always laughed when he thought about doing it to a real person. But now, it just came naturally to him, like he wanted Erik to go crazy about him, but at the same time, he hoped that he didn’t look ridiculous. 

“Does that answer your question?”, he asked, now blushing a little and biting his bottom lip out of some nervous habit. 

 

-

 

Erik barely remembered what they were talking about anymore, the chilly air in the room making his nipple harden with the saliva around it. Charles had this coy look on his face and it somehow turned Erik on so bad that he just  _ needed _ to taste and touch the other man. 

“It does”, he murmured huskily before stepping closer and putting a hand on the back of Charles’ neck and the other one on the small of his back, pulling him towards his body and kissing him. 

Charles let out a small sound of surprise but melted almost immediately into the kiss, his fingers curling around Erik’s short hair and chest pressed against his, mouths sliding against each other and tongues tangling.

Erik walked them back towards the bed and with a gentle nudge to Charles’ body, he made his boyfriend sit on it while he was still standing and looked down at him smiling. Erik traced Charles’ face with his fingertips, his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose and his lush lips “I need you to be quiet, hm? Can’t be too loud and let everyone know what we’re up to”, he said and then kneeled down on the floor, pushing Charles’ legs gently open, to fit in between them. 

“You tell me if I should stop… If you don’t want to”, he warned and then reached out to open Charles’ pants, undoing his button and pushing the zipper down, hearing the other man’s breath hitch. Erik licked his lips in anticipation and looked up to lock eyes with his boyfriend and wink at him, with a filthy smile. 

He pulled Charles’ cock out and eyed it hungrily, letting go of it almost immediately to just see it standing there, half hard. “You liked teasing me, huh?”, he asked warmly, but with a nasty bite to it, his hands caressing his boyfriend’s thighs up and down with a strong grip, while he talked. “I like teasing too… It will feel so much better when I finally wrap my mouth around your cock… take it all in slowly until you can feel the back of my throat with it”, he started, not knowing how Charles would feel about dirty talking, but wanting to figure it out. 

He got his answer as he watched Charles’ dick growing only by hearing his words, the cock twitching and leaking from the tip. “I want you to come inside my mouth, schatz… I’ll swallow you and I’m going to enjoy it so much… your taste on my tongue.. I’m never going to forget it”, he said, looking up now that Charles was completely hard and doing small thrusts with his hips as if he wanted to come closer to him. “Should I do that?”, Erik asked innocently. 

 

-

 

“Fuck yes”, Charles moaned and closed his eyes to let his imagination run wild. He wanted to feel Erik’s lips around him, having always imagined how to would feel like to get a blowjob. 

Erik grinned devilish and started blowing against the tip of Charles’ cock, making it twitch at the sudden cold sensation. Charles moaned again and jerked his hips up, desperately needing some friction. 

“Pshh, what did I say about silence?”, Erik asked and his lips trailed down Charles’ thighs and sucked on a spot close to his balls, creating a hickey there. Charles hissed this time, his balls pulling tight as he leaked precum at the tip of his cock. 

Erik was still not paying attention to his hard cock and it was nerve-wracking and arousing to see him between his legs. Charles’ hand found its way to the top of Erik’s head and grabbed tightly on the hair, trying to guide him towards his cock. 

“Please Erik”, he whimpered as Erik only blew on his hypersensitive cock again and pushed him closer. “Please what?” - “Please suck my cock.” 

Erik looked up with a large, sharky grin, before going back down and this time, soft, warm,  _ wet _ lips were wrapping around the head of his dick. Charles bit hard on the backside of his hand in order not to moan, while he eyes rolled back and his hips jerked up almost automatically. 

He hadn’t felt any like that before, the warm wetness closing around his cock and swallowing down on him. It made him go crazy and he focused his eyes on Erik, actually  _ seeing  _ him going down on him. Charles knew, he wouldn’t last and this all would be over embarrassingly fast. 

 

-

 

Charles tasted exactly like Erik remembered and he moaned around the cock, knowing it wouldn’t let his sound be too loud so someone outside the room would hear it. He had never found such pleasure on sucking a dick before, but being filled by Charles like that was something he couldn’t describe and he absolutely loved getting his mouth full of hard, leaking cock. 

His boyfriend felt thick and warm between his lips, the heavy prick lying on Erik’s tongue was delicious and he found himself wanting to stay like that forever. But he knew, since Charles had never gotten such a blowjob before he couldn’t possibly last too long. 

Pulling away, Erik held the cock in front of his face and looked at it as if mesmerized by how beautiful it was. He could perfectly see veins that stood out and the way it glistened with his saliva. Pulling the foreskin back he could see the head that was flushed red and sticky from the precum, practically pulsating inside his fist. 

Erik reached down between their bodies and kneaded himself inside his pants, being hard as a stone only from what they were doing. His mouth was watering at the sight and  _ God _ what a big, gorgeous dick. Erik could practically feel all those inches inside of him if he tried too hard and it made him moan again, opening his mouth and taking it back in like a hungry man, starved for cock. He could feel his blood burning on his veins and the desire flaming on his body; he wanted to feel Charles coming down his throat and swallow every last drop because Charles was too hot to be true and Erik was taken by this sudden desire of  _ fuckingtouchingsucking.  _

He moaned around it again, eyes almost rolling back from the sheer pleasure of just having Charles inside his mouth like that, feeling the fat head of his cock hitting the back of his throat and causing him to choke. It was too much and too little, he couldn’t take it anymore and when he finally felt his boyfriend’s fingers tightening around his hair and the warm liquid hitting his mouth, he came too, groaning around that marvellous prick and kneading himself through his jeans, making his underwear sticky from his come. Well,  _ that _ had never happened to him before. 

 

-

 

Charles groaned as his orgasm overcame him and he threw his head bad, mouth opened in a silent ‘o’. He shuddered and trembled over Erik, while the skilled tongue caught all of the cum that wanted to escape. It didn’t take long for Charles to feel too sensitive and he gave Erik a gentle tap, so that he would remove his mouth. 

Erik came up again, lips swollen and sensitive looking, all glistering from saliva and Charles’ ejaculate. He was grinning at Charles, his pupils blown and eyes hooded. 

Charles reached down to return the favour somehow, but Erik just shook his head and grabbed his wrist. 

“What? It's not fair if I’m the only one to come”, Charles protested with red cheeks and heard Erik laughing as a response. 

His boyfriend came up to sit next to him on the bed, before he opened his pants and pulled them down to his knees. Charles thought, he should sink on his knees, but then Erik grabbed his hands and guided it to his underwear. The fabric was damp and Charles widened his eyes at them. “You came from sucking me off?”

“I did”, Erik grinned cheekily, “can I borrow some boxers?”

Charles nodded, still shocked from the news and he stood up with wobbly legs, dressing himself first before finding some pants for Erik. Without hesitation, Erik stripped down and changed clothes right in front of Charles, making him blush again. 

“Erik?” - “Hm?” - “Skinny dipping?” - “I’m not telling you where we're going, Charles”, Erik laughed and they settled in bed together, cuddling close. 

 

-

 

They talked to each other until it was very late in the night and they still didn’t run out of subjects, they were merely too tired to keep going. It marvelled Erik how there were still so many thing to know about Charles and he thought, that not even a lifetime together would be enough so the other man would cease to surprise him. 

Waking up tangled to his boyfriend was something he was already used to, though. What he wasn’t used to was waking up only two hours later after they had fallen asleep, to Charles coughing and having a hard time to breathe. His heart started beating wildly on his chest and Erik jumped up towards the oxygen tank, guiding it to his boyfriend’s mouth. 

The most scary of it all, was that Charles didn’t even wake up, he was still asleep despite the loud coughing and it worried Erik that this could happen all the time and the other man would just… fade away without noticing, without fighting. 

He fell asleep again curled up next to Charles, one hand holding the mask in place like his life depended on it, - but seeing that Charles’ did, it was all the same to him. 

“Erik? E-Erik, what?”, he heard his boyfriend calling and pushing his hand away from his face. His eyes opened up with a lot of difficulty, seeming glued closed, a yawn making his way out of his mouth. “What time is it?”, Erik asked groggy, the light burning his eyelids. “It’s ten am”, he heard and groaned because it was  _ too early.  _

“Erik why were you holding the mask to my face?”, Charles asked still in bed and this time, Erik cracked an eye open to look at him “You hm… started coughing a lot and it looked like it was getting hard to breathe”, he answered more coherent than he thought he could be after so little sleep. “Does it always happen?”, he asked. 

After a moment of silence, Charles answered “My parents say it does, but I don’t notice it most times. I would sleep better with the mask but.. it’s uncomfortable”, slowly. “Oh.. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable”, Erik said genuine, lifting himself up to put his elbow on the mattress and look at his boyfriend better. 

Charles shook his head and said “You helped me breathe. Good morning, by the way”, Erik smiled big and honest, leaning down to peck those pretty lips and whispered against them “Morning, love”. 

 

-

 

Charles was this close to telling Erik, that his condition had deteriorated, but he shut his mouth in the last moment. There was no need in giving Erik more nightmares and ruin their first open morning together. He wanted them both to smile while eating breakfast together. 

“C’mon, breakfast should be ready in about ten minutes, let’s get ready”, Charles said and they both got out of bed and went on with their morning routine. Charles took all the medicine and some painkillers, since his chest was still aching from the coughing in the night. Meanwhile Erik took a shower and they both met to brush their teeth and then got dressed in Charles’ bedroom again. 

When they walked into the dining room for breakfast, Charles’ parents just came in as well and they all wished each other a good morning. They sat down just like always and as soon as the eggs were the last thing to be served, they started reaching for all the things on the table. There were pancakes and eggs in various forms, buns and several toppings for it, bacon, fruits and yogurts. For drinks, they had coffee and orange juice, milk and tea. Charles was used to the big breakfast table, but Erik was staring at it a bit lost. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that?”, Erik asked and slowly grabbed a bit of bacon and scrambled eggs. Charles helped him reach the bowl for the eggs and chuckled. “We have a lot of servants who are going to eat the rest after us”, he explained and watched Erik’s puzzled look turn into a frown, but couldn’t figure out why he was thinking badly of it. 

 

-

 

It was yet another thing that Erik didn’t like about rich people; they ate all they could and gave the  _ rest  _ to the servers as if it was something normal. Charles  _ was _ aware that on this scenario Erik would get to eat the leftovers on the kitchen, after he and his family were done eating, right?

He didn’t say anything as an answer to that and did his best to fight off his frown and avoid the way his lips were pressed into a thin line. 

“So.. At what time are you going out?”, Brian asked after a moment and Erik looked up, finishing chewing before answering “I was thinking around 3?”, he said more as a question than anything, to which Charles nodded excitedly. 

“And what time will you bring Charles back?”, Sharon asked. That wasn’t something he had planned ahead, to be honest, Erik didn’t know. It depended on how much fun they were having or if Charles felt weak at some point. 

“Not too late, I promise”, he answered with a smile, doing his best to keep in good terms with his in-laws that were not hating on him at that point. “I see”, Sharon nodded but she didn’t look like she disapproved.

Breakfast went considerably okay if Erik ignored the part about the leftovers and soon, they were retreating from the table and everyone was going to somewhere else. “Can we go to the kitchen? I’d like to say hi to them”, he asked while walking hand in hand with his boyfriend, remembering how he had clicked with them there. 

 

-

 

They entered the kitchen together and said hey to the staff there, smiling happily. Bertha greeted Erik and offered them both some chocolate, which they both accepted despite having just eaten breakfast. Erik talked a little to the cook about some recipes and Charles dwelled in the dream of having Erik here almost every day, if he chose to accept the job as a gardener. And why wouldn’t he? It was the perfect offer to be close to Charles and get money at the same time, it was perfect. 

“Erik? Why don’t we take a walk outside?”, he asked, looking out of the window at the sunny sky outside. Erik agreed and they said their goodbyes to the staff, before getting dressed and walk on the green outside. 

They held hands and talked about this and that, smalltalk without any depth to it. Charles liked that a lot, so he started smiling for no reason. But he still wanted to talk about the job offer with Erik, seeing that he hadn’t agreed immediately, unlike Charles had guessed. 

“So, this might be your new workplace, how do you like it?”, he grinned and bumped his shoulder into Erik’s, but not getting the reaction he had thought of. 

 

-

 

Erik looked down at the ground, lips pressed together as he thought about the best, most delicate way he could put into words that he didn’t think it was such a good idea to work there. Of course, he wasn’t set on  _ no _ yet and could be convinced, but hardly thought that would happen.

“It’s a nice place schatz, but I doubt I’ll be working here”, he finally said and looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes “What? Why?”, he asked not believing the words and stopping to walk only so they could talk.

“I don’t think it would feel right to me. Working here means I’ll be taking  _ your _ money and I don’t want our relationship to be about that” - “It’s not like that, Erik! You would be providing a service and being paid for it!”, the other man answered.

“Yeah but then your parents would be my bosses.  _ You _ would be my boss and I don’t want to be Erik the gardener that works for us and eats the leftovers separately later .. I want to be Erik the boyfriend”, he said hoping Charles could understand where he was coming from. 

 

-

 

“But you would still be Erik the boyfriend”, Charles defended himself, resisting the urge to pout and beg for Erik to start a job here. He really wanted him as close as possible for as much time as possible. 

He also knew, that Erik wouldn’t be treated any differently and it was absurd to think, that he would eat with the staff, since it was a total different case for them. Erik wouldn’t live permanently in the house, because he had his own flat in the city, therefore he wouldn’t sleepover all the time and just come to work and stay a bit longer for Charles. This was a total different situation and it could only lead to positive developments, if Erik accepted the offer. 

Why would they treat him differently? Charles didn’t see himself the boss of Bertha or any other member of the staff either, he saw them as family. 

“You know, none of us are gonna see you like that. You’d still eat with us and you saw what relationship I have with the other staff members! This is nothing but an opportunity for us to be closer together. I just.. I mean, I really want to see you more often, don’t you?”

 

-

 

“Of course I do!”, Erik said exasperated; he never wanted Charles to think otherwise, but this wasn’t about wanting to be together or not. 

“Then take the job! Nothing has to change and if it does it will only be for the better”, he tried again, putting both his hands on Erik’s arms and running them up and down, eyes almost pleading him to say yes.

Still, Erik couldn’t stop thinking of Sharon turning her nose when her gardener sat on the table with them, or the bitter taste that would be left on his mouth whenever he got a paycheck from them.

It was as Charles had said, him being paid for his service and there was absolutely nothing wrong about that but Erik couldn’t accept it. He had to think of it and figure out if he would feel bad about the situation or if it would be okay.

“I don’t know anything about gardening”, he sighed and there was a small smile on Charles’ lips “You’ll learn”, he breathed out, hands coming up to frame Erik’s face. “I’ll think about it”, Erik finally said grumpily and Charles nodded, going on the tip of his toes and pecking him on the lips “That’s all I’m asking for”, he murmured. 

 

-

 

He didn’t want to ruin their day by picking up a fight, but Charles hated that he had to convince Erik to do anything lately. Every time Erik agreed to something after Charles tried convincing him, it was more like as if Erik was obliged to say yes, because poor Charles had cancer. He didn’t want that pity and even if that wasn't the case, he felt like he was forcing Erik into something just for his own good. First the trip to Paris, then their first time together, now the job offer. - all those things were doing Charles well, were Charles’ wishes. He had convinced Erik to do all three of them, when the first answer had been a clear ‘no’. 

“C’mon, let's get ready for whatever you have planned”, Charles said to change the subject and not leave him with a bitter smile on his lips. He grabbed Erik’s hands and they walked back inside, even if he had really wanted to run the way back - he couldn’t. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

They got ready then and Erik told Charles what to wear, since Charles was still in the dark about the surprise. Then they said goodbye to Charles’ parents and walked to the motorcycle, where Charles held tightly onto Erik. They drove for a while, until they were almost out of the city, before it was finally revealed to Charles, where they would be going.

“Erik! This is amazing”, he cheered as he saw the amusement park and the large ferris wheel, his worry from earlier totally forgotten. Erik parked the bike close to the entrance and they unmounted it, Charles with a hanging mouth and wide eyes. He felt like a child, even if he had never gone to an amusement park when he had been one. “Do you like it?”, Erik asked, appearing by his side.

“If I like it? I love it”, Charles beamed and threw himself onto Erik’s neck, giving him a tight hug.

 

-

 

Erik laughed happily, holding Charles and burying his nose on the soft hair briefly. “I’m really glad, schatz”, he said honestly and then they pulled apart so they could walk in the amusement park.

It occurred to him, while pulling out Charles’ credit card to pay for the ticket, that if he worked by day as a gardener, he would actually be able to afford paying for their dates, and if the money he got was put into that, he wouldn’t feel that bad, - but that was something to think of later.

His boyfriend immediately went towards the ferris wheel but Erik held his hand and pulled him “The wheel is our last stop”, he said with a huge grin “We’ll enjoy the rest first”.

Then, Erik took Charles’ camera to record them on the park and each moment he could get from his boyfriend laughing and being happy. As soon as he turned it on, Charles stick his tongue out to it and then giggled, saying “Come on! Let’s choose our first ride!”.

Erik followed him and they decided to go on the superworm. The line was big but they killed the time with Erik pointing the camera to Charles and making him all sorts of random questions like what was his favorite ice cream flavor and etcetera.

When they were finally in it, Charles held his hand tightly and said “I’m nervous”, his palm sweaty.

“You’re going to like it”, Erik winked, knowing the superwork went easy on them. He held the camera with his free hand in order to record them both during the ride.

 

-

 

As soon as the worm started moving up and down in a circle and picking up speed, Charles cheered and held his hands up. It really wasn't bad and it made him laugh loudly, not caring that Erik was recording him.

When the ride ended, they got out and Erik was still filming, so Charles turned towards him and grinned widely into the camera. “You’re the best boyfriend in the world, thank you for everything, Erik Lehnsherr”, he said to Erik inside the camera, hoping he would watch that footage someday and remember how happy he had made Charles.

They walked to the next ride, which was disco dancer and they laughed all the while on it. The extra activity was wearing Charles out a lot, though and he soon found himself tired and a bit dizzy.

“Can we sit down for a while?” - “Sure”, Erik agreed a heartbeat later and pulled Charles to the closest table. A couple was already seated there and so they asked if they could join them on the table.

“Oh, sorry but there are some.. friends of us coming soon”, the couple said and Charles could tell that the obvious lie got Erik furious. “Well, too bad. My boyfriend is sick and needs to sit down.”

The man from the couple was bigger than Erik and he stood up, angry face matching Erik’s temper. Charles felt Erik’s muscles stiffen and he knew, Erik got himself ready for a fight. “These seats are taken, bub.”

“Erik, it's fine, we find another one”, Charles tried to calm the situation. It was obvious, that the couple thought Erik was just trying to find an excuse and Charles didn’t want to pity his way into getting those seats.

He gently tugged on Erik’s hand and got him to walk some metres away from the table, before the dizziness overcame him and he sat down in the middle of the walk, trying to breathe again. “ _Charles_! Are you okay?”, Erik asked immediately and came down to him.

“Yes.. yes”, Charles said, while a crowd was already starting to gather around them. He grabbed into his bag and looked for the medicine, while people were talking about calling an ambulance.

“I’m fine, okay.. no worries.” - “Charles, if you need to go to hospital-” - “I’m _fine_!”, he repeated with more force and took the medicine.

He didn’t want this day to end like that and he honestly just needed his medication and then it would get better again. The only satisfaction he had, was that the couple was looking all worried and guilty at them now.

 

-

 

“Go away! This is not a fucking show, give him space”, Erik growled at the crowd that was gathering around them, since Charles didn’t want anyone to call an ambulance. He kneeled down in front of his boyfriend and pulled both his hands into his, cradling them gently and watching every single change on the other man’s expression, worried about him.

The crowd started to scatter but the couple from the bench still lingered around and only being next to Charles was stopping him from getting up and punching that man, him being bigger or not.

It took several minutes for the medicine to kick in and Charles to open his eyes again, fingers holding onto Erik’s very tightly. He looked up and managed a small, weak smile before he said “I’m better now”, and all the tension melt away from Erik’s body.   
“Good, that’s good, love. We’re going home now, hm? I can call a cab so you won’t have to hold on during the ride back” - “What? No, Erik, we just got here!”, he protested almost immediately and Erik narrowed his eyes at his stubborn boyfriend who had just had an attack and scared the life out of him, - this would probably fuel many more nightmares.

“Schatz, you’re tired. You shouldn’t force yourself...we can come back another time and go straight to the ferris wheel, ok? It was stupid to say we should save it for last” - “Erik, I’m not leaving”, Charles shook his head and opened his mouth to say something else, but then Erik felt a hand on his shoulder and the conversation was cut off.

He looked up to see the man from the table and immediately rose from his kneeling position, feeling Charles scrambling up behind him as well. “Is your boyfriend better?”, he asked and Erik snapped “Is he- Is he better? Is he _fucking better?_ Not thanks to you!”, he yelled and his hand was already closing into a fist, ready to strike. The other man put his hands up in a surrender act and said “I’m sorry, bub, we mean no trouble”, he said apparently not wanting to fight.

“Erik, please… let’s just have fun, ok? Let’s go to the wheel, I need you to come with me, remember?”, Charles said behind him, voice calmer than Erik had imagined and he opened his hand again, trying to relax. But there was this anger inside of him and he just _hated_ that man and life so much, he figured he would probably find an escape route for that later, - preferably not around Charles. He nodded slowly and turned around, ignoring the man’s presence.

 

-

 

They walked to the Ferris wheel together and could even cut the line, as some people apparently recognised Charles and let him pass. He was blushing a little and normally, he wouldn’t accept the offer, not wanting to be treated differently, but he still felt a bit dizzy and didn’t want to risk things.

When they were seated, Charles looked excited at Erik, but saw the tension on his face. It had upset Erik a lot, the fight and Charles’ breakdown. But Charles wanted to do anything he could, in order to end this day on a positive note.

He grabbed the camera from Erik and started filming him. “Smile, Erik”, he said and caught Erik’s attention, the camera capturing the surprise on Erik’s face as he turned around and saw the lense.

“Oh, don't film me, I’m no fun”, Erik chuckled and Charles disagreed immediately. The wheel finally started moving and Charles started filming their surroundings as they were lifted higher.

When they were at the very top, Charles looked around again, but then turned to Erik and smiled fondly. He turned the camera to capture them both, before he leaned into Erik’s space. Erik caught up with his plan quickly and brought their lips together, kissing him for the camera but mostly for themselves.

They only pulled away after Charles’ hand was already lowered, the camera probably filming some closeup on fabric. The wheel started turning again and they soon found each other on the ground.

“Let’s eat hot dogs and then we can take some more rides”, Charles suggested, still not wanting to leave, despite starting to feel tired. He only then spotted the small photo booth and pointed at it excitingly.

“Look! We can take pictures there!”, he exclaimed, his plans from moments ago already overwritten.

 

-

 

Erik’s face split into a grin, glad that Charles had finally notice the photo booth there “Took you long enough”, he said and his boyfriend turned to him, with huge eyes. “You knew?”, he asked and Erik nodded with a shrug. Charles practically squeaked like a little child and started running towards the booth, pulling Erik along with him.

He knew, his boyfriend was tiring himself out but seeing him like this, was amazing at the same time. They entered the line for the booth and Charles started bouncing on his feet until Erik put his hands on both of the other man’s shoulders and said “Calm down, love”, kissing his temple.

It didn’t take long for their turn to come and they entered the small booth together, sharing the chair in there and staring at the camera. “Okay, I’m going to press the button”, Charles said and grinned madly, reaching out for it and pressing it. “Smile”, he said and put an arm around Erik’s neck, Erik holding the hand there.

The next picture, Charles crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out, but Erik was too busy observing him to do anything else. It took two more pictures for Charles to notice he was being watched for him to turn around and smile, the camera capturing the moment. Next, he kissed Erik for another shot and before it was over, he climbed on Erik’s lap, back turned to the camera as he deepened their kiss.

“I love you”, Charles whispered when they pulled away and the flashes had long stopped. “I love you too”, Erik breathed out and they finally started hearing the people in line complaining. Getting up, they walked out hand in hand, going to pick the pictures.

It was surprising to Erik how smitten he seemed when he looked at Charles, - not that he wasn’t, but his love practically shone on his eyes, came out of his pores and was spelled on his lips that formed a dopey smile. The picture where he could only see Charles’ back and his hands sprawled on them wasn’t so bad either. He stretched his arm so that his boyfriend could take a better look and waited for his reaction, to see if this other dream had been fulfilled with success.

 

-

 

“I love them”, Charles said as he eyed the photos and every little detail on them. Erik looked at Charles like he had hung the moon and the stars, and it made Charles’ stomach flutter. He also worried a little, that Erik was in too deep, that he wouldn’t be able to let go when the time came, but he couldn’t change that situation anyways.

“Me too”, Erik smiled and put the photos away into a safe pocket in the bag. Charles set himself on making copies for Erik, maybe even giving him the original, since- well, since he would get to look at it longer than Charles.

They ended up eating hot dogs and playing games at small booths to win stuffed animals or anything else. Charles won an unicorn hat for fishing ducks out of a pool and he gave the hat to Erik who wore it proudly. In return, Erik won a stuffed ladybug for Charles at the shooting booth.

After one more ride in the horror house (Charles had to convince Erik once again, since Erik thought the adrenaline wouldn’t be good for him), they ended up leaving the park hand in hand. Charles was smiling like a kid of Christmas and snuggled closer to his Erik.

“We should definitely cross out the bucket list, I feel like I’ve already done so much”, he smiled and hid his face in the crook of Erik’s neck, while they walked to the bike.

 

-

 

“We should”, Erik agreed nodding, thinking of what they should do next. Getting a tattoo wasn’t something he could surprise Charles with, since his boyfriend had to think of what he wanted and prepare himself for that experience.

Learning how to surf, sailing a boat, swimming with dolphins and building a sand castle would require a trip and that was out of his league to plan, Charles should be the one to make it.

There was also the strip tease one, but truth be told, Erik didn’t think their sexual life was comfortable enough for him to do that and none of them feel awkward or embarrassed; he thought the strip tease should end up with them tangled up in bed, doing it like their lives depended on it and not being careful as to not hurt each other since right now they didn’t have much practice.

It was when they approached his motorcycle that he thought of what to do and grinned like a predator. Charles wanted to learn how to ride it, right? Well then Erik would teach him! They could have a few lessons together and in no time, his boyfriend would be able to do it.

“Penny for your thoughts”, Charles said and Erik just shook his head, still smiling and then placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Guess”, he said cheekily and Charles put on a thoughtful face.

“You’re thinking of how cute you look with that unicorn hat”, he tried and Erik laughed, his fingers clawing on Charles’ ribs to tickle him lightly “That’s funny to you?”, he asked while Charles squirmed and laughed “Y-Yes”, he said breathless.

Erik stopped his attack and said softly “I’m always thinking of you”, to which Charles’ expression turned into a gentle smile and then they kissed, long and slow under the carnival colorful lights.

When they finally reached the mansion, Charles urged him to come inside and since it was his day off, Erik did. He grabbed the bucket list out of his bag when they were sitting in bed next to each other and said “Okay, let’s cross them out”.

 

-

 

  * Get a tattoo
  * Learn how to surf
  * Take a family portrait (with Erik)
  * Shower in a waterfall (naked)
  * Snowy Christmas
  * Sail a boat
  * Swim with dolphins
  * Hold a sloth
  * ~~Name a star~~
  * Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day
  * Write a message in a bottle
  * Make an origami
  * ~~Take pictures in a photo booth~~
  * Learn how to drive a motorcycle
  * Go to a drive-in-movie
  * Paintball
  * ~~Ride on a Ferris wheel~~
  * Build a sand castle
  * Receive a love letter
  * See a strip tease
  * Golf
  * Fly in a helicopter
  * ~~Kiss under the Eiffel tower~~
  * ~~Have sex~~



 

“well, that looks like something”, Charles grinned when he crossed out the last point. He felt satisfied but also adventurous just by looking at the open points. There were a lot of things, they still could do in no time, like the origami and drive-in-movie.

“Should I plan with you?”, he asked and Erik took a look at the list as well. “Hm, only the things I can’t plan alone, like the tattoo or a trip”, Erik answered and Charles nodded.

He went to the computer and started looking up tattoo studios, already pondering what he would get inked on his skin. “Are you getting one too?”, he asked towards the bed, where Erik was still sitting and staring at the list. “Hm?” - “A tattoo?”, Charles asked, already feeling nervous about getting one.

 

-

 

Erik looked up at his boyfriend, thinking about the question. He had already thought of getting a tattoo before but had never done so because he thought they should be meaningful and he never had anything he wanted to mark his skin with.

“Well… Yeah, I would like to”, he answered getting up from the bed and walking towards Charles to stare down at the computer screen. His boyfriend grabbed his hand and tugged at it so Erik would sit on his lap while they scrolled through pictures.

“You don’t have to”, he said, nuzzling Erik’s arm. Erik looked at him and smiled, kissing the top of those brown curls “I’ve always wanted to get one, schatz… I just never had anything meaningful before. Maybe now we can find something together?”, he asked, not sure if Charles would like a matching tattoo or if it just sounded stupid to him.

He could tattoo anything he wanted to, of course, it was his body and Erik wouldn’t ask him to do something he didn’t want. Perhaps matching tattoos was too cheesy… In any case, Erik could still get something that reminded him of Charles so he could carry his boyfriend with him for the rest of his life.

 

-

 

The idea of matching tattoos was already making Charles grin like a fool and he scrolled through several tattoo websites and google pictures. He wanted something simple but yet meaningful, meaning no two triangles that would only match on their skins but didn’t have a purpose. In respect of Erik, he also didn't want their initials on their skin, so Erik could avoid questions from future boyfriends.

The thought of Erik having boyfriends after him scared him, but he also really wanted Erik to move on after his death. Not, that he wanted to be forgotten, no, he wanted to be remembered but without the pain to it, that would come inevitably after his death. He hoped that one day, Erik could smile back at the memories they shared.

“How about”, he suddenly blurted out and a smile formed on his lips, “we go take out pulse measured and then tattoo it onto our wrists like a continuing lifeline? That way, you don’t have to explain yourself later, but you always have a piece of my heart on your wrist and I have yours. Maybe we can make the artist connect our lifelines, if we hold our wrists together.”

 

-

 

“Hmm.. I really like that idea”, Erik grinned excitedly and then turned to Charles, eyes softening as soon as he was looking at his boyfriend. “Charles”, he murmured gently, pushing a lock of the other man’s hair behind his ear.

“Hm?”, he asked distractedly, lost on Erik’s face. “I’d tattoo _Charles Francis Xavier_ on my chest and I don’t give a damn about explaining myself to anyone”, he said with honesty.

It made a sad expression cross Charles’ face and he looked down for a moment, before saying “you say that now”, staring at Erik’s chest instead of his face.

He put two fingers under Charles’ chin, tilting it up so that they could lock eyes “My heart… Will always belong to you”, Erik said, the deep sadness taking over him. “No matter what… I’m yours. Forever”, Erik pressed out, ignoring the tears that wanted to come out only to think Charles wouldn’t _be_ there forever.

“Oh, Erik”, Charles breathed out and kissed him briefly before they hugged tight. Erik just wanted to feel _close_ to Charles, to be with him on every opportunity he could get and it was stupid of him to pass chances like the gardener job.

When they pulled away from the hug, he asked “Are you excited about the tattoo? I can’t wait”, eyes watching Charles’ face closely, lingering on the beautiful lips.

 

-

 

“Of course I am”, Charles beamed and leaned in again to place his lips on Erik’s soft ones. That was the moment, his parents chose to come inside Charles’ room without as much as knocking.

Erik and Charles both jumped apart, but couldn’t do much about Erik still sitting on Charles’ lap. Charles immediately blushed and turned his head towards his parents.

There was a smitten smile on both their faces as they stood in the door frame and looked at the young couple in love. Slowly, Erik moved to stand up from Charles’ lap, so that Charles could turn around on the chair and fully face his parents.

“We’re going to the dinner now. Do you guys really not wanna join?”, Brian asked and Charles noticed their formal clothing only then.

He shook his head and answered “I’m rather tired, sorry. Next time.”

His parents nodded and gave them both a meaningful look, before finally walking out of the room. “You gotta tell us what you did earlier tomorrow”, Sharon said before she closed the door and left them alone again.

“Sorry about that”, Charles blushed but Erik only shook his head with a smile on his lips. Charles watched as Erik bent down towards him and kissed him warmly, but not deepening it.

 

-

 

“Don’t apologise. They’re warming up to me and I like when they see us together… they’ll know just how much I care about you”, he answered caressing Charles’ smooth cheek and smiling at him. “How about we go to that movie theater you told me you have, hm? We can watch something there”, he asked, knowing both of them were tired but not enough to go to sleep.

“That sounds good to me. But I want to watch something silly”, he said and walked over to his collection to look over what he had. “Hmm.. how about I pick one and you pick one?”, he asked after a moment and Erik approached him.

At the end, Charles picked something called _Frank_ and Erik chose _Deadpool_ for them. On their way to the small cinema, they stopped on the kitchen and asked the cook to make them popcorn, which he agreed to with a huge smile, - it was after all, his job, but Erik knew all of the staff loved Charles and would do anything for him without complaining.

The cinema was big enough to leave Erik’s mouth hanging, although smaller than a normal one. He looked around mesmerised by such wealth and sat down on one of the huge, fluffy chair that even stretched out so his feet were on it as well and he was half lying. “Do you like it?”, Charles asked from where he was putting the first movie on - Frank - and Erik answered back “It’s awesome!”, excited like a little child.

His boyfriend came over soon enough and looked at the chair right next to Erik’s. To his surprise, Charles ignored it in order to fit himself half on Erik’s lap and half on his chair, sharing it with him. They smiled at each other and snuggled close, before the movie started.

 

-

 

The heavy medication Charles had taken earlier started to tire him and halfway through _Frank_ he fell asleep. It wasn’t his fault really, it was really just medication and the exciting day that got him tired. Maybe it was also because he hadn’t slept well those past days, due to the worsen of his cancer that he still hadn’t told anybody.

When Erik woke him up after the movie, Charles yawned and looked sleepily around, trying to fit himself into his surroundings again.

“Sorry”, he yawned again and felt wet lips kissing his temple. “No problem, you told me you were tired, I should have thought better”, Erik answered warmly.

“We’ll watch Deadpool another time, okay?”, Charles said and slowly unfolded himself from Erik’s lap and got up, stretching comfortably.

Erik got up as well and they picked the movies to retrieve them back into Charles’ room. “It’s better I go now, so you get your sleep”, Erik said and Charles immediately pouted.

He didn’t want Erik to leave ever again, but knew that the other job required it. “Can you stay until I fall asleep?”, he asked with a tiny, hopeful smile.

Erik nodded instantly and Charles lied down in bed, making room for Erik to snuggle up behind him. Charles closed his eyes and tried his breath to even out, but his stomach was not agreeing.

“I think, I need to-”, he cut himself off and vomited all over the bed. It was one of the risks at taking the heavy medication, but Charles never got used to it. Tears stood in his eyes as he choked everything out that he had eaten today and beyond that.

 

-

 

The foul smell reached Erik’s nose before he even understood what was happening. He had been halfway to lie down with his boyfriend when he started throwing up and it had frozen him to the spot to see such thing. There were tears streaming down Charles’ face now and he was holding tightly to his stomach.

It all came rushing back to Erik’s mind how they had gone to all these rides that spun around madly, that were fast and wild which must have upset Charles’ stomach. He felt stupid once again and blamed himself for being so irresponsible.

He immediately ran towards his bag to get his cell phone out and call 911 but heard Charles croaking out “E-Erik”, which made him turn around, eyes wide and scared “Don’t call anyone”, he said, his entire face pale, even those cherry red lips. “This is.. normal”, he completed and it made Erik start crying too.

“There’s nothing normal about it”, he hissed, throwing his phone on the wall and seeing it shatter in many pieces. He raked his fingers through his hair, all the frustration from earlier leaving his body through that small action, this white noise on his ear making him tune out everything for just a tiny moment.

Then, he heard Charles sobbing, still lying on his own vomit and it grounded him again. Erik walked towards him and leaned down, an arm going under Charles’ knees and the other one around his shoulder so he could lift him up. “Let’s get you cleaned, ok”, he said wearily, knowing his small outburst must have scared his boyfriend, but he would _always_ be gentle to Charles.

“I’m tired”, Charles whispered, the vomit on his face and clothes making Erik dirty as well but he didn’t care. “I know, love”, he answered and turned the shower on, walking underneath it with Charles on his arms. “Can you stand?”, he asked after a moment of the warm water hitting their bodies. His boyfriend nodded slowly and Erik put him on the floor, starting to undress him efficiently.

 

-

 

Charles could barely register what had been happening in that tiny moment after he had thrown up. The water refreshed him a little, but he still felt drowsy and sleepy, so he couldn’t process Erik’s outburst.

He felt like crying, though, his body shaking in pain and weakness, shivering from the water. All he wanted was to sleep and cry.

When he got out of the shower, he could think more straight again and grabbed new clothes for himself. His bed was still full of vomit, but he didn’t want to wait for Bertha to change it, so he ended up taking Erik to a guest room, after giving him a new shirt as well.

The guest room option wasn’t only because he couldn’t wait to lie down, he also didn't want to face Erik’s shattered cellphone on the ground. God, this was wearing Erik off a lot, right?

He was still crying silently, small hitches in his breath were the only indication of that. But he couldn’t hold onto himself anymore.

“I’m sorry, Erik. I ..  you don’t deserve me, all I do is make your life harder. I wish you would have never met me. I think it's better if we.. break up”, he cried and buried his face in the fresh sheets of the pillow.

 

-

 

It made his heart break in more pieces than his cell phone did, to hear Charles saying he wished they had never met. Those were words he never thought he would hear and the desire to cry or break something came back strong as ever.

He shook his head in denial and sat on the bed, putting a hand on Charles’ shoulder and squeezing it “You’re right. I don’t deserve you”, he said, voice trembling with emotion, his boyfriend flinching underneath him.

“I don’t deserve you because you’re too good. You’re kind, smart, funny, beautiful and everything I’ve always looked for on a partner… Charles, you complete me and I can’t think of one single reason why I’d deserve that”, he said, now crying.

“And you’re not breaking up with me. Not like this. If you tell me you don’t want me, you don’t want to see me ever again, then I’ll go… If you tell me you don’t love me anymore, I’ll walk out that door, but I’m not letting you end this if you think it’s for my own good. Being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not giving up on that”, he said trying his best to convince Charles of how wrong he was right now.

 

-

 

“You shouldn’t.. I .. I should have never let you in my life”, Charles blamed himself, too deep in self pity to listen to Erik’s words. He was sobbing into the pillow, not wanting to face Erik right now. He still felt his boyfriend’s presence just by the gentle hand on his shoulder, but right now he just wanted him to go.

“What you need is sleep, Charles. Just.. don’t decide anything before you slept”, he heard Erik saying and then the hand disappeared and he heard the shuffling sound of clothes and silent footsteps, before the clear sound of the door. “Sleep well, Charles”, he heard Erik saying and then the door was closed and Charles was left alone.

Sleep overcame him faster than he thought and he slept almost the whole next morning until noon, which obviously worried his parents, when he finally chose to leave the room. Of course, they had heard about the vomiting and wanted to drag him to hospital, but he promised it was just the heavy medication.

“I’m gonna have to buy Erik a new phone”, he said to his father, hoping he would drive him in the city. He didn’t just need to buy Erik a new phone, he also needed to see him and talk to him, but his father didn’t need to know that. Charles wanted to apologise for his behaviour, but he also needed to come clean with Erik and talk about certain things, they had been trying to avoid so far.

Brian luckily drove him into the city and Charles bought Erik the new iphone, before they stopped by Erik’s flat and Charles promised to take a cab back at eight and not any later. That still gave him four hours with Erik and they would need that time to talk.

He knocked and waited for Erik to open the door, the iphone in his hand and a tiny, apologetic smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! My friend and I made a video for this fanfiction! It doesn't exactly follow the story here, as it is hard to find the right scenes on the fandoms, but it's pretty much it. Hope you enjoy?? 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=586hHDkUov8


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Erik opened the door, all rumpled up from his rough night and the late shift at the bar. He didn’t manage to fall asleep at any point of his day because he had been haunted by nightmares and he felt completely drained. On the top of it all, there was the looming threat over his head that Charles wanted to break up, which just led to Erik being almost a shell for the last past hours. 

It was surprising to see his boyfriend there since Erik wasn’t expecting him to come around so soon. Maybe resting did him some good and he was here to say everything was okay with them. Or maybe it made him see clearer and he still wanted to break up. Erik would, without a doubt, fight against it if his boyfriend insisted on this nonsense of what was best for him, but if Charles really wanted it… He wasn’t going to be the clingy stalker. Much. 

“Hey”, he said softly, a little scared. The smile Charles wore was apologetic and it frightened Erik to the core, who was leaning against the door now, just looking at the other man, scared of stepping closer. “Hi. Is this a good time?”, Charles asked, something he had never done before and Erik nodded, opening the door wider and letting him come in. 

“I got you this”, the other man said as soon as the door was closed and stretched his arm for Erik to take whatever it was. When he fished it out of the bag he saw it was the new iPhone, - fucking expensive - and let out a low whistle. He had never owned something so cool or expensive. 

“Thanks”, he said slowly but didn’t make a move to open it, since he wasn’t sure if he was going to keep the present or not. He surely couldn’t if Charles was going to break up with him after all. 

 

-

 

“So, yesterday…”, Charles started and they both walked into the living room, where Erik put the iPhone carefully aside and Charles sat down on the couch. 

He only continued speaking when Erik sat down next to him, even if there was some space between them. “Was this our first real fight?”, he asked, still trying to sound lighter than the situation allowed. 

“Hm, I don’t know. I’m not angry with you. Are you?”, Erik answered, but his voice sounded a bit detached, as if he was preparing himself for some kind of blow. Charles didn’t want Erik closing in on them and reached out to put his hand on Erik’s. 

“I’m not. But I guess it opened my eyes and-”, Erik flinched and withdrew his hand, which made Charles stutter and cut off mid sentence. Erik’s whole expression turned into one of steel and he almost sounded accusingly, when he asked “so that's it?”

“What?” Charles frowned and Erik huffed, “I told you yesterday, it is a stupid thing to break up with me if you only think it's best for me. You don’t know what's best for me.” 

Charles was left with his mouth hanging open wide in disbelief. God, he hadn't thought about breaking up with Erik ever since that one weak moment. But, of course, if he said something like this, he shouldn’t be surprised to find Erik upset like that. 

“I don’t want to break up, Erik. I’m not taking back what I said about you being better off without me, though. Not meeting me would have saved you a lot of trouble. But we do need to talk about the elephant in the room. Erik, I can barely mention my cancer without you freaking out. I want to help you with that, can I? Talk to me or ask me questions. We always do stuff for me, but how about we do something that you want to do?” 

 

-

 

“Something that I want to do? Hmm.. let’s see… Perhaps not talk about this?”, he asked mockingly and saw how Charles took a deep breath before answering. “C’mon, Erik. I’m reaching out to you, don’t make small case of it”. 

Erik sighed and turned his back towards his boyfriend, crossing his arms in front of his chest. What was there to talk about? How fucking unfair it all was? How he wished it was all some kind of sick joke? How he wanted to plan a future but couldn’t even do that because in no time his boyfriend, his  _ love _ would be buried on the ground, eaten away by worms?

It made him feel angry once again and he finally faced Charles, asking “How am I supposed to not freak out about it?”, throwing his hands up. “I don’t get how you can be so calm about the whole thing, so… collected!”. 

“I had my whole life to come to terms with it, Erik. I’ve always known I was going to die early from my cancer. You just… get used to it and see the time you have as a blessing. Well, I saw it as a curse for a while but..”, he trailed off with a small shrug. 

“That right there!”, Erik pointed at him “I don’t understand how you can shrug it off! No amount of time would ever be enough for me to get used to the idea! How can it be okay that you’re going to die? You’re 18! You’re supposed to live and to be happy! How do you not care? Is it really okay to you that you’re leaving? That I’m going to be here without you? How am I not going to freak out when it tears me apart every single time I think of it? I can’t sleep anymore, Charles! I close my eyes and all I see is you dead! And when we’re together I like to watch you asleep so I can check if you’re breathing! I count your breaths because it destroys me to think you’re not going to take them anymore! So tell me how to not freak out over it! Tell me how you think this is all fine!”, he bursted out, tears burning behind his eyes. 

 

-

 

Charles was taken back by the sudden burst of Erik’s words and emotions and he needed a moment to collect himself again. How was he supposed to take all that fear inside of Erik? How was he supposed to make things better?

“I’ve been where you are right now. It was a long time ago, when I finally understood the concept of dying and what the cancer does to me. I wanted to hit everything and scream my lungs out about how unfair the world is”, Charles confessed, remembering his time as his twelve-year-old confused self. 

“And, let me tell you, I still feel like that sometimes and it is perfectly normal. Even my parents went through the same thing. They used to fight a lot and later, sometimes I would hear them cry. That was, when everything started to normalise. I went to a therapist at that age, when I felt all that anger, and she told me, what I was experiencing, what my parents were going through, it was the five stages of grief. You’re going through that too right now, but you’re only on the second stage; anger. There is no way for me to fasten things, every person has to go through those stages alone, but it helped me a lot to research a little about grief and cancer. That’s why I offered you to ask questions, but you can just google if you want to.”

 

-

 

“I already googled it”, Erik said, crossing his arms and looking down at the floor. He was prepared for all of it; the dizziness, the vomit, the blood, shortness of breath.. But nothing compared to seeing them actually happening. It just wasn’t the same as reading it online. 

“And it’s not like I haven’t been through those stages before! My father left me, remember? I grieved him too, Charles. You’re not the first person to leave me”, he said almost angrily.

“Erik!”, Charles breathed out and got up from the couch, walking towards him and framing his face with his warm, soft hands “You know it’s not like that… I wouldn’t leave if I had an option… And I’ll always be here with you”, he said, a hand going down to Erik’s chest and resting over his heart.

The were silent for a long moment, Erik crying and gasping for air, hands clutching to Charles’ shirt and twisting his hands around it. “I mean… Why? Why  _ you?”, _ he sobbed letting out a desperate breath along with his tears. “It could be anyone… But not you! You deserve to live. It should be… It should be  _ me.  _ Not you, Charles. Never you”. 

 

-

 

“Erik, it shouldn't be you either. Please don't ever say that again”, Charles said shocked. How could Erik ever say something like that? Charles wanted to help him get over his death and not feel insecure about leaving Erik like that. 

“Are you religious, Erik?”, he asked and Erik nodded slowly, his eyes still burning and jaw clenching. 

“I’m jewish. But I don’t practice.” - “But you share their beliefs?” Erik nodded again and looked down to his hands. He put his fingers into fists and relaxed them again, as if he wanted to control himself from destroying something again. 

“Well, then you believe that I will end up in heaven, right? I mean, you do believe in heaven and hell, right? So I can watch over you from there. Just.. find something that you can make peace with; religion, information, no matter what. You  _ need _ to accept that this is going to happen and please don't ever blame yourself for what's going to happen. I don’t want that.”

 

-

 

“And I don’t want you to die”, Erik said with a bitter taste on his mouth. Controlling his tears now and using to back of his hand to dry his face.

His boyfriend stepped closer and helped him with it, gentle hands brushing the wetness away “I know, Erik. But it’s happening… I’m here now, okay? I’m not going anywhere yet but you have to accept is coming”. 

Erik nodded slowly, even if he didn’t want to accept anything he knew he had to. It would make things better for Charles and even for himself, since he had been living with constant anger and exhaustion. He took a deep breath and then stretched his arms in order to hug Charles tight.

“You’re here”, he said on the crook of the other man’s neck “I am”, he nodded. “I’m glad you don’t want to breakup with me” - “It’s the right thing to do but… I’m too selfish to let you go”, Charles answered and they held each other.

“Charles?”, Erik called after a moment and pulled away to look at him and whispered “I need you. You’re here and I need you, please-”, he started “Anything you want but just… Kiss me. I need you”.

 

-

 

“Of course, love. Anything you want”, he murmured and wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck and pulled him closer. Their lips brushed together in a gentle, almost cautious kiss, like they tasted each other for the first time. 

When Charles opened his lips, their tongues brushed carefully together. His nose bumped into Erik’s skin and he felt how damp it was from the tears. A whimper escaped Erik’s throat, like he was being hurt. 

Charles just pulled Erik closer and gave him the reassurance he needed through the kiss. They kissed slowly and deeply for a long moment, until Charles felt positively dizzy and sighed. Erik’s scent was surrounding him and the warmth was radiating from Erik, tucking him into a comfortable feeling. 

He pulled back slowly, their lips sticking with each other a little, until they plopped back. “What do you need, hm? I have until eight, we can do anything. Sex? Or cuddling?”, he asked gently and stroked his hand over Erik’s cheeks, seeing him closing his eyes and sighing in comfort. 

 

-

 

“Let’s just… Go to bed and we take it from there”, Erik said, honestly not knowing exactly what he needed at the moment. Charles nodded solemnly and held his hand, pulling him towards his room and then down on the bed where they lied on their sides, staring at each other.

Erik started tracing Charles’ face with his fingertips, trying to memorize every line and freckle, touching and feeling the smooth skin. His boyfriend patiently waited for him to finish his exploration, breathing in and out slowly, a soft smile on his lips.

“Thank you for the phone”, Erik broke the silence “I really appreciate it”, he said honestly, now that he knew he could keep it. It was a great gift but between the guitar hero, the telephone and the eiffel tower keychain, his favorite one was still the chain. “I’m happy you do”, Charles murmured.

They both shifted closer to each other so they could kiss again, slow and lazy but also deep. Erik put a leg on top of Charles’ who in turn snuggled even more to Erik and purred into the kiss.

“You said… You’d like to try it both ways”, Erik murmured after they parted. “I just wanted to tell you that.. I’m open to anything you’d like to try, ok? Whenever and whatever”. 

 

-

 

Charles chuckled a little at that, because he had been the one to drag Erik to have sex with him and now, now  _ finally _ he was offering. Didn’t mean that Erik meant for them to do it now, but just the offer itself made Charles’ heart flutter pleasantly. 

“You know I want to try whenever you want”, Charles answered and kissed Erik once again, being hypnotised by those lips. It felt like he was magnetically drawn to Erik’s lips, like he needed to feel them whenever he laid eyes on them. 

Erik’s hand wandered up and down Charles’ flank, his warm hand touching him firmly. Charles moved his leg up a little to just be closer to Erik, even if their breaths already mingled with their proximity. 

“You were the cautious one, remember?” Erik nodded and they kissed again, this time a bit longer, before parting. Charles felt bold and started moving towards Erik’s neck, kissing the warm skin there and feeling Erik’s pulse speeding up underneath his lips. 

“Do you want to sleep with me now?”, Charles asked, before trailing kisses down Erik’s chest and pulling at the collar of Erik’s shirt to reveal more skin. 

 

-

 

“ _ Yes _ ”, Erik breathed out, already feeling the familiar hot flame of desire coursing through his veins. He wanted it so badly, wanted to feel like they belonged to each other and make sure they were right there, no one was going anywhere anytime soon. 

Charles let out a small moan at that, his lips kissing Erik’s chest all the way his shirt would allow him to and body flushed against his. “I want it too”, Charles murmured, trailing kisses upwards until he found Erik’s pulse point and sucked hard on it, probably creating a mark. 

“Hmm… I like when you do that”, Erik approved, loving to feel like Charles owned him and was marking him to show everyone that. Charles looked up from his eyelashes and murmured “You’re mine, Erik… At least for now” - “I am”, he nodded, reaching out to pull Charles up so they could kiss properly. 

“Want you so bad”, Erik whispered against the red lips, his arms going tight around Charles’ body as his boyfriend rolled on top of him and let his weight rest on Erik. “I try to.. hmhm.. be nice, but God, you drive me crazy… Need you”, he said, thinking of all the times he wanted to just strip Charles down and fuck him or the other way around, but he had refrained in order to let the other man rest. 

But Charles was so beautiful and amazing, Erik was tired of being nice! He didn’t know how long he would have this and if his boyfriend was offering, was saying it was okay, then he was tired of holding back and trying to be a prince charming; he was only stopping them from having all they could have. And right now, Erik needed this more than ever. 

 

-

 

Charles looked at Erik beneath him for a moment, taking in that beautiful, sharp face. He lifted his hand and trailed two fingers over Erik’s eyebrow, watching long lashes resting on high cheekbones as Erik closed his eyes. His hand trailed down over Erik’s temple and then curved the shell of Erik’s ear. The skin underneath his fingers was soft and gave in to the pressure easily, as he moved his fingers down Erik’s jaw and felt the small stubble there. 

“God, you're so beautiful. How you come to like me - it's beyond my imagination”, Charles mused and trailed his thumb over Erik’s lips. Just when he reached the small cupid’s bow, Erik parted his lips and sucked on Charles’ thumb. 

Charles’ breath hitched and he widened his eyes in surprise and arousal, feeling Erik’s tongue dart out and lick around Charles’ thumb. His cock immediately stiffened and he pressed his hips down against Erik’s. 

When Erik released his thumb again with a small pop, Charles’ cheeks were already flushed and his pupils blown. “I do not just like you, Charles. I  _ love  _ you”, Erik answered cheekily and Charles grinned foolishly and brought their lips together. 

Charles moaned into the kiss and tongue fucked Erik in the best way, that he had learned from him in such a short time. He wanted to impress Erik and take control, because he trusted Erik not to laugh at him, if he did something wrong or awkwardly. 

“God, this sounds-”, he was cut off by Erik’s lips closing in on his again and continued between kisses, “probably… stupid… but..”

He pulled himself away from Erik then and blushed as he finished his question. “Can I tie your hands?”.

 

-

 

Erik stopped for a moment, just staring up at Charles. It made him both happy and aroused that his boyfriend felt comfortable to reveal something he wanted and ask if Erik was up to it as well. It made him more comfortable to say things he wanted as well, but not at the moment anyway. 

“Charles… that’s… that’s something that requires a lot of trust”, Erik said as was quick to complete it since his boyfriend’s expression was crumbling down “And I’m happy you trusted me to tell me. Yes, you can tie me”, he finished, Charles’ frown turning into a sweet smile, although a little scary. 

“But I don’t like getting hurt, ok? So.. something soft. Get one of my ties from the wardrobe. You can choose one”, he said caressing Charles’ thighs up and down as he spoke. Charles bit on his bottom lip and got up from the bed, walking to the wardrobe and opening it. It took him a moment, observing the ties; Erik didn’t have many to be honest, but he still could make a choice. 

Charles turned out choosing the one he had bought Erik for the charity event they had gone to. It was the softest one and Erik wouldn’t get hurt that way. He stepped closer to the bed, seeming nervous and Erik gave him a small smile, kneeling in bed and putting his hand on Charles’ hips. “Don’t be nervous, schatz… I’ve never let anyone do this to me so I trust you too and I’m sure we’ll both find pleasure in it, hm?”, he said, wanting to show him that it was Erik’s first time in a way as well and he understood. 

Charles nodded slowly and after kissing sweetly, Erik held out both his wrists “You can tie me on the headboard?”, he asked and went closer to it so that Charles would tie his arms there. 

 

-

 

When Charles finished the last knot and Erik tugged on the tie experimentally, Charles leaned back and sat on Erik’s thighs, straddling his hips. He took a sharp breath at how beautiful Erik looked like that, upper body exposed and at Charles’ mercy. The small bandage left Charles fully in control and it overwhelmed him for a moment, that he didn’t even know where to start. 

He let out a small huff, causing Erik to frown and ask “what?” 

“I just realised what a turn of events this evening had”, Charles answered, referring to them both practically crying in each other’s arms and now Erik lying tied up underneath Charles. “We also forgot to remove your shirt”, he added with a small chuckle and pushed the hem of Erik’s shirt up as much as possible. 

It revealed two perfect, perky nipples that Charles just had to touch with one hand, as he held up the shirt with the other. “Hmmh”, Erik hummed and arched his back towards Charles’ touch, “that’s true, but I like the turn of events.”

Charles nodded and leaned down to kiss Erik’s firm chest, admiring the few visible muscles there. Mostly, Erik was skinny, but his shoulders were broad and trained, even if the area around his belly button was soft. Charles kissed some liver spots around Erik’s hips and still felt overpowered with the sudden control he had. 

“Tell me, if you don’t like something. You know my level of experience”, Charles said a bit unsure and opened the first button of Erik’s jeans. He felt Erik squirming underneath him, as he was trying to adjust but Charles’ body weight and the tie stopped him. 

There was a nice hardness bulging Erik’s pants already and Charles wondered if Erik might enjoy this a lot. He leaned down, lips brushing over the bulge in Erik’s pants but leaving that area quickly. Erik made a sound in frustration, his hips jerking up and brushing Charles’ skin, as he was busy sucking a mark into Erik’s hip bone.

 

-

 

Being tied up had never been some sort of secret kink Erik had, so never had he thought he would feel  _ this _ aroused by it. Giving up his control like this, being on Charles’ mercy was making him crazy already, just to think he couldn’t touch or do something he wanted to. This was for Charles, and if Charles chose to pleasure Erik through it all, then he would. 

It was exciting and new, making Erik dizzy. He liked this, it made him forget about the earlier fight, to not think of anything else but the tie that was securing him in place and the man that was currently licking his hipbone on a highly sensitive place. 

Erik moaned and closed his eyes, letting his other senses take over. Charles’ lips were sin and he just wanted to ravish him completely. He wanted to reach out, touch, hold, kiss, suck and fuck but he could only wait. “Hmm.. I think I.. may like this a lot”, he said with a lazy smile and opened his eyes to see Charles watching him. 

“You do, hm?”, he asked and then reached for Erik’s jeans, pushing the zipper down. Those knuckles brushed his bulge and he couldn’t help but lift his hips a little, in the hopes that Charles would touch him again, but he didn’t. Instead, he hooked his fingers on the pants’ belt loops and started pulling it off, slowly revealing Erik’s white boxers. 

“And what about this?”, his boyfriend asked after he had thrown the jeans on the floor. He cupped Erik’s cock through the boxers and started to massage it in slow circles. Charles had touched Erik on the bathroom of the hotel in Paris and had prepared him with the lube and condom before they had sex for the first time, but this somehow felt different and still like a first. His face, for instance, had never been this close to Erik’s cock and it was enough to make him close his hands in fists and tug a little at the tie, - Christ, he wanted to grab those beautiful curls and push Charles towards his prick, to make him taste it. 

“That’s really good”, Erik moaned and licked his lips. Charles smiled and came up, still touching Erik’s cock to kiss his stomach where the shirt wasn’t covering it. It felt like he was worshipping his skin and Erik felt quite loved at that moment with the way Charles was giving him that perfect attention. 

 

-

 

Dominating Erik like that, being able to go at his own pace had Charles not once struggling to breathe, nor did he feel his chest tightening in pain. He simply moved on top of Erik, choosing where to touch him next and listening to Erik’s angelic responses. 

He let go of Erik’s cock and heard a small whimper as a reaction, but it was only to remove his own shirt and open the zipper. The pants had narrowed down at his cock a lot and he breathed out, when some of the maddening friction was removed. 

Then he crawled a bit down Erik’s legs in order to pull those boxers to Erik’s knees, making the thick, curved cock spring free. Charles moaned at the sight and wished, Erik would be nude, but the shirt was still in the way. He had some ideas about teasing and wanted to test them out, if they would drive Erik mad. 

“You know that I never tasted cum in my life?”, he asked innocently and started kissing the area around Erik’s cock, wanting it to leak some precrum. Erik moaned and tried angling his hips so that Charles would give some attention to his cock. But Charles just moved to Erik’s thighs and sucked on the skin there, teasing another moan and a small jerking motion forms his hips out of Erik. 

“I want your cum to be the first and last I’ve ever tasted”, Charles said, feeling encouraged by the control he head to talk dirty. When he peeked up, he saw Erik’s cock glistening with precum and licked his lips unconsciously. 

“Chaaarles,  _ Gott, bitte _ ”, Erik moaned and Charles looked up, surprised to hear german. German was hot, Charles decided, and it was a good sign that he brought Erik out of control to change into another language. 

He eyed the pulsing cock again and automatically reached for his own to massage it through his pants. “Can you come twice? I want to suck you off and untie you, but I really do want you to… ride me”, he asked, his cheeks once again hot as he asked the bold question. 

He saw Erik just opening his mouth to answer, when he leaned down and wrapped his lips around the circumcised cock, licking his tongue over the slit at the top and tasting a salty, bitter flavour on it. Erik’s words were muffled with a moan and he barely pressed out “teeth”, reminding Charles to shield them carefully. 

 

-

 

“Hmmmmhm.. ja, ja.. ”, Erik moaned, eyes rolling back and all his muscles tightening with the sheer pleasure he was feeling. He tugged at the tie strongly, wanting to rip it off or at least slip his hands through it, but Charles’ knot had been tight and wouldn’t bulge. He could feel the soft cloth digging to his wrists, even if not hurting him, and creating red marks around them... Mein Gott, he was losing it. 

The wet, warm mouth was applying pressure to each of it’s sucks and Erik opened his eyes again, looking down to see Charles between his legs. He could see the red, cherry lips stretched around his swollen cock, a little bit of tongue slipping out from time to time to lick around his girth. There were wet sounds escaping Charles’ mouth, proof of what they were doing, mixing with Erik’s own moans. 

“Jesus.. Look at you”, Erik said hoarsely, his hips jerking up, wanting Charles to swallow him whole instead of only paying attention to the sensitive head. His boyfriend pulled back, one hand holding Erik’s prick in place and smiled lazily, saliva all over his chin, before letting his tongue dart out to simply lick around the tip, swirling it. 

It looked like he was licking a specially delicious lollipop, tasting the best thing he had ever tasted and Charles looked like sin itself. He moaned, this perfect, beautiful sound and opened his blue eyes, locking them with Erik’s with such intensity that it made the hairs of his body stand. 

“You taste so good”, Charles said half moaning, half breathing the words out. “Never thought cock could taste this good, but God… I want to suck you off for every meal” - “Gott… Bitte, Charles… let me feel that perfect mouth again”, he begged, feeling like he was close to tears right now; those that only came when he was having a really, fucking amazing time in bed. 

“Hmm… I don’t know if I can take you in… You’re so  _ big _ , Erik”, he said and Jesus Christ, he was trying to drive him nuts, right? To see him losing it. Well, Erik was fucking close to it. “I’m wondering the same”, he said, playing as well. 

Charles’ eyebrows rose and Erik asked, out of breath “How am I going to fit you in when I ride you?”. Charles bit on his bottom lip and moaned, his grip on Erik’s dick tightening. “I’m going to ride you so good, Charles… You’re clean, aren’t you? I am too.. I’m going to fuck myself into your cock with nothing between us… I’ll feel every inch of it sliding in me, and then…”, he moaned and stopped talking, because Charles had licked the drop of cum coming out of his dick. 

“Then?”, his boyfriend asked “Then.. you’re going to come inside of me… I’m going to feel it dripping out of my hole and I’m going to love it… So, please… God, please… Suck me, make me come”, he asked, desperate. 

 

-

 

Charles couldn’t hold onto himself anymore and he let out a sound that was half a whimper and half a moan. He could practically feel Erik’s tight ass around him, even if he had never experienced that before. 

He could die in that moment, the cancer finally winning over his body, and he wouldn’t even care. Charles felt on top of the world, without having orgasmed yet, but only from the promise of going to. 

“Wanna feel you come inside my mouth”, Charles mumbled as he leaned down again and wrapped his lips around Erik’s cock. He let his tongue glide down the velvet cock as far as his mouth could follow. When the head hit the back of his throat, he almost gagged, but withdrew only a little and adjusted quickly. 

Erik moaned again and Charles heard him tugging at the bondage, as he kept licking around the swollen cock. It wasn’t long this time, until he heard Erik’s desperate attempts to speak. “NNnngghgonna come.” 

And then Erik let out a moan and suddenly Charles’ mouth was filled with warm cum, spurting against the back of his throat. He widened his eyes in shock for one moment, before his swallowing reflex kicked in and he downed everything what Erik was offering him..

When he was certain that Erik was done, he licked around the dick again to get rid of the rest of cum and teasing a small whimper out of Erik. Then he sat up with a satisfied and proud smile on his face, glancing at a fully exhausted Erik. 

He unmounted Erik’s lap and crawled to the head of the bed in order to untie Erik. There were red marks around his wrists and Charles immediately worried, he had tied Erik up too tight. “Did I hurt you?”.

 

-

 

“No”, Erik breathed out, shaking his head and touching his wrists. They were red but he guessed they were supposed to be. It wasn’t how they would look like if he had used handcuffs or ropes; he could have gotten seriously hurt with them. But this… this was perfect. 

Charles held both his hands and examined the bruised wrists, furrowing his brows “You said you didn’t want to get hurt”, he said with a worried expression and Erik chuckled gently, freeing his arms from the other man’s grip and wrapping them around Charles, pulling him close into a hug. 

“Can I tell you a secret?”, Erik asked, ignoring Charles’ words. “Yeah”, his boyfriend answered, watching him closely. “No one’s ever made me feel so good before”, he revealed, beaming at his boyfriend, who seemed to realise he hadn’t hurt Erik at all, upon hearing those words. It was the truth. Sex was good, it had always been, but not like this… never had Erik felt so complete and undone at the same time. 

“And I think… Now it’s time I do the same for you, huh?”, he asked, and easily turned them around, letting Charles fall to the bed and hovering on top of him. Charles giggled and murmured “Please get this off”, pushing his hand between Erik’s shirt and his stomach. 

He obeyed happily, finally entirely naked and bent lower to kiss Charles while his hands worked on pushing the other man’s pants down. 

“Are you nervous?”, Erik asked when they pulled apart, knowing how nervous he had been when he was on Charles’ position the first time. His boyfriend nodded slowly and then he said “But you make it better”, hands reaching up to touch Erik’s stomach and caress him. “I never waited for an answer… will you be able to come again?”, he asked innocently and Erik could almost laugh at such adorable question. “Darling, I could come for you all night long”, he said before pulling off Charles’ underwear and leaving him completely naked. 

 

-

 

Charles blushed immediately and bit down at his lip at those words from Erik. They left him horny and aroused, his cock all but springing free from the friction of his underwear. Erik promptly reached for his cock and jerked him several times, making Charles moan in surprise. 

“Fuuuuck”, he hissed and pressed his hips into Erik’s hand. He already was rock hard and leaking just from seeing Erik losing it in pleasure, so the extra stimulation was only making him come faster later. “Stop, you better prepare yourself.”

Erik chuckled and let go of his cock, instead reaching for the drawer next to them. “And here I thought you would help me with that”, Erik pouted exaggerated and retrieved lube from the drawer. 

“I will, if you promise not to touch my cock and make me embarrassed by coming too early”, Charles mumbled and sat himself up on his elbows to take a look on what Erik was doing. He was faced with Erik gazing at him, while one arm disappeared behind his back, his forehead wrinkled in concentration. 

Charles sat up all the way and ran his fingers over Erik’s sensitive nipples, making him hiss, but swallowing that sound with a french kiss. He stimulated Erik’s perky nipples for a little while longer, until one of his hands reached towards Erik’s ass to join the fingers disappeared into the crack there. 

Erik broke the kiss then and murmured “lube”, before giving into Charles’ lips again. Charles reached blindly over the sheets to find the small tube, until his fingers brushed over something cold and he grabbed it. The lube was similar cold as he coated his fingers with it and Erik hissed again, when he reached for his ass. This time, he didn’t stop Charles, though, so Charles just pressed against the resistance, where two of Erik’s fingers were already working his knuckles in and out, until he slipped alongside with them into the tight channel. 

“Shit”, he said into the kiss, but Erik wouldn’t give his lips free for one moment, “you’re tight.”

 

-

 

Erik moaned at that and said huskily “Imagine around your cock”, to which Charles deepened the kiss and pressed his finger even deeper into his ass. 

God, he hadn’t bottomed in a while now, but he knew it was so good. The lack of doing it just made it better for his boyfriend as well, since Erik would be all tight and friction around him.

“Crook your finger”, he asked and Charles did it on sync with Erik, sending bolts of pleasure through his body when they teased his prostate together. “Hmmh.. That’s good”, he moaned like a pornstar, his cock getting hard again, interested in what they were doing. 

They started kissing again while making Erik all loose for what was going to happen next. He pulled away and said “I’m ready for you”, getting his fingers out of his hole, only Charles’ one left there. 

“Let me just..”, his boyfriend trailed off and and kept pushing his finger in and out of Erik, teasing gasps and moans from him as he did so. It was quite nice to have an inexperienced boyfriend because it meant Charles liked to try things and right at that moment, he was making Erik feel  _ good.  _

“Okay”, his boyfriend nodded and pulled his finger out slowly, making Erik feel empty and cold. Putting both his hands on the other man’s shoulders, Erik pushed him down to lie in bed gently and started kissing him sweetly all over his face.

He needed to lube the other man up but Charles had asked not to be touched anymore and Erik knew his ass was already quite wet. It wasn’t ideal, but it would work wonders anyway. 

He reached between their bodies to grab Charles’ cock, making his back arch when he did so. He guided it towards his entrance and pulled away from the kiss, in order to lower himself on it. 

 

-

 

Charles held his breath the moment he entered Erik and he tensed up immediately as the tight channel threatened to overcome him. He let out a long moan and squeezed his eyes shut, while sparks shone at the edges of his vision. It was too much, way too much, too overwhelming, too strong. 

“Are you alright?”, Erik panted, as he was seated on Charles and ran his hands over Charles’ chest. Charles forced his eyes open again and chuckled a little, even if the pleasure was still overwhelming him. “Shouldn’t I be the one to ask that?”, he asked back and took in the sight of Erik sitting on top of him. 

His fingers came up and he brushed over the perky nipples of Erik, making the man on top of him shudder in pleasure. “Hmmh, yes, but am I not.. I don’t know, suffocating you?” 

Charles shook his head and smiled, before he cupped Erik’s face in both of his hands and guided him downwards towards his face to kiss him gently.    
“Everything is fine. I’ll tell you if otherwise”, Charles reassured after the small kiss and brushed their noses together sweetly. Erik nodded and then he started to move on top of Charles, guiding himself up and down Charles’ shaft. 

Charles moaned and ran his fingers over the sweaty chest, trying his best to move in time with Erik. “Hmmh, feels good”, he murmured, already feeling close to coming. 

 

-

 

“Yeah?”, Erik whispered hotly, both his hands sprawled on Charles’ chest as he bounced on his boyfriend’s cock, feeling it breaching him open and every inch of it pushing in deep and fast. Angling his body a little, he felt the amazing stars exploding inside of him, his prostate being teased. 

Erik’s cock was fully hard now, bobbing up and down with his movements and leaking onto Charles’ belly. He felt his boyfriend’s hands digging painfully into his hips as his eyes closed shut and his mouth formed a perfect “o”, as he came beautiful and undone. 

It was rather fast and Erik could have gone on for a lot longer than that, seeing that they had just started, but he wasn’t one to say anything since he had come on his pants the other day, only from sucking Charles off; he knew exactly how overwhelming it was and he could completely relate with how the other man was reacting. 

Erik clenched his hole around his boyfriend’s cock, making it tighter for him and still riding him through his orgasm, watching how perfect Charles looked like when he was losing it like this. He felt privileged for being the other man’s first, - and only - lover, felt honoured for being trusted with such big task. 

When Charles’ whole body relaxed, Erik knew he was too sensitive now and lifted himself up, the softening cock slipping out of his hole easily now that he had the come to make him even more slick. Erik felt the warm liquid coming out of him and sliding down his inner thigh and God, that was so incredibly hot and amazing! Paired with Charles’ beautiful expression in front of him, Erik felt the huge urge of touching himself and he did so. 

He was now on top of Charles’ stomach and reached down for his cock, pumping it fast to get himself the perfect pleasure he was seeking. “Look at me, schatz”, he asked, wanting Charles to open those eyes, to touch him, to talk to him… Anything! He was so close that he could feel his ass clenching and toes curling, he just needed one little push. 

 

-

 

With a lot of effort, Charles opened his eyes again and was immediately mesmerised by the sight in front of him. His cock gave an interested twitch, but it was more due the aftermath than any arousal building up again. 

Seeing Erik jerking off and holding an intense eye contact with him was more than intimate. Charles felt like he was back in the bathtub, where they haven’t touched but just looked at each other and communicated without words. 

“You look so good”, Charles whispered and let his palms run up and down Erik’s thigh, while he looked from Erik’s face to his cock. Charles could tell that Erik was close and only needed a few more pushes, so he tried with dirty talk again. “You taste so good, Erik. Love to taste that again”, he murmured and heard Erik moaning. 

“Let go, Erik”, he then said and that was enough for Erik to come all over his chest, while moaning Charles’ name and shuddering on top of him. 

 

-

 

It took Erik a few more tugs to finally feel too sensitive. He stopped moving, hand still on his cock, and opened his eyes, looking down at his work.

Seeing Charles so sated, a lazy smile on his face and bright blue eyes shining like that, cum all over his chest was one of the most beautiful things ever. He was taken by this huge wave of love and affection for that man and leaned down to kiss his lips softly.

Locking eyes with him, Erik asked almost shyly “Can I take a picture of you like this?”, and brushed a lock of the other man’s hair away from his forehead. “Wank material?”, Charles grinned which made Erik chuckle and shake his head fondly “Something to remind me of this moment. Of how beautiful you are and how much I love you”, he explained.

“Of course”, Charles breathed out and Erik got out of on top of him to grab the camera. He resumed to his position and snapped the picture from up to down, Charles staring up at the camera with those satisfied, shiny eyes. 

It was the most gorgeous picture and Erik knew, he would look at it so many times in the future; thinking of wanking to it after Charles was gone felt disrespectful. Even if the picture was kinda dirty, Charles made it look pure.

“Would you like… To take others?”, his boyfriend asked slowly and Erik bit on his bottom lip, nodding. He got up once again to take a whole body shot of the other man lying on his bed, on top of his messy sheets. Then, he put the camera down and walked towards the bathroom to get a clean towel and wipe Charles clean. 

“So you did clean me the first time”, he said when Erik started to work. “Of course I did”, he nodded and threw the cloth on the floor, lying next to his boyfriend and carding his fingers through the soft hair. 

 

-

 

Charles grabbed the camera and flashed several photos of them lying together in bed. He felt content and the fight from before was already forgotten. He didn’t know, though, when he would ever be able to tell Erik that his cancer got worse. 

“I’m tired, can I sleep a little?”, he asked when he felt his exhaustion kick in. Erik immediately closed his arms around him and pulled him closer, kissing his temple. “Of course.”

Charles closed his eyes and thought himself into a different world, where him and Erik could live happily forever. They would have a small house with a white picket fence and a beautiful garden. Maybe they would have a small dog, too - Charles had always wanted to have a dog. 

In this world, they were happy and their minds weren’t plastered with worry and fear. Charles would have been married to Erik and he had never felt the urge to get married to a human being that much, which was why he hadn’t added it to the bucket list when he had written it. Still, all these things were only able in his dream world, because in real life Charles would never make Erik marry him. He couldn’t handle Erik becoming a widower at such young age. 

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he woke up to a delicious smell of fresh tomatoes. When he cracked his eyes open, he got up and dressed himself, before he followed the smell into the kitchen. 

“Hey, I made pasta”, Erik announced when Charles entered the kitchen, just as he put the plates onto the table. 

“Sounds delicious. Thank you”, Charles smiled and sat down at the table. 

 

-

 

Erik smiled down at his beautiful boyfriend and kissed his forehead while he put down the glass of freshly prepared orange juice on the table. “It’s almost time for you to go so eat up”, he said.

Charles left an hour later after they ate and kissed a little more. Even if the conversation from earlier had brought Erik down, he still felt good about their day. 

Having Charles telling him he  _ was _ going to die and Erik should deal with it was sort of a wake up call to him that they were running out of time and Erik was done wasting it.

On the next day, early in the morning, he rang the bell of the mansion on Westchester and was greeted by Bertha. She told him Charles was still asleep but that was fine, seeing that Erik was there to talk to either Sharon or Brian.

“I want to take the job as your gardener. If you’ll still have me”, he told Sharon a few minutes later and she smiled. They talked business for longer and then, in the middle of the morning, he was wearing his very old jeans, shirtless under the - rare - sun, taking care of the Xavier’s garden. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

When Charles woke up, he yawned and checked his phones for messages from Erik, but didn’t see any. It got him a bit sad, but he would simply text him and ask how he was feeling after his morning routine. 

He got up and took his medication, before he showered and brushed his teeth. Then he got dressed and combed his hair, before going into the dining room to have a quick meal. His parents were there and he greeted them a good morning, sitting down as always. 

Unusually, his parents shared a look and Charles frowned. “What?”

“Didn’t Erik tell you?” - “Tell me what?” Thousands of things ran through Charles’ mind and 90% of them were negative. Was Erik breaking up? Had he called and asked Charles’ parents to tell him? That would be awkward. 

“Go, take a look in the garden”, Sharon then said and cut Charles’ thoughts off. Oh. Oh! Did Erik accept- oh god, did Charles force Erik into yet another thing. 

Charles got up and walked outside, where he found indeed a shirtless Erik cutting the bushes. He walked over to him, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“You accepted the job?”, he asked when he was close enough for Erik to hear. His boyfriend turned around immediately and his smile grew. “I did.” 

But Charles was still frowning. “I didn’t force you into this, did I?”, he asked wearily and bit his lip, all his worry showing. 

 

-

 

“Charles”, Erik breathed out and dropped the huge scissor he was holding. He peeled off his gloves as he stepped closer to his boyfriend and then smiled at him. “You should know better than to think someone could force me into doing anything”, he said stopping right in front of him.

Charles nodded, biting his bottom lip and Erik continued “But there  _ is _ little I wouldn’t do for you, schatz. I know you were excited about me working here and… you promised it wouldn’t change a thing. You convinced me, you didn’t force me”.

“But-”, Charles started and Erik shut him up by putting his hands around his boyfriend’s neck. “Shush”, Erik said and came closer to kiss Charles’ forehead and then his lips very softly, lingering there. 

Charles kept his eyes closed while Erik pulled away and asked “Have you had breakfast yet?” and the other man hummed before answering “No… I was about to but then my parents told me about you” - “Hmm.. You should go then. And after you come back to sit under that tree and talk to me while I work?” - “That sounds lovely. Why don’t you come to eat as well?”.

“I can’t, love. It’s work time now and it wouldn’t be fair for you parents to pay me to have breakfast and no work at all”, he answered and kissed both corners of Charles’ lips. “Okay… But I will be back”, Charles said with a smile.

Erik watched him go and thought of telling him how he had scheduled for them to get their pulses measured and made an appointment to get the tattoo done. 

 

-

 

After Charles had eaten breakfast with his parents, he decided to finally tell Erik about his condition. It wasn’t fair to pretend that everything was fine and let Erik believe, that he still had those one and a half years. He hadn’t been to a doctor yet, but if he could guess, he wouldn’t survive this year anymore. 

It always made his stomach twist and turn just to think about his inevitable death, no matter how prepared he was for it. But it made him even more nauseous to think about telling Erik the bad news. He thought for a long while, that he would go to the doctor beforehand, but maybe Erik wanted to accompany him, maybe the doctor could help Erik somehow to deal with it. 

He came back into the garden and smiled at Erik, even if he had bad news to share. “Back again, where do you want me to sit?”, he asked and Erik swiped some droplets of sweat from his forehead. 

“Over there?” Erik pointed at the big oak tree, the Xavier’s family tree, basically. Charles smiled but took Erik’s hand to guide him towards it. 

“Charles, I need to work”, Erik protested, but followed him anyways. 

“Did you know that this is the oldest tree on the ground in New York City? Generation after generation, my family take their family portraits out here, underneath this tree, whenever a new member of the family arrived. And later, when that person turns 18, they get to carve their initials into the wood. Of course, for marriages they get to do that on the same day and right next to the person they married”, Charles explained and ran his fingers over the carvings of his own name. 

He had made that only a few months before he had gotten to know Erik and now he wished for his boyfriend to be on the same tree. “That is a wonderful tradition, Charles”, Erik smiled and followed the same outlines. 

Charles looked at his boyfriend and wished they could only keep living in that bubble of happiness. Charles was convinced, that Erik’s name would have been carved into that tree one day, if not-

“I need to see the doctor again. I believe my condition has deteriorated.” 

 

-

 

It felt like Erik had just been ran over by a huge truck, his whole body hurt and he saw white for a moment when he didn’t know what was up or down.

“But… You said the attacks were normal”, he protested weakly and saw Charles nod “They are but… I’ve been more tired lately”, he answered. “Yeah, but… We’ve been doing stuff lately. You’ve always stayed home and now you have a reason to be tired, doesn’t mean you got worse”.

Erik knew, that right at that moment he was entering the next stage of grief; bargaining. If he hadn’t taken Charles to the carnival, to the trip to Paris… If they didn’t have all the sex… Maybe Charles would be better.

What if they slowed down? That had to help, right? Yeah! That would help. “It’s different, Erik”, Charles shook his head and reached out to cup his neck with one of his hands “I can feel how worn out I am… It gets worse everyday”, he said.

Erik shook his head and saw his boyfriend sigh “We’ve talked about coming to terms with this, darling. My death is… Inevitable” - “In two years time! Not in the next week”, he barked and then took a deep breath.

“Sorry”, he mumbled “I’m sorry, I’m really trying… We go to the doctor, alright? And he’ll tell us you’re just tiring yourself with the activities we’ve been doing. And then we’ll go get our tattoos, I even made an appointment for it, okay? I’m sure you’re alright”, he said softly. 

 

-

 

“You did? Oh that's so sweet”, Charles answered, choosing to ignore Erik’s denial. There wasn’t something he could do or say, that would make Erik convinced of otherwise anyways. At least, not at that very moment. 

Erik nodded, having already convinced himself that everything would be fine, so he was smiling again. It did look a little fake, however. 

“I gotta go back to work now, but I want to watch you while I’m at it”, Erik said and gave Charles a small kiss on his cheek. Charles nodded and sat down next to the tree, where he could lean his back against the old wood and watch Erik at the same time. 

Erik worked for two hours, while Charles listened to music and thought about different things, his short future with Erik, his death, his parents and then more trivial topics like Erik’s naked torso shining in the sun. He didn’t know he had gotten an erection, until he looked down and saw the hardening between his legs. 

He knew it wasn’t the safest place, but he liked the thrill of reaching towards his pants and kneading himself into full hardness, before opening the zipper and getting his cock out to jerk off. “Erik”, he called out in half a pant and tried getting Erik’s attention. 

 

-

 

Erik turned towards the voice, ready to see his boyfriend sitting there under the tree, the sun shining down on him just so he would look like an angel, sitting on the green grass and watching over him. But instead, when he looked at Charles’ face he saw the flushed cheeks, straight teeth biting down cherry lips and then hooded blue eyes. Looking even lower, Erik saw the hand moving up and down steadily and finally catched sight of what that hand was doing. 

Erik’s breath was caught on his throat and he widened his eyes, seeing Charles jerking off right there on the garden of his house. His mother could come by at any time, his father could look through the window and see it, hell… There were many possibilities of being caught, but still, Charles was there touching himself. 

See? Erik’s brain supplied. Charles wasn’t getting worse if he was masturbating in the garden to the image of a shirtless Erik working on the roses. He was perfectly fine and had only felt tired after they had done things out of the ordinary. He was still healthy and there!

Smirking, Erik stepped closer to where Charles was sitting down and asked on a low tone “See something you like?”, feeling the drops of sweat running down his torso and watching as Charles’ eyes followed them. “Y-Yes”, his boyfriend breathed out and Erik laughed gently, reaching down and carding his fingers through soft hair. 

“Hm.. Such a good boy, Charles. Let me see you come for me”, he asked glad they were on this territory now; one that was familiar and he knew how to react to. Charles exhaled slowly and then mumbled “C’mere”, because Erik had kept his distance so far. 

He sank down on the floor and glued their lips together, tongue fucking Charles’ mouth slow and rough his hands, - full of dirt - trailed down his boyfriend’s white shirt and started teasing both nipples at the same time. 

When it seemed like Charles was close, Erik pulled away murmuring “Lemme watch”, his eyes dark and hungry focused on that beautiful, flushed cock disappearing inside the other man’s fist and then appearing again, drops of cum gathering at the head. 

 

-

 

Charles let out a strangled moan, because he was restricting himself a little. Erik was watching him with hooded eyes and dark lips that he kept licking, which was a sight that pushed Charles over the edge immediately. 

He came into his fist and his bones turned into gum, while he panted and moaned into the air between him and Erik. His chest was aching and he felt a little dizzy, but Erik was there and it was a good moment, he didn’t want to ruin. 

“I love you”, he murmured and they kissed again, this time slow and passionate. 

In the next days, they went to the appointment to get both their pulses measured and Charles had made an appointment with his doctor. He also talked with his parents about his guess and, of course, they were horrified but they knew it was coming. The doctors had said that towards the end, they couldn’t quite estimate the time left anymore. It was more a guess and reading the facts of measurements. 

Erik, however, was the one that troubled Charles the most. Up until the day of the appointment, he was so deep in denial and the third stage of grief, that he didn’t want it to be true. Charles knew, that depression was the next stage and he didn’t want the doctor crashing Erik’s hope down just like that. But then again, it could also lead to Erik finally accepting what was happening, until he had to go through the stages again. 

They all met in hospital again, where Charles immediately took Erik’s hand and caressed it with his thumb, until the doctor came in. 

 

-

 

Erik had already convinced himself there was nothing wrong with Charles, but he knew his boyfriend was quite nervous about it, so he held on to his hand and gave him a soft smile.

The doctor came inside the room already holding the results of the tests and Erik couldn’t quite read his expression; why wasn’t he beaming, happy his patient was alright?

He sat behind his desk and put the pristine papers on top of it, pulled his glasses off and then interlaced his fingers. “Mr. Xavier”, he said finally, voice low “Due to what you’ve told me and the test results, I regret to tell you your situation has worsened. The cancer is spreading outwards and will soon enough take over your lungs. I’m truly sorry to say that… You don’t have as much time as we previously thought”, the doctor announced.

Charles’ grip on his hand tightened and his boyfriend nodded, asking “How long?” - “It will come when it comes”, the doctor answered “It’s practically impossible to-” - “No!”, Erik interrupted and all eyes turned to him.

“The tests are wrong, you have to take them again”, he said angrily. “Erik”, Charles mumbled pleadingly next to him while the doctor said “We can take them again but… This is the development expected for Mr. Xavier’s illness. The test being wrong isn’t a possibility on this case” - “Then what about a treatment?”, Erik asked “Huh? Why aren’t you talking about a way to save him or at least buy him time?”. 

 

-

 

“Erik, I have told you why I didn’t want that”, Charles tried calmly, but it looked like Erik was working himself up here and that was what Charles had tried to avoid. Erik looked at him almost accusingly with furrowed brows and an unhappy smile. 

“Why? Charles, you could be  _ healed _ ! Why don’t you want to try?”, Erik asked, which almost caused Charles to whimper in frustration. He didn’t want to deal with that now, not when he had just been told, that he would die even sooner. No matter how used he got to dying soon, it was still not nice to hear bad news from the doctor. 

But Erik wouldn’t calm down and none of the adults wanted to interfere, they just kept staring at them both while Erik was making a scene. “I told you, that I don’t want to take the heavy medication. I know what chemotherapy does to my body and I don’t want to go through that. And it’s not fair, that-”, Charles explained, still trying to sound calm, but was cut off by Erik.

“Oh, so we suffer everyday because you’re going to die, because you are too selfish to take those stupid medication that could even save your life! I hardly see how this is fair?”, Erik exclaimed and Charles was taken back by the sudden outburst. 

It hit too close to home, since he was already feeling guilty about forcing Erik to do all those things with him. Why couldn’t he do that one thing for Erik and try the chemotherapy? 

“Okay, why don’t we all calm down”, the doctor started, but Charles got up from the chair and walked towards the door. “I need to think”, he said and left the room, just walking down the corridor afterwards. 

 

-

 

Erik sighed, getting up from the chair ready to follow his boyfriend. “Let him go”, Sharon said before he managed to reach the door and Erik turned around, to look at her. 

“Let him go, Erik”, she repeated tiredly and then turned back to the doctor “Thank you for having us here today. Is there anything else?” - “I’d like Charles to come more often for more exams so we can keep up with the disease”, he said.

“He will”, Erik answered and then his in laws got up and they all left. On the outside, Sharon approached him and said “I know it’s hard Erik, but we need to make our peace with it. We make Charles worse if we attack him like that. He’s… He’s fragile” - “No, he isn’t!”, Erik protested.

“He’s not fragile Mrs. Xavier, and we should be fighting to make him stronger, to make him survive for longer”, Erik pressed to which she just shook her head “We’ve tried. Maybe you’ll get through to him but Charles never wanted the treatment”, she said.

They were finally out of the building and saw Charles standing in front of Erik’s bike. “Are you coming home?”, Brian asked him and they saw Charles shake his head no. They said goodbye and went their way towards their car while Erik approached his boyfriend.

He looked down at the floor, his hands inside the pockets of his coat and thought of what to say. He didn’t want to start apologising because he wasn’t sorry but… He knew his behaviour had bothered the other man. 

“I… Don’t know what to say”, Erik breathed out awkwardly. 

 

-

 

Charles had been thinking a lot after he had stormed out of the room. He had really wanted to take the treatment for Erik, because of all Erik had done for him. He also was scared now, that his death came closer with any passing minute. 

But Charles had also wanted to keep his dignity until the end. He wanted to keep his hair, eyelashes and brows, wanted to have some color in his face and not vomit every three hours. The doctor and his own research had told him all about that, how he would be tired all the time, easily get bruised and basically spend his days in hospital. He didn’t want to end like that. 

And yet, here he was, standing in front of Erik who had done nothing but good to him. How could he ever deny him some more time? They had just started to get to know each other. 

“I’m doing it”, he said softly and swallowed afterwards, because his throat was dry. “I’m doing it for you, I will fight for you, okay?” 

 

-

 

It felt like this weight was being lift off his shoulder and Erik beamed at his boyfriend, being more happy than he had felt in a few days, ever since he told him about feeling worse. He framed his boyfriend’s face with both his hands and said “We’re fighting for you, schatz. I’ll be there every step of the way ok? I’ll go to the therapies, I’ll stay with you in the hospital… Anything and everything”.

“I’m scared, Erik”, Charles murmured looking deep into his eyes and Erik shook his head. “Don’t be! This is exactly what we need, if you get the treatment, you’ll get better! And we’ll get to do all that stuff on your list! We’re going to the beach together, build the best sand castle and learn how to surf, you’ll hold a sloth, will learn how to ride a motorcycle! I had even planned on doing the last one but things got on the way… Nothing will get on the way anymore, ok? We’re going home now, will you stay the night?”, he asked almost feeling desperate with his rants. 

“Yeah”, his boyfriend nodded but didn’t seem so enthusiastic. “I’ll get your mind off of it, love. I’m making another wish come true tonight. And then we’ll have those years that you promised me to make the rest real! Maybe even longer”, he smiled and leaned closer to kiss the tip of Charles’ nose. He picked the extra helmet and put it on Charles’ head, pointing at the bike with his chin afterwards “C’mon”, he said.

 

-

 

They drove to Erik’s flat together and parked outside. But before they went towards the apartment, Erik grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the record shop. “Let’s find some good music for later”, Erik commented as they entered the shop. 

“Look who’s back again, guys! Took you long, Lehnsherr. Too busy with your boyfriend, huh?”, one of the customers said and the others chuckled. 

Erik flipped them the finger, but Charles smiled at them slightly apologetic. He didn’t mean to steal Erik away from other social interaction. It would be only harder for him to go back into his old life after Charles’ death. 

They ended up picking some Beatles CDs and Charles paid for them, before they went to Erik’s flat and ordered in Thai. 

Charles’ mind was still occupied by the chemotherapy and he felt unhappy about his decision, but whenever he glanced at Erik’s happy face, he knew it was the right one. He just prayed, he hadn’t just given Erik more hope, without even knowing if things would work out. 

“So what kind of wish did you talk about?”, Charles asked, when they cuddled onto the couch together and waited for the thai to arrive. Erik was combing through Charles’ hair slowly, almost making him purr in comfort, while Charles’ hand was running up and down Erik’s leg. He felt safe and secure in his boyfriend’s arms, finding that he never wanted to leave that place again. 

 

-

 

“I’ll tell you after dinner”, Erik answered and turned his head to kiss Charles’ forehead. He knew it was quite obvious what he was planning, seeing the options they had on the list, but he liked to pretend they could keep up the suspense. “Hmmhm.. You know I’m curious”, Charles murmured, making Erik chuckle. 

Turns out they didn’t have to wait much for the food to arrive and Erik received the delivery man, paying for it, - he liked to treat Charles when he could - and then brought it all over to the couch where they proceeded to eat while watching tv. 

They talked and ate the food with some of Erik’s beer. Charles’ mood didn’t seem to have increased, he still looked weary of the fact he was going to get chemo now, but Erik was convinced it was for the best and he wanted to do his best to make his boyfriend stop thinking about it just for a moment, to make him see just what he would be giving up if he didn’t fight. 

After eating, he got up and put the CD they had bought on the radio. “I’ll be right back”, Erik smiled and went back to his room. He dressed up on the tuxedo Charles had bought him for the charity event, remembering how they had made out under the blankets while there were a comet and stars above them. Charles on a tuxedo had been a breathtaking view and he was only hoping he was one as well and his boyfriend would enjoy him stripping out of his. 

 

-

 

When Erik entered the room, wearing the tuxedo, Charles stared at him with a gaping mouth. It was an amazing fit on Erik and highlighted his slim waist and broad shoulders. 

“Are we going out again?”, Charles asked, because he really didn’t know what was going on, but kept sitting on his place on the couch. 

Erik grinned and shook his head, holding eye contact with Charles, as he slowly approached him. Charles felt his mouth drying out and he swallowed thickly, as it slowly dawned on him what was going to happen. Just the thought of it gave Charles’ cock a reason to start growing in his pants. 

Erik finally reached him and stood right in front him him, where he started moving his hips gently, tentatively in the rhythm of the music. “You look breathtaking”, Charles whispered and fidgeted with his hands close to his crotch. 

Being stripped to by music of the Beatles was almost funny and Charles finally understood why Erik had tried to convince him for something else, but he didn’t regret it. In the end, Charles thought, it would be nice for Erik, since it now had something ridiculously funny to it. 

Erik slowly loosened his tie and bent down to put it around Charles’ neck, without really closing it again, the loop wide enough for Charles to almost put a second head through it. 

‘Come Together’ was currently playing in the background and it was the perfect rhythm for Erik to strip out of his jacket slowly and somewhat sexy, leaving it on the ground afterwards. Charles’ dry throat filled with enough water, that he had to swallow again, as he watched Erik unbuttoning his shirt slowly, the sexy stare still on Charles, as if he wanted to ravish him afterwards. 

 

-

 

Erik’s fingers were trembling slightly as he tried giving his first striptease. He was swaying his hips to the rhythm of the music and undressing himself, the ridiculousness that he was doing it to the Beatles helped a lot with his nerves and Erik tried focusing only on that beautiful man in front of him.

This was what he should think of; Charles was here with him. He would take the treatment and would be better soon enough. They should enjoy each other as much as they could while his boyfriend wasn’t tired with the chemo and because of that, he had decided to do the stripping tonight, hoping it would get Charles’ mind off of things.

He finally unbuttoned his shirt all the way but didn’t take it off. He stepped closer to his boyfriend and grinned at him like a predator before straddling his thighs and undulating his body down on Charles’ crotch while his hands were on the back of the other man’s head, grabbing his hair.

Erik had seen that move on the club before and knew the customers used to like it so he kept on, without breaking eye contact. He then pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor.

He only stopped moving to open the button of his pants and then push the zipper down. Charles’ eyes followed the motion and he bit on his bottom lip when he realised Erik wasn’t wearing anything at all under the pants. 

“How are you enjoying your first strip so far?”, he asked teasingly and got up from the couch to remove his shoes and socks a little clumsily, blushing afterwards and then went back to dancing trying to recover the sexiness of the act. 

 

-

 

“God, Erik, it's perfect, you are perfect!”, Charles exclaimed and watched with hooded eyes Erik’s beautiful body moving in the rhythm of the music. 

He was perfectly hard in his pants now, the friction from his trouser too much, to not move his hand downwards and loosen the zipper. Every other thought but Erik had fully vanished from his mind.

Charles reached out with his hand to grabbed a fistful of Erik’s pants, but was stopped by a hand slapping him away. “No touching”, Erik grinned with a teasing tone. 

An exaggerated but also true pout appeared on Charles’ lips and he started reaching for his own pants, wanting to knead himself through the thin fabric. 

Erik stepped closer and grabbed both of Charles’ wrists, pinning them to the back of the couch. Charles let out a frustrated whimper, as Erik said “That stands for you too.” 

When Erik was sure, that Charles would keep his hands where he had pinned them, he reached back and slowly pushed his pants down. Charles bit down on his lip as the heavy, half hard cock was revealed. 

 

-

 

Erik was completely naked now and unsure of what to do next. The strip was over and he stood there still swaying his hips, slightly off rhythm. 

Then, he was struck with an idea and grinned devilishly. Stretching both his arms, Erik waited for Charles to take his hands and then pulled him on his feet, their bodies flushed together, skin against clothes.

“Why don’t you repay me now, hm?”, he asked, letting their lips brush but not quite kissing his boyfriend. “Erik…”, Charles mumbled, eyes glued to his mouth. “Let me see that pretty body”, he asked again and still holding one of Charles’ hand, pulled him towards his room where he lied in bed and put his arms behind his head, waiting patiently.

The song could still be heard and he watched Charles fidget, thinking if he should release him of this request or not, but when Charles started to slow dance, he thought; definitely not.

“I’m going to ride you when you’re naked”, Erik warned him, aware the dance would wear Charles down and wanting to give him pleasure without him having to move much. His boyfriend answered with a half moan and removed his own shirt on a faster rhythm.

He chuckled warmly at the sight and shamelessly watched Charles undress, looking so beautiful and perfect like that. When he was finally on his underwear, Erik sat up and neared the edge of the bed, asking “Can I help you with that?”.

Charles nodded and stepped closer only so Erik could kiss his flat stomach while holding the back of his thighs and caressing them. Soon, Charles’ leaking cock sprung free and Erik smiled before taking it on his mouth and swallowing it whole. 

 

-

 

Charles moaned out loud and pressed himself closer to Erik’s head, feeling that beautiful mouth swallowing around him. His legs threatened to buckle underneath him, while Erik sucked on him and moaned around his cock, that sent vibrations down his spine. 

Suddenly, he was grabbed by his hips and Erik’s lips left his cock and just a second later, Charles was thrown onto the bed. Erik was hovering above him, like a predator watching his victim squirm underneath it’s claws. Charles almost let out a whimper at the thought of that and wrapped his legs around Erik’s hips to pull him closer. 

Erik rode them both into a breathtaking orgasm afterwards, which seemed like it lasted forever and got them both exhausted afterwards. They lied in bed, not moving at all, for about an hour, before Charles finally gathered the strength to get up and clean the dried cum from their bellies. 

“I love you, you know that?”, Erik whispered, as Charles snuggled himself into Erik’s arms again. “Of course I do. And I love you, too.”

Just when they afterglow was gone, Charles started to think more about his treatment again and wondered if Erik would still love him, when all his hair had left his body and he constantly smelled like vomit and hospital. The thought sent tears into Charles’ eyes and he quickly blinked them away before Erik could see them. 

 

-

 

Erik spread kisses through Charles’ naked chest until they both fell asleep like that, curled up in each other. He was regretful to wake the other man up in the morning, but he had to get to work on the mansion and couldn’t afford to be late. 

They had breakfast together even if Charles was somewhat like a zombie at that time of the day and then rode to his house. “Go get to sleep, schatz… I’ll see you later”, he said at the door and kissed the tip of Charles’ nose. 

But by lunch time, when he was off the clock and walked to Charles’ window to push it open, he saw him deep asleep, mouth open forming a small puddle of drool on his pillow, he didn’t have it in him to wake him up.

Erik did come in and took a couple of pictures, leaving his muddy footsteps on the carpet. He went home then, wanting Charles to rest. Erik left a note on Charles’ nightstand that read:

 

You looked too cute to be woken up.

Call me? I love you 

Your Erik

 

At home, Erik sat at bed and started to read up about the chemotherapy his boyfriend would go through and at some point it dawned on him what he had asked Charles to do. The treatment was aggressive and the pictures were enough to make him start crying. 

Suddenly, he wasn’t so positive anymore. But of course he wouldn’t let his boyfriend see that. 

 

-

 

When Charles told his parents that he would take the treatment, he felt somewhat shameful that Erik had convinced him so easily, while he had stood his ground for years against his parents. Still, they looked relieved that they didn’t need to watch their son dying without getting any help and Charles could even see a little bit of hope rising inside of them. 

The chances that Charles would beat the cancer at that stage were very low, but even the smallest of a chance could get any of them hoping again. They called the doctor immediately that day, setting up the first date for Charles to get the chemo and start the treatment. 

It was only a week later, that they finally went to the hospital again together with Erik. Charles’ heart was beating wildly in his chest and he waited patiently as the doctor explained everything. 

“You know the side effects, Charles, we have talked about them. You’re gonna stay the night, so we can monitor you and see how your body is reacting to the therapy. You might feel nauseous and drowsy for the following week, especially with the new medication I prescribed you. Any questions?”

Charles looked on a small brochure that the doctor had given him. It was all about chemotherapy and explaining what would happen to him slowly, but steadily. Fear built itself up in Charles, but he looked up again. “Can I still get a tattoo?” 

The appointment was in two weeks and Charles really wanted to go. “Well, yes, it won't affect the therapy.”

Charles nodded and then he got to the bed that had been set up for him, where the doctor connected him to several machines. 

“Everything is fine, honey. We’ll stay right here with you”, his mum said and grabbed his hand. Charles tried to give her a smile, while the doctor let the injection slowly run inside his body. He couldn’t stop the tears that were escaping his eyes now, while his lips trembled with the effort of not breaking into a full crying. 

He looked at Erik and stretched out his other hand, needing his support as well, now more than ever. 

 

-

 

Erik was quick to grab Charles’ hand and with his free one, he started cleaning away the tears that were streaming down his boyfriend’s face. “I’m here, love”, he said softly and then “Think of the good this will make you, ok? It can give us a future… we can be together for longer”.

Charles nodded slowly at that, the tears still coming while Erik cleaned them.

The doctor had told them that the aim here was to prolong life or to reduce symptoms for Charles, and he would take every single extra second he could. 

He watched as the liquid reached Charles’ arm and then locked eyes with him asking in a low tone “Does it hurt?”, knowing some things could burn when introduced to the vein like that. “No”, Charles said and Erik smiled a little, murmuring “Good”.

He let his fingers run through Charles’ hair, feeling how soft it was. “I soon won’t have it an-nymore”, his boyfriend said and hiccuped.

“Hmm.. I already told you, you’ll look like a very friendly egg”, Erik said trying to joke but it only made Charles look hurt and keep crying. “We both will, schatz”, he said trying to make it better.

“You’re still… Doing it?”, he asked and Erik nodded “Of course! I’m with you every step of the way, love”, he reassured and leaned closer to kiss Charles’ forehead.

“I… Feel sleepy”, he said a little groggy and Erik immediately turned to the doctor with thousands of questions on his eyes. “That’s normal. You should rest, this will take a while”, he told them with a soft smile. Charles nodded and whispered a small “Stay?”, to which Erik answered “Forever”, squeezing his hand a little. 

 

-

 

Charles fell asleep then, the drugs in his body wearing him off more than he had previously thought. He only woke up hours later, when the sun had already set. 

His parents and Erik were still there, talking quietly with each other, sitting at a table close to Charles’ bed. 

“Erik, all I’m saying is that the chances of him being healed for a longer time is very low. I want to hope, too, and I do, but you shouldn’t be… disappointed if things are not working out that way. He's doing this for you”, Charles heard his father saying. 

“I know he is, but I also know that he is a fighter and he will get better”, Erik said in that tone of voice, that left no room for doubt. 

Charles blinked his eyes open then, not wanting to have them fighting with each other on his account. He sat himself up a little, to announce his presence and all eyes flew on him. 

“You’re awake! How are you feeling?”, Erik immediately jumped up from his chair and rushed towards him. Charles thought about that question for a moment, analysing his own well being. He still felt tired and now, thinking about it, he was definitely nauseous as well. 

“Not good, really”, he pressed and looked around for a bucket to throw up into. 

 

-

 

Erik catched up soon to what Charles was looking for. Since it was one of the symptoms of the medication, there was already a bucket there for this and Erik reached out for it and held it in front of his boyfriend.

Charles started throwing up then and Erik put a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down. “You’re okay, honey… You’re okay”, he murmured gently and when Charles was done, he cleaned his mouth on his sleeve.

Erik put the bucket down and pushed Charles’ hair out of his sweaty forehead and asked “Better?”. His boyfriend shook his head and got his head out of Erik’s grip “I’m disgusting”, he murmured which shocked him a little.

“Why don’t I get you a glass of water to wash your mouth?”, he asked and went to do just that on the bathroom adjacent to the private room. He heard Sharon and Brian approaching Charles and talking to him, cooing and asking how it felt like to have the medication on his body. 

Erik went back and got the bucket out again so that Charles would spit on it after his mouth was washed. He kissed the crown of Charles’ head and murmured “I’m not disgusted by a little vomit”, to make sure his boyfriend  _ knew _ that.

Then, he decided to give the family a little moment by going out the room to ask the bucket to be washed or replaced.

 

-

 

“Hey, honey”, Sharon said and sat down next to him to comb through his hair with her fingers. Brian took a seat next to her and grabbed Charles’ hand. 

Charles asked with a bitter smile, “Is my hair still there?” 

He was unhappy, that Erik had convinced him to do the therapy so quickly. It had been something, he had never wanted and he had his time to think about that decision. What if Erik would leave him after all, because he got disgusting? Erik was saying now, that he didn’t mind the vomit, but what about in a month or.. ? 

If Erik left him like that, Charles was sure that he wouldn’t want to carry on afterwards. Not, when he was entirely doing this for Erik and nobody else. 

“You think too much, honey. Just rest a little more and everything will come to its place later”, his mother said in a soft tone of voice and Charles nodded. 

When Erik came back inside, Charles had his eyes already closed again, but blinked them open, too curious who entered the room. Erik smiled at him and got closer, putting the bucket to its place. 

Charles couldn’t hold his eyes open for longer and fell asleep again, even if he had been barely awake for ten minutes. His sleep was dreamless and long and he only woke up in the morning. Despite having slept for half a day, he still felt sleepy and it was starting to frustrate him. 

Nobody was awake and so he was left with his own thoughts alone. It got him concerned what he signed up for, he felt fear in his bones. If this state would always be like that, how could he had been so stupid and give his life away for that? It would bring him a maximum of two years maybe and he would have to spend those in hospital like that. He would feel and die ugly, probably choking on his own vomit more times than he could count and sleep more than he wanted to. 

His eyes fell on Erik who was sleeping in an uncomfortable position on a chair, because he hadn’t wanted to leave Charles. His parents looked the same. And Charles knew, he wasn’t doing this for himself, he was doing it for them.

 

-

 

Erik woke up with an ache on his neck. He blinked his eyes open, taking in his surroundings. The second he realised where he was and then noticed Charles was awake, he sprung up towards him with a smile.

“Hey, love. Good morning”, he said, hands already touching Charles anywhere they could. He leaned down and started showering his boyfriend’s face with kisses but the other man was unresponsive and not even smiling.

“How are you feeling, beautiful?”, he asked, trying to ignore how Charles seemed uninterested about everything. “Nauseous”, he answered and Erik nodded, he knew it was expected and it would take a while to wear off. He had read enough to know it  _ had  _ to wear off at some point and that the therapy wasn’t forever; the doctor would tell at some point if it should be stopped because it worked or because it wasn’t making a change. He knew, Charles would be all better soon.

“My bones hurt”, he murmured a little spaced out. “I can help you with a massage, hm? We’ll be going home soon and I’ll do what I can”, Erik tried and even if Charles nodded and tried a small smile, he still looked sad.

It hurt Erik deeply and he swallowed around a lump on his throat, trying to come up with subjects that would get Charles to talk a little more. “I was thinking… When you feel better we should go visit my mama. I want you to meet her, it’s been too long since we said we would go”, he tried, holding Charles’ hand and caressing it.

 

-

 

“I’m not sure I still want to go”, Charles murmured and didn’t meet Erik’s gaze. Soon his hair would start to fall out and he really didn’t want Erik’s mother to see him like that. He also didn't want Erik to introduce his sick boyfriend to her, didn't want her looks of pity. The worst was, that she would probably pity her own son for falling in love with a deadman. 

“What, why?”, Erik asked confused and Charles blushed a little. He knew that Erik wouldn’t count his reason as valid, so he had to think about something else. 

“I..  I’m not ready to meet her”, he lied and still didn’t meet Erik’s gaze. He felt a hand grabbing his and tiny strokes of a thumb smoothing his skin. 

Charles sat himself up and tried to occupy himself with other things. He saw a plate of food at his bedside table, but wanted to throw up immediately as he saw it. He quickly glanced away and couldn’t help but finally meet Erik’s eyes. He knew, he must have looked like a lost child, because that's how he was feeling, but he hated himself for looking at Erik in that way. 

 

-

 

Erik bit down on his bottom lip, unsure of what to do now. Charles seemed lost as well and he hoped with all his heart this would be worth it, or at least, that the next therapies wouldn’t seem so bad.

He felt strangely far from his boyfriend who had been avoiding to look at him or even reacting to his touches. In Paris, while they had been on the bathtub, he had been eager to meet Edie and now… He wasn’t ready.

Was he already resenting Erik for asking for the therapy? He couldn’t bear if so because he only wanted what was best for Charles. He knew his boyfriend was only doing it for him but he hoped he hadn’t somehow  _ forced _ him into this.

Erik picked the bucket up and brought it closer to Charles, asking “You need to use this?”, since he had seemed thrown off by the food. “No”, Charles said shaking his head and asking “Can you get that food out of here?”. 

“Of course”, Erik answered promptly and grabbed the plate, leaving the room to look for a nurse who could take it. When he came back, the doctor was in there with Sharon and Brian awaken. 

“You may go home now, Mr Xavier”, he said “And I’ll see you back here in two weeks”. Erik let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, glad that Charles would be back at his own bed soon enough and only then, noticed the wheelchair.

Of course Charles was too tired to walk through the hospital. Erik stepped closer and pulled the sheets off of his boyfriend’s legs, arms going around his waist to help him up when Charles said “It’s okay. My dad can help me”.

It made his heart literally hurt inside his chest, this awful clenching feeling. He looked up questioningly but Charles wasn't meeting his gaze. Looking around, he saw both Sharon and Brian staring at their son with the same stunned expression and stepped away.

It stung, but he said “Of course, schatz”.

 

-

 

It had only been a handful of times in his life when Charles had felt truly sick and like some sort of charity case. This was one of those moments. 

Ever since the beginning Charles hadn’t wanted Erik to treat him differently, look at him in an unusual way, like something was wrong at him. And it wasn't like Erik was doing that now, no, but Charles felt so vulnerable, so small that he couldn’t stand Erik fussing over him now. 

Brian helped him into the wheelchair and got him dressed, before he pushed Charles out of the room. God, he felt so ridiculous how he couldn’t even walk properly right now. 

The ride to the mansion was silent and slightly uncomfortable, none of the four really knew what to say. Erik still looked hurt from Charles’ reaction in the hospital and as if he wanted to be anywhere but in the car now. Charles wondered if Erik would leave as soon as they were home. 

When Charles was finally in his room, he was already feeling tired again and could barely hold his eyes open. It frustrated him even more, but he couldn’t do something against it now. 

“You look tired, do you want to sleep?”, Erik asked and sat next to him on the bed. Charles nodded and curled himself into a ball, facing the wall. He knew he shouldn’t treat Erik like this, but he felt miserable and tired and he just wanted it to stop. 

“Should I stay?”, Erik asked again and this time Charles shrugged. It didn’t really matter if Erik stayed, since he would sleep anyways and wouldn’t even notice Erik’s presence. 

 

-

 

Charles’ careless shrug hurt him deeply and Erik’s eyes started to sting with unshed tears. He didn’t know why his boyfriend was acting like that but everything was to be expected from him after the chemo and Erik was trying his best to be patient. 

He didn’t manage to touch Charles at that point, scared he would be unwanted right then. Erik just sat there, silently crying as not to disturb Charles and his sleep. He told himself that it didn’t matter that Charles wasn’t quite himself for now because this was temporary and soon he would be healthy again. 

He sat there in the bed for two hours, just thinking of what they would get to do with their extra years, how happy they would be. It hit him at some point that Charles hadn’t eaten anything for 24 hours now and neither did he. 

Erik went to the kitchen to prepare them the lightest sandwiches, not putting many things in it to not upset the other man’s stomach. He chatted with the cook and Bertha but he was just… Off. If Charles wasn’t okay, he wasn’t either and it was hard to pretend otherwise.

Bertha gave him a sympathetic look and a squeeze on his arm, talking about idle topics to keep Erik’s mind off of the sleeping stranger on Charles’ room. He hoped his boyfriend wouldn’t wake up while he was away so he wouldn’t miss Erik.

He probably wouldn’t, given his shrug. 

 

-

 

When Charles woke up, he was alone and immediately wondered if Erik went home. Despite his shrug earlier, he didn’t want Erik to leave his side - not, when he was still looking fairly good. He had to mentally prepare himself for Erik to leave him, if he lost all his hair and smelled like vomit. 

He weakly got up from the bed and walked towards the mirror in his room, examining himself in it. He looked pale and unhappy, but his hair was still there, even if it looked terrible messy from lying in bed for so long. The nausea was still there, but he also felt himself getting hungry now and he decided to get something from the kitchen. 

Just when he was about to open the door, Erik came inside the room with two plates of sandwiches. Charles stared at him like an alien, startled that Erik was still there after all. 

“You stayed?”, he asked and let Erik come inside. A hurt expression crossed Erik’s face and he asked “do you want me to leave?” 

“No, no”, Charles was quick to say and sat down on the bed, because he was still feeling weak, “I thought you did. Thank you for staying.”

 

-

 

Erik smiled, glad Charles didn’t want him to leave and walked towards the bed, putting the tray in it. “I made us sandwiches”, he said softly, scared that any wrong movements could set Charles off.

He seemed infinitely better right now and Erik didn’t want anything to change that. “I am a little hungry”, Charles answered and reached for one of them, taking a big bite and chewing slowly.

Erik did the same and the silence between them was deafening. He ate half of his sandwich before he couldn’t take it anymore and started some idle chatter, not wanting to feel distant anymore. 

“I’m excited for our tattoo”, he commented, looking up at Charles who was still on his third bite. He hummed noncommittally and answered after a moment “Yeah.. Glad I can still do that” - “You can do plenty”, Erik answered, startled by Charles’ defeated mood.

“Can I?”, he asked sounding sour and Erik nodded, believing it with all his heart. Then, he put his sandwich down even if he was starving after a whole day and leaned closer to Charles, kissing his lips very softly, whispering “Nothing has changed”. 

 

-

 

But everything seemed like it had changed. Charles just _ felt  _ different and he knew he was acting different as well. It wasn’t something he could change now, though, so he just had to roll with it and not make it any worse. 

“Can we just.. watch something while I’m awake?”, Charles asked and Erik was quick to stand up and walk to the shelf where Charles kept his DVD’s. Charles saw, that Erik picked the film they haven’t finished the other time and put it into the DVD player. 

They snuggled up together and Chares bit into his second sandwich, chewing calmly as they watched the movie. He didn’t even make it halfway through the movie, when he was starting to yawn and fell asleep no time after. 

When he woke up again, the movie had long stopped and Charles felt frustrated again, but only then saw that Erik had paused it. Erik was asleep next to him, the past twentyfour hours were probably rubbing off on him too. Charles snuggled closer and listened to Erik’s heartbeat. How long would he be able to hear it? His death was coming closer with each day and it started to frighten him again, even if he had made peace with it. 

Charles reached for a pen and paper, not leaving Erik’s side, and then started to write a letter to Erik. He wanted to tell him certain things after his death and this was the only way. Maybe he would give the letter to his dad to give it to Erik at the funeral - even if Erik would want to break up with Charles before that, Charles just knew that he would come to the funeral. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! This is the last chapter of the story!  
> We would like to thank you for keeping up with it and for your amazing support, leaving comments through it all! They all meant a lot to us and we adored your reaction to everything!
> 
> We have other Cherik fanfictions posted if you'd like to check and will be posting new ones soon! The next ones are lighter, we promise hahaha
> 
> Thank you and enjoy!

It was three days later and Erik finally had to admit to himself; he couldn’t juggle work with being part of Charles’ every day. Luckily, his boyfriend had been asleep whenever he had to leave but it was leaving Erik knackered to tend to the garden in the morning, take care of Charles on the afternoon and then work during the night. 

So he quit. He didn’t want to tell Charles and wondered for how long he could keep the secret going. He knew, his boyfriend wouldn’t accept him doing it because of him so he already knew what to say. 

He would tell Charles that working late in the night and early in the morning was wearing him off a lot, - which was true - and that he he could afford being in only one job, - which wasn’t really true, but he would manage.

He was working his shift at the garden, having already checked Charles was still asleep. He couldn’t tell in which mood his boyfriend would wake up on but so far, there hasn’t been any good day. Charles had been saying some hurtful things here and there and suddenly asking to cuddle. 

It was confusing but Erik was coping, - even if that meant crying silently while the other man was asleep. He was doing his very best, being there every day and trying to still treat Charles the same, but apart from the greeting peck on the lips they exchanged, they were starting to look less and less like boyfriends. 

 

-

 

When Charles woke up, he checked himself in the mirror - an action that had quickly become part of his morning routine. He wanted to see any kind of changes on his body first, but for now he couldn’t tell if he was just dreaming having less eyelashes than before. 

The doctor had told him, that he could lose his hair around three or four weeks in, just after the second treatment, and it would probably start by thinning out. Charles grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled, just to check if it was still as strong. 

He didn’t want his hair falling out to be a slow process and thinking about actively making the decision of losing it would maybe help in coping. A quick glance at his razor assured him of his decision. 

A surring sound filled the room, when Charles started the razor, but it took him ten minutes of just staring at it, to overcome his paralyses. God, he could do it. He would present himself to Erik like that and finally see if Erik still wanted to be with him. The waiting on that was probably the worst part of all. 

He put the razor close to his head and then did the first cut, hair falling off of him. He was shaking but proceeded with shaving his head, until there was only a small flume left. It looked irregular, some bits of his hair still showing darker than others, but the chemotherapy would do the rest. 

Charles let the razor fall and looked at himself while crying silently. If Erik didn’t want him like that, everything would be for nothing. 

He slowly stepped out of the bathroom and then walked towards the garden, where Erik was watering the plants. His heart was hammering inside his chest and he tried stopping the tears on his cheeks. “Hi”, he whispered when he was close enough and immediately made Erik turn around. 

 

-

 

Erik could give himself a round of applause for not showing any kind of shock. His eyes did widen and his boyfriend noticed it, but given the circumstances it could be a lot worse. Charles’ beautiful, silky, floppy hazelnut hair had been reduced to only a thin layer around his head and it was just… Gone.

Erik took a moment to study his boyfriend and he could see how Charles was fidgeting under his stare but he was still trying to come up with words to say something.

It was an understanding to say Charles still looked breathtaking. This way, his face was more visible and so were his golden freckles. His eyes stood out with no lock of hair falling on them, and Erik felt his face breaking into a grin.

He knew Charles was making a statement there but he agreed with it; it was better to shave it off now that he had control over it and could pretend it was his own choice than to let the cancer take it away.

“Can’t say I won’t miss the hair but… Honey, you look gorgeous. It suits you. I like it”, Erik smiled and stepped closer, pulling his gloves off. He stretched out both hands, gloves between his thighs and put them on Charles’ head, running them around it and taking in.

It was a fun feeling, pleasant for his tact even if it was uneven. He let his fingertips dig softly on the scalp, half caressing, half massaging it. “When are we doing me, hm? Can’t wait for it”, he asked gently, looking down to lock eyes with the other man. 

 

-

 

Charles looked up into Erik’s honest face and felt a big part of him relaxing as relief ran through his whole body. It was either that Erik actually still loved him like that and really thought he was gorgeous, or that he was a really good actor. But If latter would be right, Erik hadn’t done a nice job at hiding his emotions and true thoughts before. Either way, though, Erik was still staying with him and that made Charles exhale loudly. 

“Do you really want to? I mean, you see how .. it can look”, Charles asked and pointed at his head, still sounding unsure about his transformation. 

But Erik only smiled and eyed Charles’ bald head again, nodding. “Of course, I really want to look as pretty, but I have a feeling my head isn’t made for that”, Charles’ boyfriend answered. 

“Well, you really don’t need to then-” - “But I want to. Don’t try and talk me out of this, I’ve made my decision.” Charles blushed a little and then nodded. 

He threw his hands around Erik’s body and pressed himself closer, hugging him while hiding his face in the crook of Erik’s neck. He inhaled deeply the warm, strong scent that was so familiar now. God, how he had missed Erik, being with him like that. “I love you so much”, he whispered and kissed the spot underneath Erik’s ear. 

 

-

 

It wasn’t his fault that upon hearing those words, his eyes filled with tears and some of them slipped out. It had only been four days since the chemo but he had felt utterly unloved by his boyfriend during that time, like he had never felt before. 

“I love you too”, he said steadily, hiding his quivering voice. But Charles was bald now and the tears fell to his head, making him pull away and look up startled. 

“You’re.. Why are you crying?”, he asked, arms still around Erik’s waist. “I’m not”, he answered gruffly, looking away. Charles just looked so alive today, it was overwhelming! 

“Erik…”, his boyfriend said on his so familiar warning tone. “We just.. Haven’t said that in a while, that’s all”, he answered, knowing  _ he _ had said it plenty. It wasn’t like Erik needed to hear it everyday or that he was an insecure person, he truly wasn’t. But those events had left him on edge and since it was the first time they had gone to chemo, Erik wasn’t sure it was a permanent state or if it would get better. He was happy it was the latter. 

“Erik-”, Charles started again but was quieted when Erik pressed a tiny kiss to his lips. “Let’s go.. I think I can take a break now and you can train your hairdresser skills on me”, he said pulling Charles to the mansion, not wanting to talk about it. 

On the way to the room, they stopped at the kitchen and Erik asked for Charles’ breakfast, sure his boyfriend had skipped it. 

 

-

 

Charles wasn’t particularly hungry, but he ignored that in order to make Erik happy and calm. They balanced the tray into Charles’ room and put it down there. Erik forced Charles to eat at least half of it, before he even released him to shave the hair.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, Charles asked, once they were in the bathroom and looking at each other in the mirror. Erik smiled reassuringly at Charles and nodded, before he bent down to give a quick kiss to Charles’ head. Then Erik sat on the toilet seat and looked up, waiting for Charles to start. 

“God, I don’t know if I can do that”, Charles said and took a deep breath that left a sting to him, but he didn’t pay much attention to it. Of course, Erik’s hair would grow again, but it would take time and why would Charles want to do that to Erik? Erik wasn’t the one sick, so he didn’t need to be treated like it. 

“C’mon, Charles. It's okay”, Erik encouraged him and took his wrist to guide the razor towards his head. 

Charles took another deep breath in order to calm himself and then proceed with the plan, but this time his chest ached more and then there was such a sharp pain in his body, like he had been struck by a lightning. Charles screamed and saw himself falling to the floor, hitting his head on the cold tiles, before he blacked out from the pain inside his lungs. 

 

-

 

It scared the life out of him when Charles collapsed, but differently from the last times, he didn’t freak out completely because this was starting to become normal to him as well.

He carefully picked Charles up, noticing how lighter he had become out of a sudden and took him to his bedroom, depositing him in bed gently. He took his cellphone and dialed 911, scared Charles had hurt his head when he hit it on the floor and needed to take scans to make sure he was alright.

He kissed his boyfriend’s forehead and left the room, being weirdly calm, to alert Sharon and Brian about what had happened. Both fled to the room, worried and wanting to wait for the ambulance next to their son. 

Erik was worried too, also scared that Charles had hurt himself terribly but at the same time, he was waiting for a doctor to tell him things weren’t alright before freaking out; he feared he would start losing hair out of worry before they got the chance to shave it off themselves. 

Erik drove a family car after the ambulance with Sharon, Brian and Charles in it. The hospital was becoming familiar now and Erik bid good morning to the people on the entrance before going to the waiting room with no need to be guided or escorted there. He sat down next to Sharon and asked “What did they say on the ambulance?”.

“He needs a scan to see if he hurt his head. And we all know it was because of his lungs so they are checking that as well but it’s hard to give him drugs with the chemo and all now”.

Erik nodded and thought of his mother, how he wanted her to reassure him at that moment but couldn’t get there in the hospital because Charles wasn’t ready. He reached out then and held Sharon’s thin hand.

She tensed and looked up at Erik, being startled. Then, her fingers curled around his and they held each other's hand, waiting for the doctor to call them and say they could see Charles. 

So much for thinking today would be a good day. 

 

-

 

When Charles woke up, everyone was in the room like always, but they all had a worried expression, even more than usual. Immediately, all his insides clenched together in fear, but that only shot new pain through his body and he groaned. He wanted to speak, but a huge tube was blocking the way and only then, he heard the weird breathing sound that didn’t come from himself. 

He glanced to his right and saw a huge oxygen tank, but also some kind of pumping mechanism inside, that acted like his lung. It dawned to him, that this machine was breathing for him and he wanted to scream. 

“Honey, I’m so glad you're awake”, Sharon started, tears shimmering in her eyes. “The doctors said that your lungs collapsed, both of them. It was- god..”, her voice was so thin and shaky and new tears escaped her eyes. 

Charles hated himself for causing them all so much pain and worry. Both his parents and even Erik looked so much older than they actually were, all because of Charles. 

The doctor came inside the room then, someone must have called him when Charles had woken up. He had a frown on his face instead of the usual smile. “Mr Xavier, I didn’t expect us to meet that soon again. I also thought we would meet under lighter circumstances.”

He looked into a file that was probably filled with new tests from Charles and made an even unhappier face. “The cancer is spreading. There isn't much we can do, except maintaining the chemo to give you some more time”, the doctor said and it was like everyone was holding their breath. 

Nobody wanted to ask the question, but in the end Brian gave in and asked “how long?”. 

“Two weeks maximum, but it could be days. We have to see the development. I’m truly sorry about that and I know it comes with a shock now. We have a good therapist in the house if any of you want to talk, but I’d advice for Charles to stay in here.” 

 

-

 

“What do you  _ mean?”,  _ Erik screeched, all eyes turning to him. “What the fuck is the chemo for if it’s not buying him any time?”, he asked, anger filling him up because the only thing starting the treatment did was take off a few days they had together. Was to transform his boyfriend into a sick person who only slept for four days.

“We started the treatment too late”, the doctor said calmly as if it was alright. Charles is going to die in two weeks or less, sure, okay. Well, it  _ wasn’t  _ alright.

“No! We didn’t… We have to… There’s this whole list!”, he protested knowing he wasn’t making any sense but they needed time! A whole lot more! The bucket list wasn’t even filled yet.

“What about.. Our tattoos and? The sloth, the beach? No! That’s not right, you need to  _ do _ something! What kind of fucking doctor are you?”, Erik was protesting now, feeling the tears slipping down his cheeks.

“Erik, you need to calm down, son”, Brian said, putting a hand on his shoulder even if he was crying as well. Erik turned his gaze towards Charles now, the huge blue eyes were scared and shocked and this was all too much for him.

Erik shook his head and pressed out “No.. I-I need to.. Go”, practically fleeting the room after that. He walked out of the hospital, past the car and beyond. He was getting tired at some point but he kept going. 

They shouldn’t get the chemo anymore. Charles was dying anyway and now Erik understood he wanted to die with dignity, still looking like himself. That ship had sailed but they could still salvage a little from it.

He only noticed where he was when he was already knocking the doorbell and his mother’s husband opened the door. He seemed shocked to see him there, looking like such a mess. He immediately called Edie who wrapped her thin arms around his neck, asking him what was happening.

“He’s dying, ma.. He’s dying”, he sobbed desperately, making her dress all wet. 

When he calmed down a little bit, she pulled away and murmured “You never introduced us”, which made Erik hiccup “He isn’t ready… He’ll never be”.

His mother looked at him in a way Erik could only read as pity and he lost it. “ _ What?  _ You think I made him up or something? He doesn’t want to meet you!”, he yelled at her, mood changing completely. 

“You know what? I don’t need this! Everyone leaves! My dad left, Charles is leaving… you married that man and abandoned me! Do you think I need you? Well I don’t!”, he screamed, throat burning up along with his eyes.

He was soon enveloped into a hug again and pulled inside the house, his mother fussing over him while he just cried and cried. 

 

-

 

The shock sat deep inside Charles’ aching bones, making him shake and shiver uncomfortably. A few days? That was… so little time. 

His eyes filled with tears while his parents tried to soothe him a little with comforting words and small touches. It hadn’t helped either that Erik had started to list all those things, Charles had still wanted to do. Now it was too late for everything, because he would be tied to this hospital bed until it was all over. 

“Charles, he’ll be back, no worries”, Brian tried to soothe him, but Erik running away was the least of his concerns now. He knew Erik enough to know that he would come back again and didn’t worry about it. Erik needed time and air to process what was happening just like Charles did. 

His mother looked similar pale as Erik had looked like and she walked towards the window, looking outside for a while. Charles closed his eyes and cried silently. 

The fear of his inevitable death was getting bigger now that it was close. He would never get to see Erik or his parents again. Never again Bertha and other servants. 

“Charles, it's alright, Pshh”, Brian still tried, but his hands were shaking as well and he had to sit down. Charles still hadn’t done so many things! He hadn’t given the letter to his mum and he hadn’t finished reading his book. He wasn’t ready to die!

 

-

 

It took Erik a couple hours to calm down. His mother was there with him all the while, caressing his hair that never got to be shaved and saying soothing words.

She made him tea and they talked a bit in lower tones, Edie saying she never abandoned him but Erik wasn’t in the mood for a heart to heart or even to forgive her. He needed someone to hate, needed something to stay  _ normal _ while his whole world was crashing down.

He left her house and grabbed a bus to his own apartment. The place reminded him a lot of his boyfriend; Charles’ cardigan thrown on his couch, some of his books on Erik’s shelf and his bucket list on the fridge.

Erik stepped closer to it and read each item carefully. He didn’t start crying again because he suspected there were no tears in him anymore. Instead, he decided to fill his mind with something else.

He could arrange to get Charles in a wheelchair so they could sit in front of the window and watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day, - even if he fell asleep in between. 

He could even write a message to put in a bottle so Erik could put it on the sea for him. They could watch origami classes online with Erik doing them for him.  And the love letter he so wanted to receive was already done inside of the drawer on his nightstand. 

It hurt him that his favorite one, - showering naked on a waterfall - and so many others wouldn’t get filled. He felt a terrible need to apologise to his boyfriend. He could have done better, could have made it all come true faster if only he didn’t hope for more time. 

Erik took a quick shower, grabbed a change of clothes and Charles’ love letter before going to the mansion. There, he got Charles’ laptop and his latest book, - he would read for him - and updated the staff about him, all of them promising to come visit soon.

Bertha hugged him tight and told him to hang on strong before he mounted his bike and finally made his way back to where he was supposed to be. 

 

-

 

Charles had fallen asleep and hadn’t seen Erik arriving. The doctor had given him something to calm his nerves, only something light because of the chemo, but it had effectively put him to sleep. The chemo was still wearing him off, so it had been no problem, once his nerves were calmed. 

When he woke up again, he saw Erik sitting there and and felt happier than ever just by seeing him again. It was still a weird situation, considering that his health was going downhill fast, but the medicine must still work, because Charles felt calmer about it. He still couldn’t speak, though, which sucked, but the doctor had promised to remove the tube today. 

Charles reached for Erik’s hand, the owner of it sleeping soundly on the chair next to him. But as soon as they touched, Erik woke up and stared at Charles. Then his mind seemed to finally catch up with everything and he sat himself up. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?”, Erik asked in a whisper, because Charles’ parents were napping as well. Charles just shrugged and made a vague hand gesture. He was still tired, despite having slept for hours, but that was a normal condition now, he guessed. He felt Erik squeezing his hand and smiled at him. 

“I’m sorry I had to leave, but I’m back now and I’m not giving up, do you hear me? We can still cross some of those things from your list.” 

Charles wasn’t sure about that, but he couldn’t voice his doubts now, so he just squeezed Erik’s hand in return. Then he eyed the water bottle that had been set on the table for him and Erik was quick to understand and give it to him. 

 

-

 

Erik watched as Charles drank his water with difficulty and it slipped out of his mouth, down his cheek and chin. He came closer and cleaned it with his sleeve, smiling down softly at his beautiful boyfriend. 

Then, he grabbed the bottle back and put it on the bedside table. “Would you like me to read a little for you? I brought your book”, he said and saw how Charles’ eyes lit up at that and he nodded.

Erik opened his bag and pulled the book out before saying “Scoot”, and helping Charles a little as he opened space on the hospital bed. He immediately climbed on it next to his boyfriend and opened the book, reading it in a low tone as to not disturb Sharon and Brian.

Almost two hours later, Charles was asleep next to him and Erik had long stopped reading. The door was opened and he looked at it startled to see Charles’ doctor narrowing his eyes at him who was sharing the bed with the patient.

“I’m here to take off the tube now”, he said and had to wake Charles up for it, seeing that if his boyfriend woke up in the middle of it he could be scared and cause something bad to happen. Charles blinked his eyes open very slowly and the doctor took the tube away, while Sharon and Brian watched from their spot, already awake but not wanting to interrupt the process. 

 

-

 

“Okay, we’ve done this before, Charles. Take a deep breath and then continue to breathe normally”, the doctor explained once again and Charles nodded, taking said deep breath. 

The tube was pulled out of him and when it was fully removed, Charles breathed out slowly again in order to reduce the coughing. His throat felt dry and abused, but he barely coughed and drank some water to stop it quickly. The doctor did a quick check on his throat and then sat down next to him, wanting to speak. 

“Can all of the people in the room listen to our discussion now?”, the doctor asked and Charles agreed with a nod, unable to speak so quickly again. “Alright. We want to make this as painless for you as possible, okay? I’m gonna give you some painkillers and you choose if you want to stop the chemo. Whenever you have trouble breathing just call the nurses and they’ll know what to do.”

Charles looked at the doctor with huge, watery eyes. He was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of events, but he had been ready for a while now. Fighting the cancer now- it would only cause unnecessary pain. “I don’t want.. the chemo”, he answered in a hoarse voice and heard a gurgling sound whenever he inhaled. 

The doctor nodded and noted that on a file that he was carrying. They discussed some more symptoms that could come up now, like coughing blood, freezing, up to headaches and several dysfunctions of his organs. When the doctor was finally done, he left the room and the silence in it was so heavy, Charles thought he could touch it. 

“I’m sorry… that I brought this… upon you”,  Charles then apologised, feeling more than guilty for having now people who were going to miss him. 

 

-

 

Erik sucked in a breath and stepped closer to Charles in order to hold his hand. “I’m not sorry”, he said as steadily as he could at that moment “I’m quite thankful I got to meet the love of my life. Most people don’t”.

The words came out of his heart and he knew Charles wanted to say something about it but couldn’t because his parents were there. Erik really wanted some privacy there so they could talk and he could give Charles his letter but how could he take their time together away?

“Don’t say that, honey”, Sharon and Brian walked closer to the bed. “You’re our son and you gave us the most happy times of our lives”, she said and then Brian took over “We’re proud of you, son”.

Erik saw how his boyfriend’s eyes filled with tears and some slipped out upon hearing those words. He nodded slowly and looked all of them in the eyes, the last one being Erik. They both held each other’s gazes, it speaking louder than anything else. Turns out, Erik never had to ask for privacy because Sharon and Brian went silently away.

He took the opportunity to sit on the bed and cup Charles’ face with his free hand. “I love you, schatz. You’re my heart and will always be… No one’s ever going to fill your space because they can’t compare with how bright, loving and kind you are”, he whispered now crying as well.

 

-

 

“That’s what.. I’m afraid of”, Charles said with the gurgling sound, tasting a little bit of copper on his tongue but swallowing it down anyways. He couldn’t risk coughing blood now in such an important moment. 

Erik looked like a kicked puppy when Charles said that, like he didn’t know how to convince him from the opposite. But there was no convincing to be done, because Charles was right and he knew that. He didn’t want to fill up the space in Erik’s heart and always be in the way of his future luck. He wanted Erik to forget about him, to move on with his life and not refer to him as the love of his life. Because, if Charles really was that, then Erik had an even worse fate than Charles did. 

“Nobody will forget you, Charles”, Erik tried again, his voice sounding shaky from all the tears that had been streaming down his face. Charles gently reached out and wiped the tears aways as best as he could. 

“But.. you should.. I will just… be in the .. way”, he said and coughed a little, his breath rattling from the effort of breathing alone again. 

 

-

 

Erik wasn’t quite sure of what to say there. He couldn’t promise Charles that he would move on and find someone else because at that moment, he didn’t think that would ever possible. And on the other hand, his boyfriend wouldn’t accept that there’s one soulmate for people, and Erik was lucky enough to find his in such young age.

“You could never be on the way”, he said gently, leaning closer so that it would be easier for Charles to dry his face. “You’re going to be exactly where you’re supposed to be. I told you, most people don’t ever get to meet someone and love them wholeheartedly like I love you. That will never disappear and I don’t resent that fact. I’m thankful”, Erik said. 

Charles was crying as well, bottom lip trembling but didn’t say anything this time. “I have something for you”, Erik said and got up, getting the letter out of his backpack. “I’m sorry I was never able to give you anything when you gave me so much… I hope that somehow this can be enough”, he told the other man and handed him the folded paper.

He didn’t know if Charles would read it now but it still made him nervous. He knew those words by heart now.

 

Dear Charles,

 

I woke up this morning and felt awfully alone. I stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking something was terribly missing, but then, I finally synchronized with my surroundings and noticed this noise on the background. 

It was the shower running. You are in there right now, taking a shower on my bathroom like you belong there. And you do. Suddenly I don’t feel alone anymore, I feel loved and warm. 

You made me feel like I’m worth being the subject of such care. The way you look at me sometimes overwhelms me in such levels I can’t explain. I never thought someone would love me like this and there you are on my shower, proving me wrong.

It isn’t a fancy one like in your house where the water comes steamy and the pressure is perfect. No. Here, the water is lukewarm and there’s barely any coming out but you’re still  _ humming. _

I’ve never heard you hum before. It’s this Beatles song that I feel like dancing for you to, and you sound slightly off rhythm but it’s still lovely to wake up to this. 

I’m not a poet or writer and I feel like I’m babbling so far. The point is, I used to wake up feeling alone everyday, and that sensation wouldn’t leave me through the whole day. Now, I have you in my shower and I honestly think I should go join you, hold you or love you like we did last night. Because I’ve never been this happy in my existence, never felt like I belonged somewhere like I do now.

This is probably not the love letter you expected, is it? I’m truly sorry about that. I’ve been waiting to write this, thinking I have time and in a year I’ll love you more than I do now and will be able to write something better. But upon waking up and realising you’re still here, I came to a conclusion. 

I love you more with each passing second. I could rewrite this letter so much better if I started it again right now and so on for the rest of times. 

You brought me back to life.

And I love you, schatz.

 

Your Erik. 

 

-

 

Charles had the letter unfolded in the moment Erik had handed it to him. He read those words carefully and watered up halfway through the paper. Why would Erik apologise for such a sweet letter? 

“Erik”, he breathed out and a tear escaped his eyes. He felt Erik’s hand on his cheek and a thumb brushing the tear away gently. 

After reading the letter twice, he finally looked up and locked eyes with his boyfriend. Erik looked unsure and as if he was feeling bad for writing such things. Charles could only guess, that Erik thought these words could never explain how much he really felt, but they were actually doing a great job. 

“Thank you so much, I…  I love you, Erik”, he said gently and pulled himself up a little and kissed Erik gently. It was a careful kiss, tentatively brushing their lips together and breathing against each other’s skin. Charles shuddered and pulled away then. “Ich liebe dich auch”, Erik answered in his mother tongue. 

“I have.. a letter, too”, he then said when they parted and took Erik’s hand. “It's in Westchester.. in my drawer. But… only open it… when I’m…”, he trailed off then, not wanting to ruin the moment by mentioning the inevitable.

 

-

 

Erik nodded and kissed Charles’ lips very gently, a butterfly touch. He wanted to say more but then the door opened, Sharon and Brian coming back to the room.

Charles dried his tears and folded the letter back, putting it underneath his book on the nightstand. Erik was quick to change subjects, not because they were saying something wrong but simply because it was too intimate.

“I went by your house… Bertha and the others said they would come by to visit tomorrow. Isn’t that good?”, he asked and it made Charles smile along with his parents.

After that, they talked and spent time together, Charles napping in between. Later, a nurse came by with a cloth and a bowl, telling them it was time for Charles’ bath, if they could leave the room please.

Erik didn’t want to and got up against his will, but then, Charles held his hand and asked almost shyly to the nurse “Can.. He do it?”, which made Erik’s heart flutter inside his chest.

Having the chance to see and touch his boyfriend again even if in the most innocent way was enough to make him excited. “Of course”, she answered with a smile and placed the things there, before leaving the room with Sharon and Brian. 

 

-

 

Charles managed to unbutton his nightgown while Erik went to the bathroom to fill water into the bowl and wet the cloth. It felt almost useless now to think of such normal things as washing and eating, when soon all of that would be for nothing. Plus, Charles really didn’t feel hungry these days, but he didn’t tell that to anybody yet. It would just make them worry.

“Alright, can you sit up a little?”, Erik asked when he came back from the bathroom, positioning the bowl on the nightstand next to Charles. 

Charles tried sitting himself up and was relieved that Erik was quick to put some pillows behind him to steady him more. The washcloth was warm when Erik started brushing it all over Charles’ chest carefully. They needed to be quick to dry Charles again, so they wouldn’t soak the bed, but that was alright, they managed just fine. 

His eyes were on Erik all the time, watching him gently washing his body. Charles felt so loved and cared for in that very moment, that he felt his heart swelling. When Erik was done with the body, he moved to Charles head and brushed the cloth all over it. It was a weird feeling to be washed there without his hair and he closed his eyes.    
“Feels weird.. I didn’t.. even need.. to shave my .. head”, Charles commented and coughed a little more, this time a little bit of blood was escaping his lips. 

 

-

 

Erik glanced down at Charles’ lips, even more red now that they were tinted by blood. He dabbed at it with the cloth and said “I’m kinda glad you did. I like it… I mean, look at that beautiful head! I couldn’t pull this off”, honesty seeping on each word.

Charles chuckled a little, finally seeming to understand Erik  _ meant _ it with all his heart. He didn’t say anything about the blood his boyfriend coughed but he knew there wasn’t much to say. They knew that was going to happen along with so much more and while they weren’t ignoring it, it felt nice to not acknowledge how close to dying Charles was. 

The other man took another nap after his bath and Erik spent time chatting with his in-laws. It was good that they accepted him now, saw him as their equal and their son’s boyfriend. They were nice towards him and even Sharon had warmed up, holding Erik’s hand when it all seemed too hard, too impossible. 

They both went to the mansion that night, saying they would be back first thing in the morning. It’s not that they didn’t want to stay with Charles but the hospital room didn’t offer enough space for barely a person to sleep there, imagine three. They knew Erik wasn’t going anywhere and therefore, they left. 

He put his alarm on before falling asleep and it promptly woke him up at 4 am. It was enough time for Erik to go outside and find a nurse, explaining his plan and ask if it were possible and what best place to make it happen. Soon, he was pushing a wheelchair back to Charles’ room, planning on taking him to this window where they could watch the sunrise from. 

“Charles? C’mon schatz, wake up. You’ve been sleeping for long enough”, he said and a while later, beautiful eyes blinked open at him. “Hey.. I have a surprise, let’s get you on that chair”, he said and while Charles was still sleepy, he carried him easily onto the chair. 

By the time they rolled out of the room, his boyfriend was already awake enough to question what Erik was doing and where were they going. 

 

-

 

“Erik tell me”, Charles said weakly, his pale hands wrapping around the armrests of his wheelchair. He wondered how a tattoo would have looked like on him now. Maybe it would contrast weirdly on his almost white skin. 

“Patient, young padawan”, Erik laughed and Charles groaned exaggeratedly, but didn’t ask again. Erik soon rolled him towards a large window and positioned the chair in front of it, before grabbing a normal chair from the next room. Charles was confused, but when he saw the first rays of sunshine already laying over the horizon, he understood. 

“We’re gonna... watch the sunrise … together?”, he asked excitedly and beamed at Erik. It was nice to see that Erik really hadn’t given up on making some of Charles’ wishes come true. 

“And sunset later, of course”, Erik grinned that wide smile of his and for a moment… for a moment Charles felt like the most normal boy in the world. He was happy, watching the sunrise with his boyfriend and just enjoying each other’s presence. 

He took Erik’s hand and gave it a short kiss, before letting their joined hands fall onto his lap. “Your hands are cold”, Erik said next to him, his voice calm and somewhat peaceful. 

“That’s okay… the sun will.. warm me up”, Charles smiled and looked at Erik, before leaning towards him and nuzzling his neck. 

“Erik… I’m .. afraid”, he whispered into a silence that had lasted for quite a while, but he couldn’t hold onto himself anymore. “I’m ready… but I’m.. afraid.”

 

-

 

Erik held Charles’ hand tighter and leaned his head a little closer to his boyfriend’s. “I know, sweetie. I am afraid too… I can’t tell you that it will be easy or.. peaceful. But I can say I will be with you. I’ll hold your hand and I won’t let go”, he promised and turned his angle a little to kiss Charles’ head. 

“Thank you”, his boyfriend mumbled. “We’ll go through it together”, Erik tried reassuring him again, finding himself empty of words and resigning that fact so badly. He wished he could make Charles feel safer, better, but he was dying and there was nothing Erik could do. He was useless. 

“I’ve prepared for this… my whole… life”, he continued then when Erik thought he was done talking and the silence was threatening to swallow them. “But it was… easier.. when I didn’t.. know you”. Erik nodded at that, knowing exactly what the other man meant. “I wish I could apologise, Charles. But I know we were meant to be”, he said after a small moment. 

“I won’t... apologise either”, his boyfriend agreed. They sat there and after the sun was completely up, Erik felt himself warming up and more and more sure of what he was about to say. 

“Marry me”, he blurted out, meaning each word. Charles pulled away with wide eyes and stared at him with his mouth hanging open. “Erik..”, he mumbled a second later “Erik… I’m dying”, he finally completed his sentence. “I don’t care”, Erik shook his head. “Promise me this; promise you’re mine till death do us apart, Charles. Right here, right now. We don’t need any witnesses, just marry me and I’ll marry you”, he said again, bringing Charles’ hand towards his heart and just holding it there. 

“Isn’t this where we’re heading? If things were how they were supposed to be… we’d marry and have kids. We’d have all that future you told me once. I just want to say we had it”, he finished up, hopeful and desperate. 

 

-

 

Charles was still baffled by Erik’s sudden proposal. He had never expected that - well, of course, he had thought about marrying Erik, because he was picturing their future like this as well. But marrying Erik had only been one part of that future, one small detail to all the glory. He would have wanted kids and a house and, well, and Erik as his husband. 

It was a wish of Charles, yes, but he had never added it to his bucket list, because he didn’t want to leave Erik as a widower so early in his life. It would just be another thing in Erik’s life that would have made it harder for him to move on. One more burden that Charles was putting on Erik’s back to hold. 

But Erik had offered, he had proposed to Charles, so why would Charles ever decline it? It sounded like something loose anyways, not the whole official thing. And god, Charles wanted to marry that man right next to him with all his heart. 

“It would be … where we’re heading”, Charles agreed and saw a huge smile on Erik’s face, but he hadn’t said yes yet and both of them knew that. “I’ll say yes.. I will promise .. you this… if you promise.. me something too.”

Erik smiled even bigger now and grabbed Charles’ hand, before guiding it to his lips to kiss his knuckled firmly. “Anything”, Charles heard and felt Erik murmuring against his skin. 

“Promise me.. you’ll move on.. after me. I want you … to be happy. And promise me… you’ll finish my.. bucket list.”

 

-

 

Erik swallowed around a knot on his throat because those things… He didn’t want to finish the bucket list on his own, without Charles completing it himself… It tear at his heart to think he would die before doing it all. 

And moving on? It didn’t seem something possible at the moment. How he could ever get over Charles? Overwrite the feel of his lips in order to memorise someone else’s… Share his bed and life with another person.

“I can’t imagine that”, he murmured, pressing his forehead to Charles’ shoulder “But I’ll try… I’ll just.. Never forget you”, Erik promised and felt his boyfriend nod. “Then yes… I’ll… Marry you”, Charles breathed out and Erik’s heart started beating impossibly fast. 

“Yeah?”, he asked pulling away and smiling at that beautiful human being there. “Yes”, Charles nodded and they went towards each other at the same time, lips pressing firmly together. Erik just stayed there in the moment, but Charles let his tongue flicker out to lick Erik’s lips and then invade his mouth, kissing the breath out of him. 

When they broke apart, they were both panting but Charles mostly because of his lungs. He probably should go back to the oxygen tank soon. “I love you, husband”, Erik said in a low tone, meaning the words so very much. He didn’t care they didn’t sign papers, there was no witnesses or a priest. To him, they were married. It was real. 

“I love you too, husband”, Charles agreed with a dopey smile and they just stared at each other’s eyes for a long time. Then, they had to go back to the room because even with the sun, Charles’ hands were still cold and he was still breathing hardly. 

Erik helped his boyfriend onto the bed again and kissed his forehead and then lips. “Rest, husband… I’ll see you when you wake up. You have visitors today… Bertha is very excited to see you”, he said nicely and then his boyfriend nodded, blinking slowly “Can’t wait.. to see.. them”. 

Erik smiled. When Charles fell asleep, he went down the lobby to those automatic machines and picked out one of the packs he knew there were plastic jewellry. He had to buy six until he had two rings. 

 

-

 

When Charles woke up again, his visitors were already in the room. Bertha was the closest to him and he could see tears shining in her eyes, but she was still smiling. Erik was there as well and his parents, but they stayed in the background so the new visitors could be closer to Charles. 

“Hi”, he whispered with a thin voice, as his throat tried to adjust again. He stretched out his hand and Bertha took it into her big one, patting the back of his hand gently. 

“Hello, Charles. How are you feeling?”, she asked in her motherly tone that Charles hadn’t heard since he was younger. It was that very fond voice, that only hinted a little bit of her sadness. 

“Hmm, still sleepy.. but I’m okay…”, Charles answered, but he was still pale and his voice was cracky, so Bertha probably knew that he was lying. But how should he feel in his last days? Definitely not alive and energetic. Still, he couldn’t blame her for asking - none of them had ever gone through a similar situation. 

“Bertha.. I want to… give you my… clothes.. for your nephew”, Charles then said. He had been thinking a lot about giving away some of his stuff and he really wanted Bertha to get those clothes and some small things that he had named on a letter, he had given to his parents. A bit more tricky were the things he would leave for Erik, because those were his, but his parents probably expected to get them back. 

“Erik?.. I want to.. give you my.. CD’s and.. books. And I want you… to be the only.. inheritor of.. the Xavier fortune. So you.. get to go.. to college”, Charles breathed and felt his chest aching a little. 

 

-

 

“Charles, I- I can’t”, Erik breathed out from the back of the room where he was standing next to Sharon and Brian, they all looking at Charles with wide eyes. “It’s not.. mine and.. Your family has worked hard to keep it. I’m not after money, love”, he said softly, even if he knew Charles was aware he had never been with him because of his fortune. 

“That’s why… I want you… to have it”, he pressed out with a small smile. “Mom? Dad?”, Charles asked then, looking at them and waiting for their approval. Erik was a little more than overwhelmed this was happening. It was surprising that Sharon reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, a soft, but sad, smile on her face. “I think it’s a good idea”, she said and Erik’s hand started to shake. 

“I.. really don’t deserve this, it’s… too much and I-” - “Shut up”, Charles said from the bed a little more forcefully than he had been talking so far “And just… come here.. kiss me”, he asked and Erik was quick to comply, stepping closer to the bed and giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. Then, he whispered on Charles’ ear “Thank you, husband”, kissing the skin right before his ear. 

“You’re welcome”, Charles said and after that, they all chatted a bit, Charles’ attention turned towards Bertha as this seemed like it would be the last time they would ever see each other. When she left, she was crying and Erik followed her, hugging her on the corridor and sobbing a little as well.    
“Thank you for coming. It means a lot to him”, he said and Bertha reached out, putting a hand on his cheek “I’m so glad he met you”, she said warmly and motherly, which made him smile through his tears. “And I’m glad he had you”, he answered back. 

 

-

 

Sharon and Brian went to eat dinner and even tried convincing Erik to come, but he wouldn’t leave Charles’ side. Charles knew, Erik wanted to watch the sunset with him, so that's why he didn’t go, but was worried about Erik’s eating habits nonetheless. 

They rolled to the same window, from where they had watched the sunrise as well. Charles leaned against Erik once again and their hands were intertwined on Erik’s lap this time. He was feeling tired and weak from not eating the whole day, but he just wasn’t hungry. 

“Are you really sure about the money?”, Erik asked and sounded very unsure. It only ensured Charles in inheriting his fortune to Erik, because Erik wouldn’t spend it easily. 

“Yes. You deserve it.” His voice was rattling and even thinner than in that morning, but none of them commented on it. “I will.. always.. love you”, he murmured and they kissed gently as the sun set slowly. 

The next morning Charles couldn’t bring up the strength to overcome the pain of talking anymore. He lied in bed and his chest was aching despite the painkillers. His eyes were barely cracked open, watching the sunlight hit his pale skin but barely feeling the warmth of it. 

He fell asleep once again, barely able to stay awake for more than an hour now. His death was coming closer with big steps, but he felt rather peaceful as long as he woke up to Erik sitting next to him. 

 

-

 

He woke up a little later than usual, the tiredness taking care of him and making him linger on the sleepy state he had been on. But his dreams had been bothering him because he had forgotten something, - oh! The plastic rings. 

Erik blinked his eyes open and looked immediately at Charles as he reached for his pocket to pick them up. Sharon and Brian were not back yet and he knew he had enough time to show his  _ husband _ the cute blue and green rings. He rolled them on his hand and looked at them, pride and love swelling at his chest-

_ Beeeeeeeeeeeep…. _ The machine that was connected to Charles made a different noise that it had been doing ever since the beginning and Erik’s head snapped towards it, his neck making a loud sound because it had been too fast. The lifeline was flat and the sound was almost deafening. 

Erik got up, the rings falling from his hand to the ground as he ran to the door yelling “Nurse! Nurse! Anyone- please”, he called out at the same time he went back towards Charles and put both of his hands on his chest, doing CPR, steadily pressing there to make his heart beat again, to make Charles live for just a little longer. 

Erik couldn’t see anything in front of him and for a second wondered why, but those were the tears on his eyes, stopping him from seeing. The fat drops fell to Charles’ body and Erik started begging “Please… Please, Charles.. Don’t leave me. Not yet.. Please, I-I can’t live without you, how am I supposed to- I didn’t even give you the ring, I - I need to tell you.. I- I love you… Please, baby.. No, no, no.. Don’t leave me”, he asked, crying and yelling. 

Soon, there was a doctor there and nurses who took over Erik’s place and pushed him back to the end of the room, where he watched shocked and desperate, whispering “No… No.. No! Not.. please.. no!”, all over again as a mad person. He just needed to see those eyes once more, needed to see Charles smile and hold his hand. He couldn’t die, NO! Not Charles, not the amazing boy Erik had met in a boring party, who had gone up the stairs despite his illness and had sat on that rooftop with him. 

Not the man who had named a star ‘Cherik’ and made out with Erik under it. Not the one who took him to Paris and kissed him under the Tower, loved him and showed him what it was like to feel so deeply desired, so good about himself.

“Please… not yet”, he asked, sliding down on the floor and hiding his face between his knees, while the doctors worked to get Charles back and win him at least another day. 

 

-

 

There was a terrible loud beep to what Charles woke up to and he couldn’t even bring himself to open his eyes. Everything inside of him was cramped and he had to struggle to breath. Then he heard the beeping return into a more familiar sound and suddenly his eyes flew open in fear. 

He had been dead. He was dead and they brought him back, he thought in a very dizzy state of mind. His heart was pumping again, but everything inside of him was aching. The gurgling sound when he breathed was starting to sound as if he was underwater. Tears were shimmering in his eyes. 

“Charles! Oh god, Charles”, he heard Erik’s shaky voice and then he came into his sight and Charles saw the tears streaming down his face. Erik’s hand came up to stroke over Charles’ cheek. 

Moments later his parents appeared next to him, looking similarly shocked and devastated. Charles only wondered why they brought him back, but he was barely thinking anything anyways. It was more like he saw things and barely processed them, before he already saw another thing and started to process this. 

“It’s okay, love. We’re here for you, you can let go now”, he heard his father's voice and fixated his eyes on him. It was like his line of sight was already darkening at the borders and he didn’t see sharp anymore. 

“We will always love you, my dear”, Sharon said with a shaky voice and ran her fingers over his head. Charles lingered on his mother for a moment, before his eyes flickered towards Erik. 

Erik was crying desperately, but he put something on Charles’ almost lifeless hand and then held it up so Charles could see the small, blue plastic ring on it. A tear slipped through Charles’ open eyes and Erik kissed the ring on his finger. “I love you so much, God, I can't- .. I’ll be with you forever, Charles”, Erik said brokenly and cried even more.

Charles felt like he couldn’t breath and he desperately tried pumping air into his lungs, but suddenly the massive pain just stopped and he let go. His vision went black, but it was like he could still hear them talking to him. “It’s okay, let go, we love you, it's okay.” 

And it was okay, because he died in the presence of his loved ones, all gathered together one last time. 

 

**THE END**


End file.
